Harry chucked down his copy of New Scientist and groaned. He had read the same sentence four times now, so it was obvious he wasn't taking it in. He couldn't focus today, he was kicking himself over the conversation he'd had with Nikki the night before. He'd said far too much; 'my affections lie elsewhere' could he have been anymore obvious? All morning he'd been thinking of strategies and ideas for how he could talk to Nikki like nothing had ever been said, how he could return their relationship safely to the 'friends' zone with no more question marks to hang over it. He felt like a royal idiot for giving so much away not least because the situation had managed to consume his thoughts for so many hours when there were other, far more important things to be thinking about. The adage was true, he really was stuck between a rock and a hard place with Nikki. He desperately wanted to be with her, to hold her, to love her, so much that he couldn't help thinking about her, that he'd find excuses to talk to her in the lab just to be near her. On the other hand he tried to keep his distance, to hold her at arms reach because he knew, deep down, that she deserved someone better but it was so difficult to show restrain. He'd shout at her some days, insist he was right, take out the stresses of the job on her but she was so patient, so calm, she never once rose to his anger and responded. He hated it. She was so good, always. It just served to remind him how he could never be enough for her.

Africa had reminded him of that, too. Even though his heart was so devoted to Nikki his body had so easily submitted to another, even though he knew it would stray into dangerous emotional territory for the woman in question. While Nikki had been stuck in a cell he'd been gratifying himself with another meaningless encounter. He'd been so worried about Nikki when he'd heard but had forced himself to ignore his worry, especially after what he'd done, don't care too much for her, he'd told himself she'll expect too much from you. It had killed him to think that way.

Leo had always encouraged Harry to get his act together, appearing annoyed with him for messing her around. Take her out again, just the two of you he'd coaxed. I'll ask her this weekend he'd replied, I promise. He hadn't of course, things had always got in the way and he didn't have the heart to admit his worst fears to Leo, although being the perceptive chap that he was, Harry suspected he'd already figured it out for himself.

Harry stood up. The thoughts running through his head were tormenting him beyond endurance. He walked over to his sink cabinet and, in spite of his doctor's instruction, poured himself a stiff drink.


Sorry it has taken me forever to update! My internet's been off a bit! Just a short chapter for now but I have another one that'll be on later this evening or tomorrow. It's a good chapter!