Dearest,
As you may already know from Edward's last blog, Emmett and I are in the process of planning our 7th…8th…12th wedding, and I'm really excited because this one will take place in Greece. Carlisle knows some people who are willing to let us use the Parthenon as a backdrop. Emmett is pushing me to agree that we should have the ceremony at the Coliseum. But the only reason he wants to use it is so he can ride in like a Greek warrior on a chariot, and his rational is that I could be his Goddess. What an imagination my husband has.
But I shall go more into detail about all these future plans later so I can finally finish up this story about Jasper's crusade.
Edward and Bella were still completely fuming over Jasper's little prank. He had put filth in poor Renesmee's mouth and her parents didn't appreciate it the least bit. It took hours, but finally after breaking a few boulders and running some laps to Seattle and back here to Forks, Edward calmed down.
I noticed that Jasper had once again disappeared and figured I should start keeping an eye out since I knew Alice and I were next on his hit list. I went up to her room and Alice told me about all the possibilities that where swimming through Jasper's head.
"At first he was thinking about switching out your shampoo with mayonnaise," Alice explained, "but now he's contemplating painting all the mirrors black just to make you extra mad."
I sat there thinking about what Alice was telling me and wondered- did my brother really think I was THAT shallow? Thinking that painting over mirrors so I couldn't see my reflection would make me so heated. Just the idea of it alone irritated me. (Besides, what's to stop me from just buying new ones?)
"Agh!" Alice snorted, "Everything just went black. He's trying to block me out."
Thumping in the garage interrupted my thoughts and Alice and I shot down the stairs and to the door. Alice pushed the button that lifted the four large doors and I sighed when I saw what was in front of us.
I had forgotten that for whatever reason, Emmett had decided to order cases of Jell-O. And not just 2 or 3 cases, oh no. Our entire garage was completely filled from floor to ceiling with crates of Grape, Strawberry, Orange, Kiwi, Cherry, and other miscellaneous flavors of Jell-O that had long since been discontinued. We usually kept all of our cars in the garage, but we had been driving them all lately except for Edward's Aston Martin, so that was parked in the middle of the Grape Jell-O section.
At first glance, all the cases seemed to still be there, but when Alice and I walked as far into the garage as we could, we noticed a giant hole in the Orange section of the Jell-O wall. I groaned as I thought about what Jasper could possibly be thinking of; but we didn't have to wait too long to find out.
Alice and I climbed through the opening and into a sort of closed-off hole that Jasper had made and my eyes instantly turned red with rage. He had used that orange gooey junk to form a pool, and molded in the very center, was the wedding ring that Emmett had first proposed to me with. Alice threw me a cautious glance to see how I was doing and I bet she could tell that if steam could be coming out of my ears, I'd look like a choo-choo train.
"Jerk," was all I could mutter before I kicked off my shoes and dived head-first into the disgusting orange lake.
I waded through the stickiness towards the center of the pool and spotted the ring, and groaned because in order to reach it, I had to go back under the goo. I finally felt the edge of the smooth underside of the ring, grabbed it, and kicked to turn myself back upwards. But in doing so, I felt something else underneath me. I reached back down under me and grabbed something that felt like it would be cloth had it not been covered in slime.
I grabbed onto the edge of one of the crates that acted as a wall to the pool and Alice helped me out.
"Oh goodness," she sighed. "He's really in for it isn't he?" I just stared and gave her a 'no kidding' kind of look.
We heard a chuckle come out from the outside of the garage and Alice and I climbed out to find Jasper standing in the driveway with his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. Alice flitted over to him and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.
"Jasper! This has really gone far enough," Alice said firmly, "I must insist that you stop."
Jasper rolled his eyes and muttered out a "fine."
"Fine, fine," he said, "it was fun while it lasted."
He gave me another look over and chuckled. "You look good in orange, Rose."
I sneered and hissed at him and was about to go back into the house when I heard a car horn.
Emmett pulled into the driveway, finally back from his hunting trip. He jumped out of his Jeep and came running to me like a 5 year old.
"Rosie!" he yelled, "I'm back! It's; nananananananana Em-mett!" He sung his own version of the Batman theme song as he ran towards me, arms held out as if he were a child trying to fly. It was his favorite way to greet anyone and quite frankly, it embarrassed me. Still, it was one of the many reasons why I loved him.
But I really had a reason to be embarrassed now because he was so happy to see me, he failed to notice the fact that my skin and clothes sported a color that resembled the Oompa-Loompas.
He stopped about an inch away from me and sniffed at the air.
"Ugh, Rose. No offense, but you smell disgusting. What is…..IS THAT MY JELL-O?!" he looked around at us. "HAS SOMEONE BEEN PLAYING SHENANIGANS? WHERE THE HELL HAVE I BEEN?" Emmett boomed.
"Yes, that's your stupid Jell-O" I said, "Jasper has taken it upon himself to pretend to be you for a day."
"Me?" Emmett asked as he looked at Jasper. "Why would you want to pretend to be me?"
"Because brother, you're great at all of these practical jokes, and you just look so happy when you perform them," Jasper explained, "I guess I just wanted to see what it was like."
Emmett scratched his head. "So you mean…this isn't all you did? There's more?"
Jasper smiled and led us into the house. He took Emmett on a tour, going through everything he had done. From showing him the holes in Carlisle's office wall, to Jacob's new doghouse, to even having Edward explain what he had Nessie do.
"I actually did one more thing," explained Jasper, "but according to Edward, you'll have to wait about 5 more minutes to see that one."
"Wow man, I have to say, I think this round goes to you," Emmett finally uttered.
Jasper smiled triumphantly and the two walked out of the living room doors towards the backyard, leaving Alice and I alone in the living room.
"Hey, Rose, wasn't there something else you pulled out of the Jell-O pool?" Alice asked.
"Um…" was all I could stammer. I had been hiding the item behind my back since I realized what it was.
"Well, come on, just show me," Alice insisted.
"Fine," I said, and brought out the item from behind me.
All I heard at that point was the most high-pitched scream I could ever imagine. But I didn't blame her. What she had considered to be her most valuable item had been wrongfully snatched and submerged in orange gunk.
Her Audrey Hepburn dress, the infamous black one worn by the celebrity in Breakfast at Tiffany's was in Alice's hands, dripping carrot-colored slop.
Jasper had apparently heard her scream and took off running over towards the baseball field with Alice right on his heels. Emmett jogged back inside just as the rest of the family was gathering into the living room. All of us shook our heads in unison and sighed.
"Wow," said Carlisle, "I don't recall ever seeing Alice that ma…"
"Hellooooo Cullen family," Jacob interrupted Carlisle mid-sentence as he burst through our front door, "What's shakin'?"
We all turned toward him and I could feel my eyes practically bulge out of my head as I stared at his face. Emmett slapped a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh.
Jasper's last prank was apparently played on Jacob. His face was all made up; red lipstick, fake eye lashes and all.
"What? Ya'll look like you've just seen one of those Volturi dudes, haha!" Jacob chuckled.
"Dude, I would so not be the one laughing if I were you," coughed out Emmett, still trying not to snicker.
Esme was kind enough to go grab the mirror off of the nearest wall and put it in front of Jacob's face.
"Oh. My…where's Jasper?" Jacob asked as all the blood rushed to his already blushed face. I could feel the heat radiating hotter off of his body.
Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Bella, Emmett, and I all pointed out the door towards the field and Jacob took off flying.
Emmett let his laugher roar as Jacob left the room and the rest of my family joined in with him. I allowed myself a small giggle just because of what my twin had done to that dog and then looked up at Emmett.
"Oh man," Emmett said as he gasped for air like a normal human would, "Jasper is totally the winner for now."
Let's just say that Jasper should be more scared of Alice right now than if he were a human facing a thirsty Maria again. But Alice isn't one to stay mad for long, so he'll be off the hook in no time. I, on the other hand, had to take 3 showers and wash my hair 12 times to get every single orange piece of gunk out of my hair. I also had to get my wedding ring professionally cleaned- which Jasper paid for.
Until next time.
Always,
Rosalie Lillian Hale
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A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed, subscribed, favorited, and have been reading thus far. I REALLY appreciate all the lovely words of encouragement.
I hope this chapter brings you a few laughs. :)
