Kathleen stood just outside the barn watching the bright starlight. She could see the big house from where she stood and had watched all the lights wink off; one by one.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Brian asked rubbing his eyes.

"I couldn't sleep." She said turning to him.

"You feel okay?" He asked trying not to sound the least bit worried.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just . . .Brian, I'm really happy, but . . ." Kathleen looked up into his eyes.

"Listen, everyone loves you. You don't need to fuss." He said.

"I know they do. That's the problem, isn't it?" She looked up at him, and her eyes grew bright with tears.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against his chest. "Listen, you don't worry about that. I'll take you as you are, Katie. I told you that."

"But you got to choose. The rest of them . . .I almost want to hide out here. I didn't think . . . I didn't understand they'd love me too. I worry about them. Hannah will . . ."

"Hey, you have a right to a life and a family. Whatever comes our way, comes our way. We aren't wasting any days, remember? That means you aren't wasting any on worry or on guilt, alright?"

She looked up into his eyes, and nodded. He smiled at her and leaning down kissed her. "Come on inside, sweetheart. It's getting cold out here." He led her inside their little home.

***7***

It was on a bright April day that the storm hit. Brian and Kathleen had just celebrated their six month anniversary three days earlier. When the school called he was grateful he was the one who answered the phone.

"I'll be right there." He said. "Tell her . . . tell her I'm coming." He hung up the phone and ran through the house past Evan who was just coming in the door.

"What's the rush?" He said spinning. But Brian didn't answer and rushed out the door. Hannah stood at the bottom of the stairs and seeing Brian's face, she grew pale. He paused then suddenly afraid for her.

"Sit down." He commanded and she sat slowly on the step. "Evan!" He yelled and Evan turned back to stand on the porch. "Go get Adam! Right now!" And turning away from them he jumped into the jeep and left a trail of dust as he roared out of the driveway.

"Adam! Come quick!" Evan yelled skidding to a stop in front of Adam in the barn. "Something's wrong. Brian just raced out of here, and Hannah looks - I don't know what happened, but I thought she was going to faint!"

Adam dropped the bucket of feed he held in his hands, startling Jeb and Jack who had been helping him, and turned to race to the house.

"Evan, I need you to watch the boys." He shouted over his shoulder.

She was sitting on the step still, her head down. He knelt in front of her, taking her hands. "Can you stand?" He asked, and she nodded. Helping her up, he led her to the truck. She leaned heavily on him.

"What's going on?" Evan said holding onto Jeb's hand with Jack in his arms.

"Can you find Crane? Tell him to wait by the phone!" Adam said and then they were gone. "I'll call as soon as I can."

***7***

They were led to the waiting room. It was the same room he had waited in to find out if Hannah would live or die. The same room that Sheriff Hawkins and a kind doctor had knelt in front of him and said, "We are so sorry, Adam; so very, very sorry."

He swayed remembering and felt the room begin to spin.

"Sit down, Adam." Hannah said leading him to a chair. He sat down heavily, his head down, and tried to draw in a deep breath.

"It's just like . . ." He struggled to explain to her. "I was . . ."

She sat beside him, and said, gently, "I understand, honey. You don't have to explain it. Shhh." He felt her hand, light and cool, as she stroked his hair gently. "It's okay, honey." She reached out and took his hand and rested it on her stomach. He was comforted by her presence and by their daughter who kicked and turned.

The doctor walked up then and Adam could tell by the look on his face, and the slump of his shoulders.

"I'm very sorry." He said to them and Adam felt Hannah begin to tremble. "Your brother said you knew about her condition?" He said.

"Yes." Adam said rising slowly.

"No, don't get up. You look pretty pale." He said. "He's with her now, and all the arrangements were made already, so he doesn't have to deal with any of that."

He looked over at Hannah. "I'm just going to have a nurse come and check on you, alright?"

"I'm fine." Hannah said softly, but Adam gripped her hand.

"You are white as a ghost, honey." He said. "Do what he says." His voice came out much more harshly than he intended so he added, "Please, girl?"

She nodded and the doctor patted her hand. "We wanted to give him some time, but you can go into him after the nurse checks on your wife, alright." He nodded at Adam.

"Thank you, doctor." Adam said mechanically.

"I was here that night." The doctor said softly. "When they brought your parents in." Adam froze his eyes locked on the doctor's. "I was an intern then, and even now, after all these years. That still haunts me. He was holding onto her hand, and they couldn't get him to let go. That's why it took so long to bring them in. He wouldn't let go of her." The doctor sighed. "It seems like your family has suffered enough, but . . ." He looked at Adam's face. "I'm sorry, I . . ."

"No one told me about that," Adam said softly, "about him holding onto her hand. Thank you, I didn't know that. He always held her hand; every single chance he got."

The doctor nodded, and clearing his throat said, "I'll get the nurse."

***7***

Adam said. "Look at them, you'd think they were sisters! I can only imagine what they'll be like after they've known each other fifteen years. Maybe living all together is a mistake. They might start to gang up on us."

"Listen, Adam," Brian said his voice filled with an unexplained heaviness, "There's something I have to tell you."

Adam looked up and was surprised to see Brian's face filled with sorrow. He raised his eyebrows in question suddenly anxious.

"It's about Kathleen . . ." Brian began.

"What about her?" Adam asked.

"I can't believe Hannah kept her promise." Brian said shaking his head. "That must have been so difficult for her . . . especially since . . . Adam, you be good to her. She's been carrying a heavy secret and she hates keeping secrets from you."

"What do you mean?" Adam asked.

"Katie didn't want to marry me because she didn't want to cause me any hurt. She's . . . her whole family . . ." Brian swallowed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Adam asked concerned.

"She has a heart condition. It runs in her family. She's already had two heart attacks, and the next one, well, she won't survive it. Her father, two of her uncles, and seven of her cousin all died from it. None of them lived past thirty-six, and many of them died before they were thirty."

"But . . . she's healthy." Adam's eyes grew wide. "Brian . . .isn't there medicine or something."

"She takes a bunch of it, but it won't stop it." He drew in a deep breath.

"Oh, Brian." Adam said unable to think clearly. How could Brian survive? How would he survive if he's own, sweet Hannah were . . .

"Hey, I made my choice and I'm happy with it, no matter what comes our way." He looked at his older brother, "Remember, what you said about Hannah? You are right. If Crane hadn't found her in time, you would still be grateful for the year. It is worth it. Every day we have makes it worthwhile. I love her." He turned and looked at Adam. "And even if I hadn't married her, I would be destroyed when she's gone. It was too late from the first minute. I just worry about Hannah, and you all. I made a choice, but Guthrie didn't know and neither did you, or Izzy or . . .death wound us."

"Yeah." Adam said softly.

"It will leave scars just like before and it seems like we've got enough already, but I can't . . .I couldn't be without her. You understand." He said.

"I do." Adam said looking at Hannah as she caught his eye and lifting a hand, waved, but seeing his face her smile faded. Understanding, somehow, even from that distance, she nodded her head and blowing him a kiss, looped her arm through Kathleen's and turned her so they walked away from the house, and toward the barn.

"How long?" Adam asked at last.

"It could be tomorrow or in five years, but surely before she's thirty-six." Brian said. "So, we enjoy the days we have." He looked at his older brother. "She wanted to let Hannah tell you, but I wouldn't let her. . .you've carried so much since that day. You know? I thought this time, I could be the one."

"Brian . . ." Adam looked at his brother who didn't seem little to him at all any more. "We carried it together. This too. Just like always." He reached out and put a hand to the side of Brian's neck and squeezed gently, and pulling him closer, Brian allowed an embrace.

"Dada Dada Dada Dada!" Jeb chanted moving toward them with unsteady feet. His hands pounding on the bottom step, as he contemplated the stairs that separated him from his father.

"Oh, no you don't!" Adam said rising and wiping tears from his eyes. "Your mama would skin me alive if I let you tackle those stairs." He lifted Jeb into his arms looking back at Brian. "I love you Brian." He said looking at him. "Me and Hannah, will be here. You know that, right?"

"I'm counting on it." Brian said.

***7***

Brian stood between them now, leaning heavily, unable to stand without them. They wrapped their arms around him, and hearing weeping, he turned to look at Hannah only to realize the sound was coming from him.

"Okay." He said more to himself than to them. "Okay." He tried to stop his tears, and drawing a deep breath, he paused, but unable to stop the tide of tears that shook him, he began to sob again burying his face in Hannah's shoulder. He felt Adam wrap his arms around the both of them and he stood in their arms, sobbing.

He didn't remember the drive home, or even climbing into the car. He did remember walking slowly up the steps of the house, not brave enough to return to the home he shared with her. He collapsed into the arm chair, and his brothers, who had been given the news by Crane, stood around him. They squeezed his shoulder, hugged him, kissed him, and Izzy climbed onto his lap. He sat with his brothers close around him, but he said nothing staring at the ground; a man bereft.

Eventually, the boys and Izzy had all gone to bed. Hannah, Adam, and Crane had sat with him, saying nothing. Daniel was still on the road but would be home in the morning, and Molly would be there in the afternoon, flying back from New York. Around three in the morning he began to drift off, and unwilling to go to the apartment that had belonged to the two of them, Adam had helped him upstairs to the room they had once shared.

"I should sleep downstairs." He said stumbling into the bed. "Hannah needs to rest. If anything happened to that baby or her . . ."

"She's fine. She can sleep in with the boys. You want me to sit with you?" He asked and Brian's eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah. That's stupid, huh? I feel like a little kid. I don't want. . . I don't want to be all alone. Just until I'm asleep, and then go to Hannah." He said his eyes closing.

"Don't worry brother. I'll stay with you as long as you need." Adam said pulling the covers over him. "I'm so sorry Brian."

"Yeah." Brian said. "I knew it would come, but . . . I had hoped so much." He opened his eyes and stared at his brother. "I wish I'd met her years ago . . . six months and three days! I wanted fifty years; I wanted more." Adam nodded and reached for Brian's hand. Brian gripped his fingers tightly.

"It's so unfair and I don't know why." Adam said. "Why should I be lucky when . . ."

"Don't feel guilty, partner." He said softly. "You hurting wouldn't make me hurt less. I'm glad you don't have to suffer like . . .we've had enough loss and grief for a million lifetimes. Things are just unfair sometimes. You know that better than anyone." Brian said.

"Brian, I'm just so sorry." He sighed.

"I know you are." He closed his eyes, his voice fading. "I love you, Adam, and I'm grateful that at least you and the boys are here with me. It comforted her that I wouldn't be alone. She said it made her feel better to know that when the day came you would be at my side."

"Always." Adam said, and he sat beside his brother who wept even in his sleep.

***7***

Guthrie pulled at his tie, wondering if it would be alright to take it off now. The house was filled with people and some of them had taken off their jackets and ties, but he didn't know if he should. He hated all the people in the house. He went looking for Hannah, but found Ford instead.

"Do you think we can take off our ties?" He asked him. "Or would that be bad?"

"You can take it off." His brother said. "People don't care about stuff like that. I wish everyone would leave." He sighed.

"Me too."

"After Mom and Dad, me and Daniel hid under the dinning room table." Ford said remembering. "Crane did too."

"Where was I?" Guthrie asked.

"Marlene had you or Adam. Probably Adam. You never wanted anyone but him." Ford said.

"Have you seen Hannah?" Guthrie asked.

"She was in the kitchen, but they all shooed her out. I thought I saw her on the porch." Ford smiled sadly at Guthrie. "Let's go see."

They found her sitting on a bench surrounded by a small group of elderly ladies who fussed and clucked over her. She was seven months pregnant, but looked small to Guthrie especially when he remembered how she'd looked when pregnant with the twins.

"Oh, there you are." She said looking up at them. "I was wondering what had become of you two." The cluster of ladies nodded at the boys and then after kissing and hugging them, they moved away.

"I don't know any of those people." Guthrie said wiping a kiss off his cheek.

"Family friends." She said softly. "You boys alright?" She asked looking up and patting either side of the bench. They sat down next to her and Guthrie immediately took her hand.

"Alright, I guess." Ford said, at seventeen Ford had surprised all of them by becoming even taller than Brian and Adam. He was lean and was nearly impossible to keep fed. Hannah still was shocked whenever she had to crane her neck to look up at him.

"You get enough to eat? They've got a roast in the kitchen."

"I'm alright, don't fuss over me, Hannah." Ford said gently. "Do you need anything?" He asked her.

"They just made me eat not too long ago." She studied Ford's face and reaching out she rubbed his cheek with the back of her hand. She always did little things like that from the very first day. It made him think of his Mama leaning over him smelling sweet and humming. It healed something that had been broken for a very long time. It was like coming home from a long journey and finding that someone had left a light on for you.

"It's okay to be hungry, Ford." She said gently.

"I . . ." Ford began, but shrugged. "I guess I could still eat." He kissed her cheek before rising and said softly, "I love you, Hannah." She smiled up at him, but he left quickly before she could answer.

"Are you alright?" Guthrie asked her. "Do you need anything?" She shook her head, and squeezed his fingers.

"Have you seen the boys?" She asked him.

"Molly has them. They are fine. Jack had just fallen asleep, and Jeb, well, you know Jeb. He never sleeps."

"That boy!" She sighed. "Adam's with Brian?"

"Yep. You want me to get him?" He asked.

"No, just sit here with me." She said and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You doing okay, Guthrie?" She asked quietly.

"I'm okay," He said. "as long as I'm with you, Mom."

He remembered once, in sixth grade, a boy in his class had teased him about being a "Mama's boy" after he'd seen Guthrie give Hannah a kiss good-bye. But Guthrie hadn't become embarrassed and instead looked the boy dead in the eye and responded seriously, "Damn, straight I am!" and then walked away leaving the him open-mouthed.

"Well, then just stay here by me. I don't mind one bit." She said.

Adam found them still sitting together later. Hannah was picking at a plate of food that Guthrie had brought her, and he was sipping a glass of iced tea that one of the older ladies had brought over.

"There you are." He said and he looked exhausted. "I should've known you'd be keeping an eye on her." He said to Guthrie leaning over and kissing him on the head. Guthrie didn't mind, for once.

"She hasn't eaten very much." He said.

"She's also sitting right here. I can talk you know." She said but her voice didn't sound the least bit irritated. "The boys are playing with Evan and Ford." She told him. "I think they are having the best day ever. Everyone keeps handing them cookies." She looked up into Adam's eyes. "How is he?"

He shrugged, and swallowed. "I don't know. Mostly he is in shock, I think. I've never seen him like this." He looked away.

Guthrie stood up. "I'm gonna see if I can find Daniel."

"Hey," Adam said pulling him into a hug. "You don't have to run off."

Guthrie looked up at his big brother, and Adam was surprised at how tall he'd become. "You won't cry in front of me." He said, "And half the time neither will she." He smiled at his brother, and turning gave Hannah a kiss before he left them alone.

"I love that boy." Hannah said watching him. "I love all your brothers, Adam, but that one. . . "

"Yeah, he's . . .there were so many times when it felt like everything was falling apart, but he always, always pulled us all together. But you coming to him. He loves you so, Hannah." He said sitting beside her and she nodded. He looked at her plate which seemed untouched. "You need to eat, honey."

"I did. Molly made me drink a protein shake earlier. I will, Adam. I just don't feel . . ." She set the plate down, and he put his arms around her. She leaned into him. "I wish everyone would just go home. I haven't seen Daniel or Crane in hours. I want it to be just us. I haven't seen Izzy since the service, and I don't know if all my boys are alright. Everyone should just go, now." She said.

"They'll all go soon enough." He said knowingly. "I left Crane with Brian. He's alright, and Daniel's over there with Izzy." He indicated the front yard. "It's alright, Hannah; all your boys are fine."

He thought, as he often did, that if he had searched the entire globe, he could never have found a better wife. The fact that she'd stayed after she had discovered that marrying him meant she would be living with his six brothers was amazing in itself, and that she had also chosen to love and mother them too, astounded him. He held her close, thankful that she was safe and in his arms, and then he was filled with guilt and a searing pain. He didn't understand why he should be so blessed while Brian had to suffer.

They sat together a long time, and one by one the boys and Izzy all came and sat around them. Hannah was more at peace then. She could see everyone. Even Brian came and sat on the top step, Izzy leaning against him, and Daniel sitting just below him with Jackson in his arms. People began to drift away offering their condolences and then somehow they were surrounded with music - deep and comforting. She was surprised to hear her own voice and couldn't remember how the song had started. They sang together, and she was surprised to hear Brian's harmonica join in; a mournful, lonely sound.

The water is wide. I can't cross over

And neither have I wings to fly

Give me a boat that can carry two,

And both shall row; my love and I.

Love is a ship and she sails the sea.

She's loaded deep, as deep can be.

But not as deep as this love I'm in,

I know not how I sink or swim.

The water is wide. I can't cross over.

You stand apart on farthest shore.

And long I row, but I cannot go

I'll wait for you til stars are no more.

Their voices, united, drifted up into the sky lifting higher and higher until they reached the door of heaven.