wow. so its been forever! im soo sorry. =\ i havent been writing much lately but i really just got back into it. im hoping to do a couple more chapters of this tonight. so please reply -and be nice- i know i havent written anything in awhile. =] but if i get lots of love i will definitely have more drive to continue writing. thanks for being so patient!!! enjoy...
Chapter Seven: Too Many Tears
"Would all auditionees please line up over there!" instructed Professor Burbage, her long brown hair flowing down her back, a pair of square spectacles swayed from around her neck.
Lily waited at the back of the forever long line with Dinah and Camryn. Kaelin and Jensen had decided they weren't cut out for the musical business and managed to squeeze into a seat in the overly crowded Albus Auditorium.
"I never knew we had an Auditorium," said Dinah, taking in the beauty of the cavernous hall.
"Who knew it was named after Professor Dumbledore," laughed Camryn.
Lily was oddly quiet. Dinah wondered if she had even spoken at all today. "Lily, quit fidgeting," she said, "you're making me nervous."
"Sorry," mumbled Lily, ceasing her fumblings with her robe.
Professor Burbage rapped lightly on the podium on the stage, she pointed her wand to her throat. When she spoke again, it was increasingly louder. "We have a great turn out today, and I thank you all for taking the time to audition. We want to make something the Wizarding World will be proud of. I'm going to send you to certain areas based on which character you are trying out for. We will start off with the Amber's. Everyone auditioning for Amber Von Tussle please make your way to the right chamber."
"Bye loves," Camryn said following the other Amber's to the right chamber.
"Good luck!" Dinah called after her.
"Who are you trying out for again?" Lily asked Dinah.
"Oh, I'm just going to be a dancer," she said. "I don't like acting all too much, but I do love to dance."
Lily shook her head at her.
"And you're auditioning for Penny Pingleton," Dinah told Lily, just incase she had forgotten.
"Yeah, I got it."
"I can't believe Sirius is here," laughed Dinah. "James must have made him come with him."
Lily nodded, not caring in the least. James and Sirius weren't her biggest problems as of late.
Professor Burbage continued, "Lovely, now everyone auditioning for Penny Pingleton please make your way to center stage."
"Center stage?" Lily gasped. "I thought we would be in a side chamber or something."
"Guess not!" Dinah said, giving Lily a push. "Come on, you'll be great. Don't even think of all the thousands of other people watching you."
"Thanks D," Lily said scowling.
"Break a leg!" shouted Dinah.
Lily trudged down to the center of the Auditorium. Literally, she felt the eyes of thousands staring at her retreating back. Nearly a dozen more girls were trying out for Penny. She had no confidence in herself whatsoever. She just wanted to get this over with. Even though Penny wasn't exactly the main part, she was still a lead. And Lily thought that qualified for James' little deal.
A squeak emitted from nearby. Professor Flitwick was placing the girl's in a line. "Line up and we will call you forward when we are ready. We are going to have you read one of her parts, and then sing some of the song "You Can't Stop the Beat"," he instructed.
Lily was last, yet again. She blamed it on her lousy attitude and nonexistent willpower to care that she was here. The first three girls were absolutely dreadful. Professor Burbage dismissed them with a flourish of her wand, looking mortified. The next two read lines extremely well, but found that they couldn't place a note if someone would have shoved music up their ass. Lily felt her confidence increasing greatly, right until the girl before her.
She hadn't caught her name, but it was definitely something French, which meant she must be from Beauxbatons. Lily suddenly felt compelled to do the best that she could. She needed a good distraction, and this was her free ticket. Mustering up all the strength she could, Lily stepped forward with a hop in her step.
"And you are?" Professor Burbage said tonelessly, not even glancing up at her.
"I'm Lily Evans."
"Oh Miss Evans," Professor Burbage said, sighing. "Will you please read the lines on page thirty seven, Professor Flitwick will be your Seaweed."
Lily nodded, going into instant Penny mode. "Seaweed? Shh, don't let her hear you!"
Professor Flitwick squeaked, "What happened to you?"
"She's punishing me for harboring a fugitive without her permission," Lily said, as if this sort of thing happened all the time. "What are you doing?"
"I'm here to rescue the fair maiden, baby."
"Oh Seaweed," breathed Lily softly, "you do care! I was afraid the colors of our skins would keep us apart."
"Thanks Miss Evans," Professor Burbage said no emotion to it. "Now please sing Penny's verse in "You Can't Stop the Beat"."
Lily nodded again. She straightened her back, taking a sweeping look at all the faces in the crowd. Every single one was faced towards her, rapt with attention. Shaking off the feel of everyone's eyes on her, Lily opened her mouth and softly sang the opening notes to Penny's verse. "You can't stop the river as it rushes to the sea." She let the feeling and meaning of the words take her over, and soon Lily was belting out the rest of the song. Lily finished her song, eyes blaring holes into the wood floor beneath her.
Silence followed her verse. She didn't dare look up to see the disappointed faces of the teachers, she wondered if everyone was silently laughing at her attempt at singing.
"Could you sing, "Good Morning Baltimore"?" asked Professor Burbage.
Lily looked baffled. "I never practiced that song."
"Someone get her a script," ordered Burbage.
A script was thrust into Lily's hands moments later. She glanced over the music quickly trying to figure out what it was supposed to sound like. She hummed the first couple bars to herself, then deciding it was now or never, she began to sing.
"Oh, oh, oh. Woke up today, feeling the way I always do. Oh, oh, oh. Hungry for something I can't eat, when I hear that beat. The rhythm of town keeps pulling me down. It's like a message from high above. Oh, oh, oh. Pulling me out to the smiles and streets that I love." Lily glanced to Burbage. She made no motion in telling her to stop. She simply nodded her head as if saying, continue please.
Lily swallowed, her mouth felt dry. "Good morning Baltimore! Every day's like an open door. Every night is a fantasy. Every sounds like a symphony."
She sang every last note on that piece of parchment. When she had finished, Burbage nodded and said, "Thank you Lily."
Lily nodded dumbly. She needed to get away from this audition as quick as she could. She ran right passed Dinah, who tried to stop her. Pushing Dinah away and walking into the deserted corridor brought relief to Lily's heart, which was beating rather irregularly. Having no idea where to go or what to do, Lily let her feet lead the way.
Her feet led her all the way to the seventh floor corridor, where a door appeared out of thin air. She stepped in, instantly relishing the comfort it brought her. She inhaled deeply, ice and cold air filled her nostrils. The glistening ice rink winked back at her, pleading to be ridden on.
A pair of ice skates lay on a bench to her right. Quickly, Lily laced up the skates loving the way they molded perfectly to her feet. Pushing herself off the bench and walking on the ice for the first time gave her the biggest relief she had had in a few days.
Warm up laps and a couple easy jumps followed her first walk onto the ice. She smiled to herself, whistling the tune to one of her old routines.
A wave of nausea hit her. Tears threatened to fall out of her emerald eyes. She choked back a sob. Her back hit the nearest wall and slid down. She sat upon the cold ice, not caring in the least that her robes were probably soaking wet now.
Memories of the past flooded her thoughts. Ice skating had been her mother's thing, that's why Lily had started it in the first place. Never knowing her mother truly, Lily believed she was connected in some way to her mother through skating. Thinking of her mother made her think of skating, and of all the competitions she had entered in her childhood. The competitions were always such a fun family activity for the Evans'. Her dad would take off work for a whole week and Petunia and even the evil step-mum would join them on their outing to Lily's destination for the competition.
Her father.
A trail of water trickled down her pale cheek. She would never hear her father yell her name after successfully finishing a program without one fall.
Never again would Steve and Lily stay up all night going over strategy for her next competition.
Never again would Lily wake up in the summer mornings to find her dad making her favorite, blueberry pancakes.
Never again would they laugh at how outrageous their neighbors acted.
"Daddy," Lily whispered, drawing her knees up to her chest, burying her head in them. "It's all my fault. I'm so sorry Daddy. If I would have been more attentive, maybe I would have figured out that they were Death Eaters. I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it."
"There's nothing you could have done," a voice said from across the ice.
Lily whipped her head up, tears blurred her vision. "What do you want?" She tried to wipe away the tears that still lingered on her face. "Who are you?" she asked the intruder. "And how the hell did you get in here?"
She heard a chuckle. "You ask too many questions Evans."
"Potter?" Lily asked, outraged. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," he said softly, bending down to her level.
Lily squirmed out from underneath his penetrating gaze. "Why are you here?" she asked again, not satisfied with his first answer.
"After the auditions ended, Dinah came running up to us saying you ran out after your audition," James said, now taking a seat on the ice.
"And that explains why your here," Lily said, "how?"
James rolled his eyes. "She made Sirius and I help her look for you. Naturally I thought you would be up here. But an ice rink, Merlin Lily, are you trying to freeze yourself to death?"
"I wouldn't mind," she muttered, another sob gurgled from her mouth.
"I heard what you said," he said.
She waited for a laugh. It never came. "Why aren't you laughing?"
He looked irate. "Why would I laugh at something like that?"
She shrugged, she didn't have any answers for anything at the moment. All she knew was that it was her fault that her dad would no longer tell her he loved her anymore.
James stayed silent for a minute. "It's not your fault."
"How do you know?" she spat, turning away from him.
He sighed, looking like he was having a battle within himself. "Lily, I have to tell you something." She didn't say anything so he took that as a gesture to continue. "When I was six, my brother and I were playing in our yard."
"You have a brother?" asked Lily, slightly surprised.
"Will you let me finish? Anyway, my brother, Jacob, and I were playing around in our backyard, just like any other night. Well, I wanted to get my broomstick out of the shed, so Jacob followed me back there. He stayed outside while I retrieved it. He had become fascinated by something along the hedges. I walked back out to see a cloaked figure standing over my baby brother. I was too young to think anything of it, but in a second, they had Apparated. Two days later, they found his body in a nearby river. He was only four."
Lily gasped, fresh tears in her eyes.
"I blamed myself for it, if I hadn't gone into the shed I would have seen what Jacob was looking at. If I hadn't even wanted the bloody broomstick in the first place, Jacob would still be here with us. Probably terrorizing Julie as we speak. I never forgave myself for what happened. My mother was so depressed, which didn't help with her pregnancy. They told me it wasn't my fault. I never listened. Jacob isn't here today because of my stupidity."
Somehow, in the middle of his heartfelt story, Lily had grabbed his hand, wanting to show him she was sorry. She wondered if she was losing her own mind, but kept her hand firmly wrapped in his warm one.
James glanced down to the laced hands and continued to talk. "I may never have forgiven myself for what happened, but I didn't let it eat me away. Lily, you are too strong. I know that you will get passed this eventually, not anytime soon, believe me it takes awhile. The guilt will carry with you forever, mine still does. Just because they are gone, doesn't mean they are truly gone. They will leave your heart only when you let them."
Lily sat there, full out crying now. She didn't know if it was because of the whole Jacob story or if in some way, she knew James was exactly right.
"Does the pain ever go away?" she asked him, her voice small.
He nodded, pieces of midnight black hair falling into his eyes. "It will take some time. But with some good pranks and the musical coming up, I think you will be able to keep your mind off it."
"I blew my audition," said Lily, disgusted with herself.
"Are you kidding me?" James asked. "You blew everyone away. I never knew you could sing so well. After you ran out, everyone clapped for about five minutes."
Lily looked at him, trying to find some trace of a joke. "Serious?"
"Serious, and speaking of Sirius, I remember him standing up yelling 'Lily Evans, she's my friends best friend!' Or something along the lines of that, maybe something a little stupider sounding though."
A faint smile crossed Lily's face.
"See, I've already got a smile from you!" he said triumphantly.
She shivered. The wet ice had finally become an issue.
"Honestly," James said, hoisting her up, "sitting on ice is not the best solution there is."
"Thanks," Lily said, pulling her skates off.
"For what?" he asked curiously, swinging on the side of the wall.
"For making me feel better."
"Lily! There you are! We've been looking all over for you!" Dinah shouted, running towards the redhead at full speed.
"Prongs," Sirius said smiling, "we figured you would find her."
Lily rolled her eyes. "What does that mean?"
Dinah cut him off. "Absolutely nothing. Are you okay? You really sprinted out of there after your audition."
"I'm okay now," Lily said, her eyes falling on James.
"Good," Dinah said. "And by the way, you killed that audition."
"I thought I did terrible," Lily admitted, falling in step beside Dinah.
They were heading back to Gryffindor Common Room. "Terrible?" questioned Sirius. "Even I thought you did okay."
Dinah glared at him.
"Okay, I thought you were good."
She continued to glare at him.
"Okay, you were amazing?" he wondered, backing away from Dinah.
"Anyway, I would be really surprised if you didn't get the part," Dinah said.
"When do we find out the parts?" Lily asked.
"They are posting them tomorrow, outside of the Auditorium."
"Who knew we had an Auditorium?" asked Sirius, winking at two passing girls.
"Hey James," one of them giggled.
He nodded, quickly turning back to Sirius. "It's new. They just made it the passed year."
The three stopped and looked at James.
"What?" he asked innocently, shrugging his shoulders.
"Anyway," Dinah said again, "they are going up at noon."
"What part did you try out for Sirius?" Lily asked him.
He looked baffled.
"What?" she asked.
He stuttered, "Y-you just called me Sirius."
"That is your name, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but you've never called me that before."
Lily shrugged nonchalantly. "Is it going to kill you if I do now?"
"What made you have a change of heart?"
Her green eyes caught the hazel ones. "Nothing."
James looked away, a faint smile on his face.
She sighed, "I just figured, since you and James saved us and all, that we could try and be nicer to each other. I'll start by calling you by your first names now."
Dinah smiled at Lily. "I've been trying to get you to do that for years! What made you change your mind?"
"Nothing," Lily said again. "Can you just deal with it? I thought you wanted me to be friends with them."
"This is going to be weird," Sirius muttered.
"How?"
"I'm going to miss those yelling matches you always had with Prongs."
James rolled his eyes. "I won't."
"Those were the highlight of my day!" Sirius exclaimed.
"You're helpless mate," James said, pounding his friend on the back. "Maybe you should find a girl to get your mind off of me and Lily fighting."
Sirius scrunched his face together. "Nah, I don't need a woman to get my mind off things."
James chuckled.
The four crawled through the Portrait Hole after telling the Fat Lady the password, Merlin. They spotted Kaelin, Jensen, and Peter crowded around one of the tables. Seeing Peter startled Lily a bit, she had practically never seen him since school started. He looked about the same he usual did, maybe a little paler and a bit fatter, but nothing too different.
"Where's Moony?" asked Sirius, sitting in Kaelin's lap.
"No idea."
"Where's Cam?" asked Jensen, looking at the four newcomers.
A knowing smile appeared on the friends faces. "I don't get it," Peter mused.
Sirius sighed. "Well Wormtail, you haven't been around enough to get it. We suspect Moony and Lawler are together, they just don't want to tell us yet."
"Oh."
"So, how did the auditions go?" Kaelin asked excitedly, wrapping her arms around Sirius.
Sirius squirmed. "Ev- I mean Lily rocked it."
"That's what they keep saying, but I think I did terrible," Lily muttered.
"Well, who did you all try out for?" Jensen wondered.
"Penny," she said.
"I just tried out for dancing," Dinah said, "but they made me sing. I don't have any idea why. It's not like you're going to hear me in the back round or anything."
"Brad, he's Link's best friend," Sirius said.
"And let me guess," Kaelin laughed, "James tried out for Link."
"Of course I did!"
"You two can't even be in a musical without playing each others best friends," Dinah said.
The pair shrugged. "I'm going up to the dormitory," Lily announced. "I'm going to start some homework."
"Homework, Lily? Come on, it's Saturday, leave it for tomorrow."
"Nah, I just want some peace and quiet right now."
"And you get that doing homework?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
Lily nodded. "I'm okay, really. I just need some time to myself."
Her friends found that a good enough answer, seeing as they let her climb up to the dormitory and settle herself down at her desk, intending to start on the mother load of Transfiguration essays she had to write.
A rap at the window delayed her intentions. Her copper owl, Turner, rapped the window again, almost impatiently. Lily hesitantly opened the window for her owl. She noticed the bundle around his legged bulged a little more than usual.
Turner nipped at her hand affectionately. Lily shooed him away. He hadn't been bringing her any good news lately, so why be nice to him. It was a project untying the letters as Turner kept trying to bite a part out of her hand. Maybe she shouldn't have been so mean to him.
"I'm sorry Turner," she told the owl, "but would you just stay still for a moment."
He made no intention of being any help to her. So she wrestled the bundle off his leg for about two minutes.
Lily let out a frustrated sigh. Turner flew right back out the window without so much as a good bye to his owner. She tore the bundle open with shaky hands. The first one was in a print she knew well.
Lily,
Darling, you did very good back there. I'm very proud of you for putting up such a good fight. Everyone got out okay. I've never had to Obliviate so many people's memories before. I'm sad to say that your father didn't make it out. He was the first and only casualty. Don't try and beat yourself up over it. You are allowed to be sad, but you couldn't have stopped it no more than I could have. You were very brave, and I'm so proud of you.
You are going to be getting a letter from Petunia, I suspect. I advise you to not listen to any of it. She was angry with the outcome and took it out on you. Don't take her letter to heart.
The funeral is set for this Wednesday. I hope you can make it.
Once again, I am very proud of you. And I love you, Lil. You will be able to get passed this. I know you can, you are tough.
Love,
Grandma Mae
The tears had started again. Everything seemed to remind her of her father. This letter didn't help at all, telling her it wasn't her fault, when she was the reason that the stupid Death Eaters had came to the wedding in the first place. Chucking the letter halfway across the room left her feeling a little better than before.
God. Why did this have to happen to her?
She lost her mother at such a young age. No one, besides Grandma Mae and her father, ever showed any interest in liking her from her family. She was an outcast in her family, and now she had nothing to go back to.
Lily picked up the next letter, groaning immediately.
Freak,
Thanks to you and your freakish people, Dad is no longer among the living. I never want to see you again. If you try and come to the funeral I will make you wish you never had. I can't believe Dad is dead because of you. You should be ashamed of yourself. I will be happy to never have to hear or see you again.
Petunia
Frustration mounted in her to the point of bursting. Every time she felt herself being a little bit happier about that night, things like this were thrown at her. Lily knew she should take Petunia's letter seriously, but how could she not? It was truly her fault that their father was no longer alive.
Angrily ripping the note into shreds, Lily tossed them up in the air. She grabbed the last letter, wondering if anything else could make her night any worse than it already was.
I wArnEd yoU
Lily screamed, throwing the note away from her, and proceeded to run down to the common room and straight through the portrait hole.
"Was that Lily?" Kaelin asked, jumping out of her seat ready to go chase after her friend.
James grabbed Kaelin's arm. "Let her go, she needs time to herself."
Kaelin glanced to James wondering when he had become Lily's personal guide.
"Whatever," she mumbled, falling back into her seat, only to watch her friend stomp angrily out of the Common Room.
Lily didn't know where she was going, but all she knew is that nothing could possibly make her feel any worse than she did at this moment. Even if Snape came up to her and hexed her, Lily doubted she wouldn't mind.
For the second time that day, Lily let her feet lead her. She hurried passed friends and teachers, not stopping to say hello or answer why she was running away so fast. Her head checked behind her to make sure none of her friends had followed, of course she would chose that time to look around and smack right into something, leaving her to fall to the ground with a loud thump.
"Ow," Lily muttered weakly, holding her leg. The fall had brought back some pain from the first night of Hogwarts.
"Oh, sorry Lily!" exclaimed the thing she had ran into.
She thought she had run into a wall, guess not. "Oh, no Timmy, it's okay. I wasn't looking where I was going."
"Yeah, but I'm still sorry," he said, smiling. Extending a hand out to the fallen girl, he hoisted her up and helped her to steady herself.
"Thanks."
"You okay?" he asked, holding her at arms length, his light blue eyes searching her face.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little sore still I guess," she said offhandedly.
"That's good," he said. "But are you really okay? You don't look to good."
A huge sigh left her body. She figured she mustn't look all too presentable either. Redness now adorned her once lively green eyes, and water tracks traced her cheeks.
"I guess not," she finally said after a moment's silence.
"Want to talk about it?" asked Timmy, shaking his head of sandy blond hair so it would get out of his eyes.
"How much time do you have?" she wondered, glancing at his face, noticing for the first time the splash of light brown freckles sprinkled over his nose.
Timmy smiled, one of those genuine smiles. "All the time in the world."
