In Search of Redemption

Chapter 7

Running Away

"Who is it?" Squall asked nervously.

"It's Zell, man, open the door."

Squall looked back at Seifer, but he had already disappeared somewhere. Damn, he was quick.

Squall opened the door, and tried to block Zell from entering, but it was futile. The blond martial artist was determined.

"Is it true man? Did you resign? It's all over Garden! There isn't a person here that isn't talking about it!"

Squall just looked at Zell as he plopped down on the bed, so recently vacated by Seifer. Where the hell had he gotten off to anyway? That man had become like a shadow. Flitting here and there… flitting? The idea of Seifer flitting anywhere made Squall smile, it made him sound like some sort of fairy or something. Yeah, there was a good description of Almasy, a fairy! Squall's smile had become very big, and he almost busted out laughing. Seifer would have smacked the shit out of him for just thinking something like that, so maybe it was a good thing he had disappeared.

"Squall? Hey man, stop looking at me like that! You're scaring me!" he whined, but then he realized that Squall was on one of his internal trips again. Zell snapped his fingers in front of Squall's face.

Squall blinked suddenly remembering Zell's presence here. "Huh? Oh, right. My resignation. Listen Zell, I know that you guys all worry about me. And my leave…"

"What? It's true?" Zell interrupted, not believing what he was hearing. "You can't leave man! What's the matter with you? He stood up and started to shadow box. "After all that we went through dude, you can't just leave!

Squall pressed his lips together in a thin line. He knew that his resigning would have gotten all over the Garden, which was why he had preferred his original plan of just leaving a letter and disappearing.

The incredulous look on Zell's face told him that as soon as he left here he was going to tell the others. Squall turned from the little blond and sighed. This was not going to be easy. He was going to have to face the rest of them before this was all over. Damn it! He didn't want to have to explain to them his reasons. They wouldn't understand! They had never understood!

He flexed his fingers several times making the leather of his gloves creak. The thought of hitting Zell and knocking him out so that he could leave in peace crossed his mind, but he knew he couldn't do that.

Zell watched Squall's back. He had thought that Squall had been acting strangely ever since Rinoa had left. He had never told them what happened and Quistis just said to leave him alone about it. Maybe that had been the wrong decision. Damn, he wished Quistis were here now. She would make Squall stay.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Chicken Wuss!" Seifer sneered.

Both Squall and Zell turned to see Seifer leaning against the wall. Only one was surprised, the other was quite grateful.

"What the fu…? Squall! Sound the alarm!" he said as he got into his fighting stance.

'Seifer? Here in Squall's room? What the hell was going on?' Zell thought, trying his best to stare down Seifer.

"Dincht, didn't your mamma ever tell you that it isn't polite to stare?" Seifer smirked.

"What do you want Seifer? How did you get in here?" Zell snapped as he glared at him.

Seifer crossed his arms and casually placed a foot against the wall. "I would have thought that it was obvious Dincht. But then you weren't always the sharpest of tools in the shed!" He nodded to Squall and indicated the suitcase on the bed.

Squall went to the desk and began pulling things out that he wanted to take with him. He didn't know what Seifer had in mind, but if it saved him from (a) having to endure the others' long tearful goodbyes and (b) having to explain things, then he would take it.

Zell was dumbfounded. What the freaking hell was Squall doing? He wasn't sounding the alarm and he wasn't at all shocked that Seifer was here. So that must mean that he knew he was here! 'Holy Shit this is getting weirder by the second. If only Quistis were here instead of me. But no, I had to be the one to come and find things out for myself.'

Zell hung his head in defeat and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Whatever was going on, he was sure that he didn't like it, but what could he really do about it? Seifer was Seifer and as long as he was standing between him and Squall, Zell was doomed to lose.

"You wouldn't be thinking about leaving the party so soon there, would ya Chicken Wuss?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Why? Truth hurt?"

"Squall? Will you tell me what is going on? I hate being in the dark about things and this is not like you at all! This is Seifer of all people!" he cried, sweeping his hand in Seifer's general direction.

"Enough Chicken Wuss!" said Seifer, swinging his arm as if he were wielding Hyperion. "Leave Squall to do what he has to do. Besides, we have other matters to discuss."

"Oh yeah? Like what Seifer?"

"Like how you are going to walk out of here and not say a word to anybody about this. Because if you do…" Seifer stepped away from the wall and cracked his knuckles. "I can promise you that there are worse things in life besides death. And I can give you both!"

"Ha! You don't scare me anymore Seifer! There isn't anything that you can do to me that you haven't done already!"

"You so sure about that Dincht?" Seifer sneered in his face.

Zell visibly gulped, he couldn't help the fear that was beginning to rise out of the pit of his stomach as he stared up at Seifer. He had always been afraid of him, ever since he had tried to drown him in a game of chicken when they were kids. But he tried to hide it anyway.

Squall closed the suitcase. Sighing he turned to Zell. "Listen Zell, all I am asking of you is that you don't say anything about my leaving until tomorrow morning."

"But Seifer…"

"I know it is confusing," he said holding up his hands. "Just suffice it to say that Seifer and I have come to an understanding okay?"

Silently Squall pleaded with Zell to understand, but he knew full well that he wouldn't. Zell was just that way. He never understood anything unless someone sat down and explained in full detail what was going on and even then, sometimes it took pictures. Squall put his hand to his forehead and sighed heavily.

Seifer watched Squall's inner turmoil and decided to take charge of the situation before it got out of hand. The last thing he wanted was Squall upset and Zell's presence was doing just that. He didn't understand why Zell couldn't see what he was doing to Squall.

"We should keep him here until we leave. It's the only way to be sure. The little Chicken Wuss has always had a big mouth." Seifer said with a sneer.

Zell looked up again, realizing that Seifer had neither moved nor had he changed his threatening posture. If things didn't cool off soon, he knew he was going to find himself in a big world of hurt. Seifer was being serious this time, no playing involved.

Squall sighed again and looked up at Seifer as he was standing in front of Zell. He seemed so like himself now that it was hard to imagine that he had seen with his own eyes, the truth of what he had become.

Seifer glanced over at Squall and caught his gaze, and for a moment, the two of them just stood there, ignoring Zell as if he weren't even in the room. Then Squall nodded and Seifer stepped back from Zell to lean once more against the wall.

Zell couldn't understand what had passed between the two of them with that look, but it was obvious that they were on the same wavelength. He trusted Squall with his life, but Seifer? Not a chance.

How he wished that Quistis were here. She could always put Almasy back in his place. His shoulders slumped. She wasn't here and she wasn't coming. He drew in a deep breath. He hated the fact that Squall was leaving; he hated even more that it was with Seifer. But if that was what he truly wanted to do, there was no way in hell that he could stop him.

"Okay, you win. I won't say anything till tomorrow morning. But, whatever Dickwad there is thinking, tell him to can it will ya? I am not spending the night locked in some closet or tied up in the shower."

Squall nodded. "Thanks Zell, I appreciate this, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I know you guys have only been trying to help, but things just have not been going well for me. I just need some time to myself."

Zell hung his head. He didn't know what else to say. It was obvious that Squall had made up his mind, but the really irksome part was that if he needed time to himself why was Seifer going with him? Oh well, maybe Quistis could explain things. She was good at that.

Zell turned to the door, his head still hanging low. He didn't want to leave like this but what choice was he left with? Seifer was standing there with his arms crossed looking as menacing as ever and Squall well he was just being himself.

"Well I guess this is goodbye for awhile then. Uhh, you take care of yourself Squall okay? And watch yourself around the walking pile of shit. You can't trust him!"

Squall had to grab Seifer to keep him from going after Zell, who had smartly dodged out of the door.

"Come back in here you little Chicken Wuss and I will show you just what a pile of shit looks like up close and personal 'cause that's all that's going to be left of you after I get done with you!"

Squall was having a hard time holding onto Seifer. He kept trying to squirm out of his grip. But soon his labored breathing began to slow and his fists uncurled.

"Damn him, we shouldn't have let him go Squall! He is nothing but a piece of poultry that needs to be taught a lesson!"

Squall shook his head. "Seifer just leave it. He won't say anything." Squall still had his hands on Seifer's chest and he could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. He couldn't help but notice how hard the muscles were under his thin shirt. Hyne what was wrong with him? He yanked his hands away and quickly turned his back to Seifer so that he wouldn't see the blush.

Squall's sudden movement and posture hadn't gone unnoticed. Seifer had always been able to read Squall like a book. He found it amazing that no one else seemed to notice that the way he stood and the gestures he used always gave him away. But then he had made it a habit to study Squall. If he hadn't Squall would have been able to defeat him ages ago.

He walked slowly up behind him and brushed a finger down the back of his neck. When he shivered, it nearly drove him mad. He turned Squall around and stared into his hypnotic gray eyes. He put his finger under his chin and tilted up his head.

'Holy Shit! He's going to kiss me!' thought Squall as his lips gently brushed over his own. It was soft and gentle, and not altogether unpleasant. It was nothing like what he thought it would be. Had it been anyone else but Seifer he would have probably decked him, but there was something about the way that Seifer had looked at him beforehand that seemed to make this all right. 'Kissing Rinoa had never felt like this,' he thought as he let his eyes flutter shut.

Seifer's finger beneath Squall's chin began to trace a line down to the hollow of his throat. This simple action sent chills racing down his skin, to tingle in his fingertips. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Seifer slowly pulled back and smiled. He didn't want to scare Squall with his intense desire for him. He stepped back and sat down on the bed, next to Squall's packed suitcase, carefully arranging his trench coat so that it covered his aching erection.

'If only Squall could remember, this would be a lot easier,' Seifer thought as he arranged his coat. 'Damn the GF's for taking his memories of me! I am glad that I stopped using them.'

Squall wanted to ask what the hell just happened but he didn't dare. The sensations that Seifer had caused were too new, and unfamiliar, yet at the same time felt completely right. He needed to think about what the hell this meant before he could talk about it. He didn't look at Seifer, but he could feel his eyes on him. Was he attracted to him? Yes, he decided. That much was the easy part to figure out. He didn't pretend to understand it but the attraction was there all the same. The dream he had before Seifer woke him up was proof enough of that. Did this mean he was gay? He didn't know the answer to that one.

Seifer watched as he tried to assimilate what was going on. He smirked at the bewildered look in his storm gray eyes. Poor Squall, sometimes he over thought things. This was just one of them. Seifer didn't have a problem with what happened, it had happened before and probably would have progressed further had he not become the Sorceress' Knight.

Seifer cleared his throat, looking for a way to break the tense silence that his actions had caused. "Curfew will be in place in an hour. You got everything you want? Maybe you should look around one more time, we aren't coming back for anything you forgot."

Squall nodded and began to look through drawers and the closet. No coming back, he had said that with such conviction that Squall wondered if he had left anything behind that he regretted. "Hey Seifer?" he asked as his backside protruded out of the closet.

Seifer, appreciating the view almost forgot to answer. "Uhh, yeah Squall?"

"Did you leave anything behind that you regret having left?" He backed out of the closet with a box.

Seifer thought for a minute. "Well there is only one thing that I can think of," he said smirking at the cobwebs that were stuck in Squalls hair.

"What's that?" he puffed, as he set the heavy box on the bed beside Seifer. He opened it and went through the contents, pulling things out and then putting some back.

Seifer reached up and brushed the annoying cobwebs out of his hair. "You." He said quietly.

Squall paused for a moment, and glanced at Seifer. "I thought you said that there was no coming back for things that you had left behind."

"That wasn't the question," he said smiling, "you asked if there were something that I regretted leaving behind. The only thing that I regret leaving Squall is you."

"Oh…" he said simply, as a blush crept up to his cheeks. He looked down at the floor.

Seifer liked this particular expression of Squall's. It was one he hadn't seen often. In fact, he hadn't seen it since they were kids. It was the same one he used when Matron would correct his grammar.

"Any idea where we are going to go?" he asked as a tension breaker. Not that it really mattered to him, but he didn't want Squall to think that he was enjoying his discomfort.

"Uhh, into Balamb first, no question about that. I have to pick up Lion Heart from the repair shop."

He had been expecting an answer but not that. Repair shop? Lion Heart? So, he didn't get rid of it. Hyperion wasn't his weapon of choice. So, what was he doing with it then?

"Which reminds me, I have something for you. This is what made me believe that you were truly dead Seifer. I found it in Fisherman's Horizon while on a job.

Squall moved away from him and set the gunblade case on the floor. He opened it and removed his former rival's weapon. Holding it out with both hands, he offered it to Seifer who seemed to be holding his breath.

When Seifer didn't take it, he sighed. Leaning the tip against the floor, he reached out, took Seifer's hands, and placed the gleaming weapon in them.

"Squall…I …I can't." His eyes were wide and his hands trembled.

Squall rolled his eyes. Here we go again, he thought.

"Seifer it's just a weapon. It's yours. Take it. I can't keep this, not when you are alive and well enough to use it."

Seifer snorted at that. "I would hardly call myself well, I can't even look in the mirror without freaking out for a moment."

"Well, it is yours, you are going to take it, and you are going to use it I won't take that bullshit as an answer!"

Unwillingly Seifer turned the weapon this way and that, inspecting it for the inevitable blood, but to his surprise, he couldn't find any trace of it. Eager to see if it were true, he stood up and inspected it inch by inch in the light.

"It's not there!" he said incredulously.

"What's not?

"The blood, it…it's gone!"

"Blood? What are you talking about Seifer?"

"There was blood on this thing that I could never get off of it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get it off Squall. It was your blood."

Squall looked questioningly at him. "Seifer… I think that maybe you might have imagined that. There was no blood on it when I bought it and I have cleaned it myself since then, so I know."

'Could he be serious? Squall wouldn't lie to me. Maybe it was all in my head. But it seemed so real. Then again, everything that Ultimecia showed me seemed real at the time too, so how can I be sure?'

"Seifer…?" Squall walked over to him and placed his hand on the taller boy's shoulder. Gently he turned him around so that he could look into his eyes. "Seifer, there was nothing there. I promise you."

"Ultimecia fucked with my head Squall. I am still unsure of what is real and what isn't anymore. That's part of the reason why I came here. I had to see you for myself. See that you weren't dead, that I didn't kill you."

Squall's brow furrowed at his confession. 'What the hell did that witch do to him?' he thought.

Seifer had always been so strong. He had always assumed that nothing could break him. But here was the proof standing right here in front of him. Ultimecia had broken him, and had somehow used his memories and thoughts of him to do it with.

"It doesn't matter anymore Seifer, we are here and we are alive, that bitch isn't. I killed her myself. I understand that she did some awful things to you, and that it has been a difficult road for you, but, if you give in to it, then she won after all Seifer."

Seifer smirked. "When did you get so smart Leonhart?"

"About the same time I thought you were dead Almasy."

"You cared whether or not I was dead. I was under the impression that you didn't give a shit, that you were the almighty Ice Prince whose feelings were permanently frozen in dick mode!"

"Dick mode? That's rich coming from the original walking dick!"

"Hey! At least I had a personality Mr. Sunshine!"

Squall laughed at that one. Seifer had always been quick on his feet, especially when it came to insults. Not being one for many words put him at a distinct disadvantage when it came to the insult arena.

Seifer smiled. There was something about Squall that made things not seem quite as bad as they were. He was glad he came back here. It had been hard at first, but with things being as they were, he was happy. He was tired of being alone, and the only person that had ever understood him both on the battlefield and off had been Squall. He glanced at the clock that sat on the nightstand, and felt a brief twinge of guilt over another certain clock. Perhaps he should have left some money along with the apology. Oh well, it was too late now. No use getting his underwear in a knot over it.

"It's time to go Squall."

Squall nodded and grabbed his luggage and empty gunblade case, leaving Seifer to carry Hyperion, which he seemed to have forgotten that he even had at the moment.

Squall opened the door and turned to look one more time at the room that had been his home for so long. There were many memories here, but they were all lonely ones. One's that he didn't wish to remember. Sighing he closed the door.

As they walked through Garden's empty halls, Squall listened contentedly to the echo of two pairs of boots, and decided that he liked that sound much better than his alone.

Seifer, who moved much faster than Squall having the longer legs, took the lead. When they arrived at the parking garage, Squall looked at him confused.

"What, you thought we were walking? Oh, come on Squall. Taking a car would be much more practical. Besides that," he hefted Hyperion off his shoulder, "I'm not in practice with this thing anymore and you don't have a weapon. There isn't any way in all of Ifrit's Hell's am I going to travel out there in the dark, on foot no less, when I can't protect myself and you."

He remained silent, not wishing to point out the flaw in Seifer's logic. That he was still in practice and that he could use Hyperion to protect them both. Not to mention the fact that he could collect his GF's from the holding facility. He could have said these things, but after hearing Seifer say that he wanted to protect him, it would have seemed in poor taste to do so. So, he just shrugged his shoulders and headed for the key rack.

Seifer grabbed the keys from him and unlocked the trunk, throwing in Squall's luggage and gunblade case. "Don't look at me like that!" he whispered. I'm driving and that is just that! Now put away the lip and let's go!" Squall hadn't really been pouting, though he did want to drive. But he knew it was rather pointless to argue with Seifer.

With who was driving settled, they drove out of the garage and into the night.

(End Chapter 7)