A/N: Sick of me yet? No? Yes? Maybe? I know this story is pure foolery. But it's fun to write when I'm bored at work. Let me know if you don't like what happening in this... oh and somebody said that they wouldn't mind some of the couples breaking up… do you guys want to see some characters with different partners? Let me know… ok onto chapter 7…
These are the real housewives of glee!
(Cut to Rachel Berry)
Rachel returns home after work pissed as all hell. Finn once again decided to ignore the obvious and go see a woman he put in a coma. Rachel had no idea why Finn was torturing himself. So she cut out early from rehearsal so they could talk.
Rachel: Finn are you here?
Finn: (on the phone) oh shit I gotta go man... Rachel's here! (Hanging up) I'm in the dining room!
Rachel: (walking in) Finnegan Hudson do you want to explain to me why you went to the hospital to see that woman? I thought we both agreed the situation was mundane. Did we not?
Finn: don't talk down to me like I'm some damn child Rachel (standing up) after all I do tower over you.
Rachel: (Now looking up at him and pointing her finger) I don't care if you were the world's tallest man Finn! Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you torturing yourself about this woman?
Finn: besides the fact that it's my fault that she's in a fucking coma? Get that in your head Rachel! She's basically brain dead because of me!
Rachel: Finn I understand you feel guilty. But you cannot dwell. Do you also feel guilty about every enemy you killed in Afghanistan?
Finn: that's different! I was doing it for my country! I didn't run over insurgents with my damn car because I was too piss poor drunk to give a shit. And the fact that you don't understand that pisses me off more than you know. (Scoffing)
Rachel: finny... I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you down on yourself. Look at you... Look at us! We are more successful than every other couple. If you exclude Mercedes and Samuel. But I digress about them. (Sighing) we have great careers and most importantly we have each other.
Finn: look whatever ok? Right now I don't give a shit about any of that. I'm going for a walk.
Rachel: Finn please don't shut me out!
Rachel doesn't get to say anymore because Finn is already out of the door.
Rachel sits down at her dining table... Completely broken, unsure of how to fix her marriage or help Finn. She was contemplating when she looked down and noticed Finn's phone. It was ringing and the caller was unknown so Rachel picked up.
Rachel: hello?
Anonymous: yeah... I know you said you had to go cause of Rachel... But if you ever need me. I'm right here.
Rachel: right where? Who is this and how do you know my husband?
Anonymous: Shit... You're the wife... Shit. Finn's gonna kill me. (Hangs up)
Rachel: hello? Hello!
Rachel: (interview)I can't handle anymore secrets and lies! Who is this...? This mongrel that Finn calls whenever he needs comfort? And why isn't it me? (Ugly cry)
(Cut to Quinn Fabray)
Quinn and Noah were having a tough go of things. But they talked it out and decided that they were going to work things out. Noah wasn't cheating on her. That bitch Dianna was out of her life and her boys were happier than ever. Quinn dropped off her boys at school when she got a phone call from her best friend since high school Mercedes. It was weird how they became friends, Quinn was popular and Mercedes wasn't, but after she had Beth everything changed. She stayed with Mercedes once her parents kicked her out and that solidified their bond through high school, college, and after Quinn had her boys. To say Mercedes was her best friend was an understatement. They were more like sisters than anything.
Quinn: hey mercy! I'm so glad you called. I was worried that Sam had you tied to the bedposts and you couldn't use your hands to dial me! (Laughs)
Mercedes: Quinn you know Sam only likes it when I tie himto things. (Laughs too)
Quinn: I can only imagine... Actually no. Let me not imagine that. I'll get all hot and bothered and I'll be forced to sleep with my husband.
Mercedes: is that such a bad thing? Are you two still fighting?
Quinn: no. we're not exactly in a good place or a bad place. Right now we just... Are. Kinda like we're in a funk you know?
Mercedes: well sex changes things drastically! Let me tell you... Last night Sam decided he wanted to try-
Quinn: NO! Nope don't want to hear it. You two are freak nasty... And my semi innocent ears cannot handle the penthouse worthy stories of Sam and Mercedes sexcapades.
Mercedes: (laughing and scoffing) innocent? Says the woman who let Noah knock her up three times... And I'm pretty sure all three times were amazing sex...
Quinn: ok you got me there... But still, not all of us have your kind of relationship. I've never seen someone love the way you and Sam love each other. I mean he even loved you when he was with Sugar!
Mercedes: he did not! Sam and I were friends. He had no romantic feelings for me while with her. Sam's not like that.
Quinn: You're kidding right? Sam was so into you when he was with sugar. I can't believe you're still blinded by the truth after all those years of marriage.
Mercedes: because I refuse to believe that Sam wanted me while he was still fucking another woman?
Before Quinn could answer her doorbell rang. She told Mercedes to hold on and she went to answer it.
Man: Are you Quinn Fabray Puckerman?
Quinn: Umm yes I am. Why?
Man: Quinn Fabray... You've been served.
(Man hands her a document then walks away)
Mercedes: Quinn? Quinn what's going on?
Quinn; (reading it completely shocked) Mercedes I'm being fucking sued! By Dianna! For assault and battery! She's suing me for 50 grand in unpaid hospital bills.
Quinn: (interview) I cannot believe I'm being sued for defending myself against a crazy bitch who tried to separate my family! I mean this is bullshit right? Right?
(Cut to Santana Lopez)
Santana and Brittany wake up the next morning together. They eat breakfast but Santana remains quiet almost the whole time. Brittany wonders what's wrong with her wife. So she decides to say something.
Brittany: (taking her hand) hey babe... What's wrong?
Santana: (releasing their hands) nothing. Look I decided I'm going to leave tomorrow. I have to get back; I'm performing at the Teen Choice Awards. So we need to set up rehearsal time.
Brittany: but I thought you were going to stay awhile... I got two days off tour and I wanted to spend them with you!
Santana: (mumbling) are you sure you don't mean Alex?
Brittany: what did you say? I couldn't hear you babe.
Santana: (louder) I said are you sure you don't mean you want to spend it with Alex?
Brittany: what? Why would I want to spend it with him?
Santana: maybe because he kissed you last night?
Brittany: San... Come on. We were all drunk. It wasn't that serious.
Santana: (yelling) it's serious to me! He even talked about rubbing his dirty dick on your ass. Why haven't you fired him yet?
Brittany: believe it or not he's a damn good assistant. I can't afford to look for a new one in the middle of tour! San come on... You know these things.
Santana: No! What I know is that all he wants is to get into your pants. What I know is that he's an asshole who needs to be fired a.s.a.p. What I know is that I wants to cut his face off and send it back to England. You can always find a new assistant Britt. I'll help you. Please, just fire him.
Brittany: I... I don't know Santana.
Santana: (visibly upset) I can't believe this Brittany. Are you really choosing him over me?
Brittany: I'm not choosing anyone. Santana please, don't make this a big deal.
Santana: No! I need an answer right now... Alex or ME! Your wife?
When Brittany doesn't say anything automatically, Santana starts to cry. She grabs her bag and leaves Brittany's room slamming the door behind her.
Santana: (interview)I never thought anyone could come between us... And what we have. It's been years and no one had been able to break us apart. So why do I feel like I'm losing her now? (Sigh)
(Cut to Tina Cohen Chang)
Back at Mike's studio, Mike and Tina are arguing about the fact that's she's three months pregnant and kept it from him.
Mike: I cannot believe you kept something like this from me! What the hell Tina? Why would you do this to us?
Tina: mike I couldn't trust you! I honestly think your Apple's dad and I didn't want to tell you my secret if you are keeping your own.
Mike: for the last time Tina! I'm not cheating on you, Apple is not my Kid and I have never slept with Olive.
Tina: how can I believe that? The little girl said her father is a dancer and she's half Asian mike! Half fucking Asian!
Mike: She's Gabe's daughter.
Tina: (taken aback) really? How... How do you know?
Mike: Gabe told me himself today. The worst part is he knew nothing about her for years... Is that what you were planning on doing to me?
Tina: (remorseful) Mike I would never keep this baby from you for that long. I love you mike... And I'm sorry for being a paranoid hormonal mess.
Mike: I just can't believe you thought I would lie to you. It's like all those years of marriage meant nothing to you. Did you not remember our vows?
Tina: I do... And I'm sorry. Does the fact that you know now change anything?
Mike: not really. Look I'm gonna work through lunch. I gotta set up this new chorography for my dancers.
Tina: Mike...
Mike: not now Tina ok? Why don't you call Mercedes or Quinn? They haven't heard from us in a while. You could have a girl's day or something. But I need time to myself.
Tina could see how much she hurt him. His eyes bore into her full of sadness and from what she could see resentment. Without knowing what to say she just said "I'm sorry mike" and walked out of the door in tears.
Tina: (interview)so maybe I was stupid for not telling Mike about the baby. But is it my fault I couldn't trust him? It is isn't it? He gave me no reason to ever think he was cheating and I went ahead and created a whole novel about it in my mind. Am I a bad wife? Oh god... I'm a bad wife.
(Cut to Mercedes Jones)
Mercedes was thinking about how sad she was that yet again her husband was gone. She kept replaying in her mind their farewell at the terminal in LAX.
Mercedes: Sam... I don't want you to go.
Sam: Cedes' you know I have to. We do this every time. I agree to let you drive me to the terminal only to have you tell me you don't want me to leave.
Mercedes: (holding him tighter) it's because I don't want you to leave. I need you here with me Sam...
Sam: I promise I'll be back soon. And when I do get back I won't let you out of my sight or the bed for an entire month.
Mercedes: (smiling) do you mean that?
Sam: (running his fingers through her hair) every word babe.
(Mercedes pulls him in for a kiss that almost makes Sam late for his flight. They finally part with another small kiss and Sam leaves her there with tears in her eyes knowing she's saying goodbye again for a long while.)
Blaine: Mercedes! Mercedes!
Mercedes: (snapping out of it) yes Blaine?
Blaine: I said can I take your coat? I asked you five times... It's like you're not all there... You okay beautiful?
Mercedes: yeah I'm fine. (Hands him her coat and then goes into the living room)
Blaine: ohh I know what it is... Someone's "Sam Sick". You miss him already don't you?
Mercedes: (smiling) I swear it's like you and Kurt are in my mind.
Blaine: hey I'm still new this this... Kurt's had Cedes' sensors on since you guys were in high school.
Mercedes: (laughing) I guess... Hey where's Kurt anyway?
Blaine: (biting his lip) umm he will be here. It took some convincing... And a lot of dirty sex... Which will not be thoroughly discussed right now... But Kurt will be here.
Mercedes: ok... But I will be asking Kurt about the "dirty sex" later on. That is if... He can stop being mad at me.
Blaine: don't worry Cedes' Blaine the meditator to the rescue! Now... Let's go set the table shall we?
Mercedes: Lead the way Mr. Anderson (the matrix voice)
Blaine: ok seriously... You couldn't of married a dorkier man. Sam rubs off on you a little too much.
Mercedes: you don't think it's cute? His impressions. They are cute... Right? Right?
(Blaine says nothing. He gives her a look and then just walks away.)
Mercedes and Blaine set the table and that's when Kurt comes in. He hears laughing in his dining room and sees Mercedes laughing at Blaine's "Kiss the Cock" apron. He clears his throat and the room goes quiet. Blaine comes over and kisses his cheek and then motions a stiff Kurt to sit down. Kurt sits down across from Mercedes with Blaine in the middle of the large table.
Mercedes: Kurt...
Kurt: (curtly) Cedes'... You're looking... Thin.
Mercedes: Kurt please don't start ok?
Kurt: No? Ok. I'll just sit here and ignore the fact that my best friend is starving herself for the sake of a fucking album.
Blaine: Kurt you promised you'd be on your best behavior snookum's.
Kurt: (sarcastically) oh right I forgot! I'm supposed to be pretending that everything is rainbows and colorful bowties. Let me put on my ice skates... Since I'm threading thin ice around mercy anyway.
Mercedes: you know you don't have to be such a cheeky bitch Kurt. I get it... You're upset. You were so upset you ratted me out to Sam and he made me do unspeakable things with high calorie foods and took me to a very expensive restaurant where I ended up eating steak!
Kurt: you did not just call me a bitch?
Mercedes: oh I believe I did.
Kurt: take that back! I'm a bitch for caring about you?
Mercedes: No! You're a bitch for throwing shit in my face! Sam just left today... I'm an emotional wreck and then I come here just to hear your condescending bullshit? I won't stand for it!
Kurt: fine then why don't you just leave?
Mercedes: FINE!
Kurt: FINE!
Blaine: wait guys this is not how this was supposed to go... We were going to make up! Not push each other further apart!
Mercedes: (getting up) I'm sorry Blaine. But it looks like that won't be happening. (Walks off)
Blaine: Kurt Hummel we need to talk NOW!
Kurt: I'm not in the mood. I'm going upstairs. Oh and Blaine next time... Don't try to fix it. As far as I'm concerned kurtcedes is done with! (Storms off)
Mercedes: (interview)I'm more sad then angry at Kurt. He just doesn't get it. You know? He doesn't understand that I have to do this... What other choice do I have? I need to do this. Kurt will understand once he sees the new me. As far as Sam goes... I just hope he is ok with it in the long run. He won't be that mad... Will he?
small a/n: one person pointed out that i used the name "dianna" and to that person thank you for realizing that! i totes did it on purpose! :)
