A/N: This chapter is a bit short, I decided to split a longer chapter into two. Expect part two tomorrow!

Jane stared at the barrier as if it were the only thing standing between her and life or death. But wasn't it? Once she crossed that threshold she would be face to face with either happiness or her ultimate demise. For once her instincts failed her. Jane had no idea what to expect, no evidence hinting at what could be beyond that heavy wooden door. The detective was clueless as to whether open arms would be awaiting her or a firm set of hands poised to push her away. She had never known Maura Isles to act irrationally until that night that took place almost two weeks ago. That night that Jane was ready to erase from or cement in history.

The slender detective occupied the spot on Maura's doorstep for at least fifteen minutes before she gathered up enough courage to knock. Jane Rizzoli has come face to face with murderers, including a psychopath with a target on her head, without letting fear get the best of her. She has tackled armed suspects and even shot herself in order to save her brother and Maura. The idea of knocking on this door and seeing what was on the other side was more terrifying than all those combined. What if she doesn't answer?

Moments after rough knuckles made contact with the hardwood her thoughts were silenced by the turning of the brass doorknob. There Maura stood, the soft lighting from behind highlighted her golden hair. Janes breath caught at the beauty in front of her. Any speech prepared was lost. Jane's knees went weak, in that moment she felt almost as if she forgot how beautiful Maura was. There was nothing special about what the ME was wearing. She was in the comfort of her own home, wearing black yoga pants and a cobalt blue scoop neck sweater that fell to one side revealing a bare shoulder. Her face was free of any makeup and her hair was up high in a sloppy bun.

"Jane? Are you ok?" Maura spoke softly, something about the way Jane was just staring gave her the impression the detective would scare easily.

Jane shook her head and looked back into warm hazel eyes. A small smile came to life as if just released from a trance. "Yeah. Uh- yes. I'm fine." She began to fidget, shaking her hands slightly at her sides before balling them into fists. It pained her to realize that she had to ask permission to enter the home that at one time felt more like her own home than her small apartment ever did. "Do you mind if I come in? I won't stay long-" Unless you want me to. She fought not to finish the sentence.

"Of course." Maura stepped aside to let the taller woman in.

As Jane passed by she caught a whiff of the smell so unique to Maura. It was so feminine and so clean. Jane knew Maura must have just stepped out of the bath, still smelling a hint of the lavender bath salts they would share on occasion.

"I heard about the case." Maura continued. "No matter how many times I see it I'm still shocked when a spouse, especially a parent, would commit such violent crime." She wrapped her arms tightly around her own middle, trying to suppress the shudder she felt coming on.

Jane silently lead Maura to the couch. She didn't attempt to touch her. She didn't even say a word. Without making a noise Jane was begging Maura to join her. The ME was slow to move, this gave Jane a moment to just look around. It amazed her how different everything felt even though it was all exactly the same.

Maura wasn't sure why Jane was there. Deep inside she was panicking and beginning to regret letting the detective in. But when she saw the dark haired woman on her doorstep, looking back at her with the same loving eyes that made her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth, she was powerless. Now she stood in her own living room terrified to sit next to the woman she had planned on sharing a couch with for the rest of her life. They just looked at one another as minutes passed. Silent.

"I didn't come here to talk about the case, Maura. But I should thank you. Your evidence gave us the boost we needed to solve it. Without you, we'd be lost." I am lost.

"You're welcome but the gratitude is unnecessary. You're an intelligent group of detectives, you would have solved it no matter what." It wasn't a lie or a casual statement to make Jane feel good. Maura wasn't capable of saying things she truly didn't mean.

Jane felt a twist in her gut. She missed this, Maura's support. No one ever made Jane feel as incredible as this woman did. "Maura." She cleared her throat after she realized how husky her voice sounded. "Please sit down. You're making me nervous." She let out a small laugh as if to prove her last statement.

"Why am I making you nervous?" Maura looked at Jane with confusion as she settled next to the slender woman. Close enough to share warmth but far enough to keep from touching. "I'm hardly a threat to-"

"I'm afraid you're gonna run out on me again."

"Oh." One syllable was all the intelligent doctor was capable of. No matter how many times she opened her mouth words would fail her. She just stared back at Jane with a guilty, mournful look.

"Why are we here?" She asked quietly.

"This is my home, Jane. You're the one that came here.."

"Dammit Maura! You know what I mean!" The smaller woman backed away from the obviously irritated detective. Raven curls bounced as she shook her head. "How did we get here, at this point after two years of happiness together? I don't understand." Tears started to well up, threatening to escape before Jane had a chance to finish. "You're gonna have to explain this to me cuz I'm either blind or too stupid to see it myself!"

"You are far from stupid!"

"Then what is it? Why did you do this? I'm so angry with you but I miss you too much to allow myself to deal with it." Jane finished and wiped her nose with the cuff of her shirt.

Watching Jane lay her heart on the line, listening to her speak so freely about her feelings, Maura didn't know how to handle it. Her lip started to quiver as she tried to answer. "We were fighting so much.." The reason seemed stupid now, but at the time it was the end of Maura's world.

"Couples fight, Maur! That's normal."

"But it was the same reason over and over! That's NOT normal!" Maura was standing now, gaining momentum for the yelling match she knew was about to start. Even after breaking up with the gorgeous woman who infuriated her she was still fighting the same fight. "You never wanted to talk about it. We'd fight and as soon as things calmed down you'd act like it never happened. What am I supposed to think?" Jane rose from the couch, needing to look in the hazel eyes that were alive with fury. "Between the fights and your apartment, I didn't know how else to handle it."

Jane's face fell. All traces of anger left and was now replaced with confusion. "My apartment?"

"We were together two years, Jane. TWO. And we were best friends for several before that. Almost all your stuff was here and we spent every night together. Yet you insisted on holding on to your own place. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?" When she was met with silence she continued. "I was hurt. I began to wonder whether you really saw a future with me." Big eyes could no longer contain the tears and they began to flow freely. "I know I can be socially awkward, and I know I don't get all of your jokes but I loved you with every part of my being. I loved our life together more than any life I could imagine for myself. I pictured us married with a couple of those grandkids your mother keeps asking us for. I wanted it all with you." Small hands wiped at teary eyes frantically. "But to think you may not want the same with me? It hurt too much, Jane."

"Maura..." Jane let out a breath and reached for the smaller woman, but only got a handful of nothing as Maura backed away towards the door.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I can't do this again."

Not again.