A/N:
True story.
Kikaito and Akaito sat beside each other on the sofa, waiting for the baseball game to come back on as commercials flashed across the screen in a blur. In a blur, that is, because they were not actually paying any attention.
"So I told her that I wouldn't go out with her, and she got all angry at me and asked — listen to this — she asked me if it was because she was blonde. And I asked her what she meant, and she said, quoted, 'Dumb blonde, hello?' And everyone just went silent." Kikaito blinked at him, twisting his face as Akaito laughed. "She does realize I'm blond, right? Like, does she think that only applies to girls or something? Isn't that a little. . . sexist? Can girls be sexist?"
"Girls can totally be sexist," Akaito assured, still laughing as he relaxed back on the couch, feet propped up. "But you can't accuse someone you don't even know of thinking you are something that you are. That's got the be the biggest fail to date." He laughed again as Kikaito gave a quiet chuckle, before Akaito started coughing suddenly and Kikaito went silent with alarm. He beat his palm against his chest a couple times as the coughs wracked his body, before they tapered off with a wheeze. Sighing in relief, Akaito ran a hand through his hair and gave a hoarse chuckle. Kikaito looked at him in concern.
"You okay over there," he asked, a hint of amusement underlining his words.
Akaito nodded distractedly, waving him off. "Yeah, yeah, I'm just getting a little cold, I think." Kikaito hummed.
A feminine, sultry voice came from the TV suddenly and both boys snapped at attention. She spoke pleasantly, images of coughing and sneezing people as they walked through crowds of grayed out pedestrians flashing across the screen, "Colds suck."
Akaito snorted at that and coughed again. "Yeah, no duh, girl friend."
"I wonder how long it took her to figure that one out," Kikaito said dryly, and they both snickered. He stopped then suddenly, and looked over to Akaito with a frown. "That wasn't sexist was it?"
"No, now shush, this actually looks interesting." Kikaito's eyebrows flew up in surprise at that, watching in momentary shock as Akaito leaned forward with an intent look.
The woman's voice went on, as clips of random attractive people played, all shown spraying something in their mouths. At first Kikaito thought it was some sort of breath spray commercial, which was interesting he guessed 'cause he'd never seen one before, but the woman corrected him when she said, "With new Cold-EEZE spray, you can shorten colds with just two sprits of a bottle. Anywhere you go, just two sprays will shield germs from entering your system, blocking out the virus the second it enters your mouth. Now that's fast relief." A woman sitting on a plane with Cold-EEZE held up in her hand grinned for the camera. "For cold protection that will shorten your cold, try Cold-EEZE today."
Kikaito mentally ah-ed as the commercial explained itself, understanding now as Akaito grabbed a pen from his pocket and started looking around hastily for a piece of paper. Finding none, he scribbled it down on his hand, blowing on it to make the ink dry faster. The commercial hadn't ended however, as the CEO of the Cold-EEZE company, apparently, came on directly after the woman.
With a receding hairline that could put Chris Meloni's to shame, the short, shiny-headed man spoke in the plainest of voices, "Hello, I'm Ted Karkus—"
Both teenagers stopped dead. Unspeaking, Akaito grabbed the remote up and froze the television. Rewinding it, he played it back.
"Hello, I'm Ted Karkus—"
Rewind.
"I'm Ted Karkus—"
Rewind.
"Ted Karkus—"
Rewind.
"Hello, I'm Ted Karkus, CEO of Cold-EEZE—"
Pause.
The two teenagers sat in silence for a long time.
Finally, Akaito managed to speak, "What the hell did he just say?"
Kikaito blinked. "I think he said his name is Carcass."
"Ted Carcass?"
"Yes. But I think it was with a K?"
Akaito gaped at the television, his eyes going glassy and cross-eyed for a second before the remote dropped from his hand to the couch and he fell back into the cushions with a high-pitched, "Ha!"
Kikaito put a hand to his face, closing his eyes. "To a cold commercial. The CEO of a company that works in medicine is named Carcass."
"And shares Teddy's name~!" Akaito wheezed. "Well, it is official," he decided, before sitting up straight and waving his hand in the air, procuring an invisible scepter. With a clear of his throat and one last wave of his hand for effect, he decreed, "I hereby decree today Fail Friday. And sir Carcass, I dub thee the Court Jester of all Faildom." Sniffing a little, he muttered under his breath, "Until further notice."
Kikaito mentally rolled his eyes, but before he could respond to the rather Nigaito-like display, the baseball game came back on, and all thoughts of dumb blondes, epic failure, and carcasses were put to rest.
No pun intended.
