I think I need help, I keep using these stupid, horribly abused chapter titles. Am I honestly that lazy? Wait... Don't answer that, I think I know the answer.

Anyways, please point out any mistakes, yada yada yada.

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Shikamaru and Hidan had no qualms with leaving the dishes for later, and both went to their respective rooms. Hidan to take his afternoon nap, and Shikamaru to settle down and think about the situation he was in.

On his way to his room, he walked past Hidan's and heard the snoring already. It wasn't loud and obnoxious, but he heard it easily since the door wasn't completely closed. He'd be a little amused if he wasn't so pissed off that he was here.

He reached his room and reclined on the bed, thinking deeply to himself.

Well, this isn't as bad as it could be.

But it's not great either. He countered his own initial thought.

It's better than I thought it would be. That's more than enough.

But now we can't see Chouji, or Ino, or even Mom and Dad for god knows how long! And what's up with this anyways? In the cave, Ibiki said he planned this. Hidan set this up!

Of course he set this up, but he's not trying to kill me. He's not trying to rape me either.

Yeah, not yet. But if he really wasn't interested in doing just that, then what was the whole thing back there in the cave about?

Well, that's what we were going to ask later. He's not in the mood to talk, and if we try and force him to talk about anything it just won't end up well. In fact, I don't even want to think about what he'll do if he's angry, with us out here all alone . He might not really care about what Ibiki says if he's mad.

That's true. But we need to know. If we don't find out, then it'll be like the elephant on the couch.

Bad analogy. We need to talk to him, I get it. I know. But he's not normal, so we can't approach him like we could a sane person.

Right. So how do we approach him?

Let's get to know him first. Understand what he likes, dislikes. What pisses him off, what makes him calm. Then we can get inside his head and maybe even get what we need to know about the Akatsuki while we're at it.

I'm a genius.

Shikamaru chuckled at his own inward discussion. He learned that it was a good technique awhile back to solve difficult problems. He knew that everyone had a voice speaking logic and one speaking emotion, and if he listened to both of these, he always found a happy median.

Shikamaru picked up his remote and turned on his T.V. He couldn't confront Hidan until the he was ready to talk. Until then, he would turn on Comedy Central and pretend that it was Chouji who was in the other room. He would just watch his show and have fun until he had to be brought back to reality and see that at best, Chouji wouldn't be with him for several months.

Coming to terms with the whole situation would take awhile, and that was alright. Adjusting to something like this doesn't just happen overnight. Shikamaru knew that, and he would allow himself some leeway in deluding reality.

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Shikamaru, at some point closed his eyes to rest for a moment during commercials, and when he opened them he found himself in a completely different place than he had just been. A slow paced love song played in the background, and Shikamaru found himself laying on a large bed with an impossibly soft, dark red comforter. Heart shaped pillows just as soft lay scattered artfully on the bed, and dim lighting from several candles gave the room a soft and beautiful glow.

A neutral red colored canopy covered the bed, hiding two sides of the room from Shikamaru. The carpet in front of the bed he laid on was a warm pink color, with red rose petals sprinkled over it.

Everything around him smelled subtle and sweet, like roses. Soft warm colors like red and pink made up the room. It was a beautiful array of light, warm colors that were enough to make Shikamaru melt. Maybe Ino wasn't the only romantic.

He knew that this was a dream from the moment he seemed to have his senses return (partially return, anyways), and an escape from reality couldn't be more welcome at this point. He'd had this dream before, actually.

He was wearing absolutely nothing, and somehow felt comfortable and natural that way. The room held him in a warm embrace, making him cherish his imagination for coming up with something so beautiful. So perfect and romantic. Soon, Chouji came into the softly colored room, wearing nothing but a lose kimono. He crawled onto the bed, Shikamaru's breath hitched. He was aware of how everything would unfold. Every time he had this dream, it was slightly different, but all really the same.

"You look amazing, Shika." Chouji complimented huskily, and came closer to the smaller nin.

Shikamaru blushed and leaned towards Chouji, "I missed you."

"I missed you too. We shouldn't ever be apart."

Shikamaru couldn't agree more, "I love you."

"I love you too, Shika," Chouji replied.

Those words were like drugs to Shikamaru, despite him never actually hearing them. In his dreams, he relished them more than anything else.

Chouji smiled ever so slightly, and started everything by slipping out of the kimono. His hands came up to explore Shikamaru's flawless body. Even after having this dream an abundance of times, Shikamaru never failed to feel electrified by Chouji's imagined touches.

Shikamaru slowly laid back as Chouji willed him to, and he closed his eyes, relishing the attention.

"Why haven't we always been like this?" Chouji asked, strong lust lacing his voice as he paused briefly from going over Shikamaru's body.

"I have no idea," Shikamaru answered breathy and excited.

Chouji smiled as he licked over his favorite man's slender frame. He gently messaged Shikamaru's sides as he ghosted over other parts with his tongue.

The all too willing nin couldn't help but let out moans of encouragement, asking Chouji to keep going. Of course, stopping was the farthest thing from this dream Chouji's mind.

He slowly worked his way down. His hands got to Shikamaru's ass where he gave a firm squeeze, coaxing an adorably feminine yelp from the submissive man. Smiling again, Chouji continued teasing the other by messaging the tender flesh, and lightly nipping at his stomach.

Shikamaru was in nirvana, getting all the attention he could ever hope for from the man he'd been in love with for years upon years. He tightly gripped the bedsheets, to keep himself from falling off the edge so soon. Even if he knew it was a dream, he submerged himself in blissful ignorance and allowed himself to really believe that everything he felt was as real as he wanted it to be.

Chouji stopped for a moment, going to the bedside, moving the troublesome canopy and pulling out a bottle of clear gel from an elegant mahogany nightstand.

"What do you think Shika? Are you ready, or do you want me to play a little more?

"Anything you want," Shikamaru answered, knowing that this was a dream and Chouji wasn't actually Chouji. Getting caught up in the moment, especially with his secret crush, was just too easy despite it all being a fantasy.

The dark haired nin calmly laid, and closed his eyes, waiting for Chouji to start like he always did.

"Well, if I can do whatever I want..."

Shikamaru's eyes snapped open. That wasn't Chouji's voice.

Calloused hands, much different than Chouji's soft and gentle ones, took hold of Shikamaru's hips, as a deathly pale man leaned down and bite his shoulder hard enough to draw blood.

"I think that I'll be having a lot of fun tonight."

"H-hidan?" Shikamaru stuttered, confused and afraid about how his wonderful dream took a turn for the worse.

"Don't look so surprised. I've wanted to do this for such a long time," He said and began to lick up the blood slowly gathering on Shikamaru's shoulder.

"I-"

"Shh, don't talk. The only sounds I want to hear from you are low, pretty moans. Like the ones from before."

Shikamaru blushed furiously, cursing himself for ever allowing himself to moan when Hidan tried to take advantage of him.

The zealot took the bottle of lube and allowed a generous amount to fall on his fingers.

"What are you doing?" Shikamaru asked helplessly. He was trapped under the zealot and unfortunately knew exactly where this was going. The only thing he could hope for now was to wake up, and fast.

"That's simple," He answered lowly and let his hand go down to Shikamaru's waist. "Lift up your hips for me, Shika."

He blushed more and refused to comply.

Hidan didn't seem to be deterred, however. Instead, he took one of Shikamaru's legs and forced it over his shoulder, leaving the smaller nin perfectly and completely exposed.

He laced his finger around Shikamaru's virgin entrance, letting the tip of his index finger slide in then quickly remove itself.

It wasn't painful for the nin, the movement was so quick and subtle. Still, Shikamaru winced and tried to pull his leg off of Hidan. He failed, however, and just pulled Hidan closer.

The zealot smiled, "Don't get impatient on me."

"Fuck you."

"I'm working on it."

Shikamaru glared, and Hidan replied simply with a grin. He circled around Shikamaru's entrance again and this time allowed his forefinger to go all the way in, making the younger man try to pull away from the offending digit.

Hidan smiled at the adorable look on his lovely victims face, red and flustered. He looked like he was in serious pain, despite it only being one slim finger. The silver haired man couldn't help but relish the expression, and at the same time giving Shikamaru time to adjust.

"You look beautiful," Hidan mumbled.

"Shut up, bastard!"

"Aren't you being a little rude?"

Shikamaru was too distracted by the pain to glare again at the zealot raping him now. He was more focused on adjusting to the feeling. But dammit, he still wanted his gentle Chouji back instead of the insensitive brute that was here now!

Hidan let his free hand ghost ever so slightly down Shikamaru's side, making the man shiver slightly. He grabbed onto Shikamaru's thigh and held it upwards a little more to allow better access. He slowly moved his finger in and out, stretching Shikamaru slightly before adding another finger.

The Konoha nin reacted more violently to this one, trying his best to pull away. Hidan had a good hold of him, however, and didn't let him gain an inch. Instead he continued at a slow pace. He was getting turned on immensely by the pained expressions shown by the beautiful man beneath him.

"Stop!" Shikamaru practically sobbed, "Just stop!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because it fucking hurts!"

"I'm being so gentle though," Hidan answered, amused.

"Well, if you're so fucking intent on this, at least give me some time!"

"I'm not a patient person, Shika."

"I don't care what kind of person you are! You took Chouji away and I'll be damned if I'm just going to let you pound into me, bastard!"

Luckily, it was Shikamaru's dream. He still had some control of the situation. Hidan, for reasons unknown to the dreamed up figure, stopped moving entirely. He waited for Shikamaru to tell him when he was ready.

Taking a deep breath, Shikamaru nodded for Hidan to move. That was mainly because the sensation of him just being still was even more painful than if he moved a little bit.

Taking it slower now, Hidan began scissoring his fingers, paying close attention to how the boy underneath him was reacting. He added another finger and Shikamaru didn't even notice, or if he did, he wasn't as hurt by the intrusion.

"You know, boys shouldn't be allowed to be as pretty as you are."

"Shut up already."

"That was meant as a compliment."

"I don't care what you meant it as, I don't like being reminded that this is you doing this, dumb ass."

"Whatever," Hidan answered non-nonchalantly. "Are you ready?"

"It's not like you'd stop even if I said no."

"I won't do it until you say you're ready, promise."

"But you're going to do it at some point. I'd rather get this over with. I never wake up until the whole thing is over, anyways."

Hidan wasn't discouraged by Shikamaru's words. He brought the teenager into a sitting position, still keeping his legs spread, and kissed him passionately. Being distracted by the kiss, Shikamaru barely felt the Hidan's throbbing member poking his entrance.

Hidan mumbled something about relaxing to Shikamaru before he slid his head in. Somehow, it didn't hurt as bad as Shikamaru expected. The kiss effectively distracted him enough to not jump away from it, like he expected from himself.

Hidan asserted total dominance in the kiss, forcing his tongue inside Shikamaru's mouth. He held tightly onto the teen's slim waist as he slowly pushed himself all the way in. He felt Shikamaru raise his arms to hold on tightly to his back, and when the pain became too great for the boy he started kissing back with some force. His nails dug into pale skin and he tried to pull away slightly.

Just as before, Hidan kept Shikamaru all the way down, but allowed him to adjust before he started moving. Shikamaru hadn't ever felt anyone so big, not even in his dreams with Chouji. It was a little surprising to the dark haired nin that his dreams would allow him to feel this pain.

Shikamaru moaned into the kiss, "Move, slow." He breathed out.

Hidan complied, moving at a painfully slow pace for himself, wanting so badly to go faster. In almost no time, he hit a spot that made Shikamaru cry out.

"Oh god! Hidan!" He shouted, digging his nails farther into the albino's back.

Hidan grinned and got the hint. He set a new pace, much faster. Shikamaru started thrusting back, and moaning out Hidan's name over and over...

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"Shikamaru? Shikamaru!" Hidan repeated, trying to wake the younger boy. "Shikamaru, are you alright?"

"H-hidan?" Shikamaru practically snapped up.

"What the hell was that about?"

Shikamaru blushed, "You heard me?"

"From all the way in my room."

Shikamaru's blush deepened, "Get out of my room while I'm sleeping!" He shouted and started throwing pillows, clocks, anything within arm's reach. Hidan ran out of the room, beyond confused with the entire situation.

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Yay, I'm done. That was the worst lemon I've ever written. So... Not detailed and boring, because it only has Shikamaru's point of view. Not even worth reading. I'm so sorry. T~T