In a moment, the man was dead, and his limp body was supported only by Jasper's grip on his shoulder. Like the man, I found that I too couldn't move. And as I was frozen stock-still, all my senses seemed to heighten. The smell…and taste…of the blood was dissipating from the air as the warm liquid slid down Jasper's throat. I could hear everything around us, from the clatter of room services dishes to the squeal of mattress springs to the soft snores of the sleeping patrons. Colors were sharper and the dimensions around me seemed to be changing. Things slid in and out of focus until the only thing I could truly see was Jasper's face, satisfied and horrific, a dichotomy of expression in one look.

Another sound suddenly reached my ears: the quickly-approaching elevator. We had mere moments to leave the hallway. I grabbed Jasper's hand and tugged him towards our room, moving like lightening. I threw the door to our suite open and we ran in with the corpse in hand.

Oh God…

"What do we do, Jazz?" I hissed. "What do we do?"

Jasper stayed silent. Towing the body under his arm, he crossed the room and opened the balcony doors. I watched as he stepped outside, heaved the body back over his shoulder, and threw it out over the balcony all the way into the nighttime sea. The corpse was nothing but a bobbing reminder that would soon sink into the moonlit water. I sucked in a haggard breath as Jasper turned around, his eyes fierce, thirsty, troubled, and blood-red once more.

"We say nothing," he said in reply to my panicked question. We stood facing each other on opposite sides of the room, him still near the open balcony and me standing close to the door that led to the hallway, pressed against the heavy oak with the knob jutting into the small of my back. I watched as Jasper's tongue slipped out to flick one last drop of red from the corner of his mouth, and I shuddered. He was positively frightening, standing there in the moonlight, a small spot of red on the collar of his tuxedo as the only lingering reminder of his act. I was shocked and scared and unsure of anything I had thought before, and Jasper knew that.

"I…I'm sorry." His voice cut through the stillness like a knife. I glanced upwards into his eyes. The hunger had dissipated, leaving only a look of disgust and dread in its wake.

I opened my mouth to speak but found that no words would come. I folded my arms across my chest, hugging tightly and wishing I could fold myself away. Part of me didn't even want to look at Jasper, let alone be in the same room with him. This was not my Jazz…this was someone cold and unfamiliar. Perhaps I had been wrong. Perhaps all these visions had just been wishful thinking. Perhaps he was really Maria's second-in-command through and through. I wanted to turn and run, if only to quell the pain that was started to come in from all sides.

I knew I couldn't. I couldn't abandon him, not now, not when I knew he needed me. The love I had burning in my soul wouldn't let me, even when that love seemed to be overcome by the shock I was feeling now.

"You must think me a monster."

All the shock…horror…sadness I had been feeling flew out the window when I heard Jasper's voice, plaintive and painful, cracking in the middle of his sentence. As unnerved as I was by his actions, he was obviously that much more unnerved by his own. I left the comfort of the door and stepped closer to his side, my dead heart wrenching for him.

"No, Jasper," I assured him, "not a monster."

Now that I could see just how much he regretted what he had done, I felt terrible for having thought so badly of him. I knew why he did this; he had felt that man's emotions. He had known what he was thinking of doing. He had been trying to protect me. I came to stand next to him.

Jasper was across the room in a flash, his hands up defensively.

"Don't come near me," he hissed. I was startled; I had expected him to feel bad, but nothing like this.

"Jazz, really-"

"I'm a killer, Alice! Again!"

His voice had risen to a shout loud enough to startle both our next door neighbors, who promptly began banging on the walls, asking us, in so many words, to keep it down. I shrank back from the sheer volume of his booming bass, never having heard anything like it before.

I tried to contradict his cutting words. "Jasper, you knew what he was feeling, you were only trying to protect-"

"Protect you? By murdering a man? I can't…I just…."

Jasper slid down the wall, slumping onto the floor and curling into himself.

"I didn't want to be that kind of man with you," he whispered. "I thought I had given that…that life up. And now I'm no better than a common criminal. No better than that man was, with his horrible…murderous…."

I could see his fists clench from my place across the room, could hear his knuckles crack so loud they made me jump.

Jasper looked up at me, regretful and longing. "I'm not Maria's soldier anymore, Alice, and I wanted you to see that. I wanted to be different."

"You are different," I insisted, stepping slowly towards him, just below a human's pace. "You stopped that man from doing heaven knows what…and do you think that if he had gotten away with his plans that he would be feeling this kind of regret?"

I had reached a place in the room where only two feet of space separated us. He didn't move, only tensed up, as if he anticipated being touched and couldn't stand the thought.

"I…we could have stopped him some other way," Jasper murmured. "I just…snapped."

He buried his face in his hands, and I knelt at his side, unsure of what to say. I'm not sure if I could have restrained myself if it were some woman out to hurt Jasper. I admired him for wanting to protect me. I rather liked to think that it was some romantic, possessive feeling that had overcome him. But how could I praise his actions without condoning his killing?

"You don't have to say it." Jasper said bitterly into his hands. "I can feel you…torn. Unsure. Forgiving and relentless all at the same time."

"If you can feel me, then you know I don't think you're a monster," I insisted. Jasper raised his head to look at me, awed. I was taken aback by the devoted look in his red eyes and even more by what he said.

"What did I do right to find you, Alice?"

Had I blood, I'm sure I would have blushed at the velvety tone of wonder his beautiful, musical voice carried. Even in his self-loathing he was handsome, and I hurried to guard myself before Jasper could feel my emotions. I lowered my eyes and focused on my breathing instead.

Unfortunately, my lungs seemed to forget how to work when Jasper put his hand against my cheek, drawing my face up towards his.

I could have lived my entire life over again in the moment if took for our lips to meet. Everything I had ever done before flashed, silly and inconsistent, in my mind. My life had been building up to this moment, I was sure. Jasper's hand was icy-cold against my equally frigid skin, pulling me closer. My eyes caught his, and we shared a burning look before our lids both closed.

Our first kiss was like our first meeting: quiet, shy, destined and knowing all in one. His lips were soft and gentle, like two plump satiny ribbons brushing delicately against my mouth, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. The fire I had seen in his eyes today…while arguing, while drinking, while staring at me just moments ago…was nothing compared to the heat that coursed through my body now, starting at my lips and traveling throughout my body.

His hand was resting on my cheek, his kisses as light as a feather – the gentleness of it all was driving me crazy. I had wanted Jasper for so long that for us to both be holding back like this was maddening. I longed for more, and Jasper, feeling this, complied. His tongue began tracing the contours of my lips, his tantalizing taste entering my mouth as I opened it.

If I could die, I would have wanted it to be right then. I was already in heaven anyways. Any thought of that bald-headed corpse, of blood, of gambling or New Jersey itself left my mind as I ran my small hands through his silky hair. Jasper's lips left mine for a moment, and I let out an upsetting little moan, missing his touch in the milliseconds it was away.

I felt Jasper chuckle heavily against my throat. His lips skimmed up and down my skin, sucking gently around the hollow at the base of my neck before traveling back up to brush my chin. His head in my hands, I turned his face upwards to kiss his beautiful mouth, smiling as I took a turn moving towards his throat. His jaw, always clean-shaven despite having never touched a razor, was hard and strong, almost cutting, very different from the smooth ivory of his sloping neck. As I kissed the bump of his Adam's apple, Jasper gave a complacent little sigh, and I flinched back slightly, my lips halting for a moment at the unfamiliar sound. It was then that the thought came to me: Jasper was the first man I had ever been this close to.

No doubt missing my attentions, Jasper lifted my chin with his hand and gave me a curious look. "What is it?" he asked, stroking the side of my cheek with his long, elegant fingers.

I dropped my eyes to the floor, embarrassedly confessing, "You're my first kiss."

I watched as he took in this information, smiling all the while. I was pleased and still slightly embarrassed that he found it so amusing. I most certainly was not his first, and I frowned a little as the thought of him and Maria ran through my mind yet again. Jasper leaned forward and kissed the corner of my frown, making my face tinge with warmth for a brief second.

"You're doing well for a beginner," he murmured against my mouth. I would have laughed, but my mind was elsewhere, still thinking about the dark-haired beauty of his past. Jasper felt my distraction and leaned to sit back against the wall, knowing our moment of passion was over until my questions had been answered. For the time being, he settled for holding my hand instead, still tracing those calm little circles.

I was still kneeling across from him, my right hand in his left. I listened to our low breathing, my own lungs taking in his heavy, musky scent that seemed to have intensified with our kiss. I stared at his perfect mouth, wondering how something that had taken a man's life just a few minutes before could possibly be giving me such life now. Averting my eyes yet again, I took a deep breath, finding courage in the masculine smell that was Jasper.

"Was Maria your first kiss?" I asked, quiet but brave, staring at our entwined hands instead of looking at his face.

Jasper laughed low in his throat. "Why are you so interested in knowing about that monster?"

I shrugged slightly, biting my lip. Because I want to be what she once was, I thought, unable to say it aloud. Jasper, feeling my hesitation, went on anyways.

"No, she wasn't," he replied. "That was Anna Mae Burton…I was twelve, and she was the prettiest girl at the church social."

I couldn't help but laugh, and Jasper brought my hand up to his mouth, gently kissing my fingertips.

"Alice," he murmured against my fingers, "can I ask you something?"

I nodded, and he went on.

"Can you never mention that woman again?"

"I…yes. Of course," I replied, taken aback. He sighed and dropped my hand. I immediately missed his touch.

"I'm sorry, I just…you see what she did to me." He tossed his blond head in the direction of the still-open balcony doors through with his victim had been thrown. His face grew dark and bitter for a moment. "I can never erase what I did with her, but I can try to forget, if only by not mentioning her name." His hand grew tighter around mine as he grew more impassioned in his hatred of the fearsome Maria. "It's as if she took a part of my soul by making me such a monster. My entire life, something has been missing, without my even knowing it."

He paused, and I felt the mood lift in the room as he grew happier.

"And then I met you, Alice, and it's as if I was whole again. It was like stepping into the sun without fear, meeting you."

I didn't know what to say. Every wish I had had for myself and Jasper seemed to be coming true. What was there to say?

"Numb again?" Jasper teased. I narrowed my eyes, feigning anger, and he rolled his. "As if you could ever be angry with me."

I smiled and leaned forward to kiss him, placing my hand on his chest, just below where the stain of red dotted his shirt. I fingered the edge of his collar gently.

"We'll have to leave, and quickly. Before the sun rises," I said, nodding my head towards the stain at my fingertips.

Jasper hung his head. "You know that I didn't mean to –"

"I know," I interrupted, putting my hand on the side of his face. He placed his own hand over it, and I marveled at its largeness when compared to my own small palm. As tall as he was, as fierce as he could be, my Jazz could never be a monster. He had only been protecting me. I had to keep telling myself that or risk letting my feelings of love be violated with ones of doubt.

"I am so sorry, Alice," he apologized yet again. "I only did it because of you. If he tried to hurt you…"

I laughed a little, if only to ease his pain. "If he had tried, he would have faced two hard-as-stone vampires and would have met a similar fate, if not through the same means."

"Then…you forgive me?"

"For protecting me? Yes." I nodded. "But for drinking from him…Jazz, you must promise me it won't happen again."

He sighed heavily, staring out the doors to the sea. Was that where his last human sacrifice remained?

"For you, I promise," he vowed, squeezing my hand before jumping to his feet, walking swiftly towards the balcony, and shutting the doors, leaving us plunged in the darkness that our eyes could easily pierce through.

"Well, where should we run to next?" Jasper asked, throwing open the closet doors to begin packing my meager amount of clothing. I stood to help him, folding the clothes he placed on the bed and slipping them into my suitcase.

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I still haven't pinpointed where Carlisle and the rest of his family are."

"Well," Jasper said slowly, "how do you feel about Boston?"

I scanned my thoughts.

A tall brownstone home. Five pale, beautiful people…vampires…gathered in a fire-lit room, red eyes reflecting the flickering flames.

I bit my lip. "Are you sure that's what's best, Jazz?"

Jasper smiled at the endearment. It seemed to have a different connotation now that we were different people. "I think that's the only place where we might be able to find any clues as to where Carlisle is. I have a contact there that might be able to help us."

I was still unsure until Jasper sent a feeling of peace over me. I narrowed my eyes and sighed. "Fine, we'll go to Boston, but only on one condition."

"What's that?" Jasper crooked one blond eyebrow.

"As soon as we get there, I get to take you shopping."