"And now I lay within your bed
Soaked and shivering from toe to head
Your corpse like body so filled with life,
Erik, give me the chance to be your living wife..." -Excerption straight from the diary of Christine Daae
Christine's POV
Erik was not the Erik I remember. My Erik would have never thrown me out in the snow. My Erik would have forgiven me for tearing away his mask; this Erik was not the Erik I remember. The snow beneath my feet stung me as if I were walking on glass. They had become numb by the time I made it to the only lit building within Phantasma. It was a café, one that looked so warm and sheltered from the storm. Without even thinking, I threw open the door and walked inside. It was filled with oddities of all sizes, partying and drinking cider. I hopped up onto a chair that was at the bar, and the tall, creepy man behind the counter asked me what I wanted.
"I don't have any money." I embarrassingly stated.
"Don't worry, I'll pay for you." that voice….I knew that feminine voice. I turned around, and there standing before me was Meg!
"Meg!"
"Christine…how are you?"
She sat beside me, and lit up a cigarette.
"I was doing fine until five minutes ago."
"What are you doing here?"
"Raoul has been beating me. I didn't want to be with him any longer and I came over here to stay with Erik."
Meg blew out a puff of smoke, and laughed.
"Erik? Please, Christine. When he was mugged, my mother sent me to stay with him. The whole entire time he did nothing but complain and force me to leave him be. Christ, he even kicked me out as soon as Phantasma was finished."
"I hurt him, Meg. I tore away his mask and he kicked me out." I placed my face into my hands, and groaned.
"You tore his mask off? Christine, I was curious, but never dared to do such a thing. Look, I'm the Phantasma Olalla Girl. If you want, you could stay with me for the night. You could even stay with me up until Thanksgiving if you wanted. You could find a job, make some money and get your own place."
Thanksgiving? I never heard of such a thing.
"What's Thanksgiving?" I asked.
Meg put out her cigarette, and took a sip of her cider.
"It's a holiday that the Americans celebrate every November. Look, I have to get going. Are you sure you don't want to stay with me?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
When Meg left, I finished my cider, and walked outside. I had no place to go, and was becoming exhausted as each moment passed. I thought about returning to Erik and apologizing to him, but I knew that would do nothing. When I couldn't walk any longer, I sought shelter on the stairs of what looked to be an opera house. They were freezing and hard, but it would have to do. I was so cold, but found the strength within me to close my eyes and fall asleep.
When I awoke, the first thing I noticed was something stabbing me in the back. I tried to move, but my feet ached in pain. And to make matters worse, I could hardly breathe. I was covered in tons of patched up blankets, and there was a fire roaring in the other room. Wait! I knew this place! It was Erik's flat, and I was in his bed! I managed to roll over to stop the metal springs from pressing into my back, and came face to face with his night table. There was a melted candle stick placed there, along with a picture frame that was face down. Curious, I reached out my blue colored fingers, and pried the frame to its upright position. I rubbed my eyes, and looked at the photo, only to notice that it was of me. It was me, standing on stage back in Paris.
"Enjoying yourself?" came a growl.
I gasped, and dropped the frame causing the glass to shatter onto the floor.
"Damn you, girl!"
"I'm sorry…really."
Erik didn't say a word, and cleaned the glass up off the floor.
"Didn't your father ever tell you to keep your hands off of things that don't belong to you!"
"I didn't mean to, Erik."
Had Erik saved me from the cold? Had he brought me back to life?
"Erik, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for tearing away your mask. It was wrong of me to do so."
Erik didn't even seem to recognize my apology, for he just continued cleaning up the glass.
"Erik?"
"Your apology does not matter to me. You knew I was hideous and yet you still pulled away my mask." he paused. "Our life would be as beautiful as my face."
He finished cleaning up, and leaned over to pull the blankets back over me.
"Just stay warm. You have hypothermia and I wouldn't suggest moving out of this bed."
"It's very uncomfortable. How do you sleep here?"
This angered him. He squeezed his fists, and turned to me in such rage.
"I'm sorry that my bed is not good enough for you, Madame! I'm sure you're so used to sleeping in a lavish king sized bed with the handsome boy!"
"No…It's not like that, Erik, please…"
Damn me! Why did I even say anything? Erik turned away, and stood at the end of the bed, his breathing heavy and labored.
"I'll….I'll get you your own bed within time. You deserve better than this, and I will see to it that you'll get your own bed. You'll need one anyway if you are to be spending the winter here."
He then walked away. I was stunned over the first nice thing he had said to me since I've been here. I waited anxiously for the rude comment that would follow it, but it never came. Had I possibly chipped some of the ice off his heart? I didn't know, but I didn't care either. He had said something nice, and that's all that mattered. I laid there coughing, and looking out Erik's bedroom window at the snow that had started to fall again. In the corner of the other room, Erik was sitting at his desk doing paper work as the fire crackled and burned.
"Are you thirsty?" I heard Erik softly ask.
I couldn't believe that he was asking me if I were thirsty. I never thought he could care about me after all I had done to him, but it was apparent that he still felt something within his heart.
"A little." I mewed.
"I have something that will take away that horrible cough. It is rather annoying when I'm trying to work in peace over here."
Perhaps not. Erik wanted his silence back and nothing more. A few moments later, he brought in a steaming tea cup, and handed it to me. As I sipped the sweet tasting substance, I couldn't help but look over at Erik who was standing near the window. My gaze soon met with his legs that were locked within the braces. It looked awful painful, and I couldn't help but care if he were in pain or not.
"Do they not hurt you?"
"Yes, terribly. But this is unfortunately the only way I can walk around without falling flat on my face." he paused. "Are you finished yet?"
I looked down at the tea cup, and sipped the last of the drink before holding it out to him. He set it aside, and opened the blankets to have a look at my frostbitten feet. They weren't black and blue anymore, but they still hurt.
"You need to keep them within the blankets." he instructed. "It will get the blood circulating in them again."
"What about my back?" I asked. "The springs are pressing painfully against it."
Erik groaned, and he took an extra pillow from off the floor, and lifted me up enough to place the pillow down on the mattress before laying me on top of it. I was so close to him, that I could smell the cologne he had on, and hear the beating of his fragile heart. When my back was laying against the soft pillow, I couldn't help but smile.
"Thank you, this is much better."
"Good, now let me get back to my work." he coldly replied.
When he was seated again, I couldn't help but wonder about Thanksgiving. I never heard of it before, and knew that Erik probably had some knowledge on it.
"Erik, what's Thanksgiving?"
"What do I look like? An encyclopedia? I'm trying to work."
"I'm sorry, it's just that Meg mentioned it when I was talking to her."
"Ah, yes, Meg…that little nuisance. I'll make you a deal. If I tell you what Thanksgiving is, will you let me get back to my work?"
"Yes."
Erik continued writing, as he spoke.
"Thanksgiving is a holiday celebrated my the American people. It's a day to feast on turkey and go on about how thankful you are."
"You cook turkey?" I asked.
"Madame, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Never have and never will, for I have nothing to be thankful for. Now could you please let me get back to my work?"
"When is it?"
"Next Thursday."
The room fell silent, and then I asked something I shouldn't have.
"Could we perhaps celebrate it?"
"No, we will not."
"Why, Erik? Why can't we celebrate it?"
"For one, I have nothing to be thankful for, and two, I am not eating dinner with you. I let you stay here, isn't that enough?" he growled. "Another word of this Thanksgiving and you'll be back out on the streets."
"The Erik I knew would have given me anything my heart desired. Why, Erik? Why can't you be that person again? Your heart is full of ice. I'm only trying to make things pleasant between us. It's just dinner after all."
"I'll….I'll think about it."
"But…"
"I said I'll think about it!" he growled.
The remainder of the day was mostly silent. I didn't want to make Erik angry again, but I knew deep down inside him, he still cared for me. When it got dark, he brought me a bowl of steamed lima beans, and set them down on the nightstand before approaching his armchair that was sitting beside the window. As I ate, I couldn't help but notice the pain he was in as he removed his leg braces.
"Maybe you should sleep in your bed tonight." I suggested. "You need it more than I do."
Erik braced himself, and used the metal bed frame as support as me made his way over to his wardrobe.
"Nonsense, I'll be quite fine. I hardly sleep anyway."
He pulled his sleep trousers and a long shirt out of the wardrobe, and stumbled backwards. I only thanked god that the bed was right behind him to catch his fall.
"Are you alright?" I gasped.
"Perfectly fine, thank you." he angrily purred, unbuttoning his shirt."
When he tried to stand again, he cringed in pain and fell back down.
"If it would be more comfortable for you to change sitting down, I'll turn away."
"Yes, that would be appreciated."
I could have sighed at that moment. His voice was tender as he said the second nice thing since I've been here.
I rolled over to my side to face the window was I heard Erik's clothes dropping to the floor. How badly I wanted to turn and have a peek, but I stayed the way I was. I was sure to be finally gaining his trust, and didn't want to break it.
"You can turn around now."
I did, and finished up my dinner as he took a seat in his arm chair, massaging his knees. His nightclothes were baggy on him, and I couldn't help buy giggle at how his sleeves dangled past his boney hands.
"Your bruises are finally starting to go away." he said, eyeing my face.
Wait? Had he been looking at me since I got here? I touched the space beneath my left eye, and no longer felt pain. Raoul had given me a black eye right before I fled Paris.
"How long has he been touching you?" Erik kindly asked.
"Years." I said remembering Raoul's abuse. "It started happening when I wasn't getting pregnant. We've tried lots of times, but it never seemed to work. He beat me because I couldn't give him a child, but most of all, he beat me because he was drunk."
"A husband should never do such a thing to their wife. Did he ever stop and think that perhaps it was he who was the problem? It's not always the woman's fault for not being able to conceive."
"What about you?" I asked. "Why haven't you found anyone to love over the past ten years?"
Erik looked down at his knees, and closed his eyes.
"No one would ever want me. It was bad enough when I wasn't crippled. Women would laugh at me because of my mask, and point. It has only gotten worse since I was mugged. Now both men and women point at me."
I had upset him. He stood to his feet, stumbling to get away from me.
"Goodnight, Madame." he shouted.
"Erik?"
"Leave me alone! Just stop it!"
I felt terrible. I thought I had finally gotten through to him, but in reality I had only hurt him even more. Throughout the night, I watched Erik sit at his desk working with only a dim lit candle for light. I wasn't sure what he was working on, but he was working into the wee hours of the morning. I became thirsty at one point, and looked his way to ask him for a glass of water.
"Erik?"
"Yes, Madame?" he cringed.
"Could you please fetch me a glass of water?"
"Of course."
Erik placed down his quill, and disappeared around the corner, returning with the water I had asked for. He placed it in my hands, and watched me drink it, taking out his pocket watch and yawning.
"What time is it?" I asked, handing him the empty glass.
"Quarter to three." he yawned.
After pulling the blankets back over me, he disappeared without another word and I was able to fall into a deep slumber. I must have been completely exhausted, because when I woke, Erik's side of the room was rearranged. The bed I was in was no longer in the same spot it had been in the night before. No, the head board was now up against the window, and a few feet away from where I was laying, was another bed. It was much nicer than the one I was laying in. The headboard was carved from an expensive wood, and the sheets and blankets were red and white. The only thing separating Erik's bed from the new one was his night table which was in the middle. How had Erik moved me without waking me up?
"Erik?" I sat up, and saw Erik come limping around the corner, his legs once again locked within the metal braces.
"What is it?" he asked.
"You got a new bed?"
"It's for you. Like I said, if you are to be spending the winter here, you're going to need one. Oh, and I bought you a few outfits and stuck them inside my wardrobe beside my clothes. I'm sure the bed you're in is very uncomfortable."
"No." I assured. "It's fine…"
"Well, you have a new bed now, so I suggest you get into it."
Erik flew back the covers, and I cringed sitting up. My body was so cramped from having hypothermia, that I almost fell once my feet were on the floor. Luckily, Erik was there to catch me.
"Damn you, girl, look what you're doing."
I knew he didn't mean to yell at me, but helped me into the new bed. It was so warm and comfortable that I sighed once my body was on the mattress. Erik covered me up, and then tended to making his own bed which I had made a mess off. He straightened the sheets, and tucked the blankets tightly within the mattress before beginning to walk away.
"Erik?"
He paused.
"Yes, Madame?"
How badly I wanted to thank him, but I knew better.
"You can call me, Christine. You don't have to keep calling me Madame. It's rather annoying actually. Makes me seem like a complete stranger."
"Rest yourself…." he paused. "Christine."
I couldn't help but smile when he called me by my name. I rested the entire morning, until I felt well enough to get up. I made my new bed, and walked over to Erik's wardrobe. Inside, were racks of his overcoats and shirts, but beside them were a few dresses a new cloak, and even a nightgown. I picked a casual dress out, and smiled at its wonderful blue color. Before closing the closet, I fingered the sleeve of one of Erik's shirts, and held it to my nose. It smelled like him; that wonderful musty handsome smell. I sighed, and closed the door before changing into the dress and looking myself in the mirror. I looked pretty, like I used to look before Raoul started beating me.
In the other room, the fire was once again roaring, and Erik was napping hunched over his desk. It hurt me to watch him sleep in such an uncomfortable way, but I didn't disturb him and bounced into the kitchen. Even though Erik had treated me rather coldly, he had still done so much in the past few days. I wanted to do something nice for him, and so I decided to make him some lunch. The man was underweight as it was, and it pained me to know that he hardly ate. I opened the bread box, and pulled out a loaf of pumpernickel bread and went into the ice box to find stuff to make him a sandwich. I was able to find a tomato and a few pieces of lettuce to put onto the bread along with some slices of blue cheese. After the sandwich was completed, I cut it in half with a knife and set it on a plate. After filling up a glass with milk, I walked back out to find Erik awake and writing. I placed the glass and plate down beside him, and I saw his eyes slowly begin to move from his work to the plate which held his sandwich.
"What is that?" I heard him ask.
"Lunch. I thought you'd be hungry."
"Well I'm not." he went back to writing, and completely ignored my offering. "Take it away."
"Erik, I made you lunch. You have to be hungry."
"I don't eat when I work." he argued.
"Well then take a break. You've been working all morning."
"Just leave me be! Damn it, woman!"
I knew the reason why Erik didn't want to eat. I knew he didn't want to take his mask off in front of me, and so I came up with a plan.
"I'm going back to bed." I told him, walking around the corner to where our beds were. I stood there up against the wall, not making any noise, peeking around the corner to watch Erik. For a while he just wrote, but when he thought I was asleep, I saw him place down his quill, look around and then remove his mask, cringing as it was peeled away from his flesh. It hurt me to know that wearing it pained him greatly. It was then that he picked up half of the sandwich, and examined it before taking a bite. Soon, one bite turned into two, two into three, until the half was gone.
I didn't know what happened in his past, but knew it was something terrible because of the way he ate. He took each bite with caution, as if eating were a sin. He even ate the second half of the sandwich, and washed it down with the milk I had given him. Satisfied, I sat down in Erik's arm chair and looked out the window at the snow that was falling down. For a while I watched a few children play in the snow and throw snowballs at one another. How I wished to have a child to love and hold, but knew that it would probably never happen. I was disturbed, when I heard the bathroom door slam shut and then the horrible sound of vomiting.
God! Had my sandwich caused him to become sick? I made my way over to the door as quickly as I could, and opened the door.
Erik was on his knees with his head in the toilet, vomiting terribly for some reason. After each episode ended, he would gasp for air, and sigh right before the next one would hit him.
"Erik?" I knelt down, and rubbed his boney back sympathetically as he continued to vomit.
"Leave…" he couldn't even continue because he was met with another episode.
"Erik, what's wrong?"
When he finally stopped, he fell backwards, and landed up against the wall as he cringed from the pain in his legs.
"I'm fine, just let me be." he pleaded.
"You're sick."
"No, it's over now, just let me be. I ate your sandwich."
Great, I try to do something nice for him, and instead, I made him sick.
"I'm sorry…"
"No, it wasn't you. I shouldn't have eaten it. There's not much I can really eat without getting sick. It's a problem that I've had for a very long time, it was my fault, not yours."
I stood to my feet, and decided to leave him before I angered him, only to hear his voice beckon for my help.
"Madame, could you help me up?"
I turned to see him struggling to lift his body from the floor. It was strange hearing Erik ask for my help, but I did as he asked, and held out my hand, which he accepted and I was able to pull him to his feet.
He didn't thank me, and just stumbled out of the bathroom, and to his arm chair. Once he was seated, he whipped a handkerchief out of his jacket, and wiped his mask and mouth.
"Are you going to be ok?" I asked. "I could get a doctor."
Erik waved his hand in front of me, and pulled away his handkerchief.
"No doctors. I'm fine. It's an uncontrollable habit I have. Just go on about your business."
And that's exactly what I did. Erik wanted to be left alone, and so that's exactly what I did. I stayed out of his way as he worked, reading and looking out the window as the snow continued to fall. Once again, that night, Erik brought me some steamed peaches and I sat there in his arm chair eating them as Erik moved to the bathroom to bathe himself. As I sat there eating my dinner, I couldn't help but wonder what he looked like without any clothes? Was his body as hideous as his face? Or had his body been born handsome and unscathed? When he reappeared, he wasn't wearing his wig, and his thin hairs were soaking wet. He was dressed in his sleep trousers, and was busy buttoning up his nightshirt.
"You can bathe if you want to." he said taking a seat on his bed to place aside the braces.
I agreed, and Erik took away my empty bowl as I walked into the bathroom. There was a rusty tub leaning up against the wall, and I filled it with hot water before sinking my body into the wonderful warmth. Sitting on the side of the tub were pink and golden filled bottles. I flipped back the cap of one, and inhaled the musty yet wonderful scent of Erik's bath soap. I washed myself with it, smelling my skin as Erik's scent seeped into my body. I missed his smell when he wasn't around, but now I would smell like him all the time. Afterwards, I stood in front of the mirror, brushing my hair and wondering what Erik had inside his cabinet. Curious, I opened it and found a bunch of medical vials filled with capsules, a few syringes and Erik's cologne. Was he ill? I wasn't sure, but quickly closed the cabinet when I heard a knock.
"Are you ok in there?"
"Yes, just about done." I assured.
I came out moments later, to find Erik laying in his bed, his mask and wig laying on the night table. I couldn't see his face because his back was turned towards me, but I obeyed his privacy and crawled into my own bed. Erik never went to bed this early….I really did hope that I hadn't made him ill.
"Are you sure you're ok?" I asked.
"Yes." was his simple reply.
And with that, I fell asleep. Perhaps Erik had become a tiny bit nicer, but his heart was still as cold as a winter storm…But maybe there was a slight chance to warm it with my love….I hoped.
Ok everyone, please review! Please! Love you all!
