-Twenty-Five Days-
A Psychonauts Christmas Fic by Digitaldreamer
Day Seven: Please Do
Not Feed The Santa
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Gah, I'm so sorry this is a bit late today, guys! I meant to update this morning like I always do, but my alarm didn't go off and I ended up waking up within minutes of my bus showing up. Sorry everyone! But it's here now...gah...yeah... Right, so...not much else to say this chapter, I'm like, half asleep over here...maybe doing a fic that updates every day on top of such a crazy trimester during the holiday season of all times wasn't such a good idea...ah well, I'll pull through. As long as I'm making someone out there smile and enjoy the holidays a bit more, then that's what matters. Although, you know, if you could review so I know it's at least doing something, that'd be nice...
Right, on with the chapter!
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The mall was always a chaotic place, with people bustling to and fro from various shop, arms laden with bags. During the Christmas season however, things were even crazier than usual. Shoppers went this way and that, glancing through lists and checking them twice much like Old St. Nick. Lights dangled from just about every feasible place that they could hang, reflecting off of fake snow that had been placed just about everywhere. A giant Christmas tree stood at the center of the mall, decorated so beautifully that it was truly a sight to behold.
"Wow..." Raz murmured, craning his head back to peer up at the lights. "I should so ask these guys for some tips for Sasha..."
But he couldn't now. Oh no, he had a mission.
Razputin was currently standing in a line. Not just any line, oh no, this was a special line, a line that weaved through rows and rows of tinsel line markers held up by giant, cheap plastic candy canes. At the very end of this line stood a great big, shimmering house that just screamed (in the words of Tessie) "Christmas Cheerâ„¢"...or it would have, had the cheesy sign on a great red and white pole next to it not read "North Pole".
So far, Raz's attempts at making Lili's Christmas the Best Christmas Ever had been less than fruitful. One would think them both being stuck on the Holiday Committee would have made things better, but no, in fact that seemed to make things worse. With time ticking away and with fear that at any moment that pink-haired menace would hunt him down again, Raz was left with but one choice, to go to the source.
Razputin was going to go see Santa Clause.
Now, most people would probably claim that at the age of ten Raz was far too old. However, given the fact that he came from a circus, Raz had never actually had much of a chance to have a proper conversation with Santa on the big guy's lap. He hadn't really felt like it this year anyway, not that he believed himself to be too old, but because he hadn't wanted anything.
Until now.
"Next! Hey, kid, you're up."
Raz blinked in surprise, eyes wide. "Seriously? Wow...uh...alright..." He stepped up to the great big, Christmas-themed "throne" of sorts, where the great Kris Kringle himself sat. After a moment of hesitation Raz hopped onto Santa's lap, jade green eyes wide.
"Whoa...ah...hi there." He said with a weak grin.
"Ho ho ho!" Said Santa. "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?"
"Um...well..." Raz trailed off, scratching his head. "It's not really for me...see, my girlfriend, Lili, apparently she always gets really sad around this time of year. No, sad isn't right...she hates the holidays since her dad's always too busy with work and she doesn't really...well, have any friends. She's miserable, sir, and...I wanted to change that. I want to make this the Best Christmas Ever for her, and I've tried! But so far all I've done is mess up, and her dad went and assigned us both to Holiday Committee, so we're both so much more busy that usual...and it's just so hard. I'm not sure what to do...so I thought if I came here maybe you could help." The goggle-headed boy let out a long sigh. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that all I want for Christmas is for her to be happy."
Silence for a moment. Then, finally, Santa spoke. "Well, I don't think so."
Raz's eyes widened. "What!? What do you mean you don't think so!?"
"You'll shoot your eye out, kid!"
"All I want is to make this the Best Christmas Ever for her and-- wait, WHAT!?" Raz sputtered. "What are you talking about!? What does me shooting my eye out have to do with anything!?" He squinted at Santa's face for a moment. Then, without warning, he reached out and snatched off the man's beard to reveal...
"DR. LOBOTO!?"
Sure enough, it was the deranged dentist who was sitting in Santa's chair, clad in the big red suit and all, a psychotic grin stretched across his face. "You'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out!" He cackled.
Raz leaped from Loboto's lap so fast he may as well have teleported. "What the!? What are you doing impersonating Santa Clause!? And...spitting off quotes, at that!"
Loboto stared blankly at him for a moment. Then he just beamed. "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!"
The ten-year old Psychonaut stared at him for a moment. "You know what? Never mind. I don't want to know." He muttered, covering his face with one hand. "Just...just...you're under arrest..." He muttered into his gloved palm as he tugged his badge from his coat-pocket and held it up. "Ugh, forget it, I don't want to deal with this...you just stay there while I call the agency to pick you up, okay?"
"Fra-gee-lay. Hm, must be Italian."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Raz muttered, then glanced over at the Mall Security, all of whom had gathered and now just stood there, gaping at the mad scientist. "What!? Haven't you seen a ten-year old agent before!? Just get over here and grab him already!" The goggle-headed boy snapped. "Take him to your office and call the BPC, they'll know what to do."
The security guards all looked baffled, but when Raz rolled his eyes and held up his badge they hurried to it, grabbing Loboto by his red-clothes arms.
"And a Partridge in a Pear Treeeeee..." Loboto cackled as he was lead away, giving very little resistance. Apparently that fall from Thorney Towers had managed to scramble what wits he had.
Raz let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair. He then turned around to see all the kids who had been behind him in line standing there, staring. Raz blinked. "Um...hey guys...uh..." He laughed nervously.
"That goggle-headed kid got Santa arrested!" One kid shouted.
"No, no, I didn't get Santa arrested!" Raz exclaimed. "That was an imposter, guys! An imposter! Do you really think the real Santa would have blue skin!?"
The kids all fell into silence.
"Yeah, that's right. That Santa...um...sat upon a throne of lies and...ah...stuff..." Raz trailed off, swallowing nervously as he noticed the kids were all still glaring at him.
"So where's the REAL Santa!?" One little girl finally demanded. The rest all gave nods of agreement.
"Ummm...he's...still at the North Pole, of course!" Raz said with another small laugh, flashing a nervous grin. "He'll ah...be here soon...for now though, you should all go home...ahaha...yeah..."
Silence.
"Um...anyone wanna sing a...Christmas Carol?" Raz asked through clenched teeth.
"GET HIM!" A kid screamed. The other kids all gave similar battle cries and charged, a high-pitched, screaming mass of goose-down stuffed coats and squeaky rubber boots.
Raz's eyes widened in horror. Now, an army of censors and personal demons, he could handle. Psychic terrorists, he could handle. But this was just too much. Raz did what any sane person would do in his situation.
He turned and ran like Hell.
The kids chased Raz all through the mall and out the doors, where Raz finally threw caution to the wind and just went invisible before dashing away as fast as his legs could carry him.
He never did get that advice for Sasha.
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To Be Continued...
