Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two

By: Jaha Canon

Disclaimer: Sorry, nope!

Ugh, sorry, it's been a long time again. I have a good reason, though. An excellent reason, in fact. I have (no joke) moved to Japan almost 2 months ago. So since my last chapter was posted, but I've been working on getting myself ready to move overseas and then settling in at my new apartment. Technically I don't have internet at the apartment yet, so I've been using the computers at work to check email, etc. But this will probably not find it's way online until I actually get internet. Here's the date right now, just so you know—September 21st.

Special thanks to Obey the Dib, Leaving-My-Mark, lovemehateme120, Invader Dana, and The Illustrious Crackpot for their comments.


And, as always, thanks for all of the patience.

Sooo-- back to my neglected story.

--

Dib sat at the kitchen table eating cereal that wasn't exactly imported from Earth, but it didn't taste bad and it wasn't one of the foods Zim was particularly attached to. In his other hand, he held an English language newspaper that had been provided for him ever since he and Zim had arrived there. At first he was confused as to why they would have a newspaper in English in space, then he thought it would be great evidence of alien life once he got back to Earth, but finally he just kind of accepted it as it was.

Sometimes the newspaper had articles written about Earth, but they were clearly shot-in-the-dark guesses that beings from other parts of the universe made about what people on Earth do based on images from a telescope and lots of guessing. Much of it seemed somewhat dated to Dib, but again he couldn't always tell what they were refering to. A good portion of the remainder of the articles were about places he'd never heard of written in a way that implied that the reader has been following the story for ages beforehand. The vast majority of the paper was Irken Tallest propaganda.

Needless to say, this paper served very little purpose to Dib other than sometimes to stare at while eating his cereal in the morning.

Although Dib never liked what he saw there and swore never to check that section again after the first few times, he simply couldn't help but look at the television show review section. It is true that recently Zim's behavior throughout the entire day could be predicted based off of what the reviews in the morning papers said, but really Zim was Zim and Dib really couldn't see too much of a variation between how happy Zim acts and how angry Zim acts.

But he still couldn't help but look. It was like staring at a car wreck, while the possiblity of being scarred of life is there, curiousity is impossible to kill.

Dib read the review.

IRKENS AND EARTHENS

The people of Sitcomia must be happy today, as their show, Irkens and Earthens, has regained its high ratings as well as approval from the ALMIGHTY TALLEST. Surveys taken on the net imply that the audience as a whole can't decide which they like to watch more, the Irken Zim and his idiotic escapades or the crazy Earthen Dib as his gigantic head slips more and more into insanity. The audience simply cannot get enough-

Dib stopped reading; he had more than enough of that. Just then, Zim walked in, he put his Irken language newspaper on the table with a smug grin.

"Poooooor Dib thing is doomed to be crazy wherever he goes. And big headed!" Zim said giggling.

"They called you idiotic, you know." Dib replied, gesturing to his English language paper.

Zim read the line, looked somewhat stunned, then laughed loudly and triumphantly.

"That was a TYPO, stupid HYUUMAN, they mean to say idol…ic. Idolic!" Zim picked up a pen and began fixing the 'error'. "They must have sent a new batch of slaves to Newspaperia." He said cringing. "The Tallest must be executing the ones at fault as we speak."

"….Right." Dib said dryly. He looked at the clock. It was 5 minutes before the cameras could come on again for the day. "Hey Zim, before the cameras come on-"

"Yes, yes," Zim interupted in a bored and annoyed tone, "the pitiful Dib beast wants to make friendlike with ZIM so that the show gets bad reviews and the ugly pig child can go back to EUURTH."

"Well…" Dib paused. "….right."

"NOT HAPPENING!" Zim exclaimed. He picked up the English language newspaper and was about to throw it at Dib when something caught his eye. "Hm, Zim didn't realize that the HYUUMANS had invented a box they can carry around and talk to. Well, HYUUMANS are very boring to talk to after all…"

"That's a cell phone, Zim." Dib said, rolling his eyes. He thought it was ridiculous how easily Zim took to the Earth stories in the newspaper when he was just there as recently as Dib was. Although, he supposed, he really shouldn't be surprised.

Zim however, didn't seem to hear him as he began rattling on about how he should get one of those boxes to talk to so he wouldn't have to talk to humans. Only one with far more superior technology to suit someone from a far more technologically advanced race.

Dib wondered why Zim could possibly need to talk to a box. He has Gir, right?

'Oh, that's right!' Dib realized, 'Gir is still on Earth!'

Right as Dib had his plan the cameras came on.

--Later on--

Dib came back from his interview at the end of the show. He ended up talking a lot more than he thought he would after a nerve was struck when he found out everyone in space thought he was crazy, too, for believing in Big Foot. He had absolutely no idea how long he was ranting about how anyone from Sitcomia, Irk, or anywhere could possibly know enough about Earth to make that judgement, before they decided that hearing him talk was getting boring and booted him out of the interview room.

He found Zim on the couch, watching the television and laughing hysterically. Dib glanced at the screen and saw footage of him getting various things thrown at his head over and over again.

"So I guess they tape us too, then." Dib sighed.

Zim nodded, grinning. He pointed the remote and rewinded the tape again to see a part again. The footage took place once when Dib had managed to sneak into Zim's base when he was out and Gir invited him to a tea party and ended up somehow turning into a one sided throwing pig fight. The base was a chaotic mess afterward, which made Zim angry at the time, but now it was just fun for him to watch Dib get bombarded with several small and smelly little pigs.

"I wonder what Gir is up to these days." Dib wondered outloud, watching Zim's expression for a reaction.

Zim's eye twitched, which told Dib that he had indeed been worrying about that.

"I wonder what Gir is up to these days," Dib repeated, "alone for such a long time in your base."

The whole side of Zim's face twitched his time.

"But don't worry, Zim, I'm sure the base is still in perfect order just how you left it. And I'm sure Gir is doing an excellent job making sure noone gets suspicious that your house is anything less than a normal…. Umm... hyuuman house."

Zim, of course, truly believed this just as much as Dib did. Panic flashed onto his face and he jumped up from the couch.

He recollected himself quickly.

"Zim needs to" he said wandering out of the room, "think a little."

"It's about time." Dib remarked after Zim was out of hearing range. He smiled realizing that Zim might very well on his side come the next morning when the cameras come back on.

His mood a lot better than it had been for a while, he began a newspaper bonfire. He decided that was simply the most satisfying thing he had done since arriving there.