Ch 7 – Time To Say Goodbye

Karen took a deep breath, trying to ease the pain that ripped through her lower back as she watched Jack frantically run after a nurse from her place in the wheelchair, snapping at the woman hysterically.

"Why haven't we been helped yet, my girlfriend's eight weeks away!" He screeched.

'Girlfriend…' Karen wondered why he'd use that term, the thought momentarily pulling her out of her terrified state.

"Sir you'll have to calm down…" The nurse urged as they walked back toward her.

The moment he was within reach again, Karen took Jack's fingers, squeezing them tight as she did her best to focus on her breathing. Her hysterical sobbing fit had faded away, but she was more terrified than ever at the thought of loosing her baby and her husband at the same time. Karen swallowed hard, her heart beating so fast she thought it might simply stop.

'It's my fault, it's all my fault.' She thought, yelping aloud as her pain increased. Jack ignored her cries, continuing to desperately fight with the nurse.

"But my!" He squeaked, his tone so high it was almost inaudible. "I will not calm down! That's my baby!"

"It's first come first serve, Sir…"

"This isn't a restaurant it's a hospital!"

Karen could barely make sense of his words throughout most of this, and tried to shut them out as he ran around, panicking like a chicken with its head cut off, only making her more upset. She surveyed the hospital's reception area, clutching the edge of the wheelchair and trying to get up, Stan still not having left her mind either. She had to say goodbye.

"Woah where do you think you're going?" Will emphasized, catching Karen just in time as he walked in.

He took her by the shoulders and gently eased her back into the chair.

Inside, Karen sighed. She never wanted to admit it, but Will always calmed her.

"Must… ooooh." She hissed. "Find. Ooooh Stanley…!"

"Karen you might be in premature labor you can't…"

"Don't you think I know that, Wilma." She glared back at him hatefully, clutching the sides of the wheelchair. She loathed him in that moment more than she could say. How dare he speak her biggest fear into existence. "I love my baby more than anything in the world. And I'm scared to death: she's not coming out, not todaaaay!"

Despite her angry words, Karen grabbed for Will's hand for comfort, and he took it, assumingly.

"It's alright, it's going to be okay I promise."

She said nothing for a beat, this time looking back with terror in her tear-filled eyes. "You have to let me see him, one last time. Even if he isn't there, I know he'll hear me."

The truth was, Maddie was still foremost on her mind, but she knew just the mere sight of Stanley would calm her down enough to help the baby. Will said nothing, considering this, as a nurse finally approached Karen, Jack at her heels.

"Alright Mrs. Walker, lets see what's going on with you. We'll do everything we can to keep baby happy and safely tucked away inside, okay? Dad, would you like to come with?" She asked turning to Will.

"Oh, no actually he's…"

Will, Karen and the nurse all turned as Will gestured toward a panicked Jack who continued to overreact, in the most overdramatic, effeminate way on the desk nurse as he filled out a pile of papers.

"Really?" She asked.

Karen paused a beat. "I get fat, he gets the mood swings."

Grace sat in the waiting room, looking around paranoid and frantic. She clutched the chair, then jumped, disgusted by the possibility of ER germs.

"Ohmygod I did this… I wished this on Karen and the baby!" She cried, turning to Will.

"Grace… Shut up and go eat some cafeteria pie." He said simply.

"Ooh there's pie!" She cried, rushing off.

"Jack, it's going to be okay." Will soothed, rubbing his friend's back.

Jack cried, his face in his hands. He appreciated the comfort Will brought, but didn't think he could possibly understand how terrified he was. Having just lost his son, Jack couldn't stand the probable loss of the daughter he already loved so much.

'Oh please God… if there even is a God…' Jack's heart whispered quietly.

"Then why won't they let me see her?!" Jack thundered audibly, pulling away from Will.

Will gulped, not really knowing what to say to ease his friend's fears. "Because they're doing everything they can for her: for both of them."

"Will…. I know what this will do to me if…."

"You don't have to say it."

"I know what it'll do to Kare: Will I couldn't stand to loose her too."

Karen woke in a daze, her vision so blurry she couldn't make out the tiles in the ceiling.

"Wha-what's, what's going on?" She asked breathlessly, the question going unanswered.

She gasped, her breathing shallow as she reached down to touch her belly, her heart dropping upon the realization that the whole of her was totally numb, a sensation that caused her to panic all over again.

'Oh my God. W-what'd they give me that I can't feel anything?' She asked herself as her eyes finally opened just a sliver, light pouring in just as she became aware of a little beeping sound off in the distance.

Karen turned ever so slightly, lying back in her pillows and realizing the sound was coming from the heart monitor at her side. At first, she thought it was simply the sound of her own beating heart, and in the back of her mind, she'd cursed it's steady rhythm, unable to fully process the slowly forming thought of what'd really happened: she'd lost the baby.

"No, no it can't, no I can't face this… Please!" She cried out loud, desperate for solace and to block the inevitable from her mind.

She'd been given one job: the task of protecting this precious person. She'd done it all right, right from the moment the strip turned blue. She'd done the impossible, and surrendered her vices for the sake of this tiny person she'd never met… and here she was: just where she'd always been without the pills and the alcohol: alone, venerable and scared to death.

"Mommy was going to do the unthinkable for you… " She moaned, tears sliding down her cheeks. "What she'd refused to do for anyone else… She'd have done anything for you and she's so, so sorry, Madelyn McFarland."

Karen began to weep, unable to keep her eyes from opening even though she longed to remain in the dark. Bright hospital light pried her tired lids open just a bit further, the heart monitor coming into view. It was then she saw it: two little lines pounding steadily, one of them not her own, and her rounded belly, still very much intact.

"Ha!" She gasped, her still foggy eyes sprouting tears of infinite joy. "Oh! Oh Maddie! Maddie you're here! Sweetheart you're still here!" She squealed, relishing the sound of her daughter's heart beating steadily. Karen continued to cry, having never felt such relief in her life. "Hi my strong little girl." She cried, her squeaky voice barely above a whisper. "Mommy's so sorry she didn't put you first, you matter to her more than anything in the whole world, and she'll never let anything come before you again. Never ever, ever."

It was a weighty promise, one she knew she could never keep: but she'd sure as hell try at least for a while.

"Kare…" Jack knocked on the door.

He shook a little, having not been told what to expect, only that he could see his "girlfriend" now. Despite his fear, he'd taken a moment to laugh at the nurse for actually thinking he could possibly be straight, then rushed down the hall as quickly as he could.

"Hi honey, come sit with us." She squeaked, wanting him to know right away. "Mommy was just telling Maddie she was so sorry."

"Kare she made it!" He burst excitedly. Karen nodded, her smile bright, tears in her eyes as Jack ran to hug her.

Without a word, Jack jumped into bed, his legs crossing almost mid air in the "pajama party" position. He grabbed her, pulling her in close and kissing her cheek. Still physically numb, she wrapped her arms as tight around him as she could, barely feeling a thing, but longing to feel the warmth of his hug.

"Oh Kare I'm so happy, I'm so happy I could scream!"

Jack and Karen giggled amid their tears, almost laughing like little kids and happy to just be together: best friends, still expecting their baby. Smiling she bit her lip and closed her eyes, her nose touching his. For a moment, she was so relieved she forgot about Stanley. Almost.

"Jackie. I'm so sorry for what I almost did to our baby. I let myself get too upset. I put my feelings for Stanley in a place they didn't deserve to be anymore."

Jack sighed. "He was your husband, you loved him."

"I do love him." She corrected quickly, her nose still touching his. "But Maddie is my baby, I owe more to her than to anyone in the world. You have that right about her Jackie, you'll make an incredible daddy and I'm so sorry I almost let that be taken from you."

"All that matters to me is that my girls are okay. Really."

He tucked her hair behind her ear, gulping. Jack didn't voice it, because he didn't know how to even reconcile it: but he found himself jealous of her feelings for Stan. He knew that was misplaced, and moreover it frightened him.

"You see, you're not the man Stanley Walker is." She told him.

"Oh…" Jack was puzzled, and more hurt by the comment than he wanted to let on.

He may not have been the manliest of men by any measure, but with all he'd done and how much he'd crushed her, how could she possibly think Stanley was the better man? Moreover, he'd somehow done the thing she'd always wanted, the thing Stan had been unable to do: he made her a mother.

She gently cupped his cheek in her hand. "My Jackie is so compassionate, and loyal, and loving … and always here when I need him." Jack smiled, now understanding that her comment had been complimentary. "You're ten times the man he is… and ten times the partner too…."

"Oh Karen…" Jack had wanted to make a fat joke about Stan when she'd he was ten times the man, but refrained, touched by her words.

"Ooh!" She yelped, the feeling in her middle starting to return. She took his hand, placing it on her midsection. "Daddy feel: she's kicking again."

The motion of Maddie

moving under his touch took Jack's breath away and calmed his soul, assuring him she was fine. He smiled at Karen, more relieved than he could possibly say and scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her as they laid down, the exhausted, grateful parents settling into the pillows.

Will and Grace watched from the door as Jack's eyes welled with tears, his grateful heart swelling to where he could barely speak. He lovingly rested his forehead against Karen's and she sighed, at peace with her Jackie and their baby.

"I love you poodle." She whispered just quietly enough for him to hear, and no one else.

"I love you more." He whispered, waiting a beat before leaning in and kissing her.

Jack lay awake in the pitch-dark hospital room, holding Karen tight as she snored softly, her lips formed into a soft half smile. He cradled her as he watched their daughter's heart beat steadily on the monitor at his side, going thump-tha-thump-tha-thump. Karen sighed, her smile widening as she placed her face on his chest. She settled in, hugging him in her sleep and he could tell without question that she felt wholly safe in his embrace. The idea awed him, making him feel powerful and strong… and he liked it more than he could say.

Jack studied his best friend, running his fingers through her hair as he held her, not looking up even as a figure encroached; it's shadow occluding the little bit of light that came in from the hall.

"You okay in here Jack?" Will asked.

"I just never thought a woman could mean this much to me… Even this one." He reflected, not looking up from Karen.

Jack didn't know what to think or feel, not truly knowing if his strong feelings came from deep gratitude that Karen and the baby would be alright, or from the one thing he thought he'd never find in a woman… true love.

"I can't believe I could've lost both my girls today." He reflected very seriously, still blown away by the thought. For Jack, loosing his girls would mean loosing his whole life now: it would be the destruction of every happy chance for the future.

Will bit his lip as he sat in the chair at his friend's side, not knowing what to think of Jack's obvious feelings for Karen. He wouldn't say it, but he found them misguided. He wanted to tell him that she was not "the one", and that any feelings he might have had were strictly platonic… or even sisterly. But given what'd happened that day, Will kept his mouth shut and focused on the difficult business at hand.

"I came to talk about Stan." He confessed.

Jack's heart sank, knowing Karen couldn't take anymore of Stan now, and frankly neither could he. "This." He said, "Is why I didn't want her to know until after the baby… She loved him very much and whenever…"

"There will be no after." Will interjected quickly.

Jack looked up finally, his face falling, concern written across his brow. "No. No he'll get through, he always does. I remember once when I was married to Rosie, he choked on this ham sandwich…"

"Jack… He's going. He's got a few weeks at best: maybe less. It'll be hard: but you've gotta let her say goodbye. Or she'll hate you forever for it."