Chapter 7: Talking

Santana's POV

Saturday 27th October 2018

It's been a few weeks since my talk with Eva about wanting children sooner rather than later. I do agree with her that I should talk to Brittany but I just don't know how to bring the subject up. The very few times I had built up the courage to say something, something else got in the way so I chickened out again. I think the best thing to do now is to just say it the next opportunity I get before anything else gets a chance to can get in the way.

After sitting in the living room alone watching TV for a while, Brittany finally comes inside after washing her car.

"Oh there you are, I was wondering where you were" she smiles. Ok it's probably now or never to talk to her.

"Brittany I need to talk to you about something" I say in the most confident voice I can…which technically isn't all that confident.

"Ok that's cool but I really would like to shower first, I'll be really quick and then we can sit down and talk" she replies.

"I'd rather you didn't shower right now" I say.

"Can I at least just change my clothes then because I'm soaking?" she asks.

"Please I need to say this now before I back out" I insist.

"Um…ok" she nods while sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"I want children" I blurt out after taking a deep breath.

"I know and so do I" Brittany smiles.

"No I mean I want children soon. I'm not just saying this in a general sense, I actually mean I want children really soon" I say. "Since I found out about Quinn and Jason then all I could think of was that I want that. I don't want to wait years to be a mom" I tell her.

"Oh…" she says surprised.

"I know it seems sudden but I can't just push it aside, we should talk about it" I say.

"I know but I don't know what to say" Brittany admits. "I definitely do want children but right now I don't think I do" she says.

"What is it about right now that you don't want them, I mean is it you're not ready or…?" I ask.

"I'm ready for children I think in the sense that I'm not scared or anything to be a mom" she replies. "But I don't think I could cope right now with being pregnant and being so stressed out" she says.

"Ok" I nod.

"There is nothing I want more than to have children with you and if I could right now then I would" Brittany replies. "I just don't think we could cope financially or I could cope with the stress of college and a baby at the same time" she says.

"I understand" I nod again.

"I know it's not what you wanted to hear but I promise you we'll have children but just not quite yet" she says. "This next year will probably fly in though so it won't be long until I'm done with college."

"It would probably be easier if I was the one who could get pregnant because I don't have college so you could still study while I was the one who was pregnant" I sigh.

"No I think that would make things a thousand times harder. I mean no offence but if we were to have a baby anytime soon then we'd need your money since I can only work part time. I don't think I could keep us both and a baby" Brittany states.

"Right yeah…I never thought about that" I say.

"Babe please don't think I'm taking this lightly because I know you want this so much and like I say so do I but I can't do it right now" she says. "I'd rather be settled with a job and a good income without the stress of college before I have a baby."

"I do understand, it's just it still makes me sad though" I admit.

"I'm not saying we need to wait until I graduate before I get pregnant, but I'd rather the baby wasn't born until I'm done with college. If I don't get the job I want once I finish college then I don't mind because I can just work full time at the café or something but until the actual college part is done then I can't have a baby" she says.

"I'm not blaming anyone or anything but I always pictured myself with children by this time. I thought I would be married with at least one child by the time I was 27" I say.

"Why does the age thing bother you so much, I mean I dare say you'll be 31 and married with a child? Well I would hope anyway that we've had a child by that time because that's well after I finish college" Brittany says.

"If we want a few children but not one right after the other then I could be really old by the time the last one comes" I point out.

"Honey I respect your opinion but I wouldn't have thought the age thing would be a problem" she replies.

"I'd just rather not be in my forties when we're still having children because I could be well into my sixties before they graduate college. I'm not disrespecting older parents but I'd rather be a bit younger" I say sadly.

"I really want to hug you right now but my clothes and hair are soaking wet" she says.

"I don't care" I shrug.

"Ok" she smiles before sitting next to me on the couch. She wraps her arms around me and I place my head on her shoulder.

"I know I should just be grateful that we're both blessed to be able to have children but I can't helping wanting more" I say.

"Santana I completely understand so don't blame yourself. It's only natural that you're going to feel like this because your best friend and your brother are having children and you're not. I wish I could change things but I can't" she says. "I know it might be hard right now but just look forward to the future because it is going to happen at some point."

We sit in the silence for the next five minutes and Brittany just holds me. As much as it sucks right now knowing we'll not be having children at the moment, it does make me feel slightly better to know she understands where I'm coming from.

"Hey do you remember that lunch us girls all had a month ago?" I ask breaking the silence.

"Yeah" Brittany nods.

"Well that little tantrum or whatever I had was because I got jealous of Quinn and everyone talking about the baby. Every time they talked about the baby, all I could think of was how much I wanted children right now and how it couldn't happen" I admit.

"Babe…" she says sympathetically while hugging me tighter. "You kept this to yourself all that time, babe that must have been hard."

"I did talk to Eva but I just didn't want to freak you out so I was trying to find the right time to bring the subject up" I say. "I know when I proposed you weren't ready so I wasn't sure if this would be the same."

"I must admit seeing everyone get excited about Quinn and Jason having a baby has made me a little jealous" Brittany says.

"Really?" I ask surprised.

"Yeah but I keep telling myself it wouldn't be wise so I usually just focus on something else to take my mind off it" she says. "I am excited for them though" she adds.

"Yeah I mean I am excited to be an aunt so maybe I just need to put all my attention on my future niece or nephew at the moment and just look forward to having our own children" I say.

"Yeah" she nods in agreement. We sit in silence for a while, digesting what we've just talked about. It was a lot to take in for both of us I think because I doubt Brittany expected I was going to say that or even thought I had been feeling like that and I didn't know what to expect either because I didn't know if she'd freak out or how she'd react.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Brittany smiles while looking into my eyes.

"Yeah but it wouldn't hurt to hear it again" I smile back.

"I love you so-so much, more than I've ever loved anyone" she says before leaning in to kiss me.

"I love you too" I tell her.

"So um…I really should go and shower now and get all this dirt off of me" Brittany says standing up.

"I agree, I mean I know I said you could sit down even though you were dirty but I didn't realise how bad you were. Look at my couch babe, it's covered in little speckles of dirt" I say.

"Your couch, huh?" she smiles. "Is it not our couch?"

"I guess but it was here before you moved in" I reply. "Actually weren't we talking about getting a new sofa a while back?" I ask.

"We were actually" she nods, "hey maybe me making it all dirty might actually give us an incentive to go and get a new one now."

"Yeah maybe it will" I agree.

"Anyway I will go and shower" she says heading to the door.

"Ok" I smile before she leaves.

I'm glad we've had this conversation now and Brittany understands how I feel but I'm still a little sad. I mean I know where she's coming from and I respect her opinion but we're still not going to have children right now. I didn't expect Brittany to turn around and just say yes to doing that just now but I can't just switch how I feel either. It's going to take time for me to feel a bit better about us waiting but at least I know I don't have to wait forever, maybe just a few more years.

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Sunday 28th October 2018

I'm having a really good dream when suddenly I'm startled awake by a loud bang in the bedroom. As soon as I open my eyes I see Brittany walking over to the bed with a tray in her hands.

"Sorry, the door swung behind me before I could stop it from banging" she apologies.

"It's ok" I say rubbing my eyes.

"Anyway this is for you, breakfast in bed for my beautiful fiancée" she smiles while placing the tray down in front of me.

"Honey you didn't need to do this" I say sitting up in bed and Brittany sits down next to me.

"I wanted to treat you, I don't do it enough so I've decided I'm going to show you how much I love you by doing little things like this" she says.

"Well I can't complain about getting spoiled so feel free to treat me whenever and however you want" I tell her. "Thanks for breakfast though" I say leaning over to kiss her.

"You're welcome" she smiles.

"Aren't you joining me?" I ask. "I don't think I could manage all of this myself" I say pointing to the food.

"I'm not actually that hungry right now but you don't need to eat it all, just eat whatever you can manage" Brittany replies.

"Ok" I smile before beginning to eat.

"So…how are you feeling this morning?" Brittany asks hesitantly.

"Yeah I'm fine" I shrug.

"No I mean after our conversation yesterday" she clarifies. "Are you ok?" she asks.

"I'm glad we talked Britt and I understand your point of view so you don't need to worry" I reassure her. "I'm not ecstatic about it but I understand so I'm willing to wait a little while until we have children" I say. It's not that I'm desperate for children right this second, I just wanted children sooner than what we planned but I guess that's just because I'm older and at that stage right now and Brittany's not.

"If you want to talk about it more or anything then we can. I want to make this as easy for you as possible since you're basically doing this for me. I wish it wasn't all down to me and that we could have children soon but it's just not feasible" she says.

"Brittany its ok, you don't have to explain it anymore to me. I'll be ok in time, I just need some time to get my head around it if that's ok" I say.

"Yeah that's totally cool, I'll give you as much time as you need" she says placing her hand on top of mine.

"Do you mind though if we don't talk about it, it's only going to remind me?" I ask.

"Of course" she smiles.

"Thanks" I say smiling back. "The food is good by the way" I say changing the subject.

"Good I'm glad you like it" she says.

"Are you sure you don't want some because I'll never eat all of this?" I ask.

"I suppose I could eat a little bit of your pancakes" she replies while taking a piece and eating it. "So do you want to go a run this morning?" she asks.

"I don't know if I want to today" I reply.

"Well I thought I could go with you again because it was fun the few times I joined you" she tells me.

"If you want to go then I dare say I could go" I say. "We did spend the whole day at home yesterday so it might be nice to get some fresh air" I say.

"Ok cool, after you've eaten we can just get ready and go then" Brittany says.

"That sounds like a plan babe" I state.

XXX

"Hey have you finished your guest list yet for the wedding?" I ask Brittany as we run through the park. We each decided to write our own guest lists of everyone we want to invite to the ceremony and the reception and then we'll combine them and write our invitations.

"I think I have but I just want to double check I have everyone's names down" she replies.

"My list is all done so once we figure out the exact date for the wedding then we can write invitations" I say.

"Yeah that's cool" Brittany nods. "Oh hey, have you picked your wedding dress yet?" she asks.

"Maybe, maybe not" I smirk. "That's for me to know baby" I tell her.

"If I go home tonight will I find it in one of the guest rooms or something?" she asks.

"Don't you dare look for it babe, it's supposed to be a surprise so I don't want you to see it before the big day" I state.

"Relax I'm just messing with you, I won't look for it" she tells me.

"Good" I say relieved. "What about your dress though, have you picked yours yet?" I ask.

"Not yet, I'm still waiting on the perfect one. I'm hoping if I stop looking then it'll find me you know. If I stop stressing over it then maybe it'll be one of those things where it's right in front of me, you know?" she says.

"I know what you mean" I tell her.

"I can't wait to marry you by the way" she says. "Recently I've just been so excited to get married, I mean not that I wasn't before but these last few weeks I've been even more excited" she tells me.

"Actually speaking of marriage, we still need to decide on names. I mean are we keeping our own surnames or will I take yours or will you take mine or do we hyphenate the two and have the same surname?" I ask.

"I guess that's something we'll need to discuss" she says.


Brittany's POV

Thursday 29th November 2018

I just got some news at college today which could either be considered good news or bad news. It would be a great opportunity for me but it also clashes with the wedding plans so I'm not sure what to do for the best. I mean I did have an idea but I need to talk to Santana about it first. I'm just waiting on her getting home from work just now so I can talk to her. Usually I'm not home until later on a Thursday but my friends and I decided to cancel our study session today so I'm home early.

"Brittany are you home?" I hear Santana shout before she closes the door.

"Yeah I'm in the kitchen babe" I reply and shortly later I hear Santana's footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

"Hey" Santana says as she comes over to me and kisses me. "I saw your car outside but then I thought you'd have your study session so I wasn't sure if you were home" she says.

"Yeah we cancelled the study session, everyone was just too tired from the essay we had to hand in today. I think we were all adding the final touches to it last night by the sound of things" I tell her.

"Oh I see" Santana says understanding. "Well at least this way I get to see you tonight and I don't have to wait until tomorrow" she smiles.

"Exactly" I say smiling back.

"Are you hungry just now or did you have a late lunch?" she asks.

"No I had a rather early lunch so I could probably eat just now" I reply. "What did you have in mind for dinner?" I ask.

"It was just going to be leftover pasta from yesterday, I made too much so I thought I could sprinkle some cheese on top and heat it up" she replies.

"Sounds good, I'll get the pasta out" I state.

XXX

"So how was work today?" I ask as we sit and eat dinner together.

"Oh you know, just the same old shit but a different day I guess" Santana chuckles.

"At least its money" I shrug.

"Yeah that's the one good thing about it" she replies.

"Hey why don't I take you to work tomorrow and then take you home again once you finish. I mean I've not got any plans tomorrow apart from doing some studying at home" I suggest.

"You don't need to do that" Santana states.

"I know but I want to" I say. "I mean I think it sounds kind of romantic. I'll be there waiting on you finishing and then I can take you home" I tell her.

"Ok, you can take me to work tomorrow" she smiles.

"Ok" I smile.

"So how was college today, anything exciting going on?" Santana asks.

"Actually there is something that I'd like to talk to you about regarding college" I say.

"Oh, ok" she says curiously.

"One of the hospitals nearby had a work placement opportunity for part of the summer next year so I thought I might put my name in for it" I say. "I mean I would be sort of shadowing one of the workers and I'd get to see how things are really done. It'd be a lot better to see how something actually works rather than reading about it in a book, I would learn better that way" I tell her.

"That's fantastic, it could really help you for once you graduate college as well" Santana smiles.

"Exactly but there is one problem though" I say hesitantly.

"Ok" Santana nods.

"It begins in the first week of July but we wanted the wedding to be in July" I say.

"Oh…"

"Now tell me it's stupid if you want but I had an idea" I say and Santana nods for me to continue. "Why don't we just bring the wedding forward to June and that way we can still go on our honeymoon after it" I suggest.

"We could but we've already made plans for the wedding" she says.

"I know but we hadn't actually booked anything for an exact day in July so providing we can still have all those things in June then maybe we could move the wedding forward a month" I say. "If you think we shouldn't then it's totally fine, I'd understand if you think it isn't wise to move everything."

"No I think you might actually be onto something" Santana says. "You're right we didn't book an exact date for the wedding yet so like you say as long as we can arrange everything that we already have for a day in June then I see no problem moving it forward" she smiles.

"Awesome" I smile back. "How about this weekend, we pick a date and start organising things for that date and hopefully next week I'll know more about the placement and whether I got it" I suggest.

"Sounds like a plan. We just need to make sure we organise everything as soon as we can so that we'll know if we can arrange everything for June and not July" Santana says. "I'm so excited for you babe that you might actually get this and who knows it could lead to a job at the end of your degree" she smiles.

"I know, I'm excited too" I state.

"Anyway we should finish eating before our food gets cold" she says and I agree so we go back to eating.

"You're amazing, do you know that?" I say breaking the silence between us.

"Um…thanks" Santana smiles shyly.

"I'm serious babe, you're amazing" I say again while taking her hand across the table. "You let me move our wedding and everything, not many people would be ok with that but you were and I'm so grateful" I tell her.

"It makes sense for both of us and it means I get to marry you quicker so it's win-win really" she replies.

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Friday 30th November 2018

Santana is just about finished work and I arrived a little early to pick her up so I decide just to make my way inside to wait for her. Her receptionist said it would be ok to just go straight through to her office so that's what I'm doing now. When I get to the door I quickly knock and then go inside.

"Oh hey baby, I'm almost done" Santana replies looking up at me from her position behind her desk.

"That's cool, just take your time" I reply with a smile.

"Ok" she nods while scribbling a few more things down on the piece of paper in front of her. I keep myself busy with the magazine that she has at the side of her desk that she usually reads on her break. "And done" Santana says a minute later while logging off her computer and standing up.

"Cool" I smile while walking over to where she is now putting on her coat. "There are for you by the way" I say handing Santana the bouquet of flowers that I have in my hands.

"Wow, what are these for?" she asks.

"They're just for you because I thought you deserved some flowers" I smile.

"Thank you so much babe" she smiles before kissing my cheek.

"Ready to go now then?" I ask.

"Definitely" Santana smiles and we make our way out of her office. I carry her work bag for her since she's taking the flowers. "You know a lot of people say chocolates are the way to a girl's heart but mines is actually flowers" she says.

"Oh you don't like chocolates anymore?" I tease. "I can easily just eat the ones at home myself."

"Ok chocolates and flowers are the way to my heart" she smiles.

"I thought so" I smile before kissing her cheek. We then get into the car. "Oh I booked us a table at your favourite restaurant for dinner tonight so we'll go there at seven" I tell her as I drive off.

"Wait if you're talking about my all-time favourite restaurant then why would you do that because you hate the food there" she says confused.

"I did it because I know you love it and I wanted to treat you" I smile.

"Ok…what have you done?" Santana asks looking at me.

"Nothing, I swear" I state.

"Not that I'm being ungrateful but you don't usually do all this. I mean you took me to work and now you're picking me up and you brought flowers and now you're telling me we're going out tonight" she points out.

"Look it's just come to my attention recently that life is too short for stressing over things and getting worked up so I've decided to just enjoy every day no matter what comes my way" I reply. "I'm just appreciating the good in my life and the majority of everything good in my life is all down to you so thank you" I say genuinely.


That's it for chapter 7, let me know what you think.