I'm a bit disappointed, guys… you all sent me so many reviews saying how much you loved this story BEFORE I posted chapter 6, and then I get so few once I finally update! Perhaps I've really been forgotten… haha. Well, I got five reviews, and that's not so bad. Some of my best reviewers too. Anyways, I cranked this chapter out quick! Super inspiration I tell you! Onward. By the way, I think I forgot to disclaim the last chapter, but who cares…

Chapter 7 – Sadie's Formal Name Is….

There had been a full house tour upon Pip's new residency, of course. Sadie had a lot of bedrooms, a kitchen, a parlor, an entertainment center, and a dining room. In addition, it turned out that Sadie had a swimming pool, a library, and a racquetball court. Sadie also had an additional room that Pip wasn't allowed to enter – yet, Sadie said.

"Wow. You live in this place all by yourself?" Pip asked with wonder once the two had settled down in the living room/entertainment megaplex. The touring had lasted at least three hours, and both undeads were worn out.

"Oh dear God no! And when I say dear God I really mean that I want to kick his balls. No, there are servants and maids and all who come every Monday and Thursday to clean, but also, besides them, I have a companion who lives here with me. He should be coming home any minute, actually. He usually arrives around now."

It was that moment that Pip heard an indistinct, far off slamming, as if the front door had been shut with force, or at least very carelessly. "In here, boy!" Sadie yelled.

"Coming!" The voice was squeaky and sharp, as if from a small but confident body. Pip's guess was right. The boy who entered the room had the build of person who could crawl through ventilation shafts and shimmy through narrow passageways. His tan hair matched his dark brown boots and belt, which he wore with an off-white pair of pants and loose white top, both of which were semi-obscured by a too-large forest green vest. He was clutching a brown messenger bag and appeared to be very dirty – to Pip, he looked kind of like a street kid from the Medieval Times.

"Perry, I'd like you to meet our newest guest – Pip Pirrup. Just died a little bit ago, not even a year is that correct?" Sadie asked, looking towards the Brit.

"Oh yes, I am quite new," Pip muttered, feeling embarrassed but not sure why.

The boy named Perry smiled mischievously. "Awful nice to meet you. May I shake your hand?"

Pip wasn't sure if he could trust Perry's dangerous smirk. "Uhm, well, I guess," Pip mumbled, hoping Sadie would rescue him if Perry set off a bomb in his hand or something. Pip stood up to meet him and they clutched hands.

Perry grinned and made full eye contact with Pip. His eyes were an entrancing green and for a moment, Pip thought he might become hypnotized. And then they broke apart, as if nothing happened, and Pip sat back down, feeling very relieved that the encounter had ended.

"So boss, I found out that –"

"Shut up!" Sadie hissed towards the boy. "We have a guest."

"But I thought –"

"You thought wrong."

Pip felt in the way all of a sudden. "Sadie, if I'm in the way, you really don't have to let me stay – you know I'll leave, and I can find my own place, I know this is really sudden and I didn't realize that Perry would be here and that I would be in the way so much!"

"Oh nonsense!" Perry said. "You're great. It's all my fault anyways. I take it you've been showed throughout the house?"

"ShowN," Sadie said, grimacing. "You never did understand proper English."

"I'll shown you," Perry muttered under his breath. "I thought you was Iraqi anyways, what business do you got knowing English so darn well?"

Iraqi…

And that's when it hit Pip like a very large moving projectile that he'd just moved in with Saddam Hussein. "You're S-S-Saddam Hussein!"

"Real smart one you've got here," Perry said sarcastically. "Oh yes. He could outsmart a gorilla if he tried. You've hit jackpot this time, boss!"

Pip wasn't really listening to Perry's sarcasm. He'd jumped up and started slowly backing away, and then he decided to screw it! and just run. But then, his escape was thwarted. Large metal blockades came down from the ceiling around the entire entertainment center living room, and Pip, his fast momentum getting the better of him, smacked right into the barrier. "Oh fuck," he whispered underneath his breath, both from the pain and the knowledge that he was trapped in a room with one of the living world's most infamous tyrants (and a kid who seemed to have been picked up off the streets, although he wasn't quite as big of a threat).

"Pip, please, don't be this way," Sadie beseeched. "Yes, you're right, I am Saddam Hussein, but it really doesn't change anything! I'm still the same person! I still think you're awesome!"

Pip stood up shakily. "Y-you've killed people," he said accusingly.

"So have you."

Sadie was right, of course. Pip had set off the bomb on Adam's space station and trapped a lot of people in a place worse than Hell itself. It was probably considered worse than killing, actually.

"But… but you were a dictator! You hurt Iraqis, your own people! You tried to take over the WORLD!"

"And you think that Jesus didn't? You think that the people with whom you've been acquainted aren't supreme rulers themselves? I am just a normal person who happened to come into power, and although I made a few enemies, I never did anything wrong. You can't fault me, Pip, for realizing the power of my new position and using it to dominate the world – to CREATE a better world. You would do the same. All humans would do the same! I was trying to create a superior place for the people I loved, and now Pip, you are one of the people I love. Please, don't be fooled by those idiots Jesus and God and Damien and, ughghg, Satan, into thinking that I am some sort of evil man. I am just a man trying to use his power to help the people he loves, like you, and Perry, and my family, who are still alive on Earth to this day."

Pip felt his knees collapse and he fell to the floor without effort. "But Satan and Jesus and Damien are all good people! I have heard them discuss the evil things you did – the terrible ways you've hurt Satan! And I was there when you tried to take over the world while I was in the third grade. I am almost certain you were evil!"

"Please, Pip, in the third grade, of course what I was doing would have seemed evil! But that doesn't change the fact that I was doing it all for the good of Satan, because at that time I cared a lot about him, and then he repaid me by breaking it off with me! Pip, you've got to understand – Satan and Damien are two peas from the same pod. If you do something great for them, they always find a fault in it! And then, they try to discredit you in front of everyone you care about! You can't tell me Damien treated you right. Satan didn't treat me right either!" Sadie sounded very logical to Pip, actually.

"But… does that mean they've lied to me? When they tell me that they're… good? When I help them achieve things, am I achieving evil?" Pip asked, feeling suddenly queasy. Could it really be true? Had he been on the wrong side all along?

"Yes! They are all elitist bastards trying to bring down the blue-collar workers like me, Adam, the city of Sodom, Goliath, and many more hardworking people of the sort. They try to make us look bad when really, all we're doing is helping people we love. Adam was trying to protect Lily, whom he knew was in danger because of that bastard Satan; Goliath had a wife and kids back home in the Philistines and was only killing to pay the bills! There are numerous other cases of this – Delilah, whose family was threatened if she didn't seduce Samson; Cain, who was overcome with an emotion that God himself gave to him, and got punished anyway; King Herod, who had the story twisted around on him so it made it look like he was trying to kill Jesus when really he was giving Jesus gold, frankincense, and myrrh in multiple shipments!"

It was hard to believe, but after the way that Damien had treated him, Pip was able to understand how Damien and his family could do these things to nice, normal people. Pip got himself up, dusted off imaginary dust, and walked over to where Sadie and Perry were standing at attention.

"So… I've been lied to," Pip said, feeling as if he had finally understood some hidden truth. "All this time, Jesus and Satan and God have been working together to dishonor people who were doing what they had to do to save loved ones, and then all three of them laugh at the others' pain."

"Why of course you have!" Sadie exclaimed. "God and Satan on the same side? Heaven and Hell working together? What is this world coming to? It's as if it doesn't matter who's in power, because either way it will turn out how they want it to. They're the Empire Pip, and we're the Rebels."

It all made sense now! Pip voiced as much. "This is all coming together! But what can we do about them? How do we stop them? Can we? We can't let them hurt more people!"

Perry grinned devilishly, and answered in Sadie's place. "Well, now that we've got inside knowledge of their mansion, I'd say it will be pretty easy to bring 'em down," Perry said with a dangerous edge.


"There has been a great disturbance in existence," God said suddenly from His Heavenly office, in which He been organizing papers only moments before. A chill had suddenly gone through Him, a chill that told Him something grand and terrible had just happened – but what was it? "I must go talk to Jesus and Satan at once!"

God cancelled all His appointments for that afternoon and caught the One Way Express to Hell at 2:15.

Tbc

By the by, all, I promise! promise! promise! that next chapter will be longer. I've said that so many times, and then I always end up making the next chapter shorter, but I swear that this one just felt right to end here, so I had to. Next one will likely be long because there will be a lot to cover. I think. Anyways, review? You guys kind of disappointed me last chapter but you can make it up to me now hahahahhaa....