a/n: Hi! Happy Thursday all! And here I am with chapter six :D This chapter isn't much- mostly some of the aftermath of the guys watching Logan's video- but I hope you all like it! (: fun fact: I was listening to the Glee version of "Perfect" by P!nk while editing this, and I wanted to cry a little lol. I'm such a sap. And I don't own anything.

Chapter Six
If I had just one more day I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away… I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you - Christina Aguilera, "Hurt"

Carlos didn't sleep that night. He had laid in his bed for hours, just staring at the ceiling or the wall. He had cried himself dry and now he just felt numb. Logan's video still replayed in his mind on repeat, and he actually found himself terrified to see what Logan's video to himself was like. The three of them had agreed that they would watch those videos on their own time, when they were ready. But from the looks of how yesterday went, none of them would be ready for a while.

Carlos was laying on his back and he put his hands behind his head, grabbing his pillow. Slowly, he pulled his pillow from under his head and put it over his face, pressing down a bit. And then he screamed. He wasn't entirely sure how muffled it was, but he screamed. He screamed for Logan, he screamed for himself, he screamed for Kendall and James. He screamed for feeling sad, frustrated, confused. He screamed for not being able to forget. He screamed for all the hurt he felt. He just screamed until his throat felt raw, until tears stung at his eyes, until he had absolutely no energy left.

Laying limp, he pulled the pillow off his face and let it slide to the floor. His chest heaved and his chin trembled with anticipated crying. A few moments later, he heard his bedroom door creaking open and he frantically wiped at his eyes. His dad walked in his room. "Everything okay son?" Officer Garcia asked softly.

"I'm alright." Carlos replied hoarsely, and then winced. "M-my throat hurts a little bit. Can… can I stay home today, please?"

His dad nodded. "Yeah, of course. Do you want tea, soup- anything?"

Carlos shook his head. "I think I'm just going to go back to sleep." he whispered.
"Okay." Juan nodded, his son's hurt so obvious to him. He didn't know what to do though, he didn't know how to fix him. "I love you." he told him.

"I love you too." Carlos told him and when his dad left, he kicked his covers off and rolled over onto his side. His body moved robotically as he reached for his dresser door and pulled it open. There was only one thing inside and he pulled it out when he felt his fingers brush against the cold metal.

He propped the picture frame in front of him, looking at him and his friends back when they were all truly happy. He missed those times.

He raised his finger to trace over Logan's face, trying to embroil the image of him smiling into his mind one final time. He shut his eyes tightly and whispered, "I'm sorry."


Logan's funeral was this weekend; specifically in three days. Nobody was ready, just like nobody was ready to go back to school. It hadn't been a week even but the school insisted that everyone got back to their normal lives as soon as possible- something about their vision to help everyone "heal". But James didn't want to go to school now, or tomorrow, or ever again in fact. He couldn't be there, he couldn't walk the halls Logan once walked.

He couldn't handle it.

But for some reason, his mind had convinced him to get up and go to school today. As, James crossed the borderline from the hallway to his first period classroom, he froze. Not because he was late and everyone was staring at him, but because he remembered that Logan had this class with him.

Or at least, he used to.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, James slowly walked into the room. He kept his eyes fixed on the empty desk on the other side of the room. He could almost picture Logan sitting in it, taking notes on anything and everything the teacher was saying while James struggled to stay awake a couple of seats away from him. The longer he stared though, and the closer he got, the fuzzier the image became until Logan vanished completely, gone without a trace.

Just like yesterday. The only difference is, last time, there was something James could've done about it.

The brunette boy extended his arm to hand his teacher the pass he received from the office and kept walking, not stopping at his desk, but continuing forward until he reached Logan's. Trembling, his lowered himself in Logan's seat and pulled his knees up to his chest. He just sat there, staring ahead until everyone else deemed him uninteresting and went back to whatever work had been assigned. Blinking back tears, James lowered his head to look at the desktop, wondering if Logan had ever scratched or wrote something on it one day. Part of him was saying that it was impossible- Logan knew better than to "deface public tax paying property", which is what he said the day Carlos wanted to spray paint the lockers in the boys' locker room. But in the lower corner of the desk, something had been carved in there. It had been written in pencil but it had been written over and over again in the same place that it looked like someone carved it. It was one word but it was so powerful, James couldn't fight back the tears any longer.

It said, help.

"James?" the boy in question raised his head when he heard his teacher say his name. "Is everything ok?"

James sniffled. "It's my fault." he said. "It's- he would be sitting here today. Right here if I would've listened. What is wrong with me, why didn't I listen? Just... why?" James let his head drop forward and he held it in his hands, his body shaking even worse than before.


Kendall looked up to see Jo Taylor, someone he had never talked to before, walk up to him after the hockey game. "Hey." he greeted her with a smile.

She smiled back. "Two goals, four assists. You make our team look better than we are." Kendall chuckled modestly. "So are you, uh, going to the party tonight?"

It was Friday night so there were about five parties taking place. Kendall was bound to end up at one of them. "I was thinking about it." he replied.

"Well we could go together." she offered.

Kendall smiled at that.

"Hey Kendall!" the blonde turned around to see Logan walking towards him.

"Hey man!" he called back and then looked at Jo. "Hey, my friend Logan and I were going to hang out tonight." he told her. "Is it okay if he comes along?"

Jo looked over at Logan and then chuckled awkwardly. "Um, our car only has room for one more…" she trailed off. "If you know what I mean."

Kendall bit his lip. He knew very well what she meant. He looked back from Logan to Jo before telling her, "Just give me a second." she nodded and he walked over to Logan.

"Hey man, you ready to go?" Logan asked him. "My dad ordered us a pizza."

"Uh yeah about that…" Kendall started and Logan's eyebrows knit together. "I cant go."

Logan looked confused. "Wait what? I just talked to you before the game."

"Well you see, that girl invited me to a party." Kendall told him, hoping he'd understand.

"Oh." Logan said simply, then forced a smile. "Well cold pizza's still good. Where's the party?"

Kendall hated his friend for being so naive. "You cant go." he said bluntly, and immediately wished he could take those words back. "You- you wouldn't like it anyway, just a bunch of guys from the hockey team and-"

"I get it, Kendall." Logan interrupted softly, hurt evident in his voice. "Have fun tonight." he told his friend before turning around and walked away. Kendall stood there a moment, watching Logan leave before going off with the girl and her friends.

. . .

Kendall was awoken by the bell ringing, signally class was over. The memory was still fresh in his mind as he staggered to his feet and quickly rushed out before he could let any tears fall down his face. He never regretted more than now that he didn't go after Logan.