School kept Gilbert busy until Wednesday afternoon when he found the time to relax. He did a quick time zone conversion in his head, decided Ludwig would still be awake, then called his little brother. The dial tone sung out almost until the end before a tired voice answered.
"Ah…brother? It's good to hear from you." Ludwig spoke in a quiet voice that didn't match his size, already taller and more built than Gilbert at the age of eighteen. Although he sounded almost formal with politeness, Gilbert heard a smile in his voice. Ludwig wouldn't just come out and say how much he missed his brother, but they both knew it.
"Lud!" Gilbert crowed. "I'm so excited to talk to you!"
A pause, then a sigh that wasn't really exasperated. "Okay, okay. Just let me put the coffee on." Ludwig knew all too well his brother's ability to talk and talk. As pleasant as it could be, one had to prepare themself for the long haul. As sounds muffled on the other side of the line, Gilbert kept up his excited chatter, barely pausing for Ludwig's response.
"I'm so sorry I missed your birthday! Did it go well? Please tell me there was chocolate cake and beer!"
"There was. Ah…it was the kind you really like too." Ludwig chuckled, but the noise died quick as a somber air settled over them. After a second of silence, he sighed. "It's strange without you. The Edelstein's are family, but…" He didn't need to say it. They didn't have any real family besides each other. Having been only three at the time of the crash, Ludwig didn't remember their parents much. He used to sit in Gilbert's lap as he told stories though, each so grand and wonderful that they made his child's heart swell with love. It took him years to realize his brother's penchant to spin yarns. Ludwig couldn't help but love him for it. They may have found a new warm home, but in many ways, it felt like Gilbert raised his brother. He alone chased the shadows away.
Gilbert smiled, soft and a little sad. So many years already passed since the accident. If not for Ludwig, he wouldn't have known what to do with himself, but then he had someone to take care of. If he needed to steal an apple when money was short or forge a permission slip for him, he'd do it. No one knew how close he flirted with trouble back then because Gilbert kept it close to his heart where bravery belonged. He didn't want the attention. He just wanted to see Ludwig smile. Gilbert let out a breath of air. "You've grown up so big and strong. They would have been proud of you."
For a minute, no sound came over the line. Being private people, neither felt the need for it. No pair of brothers could be closer than them, so the unspoken words of gratitude and love reached anyway. For a second, Gilbert's heart plummeted somewhere toward the cream carpet of his room. He also hated missing his brother's birthday. As if sensing the change in mood, Ludwig switched topics. "How have you been? It's hard getting used to you being away again. Is America still treating you well?"
Gilbert shook himself and a grin split his face a second later. "Oh, where should I start? Get this, last Monday…"
He talked with his brother for hours. At one point, Ludwig passed the phone to their aunt and uncle. Gilbert even said a passing hello to his cousin Roderick, ending with a tease over their bet so see who would get married first—Gilbert who didn't want it, or Roderick who'd been pining over Elizabeta since they were five. It made him laugh though and Gilbert decided his cousin wasn't too bad after a while away. After all, it improved his mood to listen to that guy fume. Gilbert could almost say he missed him. All the while he talked, he moved around. He started laying on his bed with his legs flicking back and forth, then moved away to fed his bird. After wandering around the house, he ended on the couch with a box of cereal that he ate out of without a bowl or spoon.
Antonio, who had the unfortunate day off, watched all of this in between gardening. He kept a fond expression, though a part of him felt a bit jealous. Not an emotion he considered himself familiar with, Antonio stayed out of Gilbert's way. That didn't mean he stayed out of earshot. He lurked in the corners for almost the entire length of the conversation, soaking up all of Gilbert's flamboyant talk and self-praise, every adoration of his brother, and every dodge to a serious question. Or that's what he guessed anyway, not being able to understand German. Gilbert he understood though.
When the younger man finally hung up, Antonio saw him stare off into space, looking rather small on the couch. Swooping over, he collapsed on top of Gilbert. "Yay! Now you can finally talk to me!" He grinned and tried to pull Gilbert down onto his side with him, but the younger man didn't want to move. He didn't have to do anything, but regardless, Antonio swinging his weight along his middle didn't move him.
Gilbert let out a small noise. All at once, he jumped forward to wrap both arms around the brunette as he dropped his head onto his shoulder. Antonio's eyes went wide and he flailed with his hands out, not knowing what to do. His mouth opened and closed multiple times before his brain figured out what to say. "E-eh? Gilbert is getting handsy with me?"
Gilbert squeezed him tighter, painful and just a little bit on purpose. He never lifted his head. "Shut up, idiot! Just stay still a little while. Can't you recognize a freakin' hug?" He bit his lip and cursed himself for showing weakness. Antonio just looked too warm for Gilbert not to fall into at a moment like this though. After a hesitant pat, Antonio wrapped one arm around his waist and rubbed the other along his back. The motion dragged a tension-filled sighed out of Gilbert as his eyes slipped shut.
"Of course, silly. But you were in such good spirits all day. What's wrong?" More than anything, Antonio felt surprised by this turn of events. He had a right to feel down listening to chatter of such a happy family, not Gilbert. The younger man still pouted against his shoulder. He probably considered not explaining, but they'd gotten closer right? It had nothing to do with the sex. Rather, the events since living together just allowed them to open up better, especially Gilbert.
After a bit of incomprehensible muttering, he finally answered. "I miss home."
A warm smile spread across Antonio's face. He pressed a kiss to the top of Gilbert's head, as usual comforting through touches without meaning anything by it. "Ah, so that was it. I thought you talked a bit long, even for you. Heh, if it was me, I'd never be able to leave a family like that." Antonio hummed in the back of his throat and tried to push down his own feeling of homesickness. "You know…I don't get you. You love Germany and your family so much, so why come to America in the first place?"
Gilbert fell silent, but he lifted his head to meet Antonio's eye. After a minute, he slipped away to rest back against the couch, hands twisting in his lap. When Antonio asked in a voice like that, he wanted to spill everything. But more than anyone else, he wanted to keep these secrets from his friends. Ivan. Gilbert's eyes slipped closed as he imagined the tall boy with his platinum blonde hair and eyes that looked violet in certain lights. He smiled like a child, but…
A shiver ran down Gilbert's spine. He hugged his arms to himself, not noticing how his nails bit in. He didn't want to remember Ivan, now or ever. "It's not like I was running away. Just like I keep telling you guys, I needed a change. I thought I'd have more freedom here, ya know, being America and all." He stared straight ahead at their plasma tv and his cluster of game systems. He wanted to play Civilizations on his computer, to conquer the world, not feel conquered by it.
Antonio watched Gilbert, soaking up all the details he didn't notice he gave away. Still, he didn't say anything. Gilbert didn't want to explain himself, then fine, but Antonio could see him hurting. He sat the same way Gilbert did, facing forward as he leaned his head on the other's shoulder. "Next time you talk to your brother, let me say hi." The only comfort Antonio could give at this point was to change the subject and maybe he wanted a hug too.
Gilbert turned with his brow furrowed. "Why? Don't you have your own big fam…ah, right. Sorry. I think you're the one whose family doesn't make sense." He shook his head. Everyone got on his case for not sharing secrets, but didn't Antonio also have them? Though they weren't so much secrets as so many things that Francis and Antonio knew about each other, but Gilbert got left in the dark about. Or maybe they just forgot or assumed he knew. Gilbert himself didn't ask often enough. Did he feel like an outsider or something? He didn't understand why he couldn't just ask, but he never did outright. After a deep breath, Gilbert nudged Antonio's side. "Are you homesick too?"
Antonio nodded without hesitation. He didn't have Gilbert's same need to hide weaknesses. Whether hurting or happy, he expressed his emotions clear as could be. Gilbert envied the man even if he wouldn't say so. "Every day for the past four years," Antonio hummed. "I can still remember the tears in Feliciano's eyes when I left. And how Lovino turned away because he didn't want me to see him cry, but I saw it anyway. And now…" He trailed off with a glance at Gilbert's phone because his own never rang.
They both fell silent, Gilbert unable to think up an appropriate response. Antonio startled when he felt the lack of a smile on his face, so he threw on a bright grin and bounced to the other side of the couch, trying to laugh. "But of course I've been home a bunch of times since then…ah, a couple years ago. Anyway, we-" His grin faltered. "Talk."
"Okay, that's it! I can't stand this any longer! Your family are total douches for throwing you out like that. Doesn't matter what you did, they're family! If you want to talk to your cousins so much, you're going to do just that. Where's your phone?" Gilbert snapped as he jumped on top of Antonio and started to search his pockets, not an easy task considering he started to flail.
"E-eh? Wait, stop groping me!" Antonio yelped and did nothing to stop Gilbert's hands. Instead he lay there like he actually felt scandalized. Gilbert snatched his hands away, face turning red as he stammered. Antonio had no intention of handing over his phone. It didn't take much to distract Gilbert anyway. He ran a hand up his back, slipping fingers under the tank top's edge. After pressing a kiss to Gilbert's pale neck, Antonio worked to pull off his shirt. The man's sputtering increased and he collapsed on top of Antonio. That could only mean he won. Gilbert moved his hands to Antonio's butt, slipping hands into his back pockets. Right when he started getting into it though, Gilbert jumped away. Antonio blinked at him in confusion until he noticed the phone in Gilbert's hands. So that's where it went.
"Oh yeah, I'm so awesome!" Gilbert sang as he crawled back to the other side of the couch with his prize. Antonio just pouted at him. "Now let's see…ah, Lovi!" He curled up to hide his flush as a bead of sweat rolled down the curve of his spine.
Antonio crossed his arms, his pout deepening. "He won't answer even if you call." He learned this long ago. Even before his family threw him out, Lovino often didn't answer calls because that meant he'd been waiting for them. No, Lovino would call back afterwards, muttering something about how he couldn't wait at any hour for his stupid cousin's call and he only called back out of politeness. Antonio accepted this and it made him treasure Lovino the most and take his current cold shoulder the hardest. But wouldn't it be worse for Lovino to actually answer and confirm all of his fears?
Gilbert rolled his eyes. He didn't notice Antonio's unusual silence and busied himself with their phones instead. "Well duh. That's why I'm calling with my phone." That was common sense. Didn't his friends have any real tenacity? If someone won't pick up for one number, just use another. Antonio gaped with his mouth hanging open. Alarm buzzed through him when Gilbert typed in Lovino's number, then stretched back across the armrest, phone to his ear. "Hey there, are you Antonio's irritating little cousin?" Gilbert held the phone away from his ear, wincing. Lovino did have a sharp tongue.
Antonio watched this all with growing dread. Oh god, he really didn't want confirmation. He couldn't speak though. The thought of talking to Lovino now made him strangely leaden, but he couldn't stop himself from wanting it either. Antonio lifted hopeful eyes to watch his friend. Gilbert just kept talking with the determination of a soldier fighting through enemy lines.
"You damn little brat! Whatever did he do to you anyway?! Don't be so conceited! If someone calls you, answer the damn phone! You…ah…" Gilbert pulled the phone away again. "He hung up." He ran a hand through his hair and stared at the phone as if he really couldn't understand this. "I don't know why you like that kid so much, he's a total bastard and he's what? Seventeen?" Gilbert's voice came to Antonio as if through a haze. No, like from underwater because he was drowning in the air. His ears focused in on Gilbert's chatter once again. "I'm going to call him back until he apologizes to you."
The hell you are! Why do you think he's the one that needs to apologize? Every single thing that went wrong was my fault alone! All of Antonio's fear boiled over into anger. Without thinking, he slapped Gilbert—the sort of vicious slap that left scratches along his cheek. "Why can't you just leave things you know nothing about alone!" he snapped. Gilbert's phone tumbled to the floor. The owner sat frozen as pain leaked through his shock.
"Ah…uh…" Gilbert started. His eyes darted away. Hurt flooded his face before he whispered a quick sorry. Antonio realized what he did too late. He reached for Gilbert's hand, but the man already stood. "I'm going out for a jog. Don't think I'll be back for dinner." And with that, Gilbert fled the house quicker than Antonio could chase after him. He slid to the floor and gathered his phone again, pressing the cool plastic to his forehead. His fingers trembled. Somewhere deep inside, he felt glad he scared Gilbert off. If that guy couldn't learn a little tack, then he deserved to get hit. He should have known that Lovino wasn't angry at Antonio. He was scared of him.
"I'm sorry, Gilbert, but some things you can't fix by just shoving your way inside."
xXx
Gilbert indeed did not come home for dinner. He didn't come home at all. Francis never noticed, too busy planning a romantic date with Alissa the next Friday. Antonio didn't feel like explaining anyway. After spending the night drinking on the beach with a pack of beer, Gilbert stumbled home with a killer headache. He dropped his keys twice before he managed to unlock the door. All he wanted was sleep and coffee and a shower in some order he hadn't decided on yet. The sunrise hurt.
He made it to the kitchen first, it being closer than the bathroom or his bed. He could sleep on the floor if coffee took too long to make after all. Halfway to sliding onto the floor under a cabinet, he noticed another pair of shoes in the room. Antonio paused with the orange juice carton against his lips when Gilbert wandered in. He opened his mouth, starting to say hello, but Gilbert ignored his eye. Was he still mad? That's what Antonio thought until he saw Gilbert tilt forward like the wood floor was his bed and he could fall face first into it.
"Gilbert!" Antonio cried, rushing for him. The man straightened at the sound of another voice. He rubbed his face and waved a finger in Antonio's direction.
"Hn…wassit? Toni?" He blinked multiple times before his eyes focused. "Need coffee!" Gilbert groaned into his hand and that's when Antonio caught the very pungent scent of alcohol. At least now he knew where their friend went off to. Antonio tutted at Gilbert, but set about making a pot of the bitter liquid he himself disliked. At least the smell he could appreciate. Gilbert liked his with a hint of milk, no sugar. Francis took his black with two sugars. Antonio made it for both of them enough to know.
"You shouldn't drink if you don't know your limits." A casual observation. Not a true critique, since Antonio delivered it with an off-hand air. Gilbert acted amusing both drunk and hungover so Antonio didn't mind either way. It just didn't match the fastidious way he kept up his health.
"Shut up!" Gilbert snapped, as irritable as always when his head felt like splitting. "I know them perfectly fine, thank you. I just ignore them!"
Well, good thing they cleared that up. After Gilbert drank a cup of coffee, his mood started to soothe over. Antonio had nothing to do until midday siesta, so he also sat in the kitchen. Over a very large shared omelet, each watched the other. Still, they said nothing. Not until they finished breakfast and Gilbert pushed back his chair, muttering something about a shower, did Antonio break his silence.
"Can I hug you?" He stood too, facing Gilbert across the kitchen. The pale man paused, jumping a little, then tilted his head. Those almost crimson eyes regarded Antonio with a serious air only Gilbert could give such a question. Finally, he relaxed as a grin quirked up one side of his mouth.
"Yeah, since when do you ask?" Gilbert chuckled before holding out his arms. Antonio swooped down on him and squeezed tight, but brief. Gilbert understood. This was them putting things in their right order again. He squeezed back and no ill existed between them anymore. Their friendship just worked this way. No need to explain or apologize; everything could be forgiven with a hug.
They pulled apart and Gilbert ran a hand through his hair, shuffling his feet as he remembered something. "Do you have work today?" Antonio explained he had the evening shift and Gilbert nodded, looking pleased. "Francis suggested I talk to you about figuring my life out. I meant to do that yesterday before we got distracted. I mean, if you want to share your experience and all. I'm gonna shower, but then, yeah…?"
"Awww, I'm so touched!" Antonio grinned. "I didn't think anyone wanted my advice. I'll start up Mario Kart and wait for you." Gilbert grinned back in answer to the challenge as well as the offer. Because Antonio understood better than anyone else that serious conversations happened best over a video game. They had the house to themselves since Francis didn't show his face often enough. Still, it wasn't so bad when they filled every empty space with laughter.
(AN: Btw, if you happen to see any typos in the text anywhere, let me know. I do a lot of editing, but sometimes something pops up in the last read through and I'd love to fix them.)
