Long delay because of school and such. You know how it goes. Very emotional chapter. Enjoy.


Need a Miracle

Seven

It'd been a long, trying day at the lab, and Eric let out a sigh of relief as soon as he closed the door to his home. Catching up on paperwork and other unfinished reports was never his favorite thing to do, especially when it involved hand written work. He tended to get a little ADD if he looked at it too long. He has always been a tactile person. When he was young, he had to be working on something in order to stay focused, and in order to really learn. That's why he couldn't really get in to literature or, reading in general until he entered college. His father was a reader, and of course, wanting to follow in his father's footsteps at almost every turn, Eric picked up a book and read it every now and then. But an avid reader he was not until his early twenties.

Even after all that'd come out about his birth, about his biological father, he found that despite all of that, he loved his dad. Pavel Delko was his father, the man who shaped his identity, gave Eric his name, and raised and loved him unconditionally. His dad never treated him differently, neither did his sisters. He watched his parents' marriage mature, blossom, wilt, and blossom again. His mother never strayed again, as far as Eric could tell, and his father had always been faithful throughout the marriage. What his parents had was real, the love they shared was deep and devoted. They would die for each other, if that was the case, but right now, they settled for dying with each other. When he was a child, Eric remembered that his father was always the last one home, and just a couple of hours before, his mother would go upstairs to the master, change clothes, fix her hair up, and freshen up while he and his sisters set the table for dinner.

His father would come home and greet each of them with a hug and a kiss to the forehead and his mother would come down, looking fresh, and she would always steal his father's breath away.

Eric understood now what that feeling was as he watched Calleigh piddling around in the kitchen. In the last few months, she has made herself at home again, and the fact that she liked to clean was, and he admitted, selfishly, to his benefit. He could be a slob at times, and though she grumbled about it, she cleaned up and reminded him to do his fair share "...if this is going to work..." she said indignantly, "Then remember to pick up your socks every now and then, love." That encouraged him because she was beginning to think long term. He knew that he couldn't rush her, she'd decided to give him a second chance, and he took it gladly. Going slowly with her was his only option now.

He knew she wasn't ready, but as he watched her, he imagined some years later, in perhaps a home they bought together, with three or four (for her sake, two or three) kids running around and creating messes, leaving unfinished homework and snacks on the table, the TV on probably cartoons, the smell of dinner heavy in the air, and Calleigh dressed down after work, and gorgeously frazzled because she wasn't the typical mom, she didn't quite yet have a handle on it, but she loved it anyway.

To Eric, it was something he could definitely see in the future, but Calleigh was doubtful.

But right now, as he made his way to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, he felt rather confident that if the coming months together went well, she'd come around.

"Hey," he said as he kissed her neck.

"Don't get too close," she drawled as she slipped out of his embrace, holding her rubber gloved hands up. "I'm all sweaty and nasty from cleaning."

He raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Sweaty and nasty, huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "Watch yourself, Mr. I-Don't-Clean often."

She went into the pantry and grabbed the Swiffer and handed it to him.

"Real men Swiffer."

He chuckled. "You get that off a bumper sticker?"

"No," she said, getting on tiptoe to kiss him. "Swiffer."

Those moments seem so long ago, and it pains him to think that he will never have moments like those with her ever again.

He doesn't want to, but he has to begin, in this very moment, to let her go. He knows Calleigh well enough to know that when she gets her heart dead set on something, she has to follow through. She has to do it because it's in her. He thinks that this job will help her blossom, he's seen the side of her he's come to know and love so much slowly fade, slowly shrink back. She hasn't been on a vacation in a long time...they didn't even take a vacation together when they were in their relationship. Perhaps it's what she needs: a change of scenery, new people, a new position that will add more opportunities to her life. In other words, a new life.

In this situation, he hasn't given her much incentive to stay, he hasn't given her a reason to believe that they would overcome this, the hurdles in their relationship, this job offer that is threatening everything now.

"When do you leave?" He asks.

"This Monday. I'm spending a few days up there. I'll be back Thursday morning."

He nods. "So...if you like what you see, and you like what the position has to offer, then your decision's final?"

Calleigh nods. "Yeah..."

Eric grins a bit. "Think you can get used to the cold?"

She chuckles. "I knew you'd ask that!"

"You're a southern girl, so it's a legitimate question."

"I think I'll have a harder time getting used to being a Northerner, than the cold," she drawls.

"You're a Southern Belle to the bone," he says.

"I know, but they do stuff differently," she complains. "But I heard the food's pretty good."

He sighs. "When are you going to tell everyone? I mean...if you decide?"

"I guess when I come back," she shrugs. "Eric...I can't...think about everyone else right now, okay? I-I just want to get through today and the next few days..."

"Are you sure that this is something you want to do?" Eric asks.

"No, I'm not sure," she says, becoming irritated. "But I'd appreciate the freedom to explore it, to-to consider it. I deserve that, don't I?"

"Of course you do," he says. "I'm just saying that this job offer came on the heels of...you finding out that you weren't pregnant, and it was obviously a very emotional thing for you. I'm just-"

"Eric, if you're trying to convince me not to go, then you're wasting your breath," she says coolly. "I want to go. I want to experience something different, I want to push my career forward. I don't want to be stuck here, in the same lab, in the same position forever! That's how people get stuck, when they let opportunities pass them by."

"Well you've most certainly got nothing tying you down," he says bitterly.

She narrows her eyes at him. "I'm done arguing with you, Eric, you hear me? I am done! I can't sit here for another second and argue with you about my life! It's my life! I'm not going to let you dictate to me what you want me to do! I'm not going to-to just let you berate me and tell me what you want for me! It is MY LIFE!"

Eric rubs a hand over his face.

"Whatever," he sighs. "I don't want to argue with you either. You're right, it's your life, your decision. And, after all this time, if you think that my goal is to try and dictate your life, then I wonder how much it matters to you that I'm your friend first. I want you to be happy, I want you to find what makes you happy in your life. I wouldn't dare take that freedom from you. If anything, you're the only one that stands in your way, not me."

"You know, you have no clue what I've been going through, none, whatsoever."

"Then why don't you enlighten me? Because everything is about you, isn't it? Whatever it is, either tell me or get over it because-"

"Get over it?" She asks tearfully, her voice quavering. "Y-you want me to get over it?"

He senses that he's really hit a place inside her that she's never let him into, that she hasn't even ventured into in many years from the tone of her voice.

"Oh, okay," she sniffles as she crosses her arms over her chest. "Tell me, what exactly do you want me to get over, huh? The fact that my father, a man that I practically idolized as a little girl, is a lifelong alcoholic? Or what else...oh, the fact that my mother left me and my sister because she was too damn selfish to be a mother? Or how about about the fact that one night my father was so goddamn drunk that he came home and beat the shit out of me with an electrical cord? Do you want me to get over that? Especially when you've seen the scars, felt them? Or what about my sister not wanting me to be in her life or her children's lives because I didn't protect her, because I chose my relationship with our dad over her?"

She begins to sob. "Oh, um, how about this: you just ending up being like every other man in my life...I thought you were different, but you've turned out to be like every other man that I've opened my legs for! You've lied to me, and you've hurt me, especially since we've been in here, in ways that I never imagined you could! I let you into my heart only for you to break and stomp on it! I let you fool me, I let you make love to me, and it was all for nothing because look at where we are now! Tell me, how fucking soon should I get over that?"

Finally, finally, Calleigh is telling him what he needs to know, she is telling him why everything is on the line now. He knows he's had much to do with what's been happening to her, but everything else, she has scarcely talked about and he had no idea how much it has affected her, how big of an impact it has had on her life.

"Or how about the fact that I stood there," she cries. "Looking at that stupid test and saw the last of my...hope going into the trash. You know so much, so tell me, do I need to get over that too?"

Eric swallows thickly, feeling the intensity of her hidden pain deep in his heart.

"Calleigh..."

"No! You don't get to say anything else to me!" She cries angrily. "You get to say nothing to me about any of it because you don't know! No one in my life bothered to get over what they were going through for me, so why should I get over it for you, or for anyone for that matter on your say so? You call me selfish, and you say that it's all about me...well, you know what I have to say to that, Eric? It's about damn time it's about me, that's what I say. Stop trying to fix me, stop trying to make me see things your way. Yes, I get that you have a perfect family, that you had a perfect little life and that your parents forgave each other. Yes, how peachy for you."

She calms down, and she sniffles, wiping her tears.

Silence surrounds them for a few minutes, and Eric is thankful because he's got a headache along with a bit of heartache and he is ready to get out of this vault. He needs a reprieve from the stifling emotions that have filled this space. He now just wants a moment's peace, he wants to get away from Calleigh, which is a first for him. He's sure that she wants to get away from him, she's said it several times, and he thinks that they shouldn't be acting like this, they shouldn't be saying the things they've been saying on Christmas. He almost forgot that today is Christmas, and he should be with his family, not stuck in a vault with Calleigh. It's a rather bitter thought, but she's provoked him and he's provoked her in ways that are coming to the brink of irreparability.

"If you think that my life has been perfect, then you're crazy," he says.

"Oh I'm crazy!"

"Yeah, you are," he argues. "Until I got together with you, my life was a mess, Calleigh. You say I don't have a clue, well you don't either. You have no idea how much pain I'm still in. I'm still so fucking angry at Memmo Fierro for taking a beloved sister away from me, from my family. You think my life is perfect, then yes, you're crazy because I've been through hell and back, Calleigh. Mentally, spiritually, physically, I've been through hell, and I would gladly go through it again for you."

"Stop it..."

"No...I've loved you for years, I was just too afraid to say anything at first because you were too good for an asshole like me. You didn't have time for games, and I kept my distance-"

"Eric, just stop it!"

"I have to tell you this, Cal! Let me tell you this! I fell in love with you long before I got shot...I fell in love with you when you came to Mari's funeral. You...were so beautiful, and even though I was a mess, I could see you for the first time in a long time. Even though I was grieving, something switched on in my head and suddenly, I was in love with you."

Calleigh sniffles and wipes her tears.

"You've been pushing me further and further away and I don't know how much longer I can hang on to you. I can't be the only one fighting for us."

"I don't want you to hang on to me!" She yells. "Haven't you figured it out yet! I've been pushing you away because I don't want you in my life! I don't want you anymore! I want you to stop fighting for a relationship that was doomed from the start!"

He shakes his head. "Cal...I know that I've hurt you, and that you've been hurt, but...I know...I know you don't mean that."

"I do mean it!" She says vehemently. "And believe me, as soon as I move to Chicago, I'm never gonna look back. I'm going to forget all about you and you're going to forget all about me, so you can see other people, like you want. So let's practice, shall we? While we're in here. I don't want to talk to you or argue with you or shout at you anymore. I'm done. We're done."

Eric nods then he rests his head against the wall.

His mother has always told him not to question God.

Well, that is easier said than done.

I've pushed her too, too far, he thinks to himself. I know I shouldn't question you, but...God, why would you show me that this is the woman I'm supposed to be with only to take her away from me? I spent almost two years, begging, pleading with you to tell me she's the one, and you did. Why, if Calleigh is the woman I'm supposed to love, to marry, are you letting her run away from me? She believes in you, she's Catholic, she knows you, she prays to you when she thinks I'm not listening...all these things she's told me about...why do you let it consume her? Why haven't you healed her yet? It's obvious that I couldn't, that I can't, and I'm supposed to be the man in her life because you said so. Seriously, God...I know that it wasn't my imagination...I heard you plain as day two years ago when I knelt before that altar. I know that I'm not exactly...by the book when it comes to certain things, but...I promise you I'll do better. Just...I can't let her go. I can't. Please, I'm begging you...help me. Help her.

Eric feels his love for her only deepen, and he is finding it harder and harder to face the possibility that he just might have to let her go, and for reasons that he didn't ever realize would be reasons. He can't spend his life trying to figure her out, he can't keep chasing after her when she doesn't want to be caught, he can't let her continue to blame him. Unhappiness with her is staring him right in the face, and that is the first time he's looked at it in that light. Much as he wants to be with her, he knows there's a reason that all that they've been through is keeping them apart.

He grins a bit.

Sure, God showed him, on several occasions, that Calleigh is the woman he is supposed to marry, but the catch is that God never said exactly when.

Gotcha, Eric sighs to himself. That's the catch-22 huh? Sure, she's the love of my life, but you never said when I get to spend my life with her. Really? I'm already thirty-five...I know, I know, patience...endure to the end. I got it. But you gotta admit, some of this whole catch thing is just...wrong. I'd really love to be happy with this woman, the only woman. This blonde, Southern Belle who thinks she knows it all and is terribly stubborn. I'm in love with Calleigh, I want to be with her, I want a family with her. Please don't take her away from me.

He looks at her and sees that she is shaking, her fingers tangled into her hair and her head resting on her knees. He doesn't want her to go anywhere because it's only a matter of time before she completely unravels, and God only knows what she'll do to herself then. What will she do when she gets to Chicago? How will she cope? The weather tends to affect people's moods...she's used to humid nights, and sunny days. She will be cooped up in Chicago because she never could stand being cold. And what of her social life? Will she make new friends? How will they treat her? He's scared for her because she's leaving Miami with so much pent up anger; she's thinking about leaving with burden upon burden on her shoulders. She's not clear-headed right now, she's not herself.

And to think, all this started because of one pregnancy test.

He's not sure now if he would have made a difference in her mindset if he'd been there for that moment or not. But he might have. If she'd let him know about the possibility, if he'd been there for her to see the result, he could have held her, he could have kept those things that were bothering her at bay. He could have been her refuge, her hope.

Calleigh never gave him the chance, and he's concluded now that she didn't want to give him one. That pregnancy test was her ticket out because she already made up her mind that she didn't want to be with him anymore.

He thinks he can live with that, but he can't live with the fact that she hates him.

At first, he just thought she was angry and frustrated, but now, he thinks that she meant it. That she hates him. She hates him, and he's partly convinced that's how she must really feel, even after all they've been through because she's never told him that she loves him.

How can he love this woman?

She won't give him any clues, any hints.

He needs to know how to love her, how not to lose her because he is absolutely sure that he can't live without her. Any other woman he may come to know or be in a relationship with will have to live up to the impossible standard of Calleigh, because he can't love her fully otherwise. It simply wouldn't be fair to himself or another woman to have Calleigh between them.

He doesn't want to live his life without her.

He's told her that.

He thought that meant something, possibly everything to her.

But, perhaps it means nothing to her now.

Calleigh sniffles and continues to rest her head on her knees.

She loves him.

Grief begins to befall her because she knows that everything they've said and done has affected them, has ruined the last of what was, for the most part, a great relationship, a wonderful, fulfilling friendship. She's succeeded in her destructive, subconscious mission to push him away, to push him out of her life.

But I love him. I'm in love with him. Madly in love with him. This love is a disease and I've fully succumbed to it. I'm in love with Eric and I'm going to be alone. He'll never know now because it's too late for both of us.

She allows herself to fall asleep with that thought in mind.

/\/\/\/\

"Calleigh..."

She hears her name being called ever so faintly.

"Calleigh! Cal..."

She feels hands on her, and she fights, trying to push them away, thinking that it is the perpetrator in her nightmare.

"CALLEIGH!"

Her head snaps up, and her eyes meet Horatio's, and she stops fighting and furrows her eyebrows, thinking that this might be an even sicker nightmare than what she previously thought.

"Calleigh...you're alright," he says.

She looks past him, and sees that Eric is not across from her any longer, that the vault is brighter, and she hears sirens, and various people talking.

"You're okay," he says, smoothing down her hair. "Sweetheart, you're okay."

She blinks her eyes as they adjust to the new brightness they've encountered, and she is weaker than she thought, dizzy from hunger and thirst, as Horatio helps her up.

"Gee," she begins, her throat dry, her voice raspy. "I must smell lovely..."

"As a rose on a dewy morn," Horatio grins as he walks her out of the vault and leads her over to a gurney and the paramedics immediately tend to her.

She looks over at Eric, and he seems to be a little better off than she, though he is guzzling a bottle of water down.

"M-my purse," she says, feeling disoriented. "I left my purse..."

"We've got it, ma'am," Horatio says.

She looks at Eric again, and he is rubbing his eyes.

Her heart is pounding, the blood rushing in her ears, and she feels the grief within her deepen. She's leaving on Monday, to explore a whole new city, a whole new life because she doesn't need Eric anymore.

I have to make things right.

Her chest tightens, and she feels dizzier, and she is nauseous, heartbroken, anxious, and feeling like hell because she feels like she's just gotten a taste of it for the last twenty hours.

She is going to leave for Chicago.

She is going to take that position and leave Miami behind.

"I-I left my purse," she repeats. "My purse...and my shoes..."

"We've got it, sweetheart," Horatio says.

Eric looks over at Calleigh, and he sees that her eyes have glazed over a bit, that she is almost in a state of shock as the paramedics inspect her as much as she will allow. Her face is turning red, and he gets up, immediately wanting to help her. She's being gripped by another anxiety attack.

"Calleigh," Eric calls to her, and she doesn't respond.

The paramedics move into action because her blood pressure is high, from the attack, and she is already weak from not having anything to eat or drink for hours and hours. Her glucose level must be atrocious. Eric thinks that this shouldn't be happening to her, but he forgets, her body is small, and the lung disease she contracted has weakened her system significantly. She is prone to more things that she hadn't been prone to before, like immune problems, making her susceptible to bronchitis, coughs, the flu, colds, allergies...her whole body chemistry has changed so this current trauma will most certainly have an effect on her.

Also, the emotional toll has impacted her as well.

He watches as she passes out, his worry now through the roof, and the paramedics get her fully onto the gurney, looking for a suitable vein for an IV, and an oxygen mask is placed on her.

He needs to be with her.

He tries to get up, but Horatio puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Eric, I need you to stay here," Horatio says.

"I have to go with Calleigh, H," Eric says. "She...I need to be with her."

"I know, and you will be soon," Horatio assures. "But right now, we need to talk to you about what happened, alright? She's going to be fine, I'm sure of it, Eric."

Eric nods. "H...how did you find us?"

"The state patrol found Calleigh's car abandoned by the side of the road near the Causeway late last night. There was a body in the passenger side. Single gunshot wound to the head."

Eric sighs. "I bet that left a huge mess. Cal's not gonna like that her car's a crime scene."

"No, she won't," Horatio grins a bit. "We worked as fast as we could on the ballistics and traced it back to a Ruger and..."

"It was registered," Eric grins. "That dumb-ass."

"Yes, an accurate description brother," Horatio concurs. "Walter and Natalia ended up at the address of an old girlfriend of our deceased Kyle Larson, who was waffling about calling in the robbery. She gave up Montell Jackson and Belinda Montoya upon the news that her former boyfriend was brutally murdered. She relayed to us that Kyle divulged that they left two unarmed cops in the vault."

"Did you find Jackson?"

"Not yet," Horatio says. "We think that he's a state ahead of law enforcement, but we'll get him, Eric."

"Calleigh's going to be so pissed about her car."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine...starving, and thirsty, but fine. H, I-I need to see Cal.

"How did you two hold up in there?" Horatio asks.

"Okay," Eric lies. "Cal had a couple of anxiety attacks, but otherwise...it was rather boring, aside from the periodic listens to her iPod."

"I'm glad you and Calleigh are alright," Horatio says. "Merry Christmas, brother."

"Merry Christmas, H."