- Wow... Has it really almost been a year since I've updated this? Sorry, I started grad school, and that tends to eat up your life. Anyways I am going to make a valiant effort to finish this~ ^_^
- Belle –
Was she insane? Was she a threat? The sobbing began again and she just couldn't stop it. The memories were raging in her mind now as they broke one by one through the static. Her name was Lacey French she had lived with her father Moe above his flower shop before she became engaged.
Moe was a kind man, but had a tendency of trying to control her, and so naturally she rebelled. The tighter her fathers grip on her life, the more she fought back with slinky outfits and late nights spent at the Rabbit Hole, the seediest bar in town. In an effort to rein her in, her father had introduced her to Garrett, bribing her with money and clothes if she would just date him for a while. Garrett pursued her relentlessly, and very soon after proposed. It was when they started living together that Garrett's controlling nature came out and all of the fights began. Fights over money, over late nights without phone calls, accusations of cheating, Lacey couldn't remember if the accusations were true, but she remembered one fight in particular.
"You come near me and I'll cut you to pieces!" she had screamed, brandishing a kitchen knife.
Why had she said that?
"Take your best shot!" Garrett had shouted back thrusting his arms out and puffing up his chest.
"NO!" she screamed clapping her hands to her head.
She didn't want to remember any more, she didn't want that to be true. That wasn't her. Sneaking around, flirting, lying, cheating, stealing, possibly even killing. No, it couldn't be. How could that detestable person be her?
Why did this have to be real?
Her mind wandered back to her long forgotten dreams, the warm place, that warm man, that golden memory of a perfect life. Why couldn't that be real? She had fought with that man as well, but they were never the cruel and violent fights like the she had with Garrett. For even as she argued in that warm golden place she knew she still loved him with all of her heart, and even as he shouted back she could feel the love he also felt for her. It never wavered in the good times as well as the bad. He was an idiot sometimes, but so was she, and the fights never lasted, as neither of them could take it seriously for long. She remembered one time in her dreams they had fought for days before one finally broke down, and then all had been quickly forgiven. Those memories calmed her, warmed her, and now more than ever, she wanted to go back.
A tap at her door startled her. She wasn't used to the orderlies tapping, she was used to them pounding and shouting.
"h… hello?" She said tentatively, not sure what else to say.
"I can't talk long." A voice whispered back, "I sent Janna on an errand so no one is watching the monitor right now."
"Who are you?" She asked, her voice cracking through the strain her sobbing had caused.
"A friend. I was the one who slipped you that note, I know what happened, and I want to tell you, it wasn't your fault."
She started in surprise and sat unmoving, not sure how to react or even if this was real.
"Did you hear me?" the voice asked through the door.
"Y..yes.. but I… I'm sorry; I just don't know what to believe anymore. How do I know I just haven't started hearing voices?"
The flap in her door opened up, and two striking eyes peered briefly in at her before slapping it shut once again.
"There" he said, "Now you've seen me as well. You're not just hearing voices. I really want to help you. It wasn't your fault."
"Why are you telling me all this? No ones even told me my name before."
"I want to make a deal with you." He said and the words sounded so familiar that she desperately wanted to believe in him. "I've slipped the drugs they wanted me to give you to Sydney, I'll make sure you're not drugged anymore if you promise to not do what you did before."
"What's that?" she asked truly confused.
"Don't try and kill yourself again. Otherwise I wont have any choice."
"Kill myself? Are you sure that's what I was doing?" She said, both asking him as well as herself. That part had bothered her, It didn't seem like something she, or even Lacey would ever do… to throw herself off the tower? "I don't think I was going to jump… I just wanted to know that I could." She said without really understanding her words as she said them.
Jefferson didn't say anything while she collected her thoughts.
"I mean, I remember walking up there, because everything in my life was controlled and I was just sick of it. My father forcing me into that relationship because he wanted to control me, Garrett trying to control every aspect of my life... But in that one moment, that one instant, I could have jumped and it would have been my choice, it would have been in my control, the one thing in my life I had control over."
She hadn't remembered that until just now, and more was still coming, "That wasn't the first time I had gone up there, I used to go all the time just to remind myself, there was one thing I still had control over, I could control my own fate in one way, and that was it." That was it! The link! "I was in shock, I didn't go up there to kill myself! I went there out of habit! That was the one place where I could think!" It wasn't much, and she still didn't like this Lacey person she was supposed to be, but at least now she understood her a little better.
"I have to go." Jefferson whispered, Janna will be done soon, but your food is clean, just keep calm and no one will know you're not drugged.
"Will you come back?" She surprised herself in asking almost pathetically. "Its just nice to talk to someone who isn't barking orders at me."
"I'll be checking up on you." He said, sliding the plate into the room, and then he was gone.
She settled back onto her bed, trying to go back to her warm golden place, but now she was fighting a barrage of cruel new memories that seemed to bar her way. Finally giving in she got up and plucked the plate off the floor, picking absent-mindedly at it. "Okay Lacey," she said out loud, "tell me about yourself."
