Act 1 Scene 7
"Hey guys, do you mind if get something to eat?"
"Yeah and this will probably have to be our last video, it's getting late."
After another amazing meal, courtesy of Harry Potter, Ron did dishes with Draco and soon they were centered on the screen again, but before they began, Ron came out of the kitchen with a beautiful bag.
"Ron, what are those?"
"Hey buddy, would you like a delicious Red Vine?" Ron showed them the front of the bag and Harry grinned evilly.
"Of course they are like my favorite snack in the whole world." Ron and Harry both took a bite of the candy before facing each other smiling horribly. They re-enacted the whole seen in front of everyone.
"Okay, favorite Aimee Mann song on three, 1-2-3…"
"Red Vines."
"Favorite color of vines other than green…"
"Red Vines."
"Favorite way to say red wines with a German accent…"
"Red vines, oh my god!" Harry and Ron hugged quickly and then everyone burst out into laughter.
"It's sad that they remembered that almost word for word."
"Yup, but you have to admit, they are definitely great at playing their characters."
"Okay, now that we have that out of the way, let's get this video rolling."
Seamus: Morning Miss Chang.
Dean: Carry those books for you? (run off after Cho)
Ron: Charms suck, Potions suck, Transfiguration sucks!
Snape glared at the ginger boy but he and Potter were trying not to burst out laughing.
Harry: Best class is definitely Satanic Rituals, man.
They boys burst into laughter as Hermione looked appalled at the class.
"What?"
"Oh man, this is too good! Wait, Hermione, why are you being all shy in the background?" The brunette ignored her boyfriend as she watched her character.
Hermione: Hey guys, so where we headed?
Ron: Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, Harry and I are going to Quidditch try-outs.
Hermione: Quidditch but you can't try out for Quidditch.
"Miss Granger, there is no such thing as a Potter not participating in the sport."
"Really?"
"Yes, your father gloated for hours about how your family is well-known in the game's history."
My parents say that sports are bad for your teeth.
Ron: I don't care.
Hermione: Why don't you try for an extracurricular activity that's intellectually stimulating and teeth friendly. We can try out for Wizard Chess Club or Wizard Debate.
"Oh my, I'm more of a nerd in this than when I was in primary school."
"Primary school?"
"Muggle children go to school at the age of 5 or 6, our primary school. We stay there until we're in our teens and then go to a place for our secondary education, either private or public. Once we graduate from there we can either enter the work force, enroll in the military, or continue on to University studies which prepare you for more intense jobs like doctors, lawyers, politicians, managers, and other such jobs."
"Yeah, I remember wanting to be a lawyer or a vet when I was younger."
"What's vet?"
"It's an animal doctor. It would have been awesome too."
"I bet. I wanted to be a professor at a university teaching Psychology." Ginny and Ron were entranced by this information.
"So you were taken from school then to come to Hogwarts and had to change everything to even what you wanted to do when you're older?"
"Yup, oh but I would love to go to college after Hogwarts!"
"You still can Miss Granger, we have had a couple students over the years do the same thing."
"Yes!"
Harry: (being grabbed by Ron) Okay, listen, why don't you go do that lame, boring stuff and Ron and I will do the fun, dangerous stuff?
Hermione: Yeah, or we could do something together?
Ron: No, Herman, we can't because Harry and I want to have fun and get girlfriends…
"Did I really just pretend to fondle a girl?"
"Yup you are a perve!"
"Shut it!" Harry and Ron pushed at each other and then knuckle-bumped before eating more Red Vines, they had become addicted. (As have I. I love those damn candies!)
And we can't do that with you just sagging along all the time. So, why don't you go hang out with Moaning Myrtle?
Ron took the initiative and jumped off the couch to sit on the floor on the other side of Harry. Hermione was hurt at this portrayal of their first year and Ron's blatant hate for her presence.
Hermione: Because she thinks I'm annoying! (Ron does a gesture)
Hermione glares at the screen and Ron was right to move when he did. She turned to him and he gulped, knowing that if he didn't make amends in this musical then he was done for.
You know, maybe I'll just try out for Quidditch. It's not like you can kick me off the field.
Remus: Ah ha, puked my guts out, hey guys who invited Boo Radley? (laughs)
"I don't understand the insult here?"
"It's a reference to a Muggle book and I'm not very fond of it." Hermione was boiling. Snape was even slightly apprehensive of the young Gryffindor witch.
Get the hell off the field Herman. I'm not kidding! Beat it. Alright, guys, who's ready to win that House Cup? (boys cheer)
"Hermione, it's not real. We would never, not even in first year, would have said or done anything like this and Mooney is not that cruel. This is just a parody of our lives."
"Fine, and this musical is the events that have already happened so I'll try and relax. Thanks Harry."
"No problem, I think of you like a sister so it's my job as your appointed brother to be reassuring."
"Uh huh, and you do it so well." Harry stuck his tongue out at Ron.
That's what I like to hear. So, what've we got here? Quidditch, the most ancient and silliest of all Wizarding sports, some of you may know the Gryffindor Pee-wee Team hasn't won a match in 14 years.
"Pee-wee?"
"A term for a young Muggle sport though those are typically for children under the age of eight."
"We are not children!"
"It's highly dangerous!"
"That's absurd!" All three boys were outraged at the hit to their man hoods. Ginny and Hermione laughed at their wounded egos.
But I think with me as your coach and you little stallions as my team, there's no way we're losing to Slytherin or Ravenclaw or Jigglypuff.
"Another Muggle reference?"
"Yup except I liked Pokèmon when I had the chance to watch it!"
"Oh, who was your favorite?"
"Definitely had to be Charizard or Mew."
"Oh you're no fun! What about Pikachu and Bulbasaur?"
"You are such a girl!"
"And you're such a boy!" Hermione and Harry laughed at their argument because no one knew what they were talking about.
"Just know it's a hilarious hit on Hufflepuff."
Alright, so, who here has ever played Quidditch before huh? That's okay, that's okay, ah how about riding a broom? Has anyone ever ridden a broom before?
Ron: Oh no just stretching.
Remus: Oh alright uh, has anyone ever thrown or caught a ball before?
Neville: There was one thrown at me once.
"We're doomed."
"I'll have you know that I did pretty well for having never done anything like that before."
"You're Harry Potter though."
"Great now the song is in my head Malfoy!"
"Haha!"
Ron: Yeah it was. Woo!
Remus: -mumbles- Thomas, Finnegan, let's go.
Seamus: Yes sir, governor.
Dean: Yeah, what up boss?
Remus: Alright guys, I want you to take these and practice hitting each other with them okay? You guys are the Beaters.
"Yes! That's what I originally thought when Wood told me Fred and George were Beaters!"
"What if you had just learned about it now?"
"I would think they wanked every game."
"Gross! Those are my brothers!"
"Dude, I think we have converted Harry Potter!"
"Not that big of a deal Ron…"
Dean: Is this right? (hits Seamus in stomach and he collapses)
Remus: Yes Dean, that's good. That's very good. Ron, you're Keeper. (misses throw)
"Nice, we're so totally f…"
"Mr. Weasley you will refrain from finishing that statement!"
"Sorry sir."
Harry, Harry.
Harry: Yeah Coach?
Remus: Listen Harry, you're really the most important guy okay? You see this thing, it's called a Snitch. Now, during the game it's going to sprout wings and fly all over this giant stadium and it's your job to catch it.
"Well, when you put it like that…"
"Does make the game a bit weird doesn't it?"
"Yup."
Harry: That sounds easy enough.
Remus: You're the Seeker Harry just like your dad.
Harry: You knew my dad?
Remus: Yeah I knew him, he and I used to play Quidditch together.
"Really?"
"No, Remus was the one typically keeping their grades up so they could play. Sirius and my dad were the players with Sirius being a Beater and my dad a Chaser though he liked toying with the Snitch and was the Reserve Seeker."
"Ah, so you're Seeker abilities are from who?"
"His grandfather was an amazing Seeker with a very natural talent like Harry has. I remember Charles Potter from when I taught him Transfiguration."
I don't know if you know this Harry but I was your dad's best friend.
Harry: I thought the traitor Sirius Black was my dad's best friend.
Remus: No, who told you this, did your dad tell you?
Harry: Well, I didn't get a chance to talk to him after he died.
"Okay, I'll admit, that was a funny set-up."
Remus: Good, it's probably just here-say.
"Well, I hope he didn't talk to him after he died, as that or this conversation wouldn't be occurring right now if he had."
"He does die and come back Ginny."
"Ron…"
"Shutting up."
Alright, let's play some Quidditch. Get on a broom, Harry get on that broom there and make my best friend proud.
Snape: Hey who's that? Hagrid?
Remus: No, it's not Hagrid Snape! What are you even doing here? Gryffindor has the field today, I reserved it weeks ago.
Snape: Not according to my schedule, Slythereen has the field so that we can train our new Seeker, Draco Malfoy.
The kids laughed as his character skidded through Goyle's legs.
"You need to try these sometime Malfoy."
"Of course but only if you four break out into song in the Great Hall."
"Deal, when we get back we'll sing these songs and then you'll have to do these weird falls and such for a whole day."
"You're on."
Remus: Alright, listen that is impossible okay? I got a slip from Dumbledore maybe he, maybe he accidently signed the field out to both of us.
Snape: That's absurd!
Remus: Hey! You're absurd!
Snape: What? Say that again to my face.
Remus: You're absurd!
Snape: That's absurd!
Snape was mortified at his character as the five teens laughed at his expense.
"Lighten up Uncle Sev, it's funny because if you and Lupin really did this the students would be too stunned to do more than drool." Snape could see the humor in it from that point of view but he still didn't feel represented well.
Remus: Ah!
Snape: Let's see this slip from Dumbledore, if it does exist.
Remus: Fine, I've got it right here. MEOW! (everyone freaks as cat is on Remus' hand)
"Crookshanks strikes again."
"Yup, and everyone is dead scared of it except it's owner."
Keep that, keep that thing out my things okay?
Hermione: I'm sorry.
Remus: What was I even doing? Ah, alright here.
Snape: Why this is preposterous ! I demand to see Dumbledore at once.
Remus: Fine let's go.
Snape: Right let's go.
Harry: Well, it's gonna be a while so I might as well take this time to pull out a funky tune.
"You know, I carry my guitar in my back pocket all the time too."
"Hey, don't dis the awesome guitar."
"Just shut it you two so the next video can start."
