A/N- Again thanks to Texeljay for making sure everything was just so... you are a great BETA. To phenix- I don't know about the tissues. I was told this one was a good chapter... you might need them. To Rebel- your father is in my prayers honey. To everyone else that is reviewing and reading... thanks. There are no words for those that encourage me on a daily basis, esp with my writting. Jay and Egypt especially. You two have become very inspirational to me and have tried to kick my ass into gear.
As always Please Review!
Stacy


Chapter 7

Looking over at Marti's outstretched hand, I feel myself grow dizzy and shake my head at him. "I can't move." I explain to him weakly.

"I'll take you in." He nods in understanding. Marti doesn't hesitate to lean down into the car and wrap my arms around his neck. Leaning down further his hands cradle under me and his arms tense as he lifts me. I couldn't stop the groan of protest that breaks from my lips, his movements making me feel sick. "I'm sorry." He grunts, apparently from the strain of trying to keep from jarring me too much.

Shaking my head, I bury my face into his chest as he carries me toward the house. I feel so helpless, so tired. The last few weeks had been a strain on everyone in the house. Everything that I had feared happening, going on right before me, and I couldn't stop it. I don't want to have to depend on anyone to help me get through my day. I don't want to watch my friends put their lives on hold for me… But I don't have a choice.

Suddenly a wave of nausea sweeps over me and I struggle against Marti, pushing his chest and kicking my feet. Moving swiftly he pushes us into the downstairs bathroom and sets me on the floor in front of the toilet. My stomach immediately rejects the chemicals in my body violently, along with any of the food I have eaten today, just like it has for the past week.

"Damn it!" I hiss, wiping at my mouth with the back of my hand. Looking up at Marti, I see the stress that my illness has put on him. His usually tanned skin, looked pale and dark circles stretched out from under his eyes and I can't help wondering when they had gotten there. He looks worn and worked to the bone. Why hasn't he said something?

"Do you think we can get you to your room, or do you need to stay in here for a bit?" He asks leaning down to hand me a washcloth to wipe my mouth.

Slapping the cloth away, I make a move to stand but my body is just too weak to move. Falling back, I feel myself growing angry. Angry at myself for getting sick. Angry at Marti for not telling me that he is tired and needs a break. Angry at God for allowing all of this to happen.

"C'mon, Chey." Marti pleads with me. "Let's get you upstairs so you can rest."

"What about you?" I sob leaning my head against the wall cause I'm too weak to hold it up myself. "Marti, I still have a long road ahead of me and already it is taking its toll on you. Tell me how this is worth it?" I ask him. Already I am tired of being sick. Tired of being cooped up in my little room while everyone else busts their asses to make me comfortable. I don't like seeing Marti and Beth struggle to make things happen.

Shaking his head, Marti squatts down, resting his forearms on his knees. "It is worth it. YOU are worth it." He informs me as he reaches out to wipe some sweat from my forehead. "You have to hang in there, princess."

Closing my eyes, I fight the trembling of my body. I feel so cold. Clammy. "I-I am t-tired of this shit already…" I begin but a moan of pain cuts me off. My insides are on fire. I feel as though there is someone in there with a blowtorch. Doubling over, I curl myself up on the cool tile of the floor. "I-I c-can't do… this… anymore."

"Don't you dare!" Marti's voice booms at me. I can hear his anger, his fear etched out in his voice as my eyes drift shut. "You are not giving up."

"Who says?" I whimper as he lifts me from the floor with a loud groan. "I'm tired Marti."

A little bit later, Marti finally has me in my room. All the lights are out and the blinds shut tight. I can't see his face only his silhouette in the darkened room. "Please don't give up on me, Princess." His voice is thick with worry and I immediately regret my outburst. "You can't give up on me now. Not when the battle could be almost over… I will fight for you if I have to."

Raising my hand, I caress his cheek. "You are already fighting for me." I choke, my emotions running away with me. "Maybe you should bring in somebody to help you guys. I hate seeing you as run down as me."

"You sure?" He asks. I know he is thinking back to the time when I told him that I didn't want anyone else to see me. How adamant I had been about not letting anyone else get involved.

"As long as they don't make fun of my misshapen head when I start losing my hair, I think we'll be ok." I joke feebly. I really don't want anyone else to see me like this, but I can't bear the thought that my illness is wearing someone else down, let alone Marti. He hasn't been married to Beth a year yet, and they don't get to spend much time together.

He chuckles, grasping my petite wrist in his hand so that he can kiss my palm. "Only I can do that."

"Promise me that you will find someone to help take care of me and that you and Beth will go and take a vacation." I demand. It might be a shot in the dark seeing as he never leaves my side, but I needed him to be strong. I needed him to continue to be my rock.

Kissing my palm again, he lays my hand over my chest and stands. "Call me if you need me."

"Promise me."

I hear him sigh from the doorway. "OK. I promise."


Staring out the window, I sigh heavily and let my memories take me back to a time when the backyard had been filled to capacity with life. The sounds of a wrestling school and all the wonderful people that helped us make it what it was. I can remember the day that Marti and I had discussed bringing the school to the house. He had been so unsure as to why I had wanted it so badly. Why I felt the need to get so involved in wrestling itself.

The only thing I could think of was that I needed it. After the struggle of losing weight and learning that my parents wanted to live the rest of their life in seclusion, I needed the atmosphere and the physicality that becoming a wrestler would bring. The friendships that I had made in the wrestling community had helped as well.

"Chey… you doin' ok?"

Looking up I see Beth standing in the doorway watching me. Her soft face carrying a look of worry as she took me in. Shrugging my shoulders, I look back out over the green field on the other side of the glass. "Just thinking."

I hear her walk into the room, her footsteps slow and steady as she takes a seat behind me on the bench. "What about?"

Sighing, I look at the spot where the ring used to be and immediately I miss it. "Life." I answer her simply. Things had been going so differently since the chemo treatments had started. Three times I week I had to load up in the van while Marti drove me down to the cancer center in town. I'd be there all day hooked up to the IV and then we'd load back up and he'd drive me home. By the time we got there I was usually so sick that I couldn't do much of anything. Today was a good enough day though. It was the weekend and my strength always got better after a day or so without the chemicals.

Beth's hands came up to rest on my shoulders. "You can't dwell on the what ifs, Chey."

Turning away from the window, I feel defeated. I feel like I've finally let things sink in. "I know I can't. It's just that I'm thirty-one and I can't help but feel a little angry that I will never know what it's like to have a child. It's like before, when the possibility was there, I took it for granted. Like it didn't matter as much, and now… now that I don't have a choice in the matter I want it back."

Beth's face turns mournful. I can tell she is looking for words of encouragement and wanting to say the right thing to me to make it all better, but there was nothing to say. I know that my fate has been decided. I know that there is a possibility that I won't make it through all of this and that makes me troubled too. I want the pain to be worth it. I need to know that everything that I'm doing now will ensure my future.

A soft knock interrupts my thoughts and I looked up to see Glen standing in the doorway, a small smile playing on his lips. "Hey there beautiful."

I know a look of hurt crosses my face as I glance over at Beth. They had deceived me and broke their promise in keeping everyone away from me. She holds her hands up in her own defense. "Marti said you were asking us to take a break. Made him promise to hire some extra help. Glen answers the call."

I feel my eyes beginning to burn as they make their way back over to him leaning casually in the doorframe. It feels like forever since I have seen him. He is a sight, even though when I told them to hire someone I meant a nurse, someone I didn't know. Standing up from my seat I make my way over to him and wrap my arms around his larger than life frame. "Hey brute." I whisper, the tears finally making their way down my face.