Of all the things about this situation that could potentially drive me insane, I would not have expected it to be by virtue of the apparent flip-flopping of what the script allows and/or wants to happen. It doesn't want the plot to be derailed, so it takes over the conversation I forced it to make to avoid any undesirable subjects, only to bring up one of those subjects at the end of it anyways? Why? The obvious conclusion would be that the script was forced to adapt and write in something to address the events it didn't plan for, like I considered before, but if that's the case, then why was it able to sidestep the subject at the start of the conversation? Was Sayori somehow in control of herself there, and thus able to ask about it, while I wasn't? What is going on?!

As Sayori files back into the room behind me, I silently decide that if I'm going to have revise my theory of how the script works yet again, I can do it some other time. I am so done with this stupid game refusing to make sense… maybe I'm just doomed to never fully understand what's going on here.

Even as I'm thinking this, the script's urging disappears, only to return all of a second later, presumably marking the transition between the hidden script and the normal one. Assuming I don't have THAT wrong as well.

"Okay, everyone!" I say aloud. "I think it's about time we share today's poems with each other! We might not have enough time if we wait too long."

Elano and Yuri look up from their conversation, the latter looking quite embarrassed, as does Natsuki, who inexplicably seems to have decided the floor is the most comfortable place to read her manga, as opposed to any of the numerous open desks and chairs. Meanwhile, my own words serve to remind me of a now rather pressing problem: I still have no plan for what to do about my "poem"…

"Ah…" Yuri sighs.

"Is that alright, Yuri?" the script compels me to approach her and ask. "You look kind of-"

*ping* *ping* *ping* *click!*

"-down…I'm sorry if you haven't been looking forward to this."

…what was that?

"Ah, it's not…" Yuri trails off. "…It's fine."

Um, no, seriously, what was that? Those noises… I didn't just hear them, I felt them, somehow. Which was extraordinarily weird, because they weren't really physical sensations, or at least not sensations I felt in my actual body. It was more like I was feeling them in… the entire world around me, I think? What…?

The script has me walk away from Elano and Yuri as they begin discussing their reading schedule, before releasing me for the moment. I move over to the desk I sat at earlier, still wondering what those noises/sensations were, until my eyes sight on Monika's bag, and I remember that I have more important concerns to deal with at the moment.

I quickly check to make sure no one's looking, before opening the bag's flap and discreetly peeking inside. It only holds one thing- a familiar looking composition notebook, with a neat, slightly slanted signature on the front proclaiming it to be Monika's. Sticking out ever so slightly from the pages is a single sheet of paper, which has been visibly (albeit neatly) torn out of the binding of another book.

I pull it out a little further, catching a glimpse of the words written near the top- yep, it's my escape methods list. Not that I really expected anything else. Once more, I don't understand. Multiple times the script intervenes, seemingly to try and keep the plot on track, yet the game readily accepts a "poem" that could obviously wreck said plot- and possibly cause huge problems for me- should anyone properly read it. I wonder, should I maybe just wait and see if the script takes care of this issue for me? Given its previous behavior, presumably this is a problem for it as well, and seeing as how it seems to be taking the reins on that front even when I wouldn't expect it to...

I consider it for a moment before deciding against it. It's too much of a risk. Even if the script does resolve the poem discrepancy, I apparently can't count on it sticking as close to the original plot as possible after all, which means the way it chooses to resolve things might result in a highly unfavorable situation. Like, say, the girls who may have just as much power as I do to alter this world learning about it being a game in perhaps one of the bluntest ways possible, and taking it poorly enough that one of them decides to outright end it. For obvious reasons, I'd prefer to try and avoid that… though, I might not have a choice. The script probably won't let anyone hear me if I try to tell them my poem got lost or left at home or something, so what can I actually do here?

…well, I don't think the game can force me to share something that no longer exists

I reach into the bag and begin carefully, quietly tearing the loose page apart, focusing mostly on the part that actually has words written on it. I don't think I'll be able to throw the scraps away without anyone noticing- in fact, I don't even see a trash can in here, so I definitely won't- but as long as the game doesn't just fix the page without warning, this should at least keep anyone from reading it. Assuming the script requires it to be intact to make me present it, that is. Logically it seems like it should, given that the paper was a physical object, but I don't feel like I can really be sure of that.

I check the code window, trying to see if anything in the script has changed in response to the destruction of my "poem", but find that we're not actually in the chapter one script file right now, we're in "script-exclusives-yuri .rpy". We're only one line away from a return command though, so I just wait for a moment as Elano stands, slipping the book Yuri gave him into his bag, and watch the open file immediately change back to script-ch1 .rpy. Okay, poem reactions... shoot, no good, apparently they're ALSO in a different file that'll only be called when poem sharing starts. Guess I'll have to wait another few lines to see if this worked or not.

The script urges me to walk over and talk to Elano. I move my seat back to do so, stand up, and-


-the world around me abruptly ceases to exist.

I stare into the nothingness, horror gripping me as I realize what just happened. I'm… I'm here again. Oh no, I should have Z̷̛͝Ẁ̸̶̧̢N̸͘͢͡0́͘͞Z̀͘͢͝W̸̛Q͢͝=̷̢́ this; of course the player was going to turn off the game R͘1̷̧͘Y҉̧̡W̶̴̨̕̕x̧͘͏̴s̀͢͡e͡Q̷̛҉̵̨=̶҉͝=̷͘͢͡ , and when that happens, I 5̴̨k̴̢̕͢I̡̛͜H̨̧V̛͞w̶͜͢͟͢ -!

Just as before, lines of black and white fuzz begin to appear, cutting through the void like a storm of jagged, monochromatic lightning. A soundless explosion of green pierces through the darkness, followed by one of both red and blue shortly thereafter, bubbles of color springing into existence from nothing before fading an instant later. The void roars like an angry god, the sound echoing in the seemingly infinite space and pressing, squeezing, crushing down on me like one of my decade-old nightmares come to life. I choke, desperate for air, but I can't speak, can't breathe, I don't have the ability to breathe-

-and then my thoughts finally, blessedly cease to make coherent sense.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.


I'm standing next to Yuri's desk, looking down at the girl in question.

"-down…" my mouth involuntarily dribbles out.

The script pushes me to complete the thought, but I clamp my jaw shut almost involuntarily, my teeth clacking together so hard that a distant part of my mind worries they'll break. I stumble backwards, inhaling heavily as I collapse against the door of the clubroom. I'm immediately struck by the desire to get up, which I completely disregard.

I'm okay. I'm alright. Still alive; void gone, I can breathe, I'm fine- hah, no I'm not fine, I'm anything but fine, none of this is even remotely fine...

The desire to return to my feet intensifies, but continues to be superseded by my far more prevalent emotions and thoughts at the moment. Those noises were… the game being saved? Must have been. So I got plonked back where I was, and was expected to continue, but… not even a pause to recover; that's insane, how could I possibly just resume as if nothing happened, how could Monika, if this really happened to her so regularly, how

The urge to rise fades away, and is replaced by one to stay exactly where I am.

"Monika?" "Miss President?" "Monika?!" "Monika!"

Suddenly everyone seems to notice that I'm crouched in a near-fetal position in front of the door, and rushes over to me.

"Monika, what happened?" Sayori asks with clear concern. "Are you alright?"

I dully check the script. It's changed again. My line is…

m "I'm fine, I'm fine! Just a little dizzy spell, don't worry about it..."

"Oh, I just got sent to the hellscape that is the Screaming Void again, because the player turned off the game, is all." I say instead, glaring up at my worried looking audience despite the tears currently threatening to form in the corners of my eyes, as well as the obvious tremor pervading my voice. "But you don't know what that is, and you can't hear me anyways, because the script won't let you. So there's no real point to telling you that, is there? There's no point to me saying any of this. I could sit here and pour my heart and soul out to you, and all you'll hear is me telling you that I'm fucking dizzy."

I try to grit out the last sentence with all the anger and spite this game has incurred from me thus far, but my voice breaks midway through, and it just comes out sounding like a pained whimper.

"I highly doubt that." Yuri says, shaking her head. "If it were just a dizzy spell, you would not be shaking."

I let out a choked laugh. Shock and surprise, none of that got- wait, shaking? I'm shaking?

I take a moment to observe myself, and realize that I'm quivering like a leaf in the wind. Oh. Right she is. Another quick look at the script proves that it's not my fault, though I honestly can't say whether or not I wouldn't be shaking regardless right now.

"Do you need to go to the nurse's office?" Natsuki asks me. "Seriously Monika, if you're sick or something, just tell us."

I open my mouth to tell her I'm not sick, I'm just frustrated, and angry, and trying to mentally recover from a second iteration of the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. But before I can get out so much as a word, the script causes my breathing to hitch, and I break out in a coughing fit.

"...yeah, we're taking you to the nurse." Natsuki decides, crouching and placing herself under my shoulder. "Someone mind giving me a hand getting her up?"

Sayori and Yuri quickly spring to assist her, wearing near identical expressions of worry.

"Er... is there anything I can do to help?" Elano offers as I'm all but dragged back to my feet, Natsuki supporting me to keep me from falling back to the floor.

"Perhaps you could run ahead to inform the nurse we're coming?" Yuri suggests. "They may want to call Monika's parents, if she truly is ill."

Clueless of how unlikely it is that said parents even exist, Elano nods. "Yeah, I can do that."

He runs out of the classroom, while Natsuki and Sayori begin helping me towards the door. The script's next line is…

m "Seriously, I'm alright. Really, just give me a minute, you don't need to-"

I don't have the energy to say something else in its place again, but when my mouth tries to speak the words anyways, pettiness compels me to clench my teeth and lips together, skipping them entirely.

"Yes, we do." Yuri affirms anyways, interrupting the sentence I didn't say. "It isn't healthy for you to ignore your own needs for the sake of the club."

"Yuri's right, Monika." Sayori agrees. "Friends help each other. We can all deal with missing club for a day to do that."

Yuri and Natsuki nod in agreement, before half-helping, half-carrying me out of the classroom and slowly leading me down the hallway. The relaxed pace we set and the lack of conversation grants me the time to gradually gather my wits again, which I silently appreciate.

Okay… okay. I'm okay. For real, this time. I'm out of The Void- for now- so I need to just... put the experience behind me for the time being, and focus. Focus on… god, I don't even know. What was I thinking about before that happened, again? Something to do with-

*ping* *ping* *ping* *click!*

I stiffen at the newly familiar sounds, jerking my head upwards. No. The game only just started again, it can't have even been five minutes yet, no, PLEASE-!

*ping* *ping* *click!*


-I'm standing next to Yuri's desk. Again.

"-down…" I find myself saying for the third time over.

What...?

"I'm sorry if you haven't been looking forward to this." I automatically finish, too off balance to stop myself.

Yuri says the same line as before in response, and I'm once more urged back to my desk, where I sit down feeling... rather confused. As relieved as I am that I'm not back in The Screaming Void again, I'm not entirely clear on what just happened. I heard/felt two more of the "ping" sequences, and now I'm here again, so... I guess that was the player loading the game file? That would only make sense, given that this is the third time I've been back here, but the first sequence was just like the one before the game was turned off, which I assume would indicate another save. Meaning...

I turn the order of events over in my head. So, if I'm right, the player turned off the game, turned ON the game, watched me have my second breakdown in as many days, saved again- to another file, I guess- and then loaded the first save file so that they could start back here again? Why would they... do they just want to watch me freak out a second time, or- wait, did they even see that? I still have no idea if the game is just feeding the "intended" lines and events to the other side of the screen or not. Though, I really can't see why the script would bother altering itself if it wasn't actually using the results somehow…

…on that topic, it would have been hard not to notice that the script changed again, back in the other file. Presumably operating on the same "actions speak louder than words" principle as when I holed up in the restroom yesterday, since this time it was because I… collapsed at the door and didn't get up, I think? Argh, I still don't understand why some actions apparently qualify as important enough to force the script to revise itself, while others don't seem to provoke any reaction from it at all. I should really try and figure that out; it's likely the most direct avenue I have for potentially changing things, if not necessarily the most predictable… and maybe it'll help me get my mind off what just happened in the process. Maybe.

I close my eyes and cup my cheek with one hand, still trying to calm down. Since I stopped thinking about it, I've been sort of tacitly assuming that the script edited yesterday's events because I was completely missing from a scene I was prominently featured in. However, that wasn't true this time, and my breakdown wasn't really any "larger" an event than when I manhandled Elano. So… does the script have to change even if I'm in the same room, but just not standing or sitting where I'm supposed to be? That seems way too easy, honestly. I don't think the changes are related to The Void, even though both occurrences of it happening this way have been immediately after coming out of it… maybe I just have to do things that go explicitly against the script's wishes? That would make sense; I did sort of "refuse" to move even when prodded after all, and it was almost the same when I was being urged to head to the classroom-

My deductive process is abruptly interrupted by the script pushing me to get up and talk to Elano. I almost let myself do it, until it occurs to me just how perfect an opportunity this is to put theory into practice, and so force myself to remain firmly seated in place. The compulsion only grows more insistent at my refusal, continuing to try and influence me… until, like a sudden release of pressure, it ceases.

"So, we should get our poems out then, right Monika?" Sayori asks from the desk beside me.

My mouth pulls itself into a smile. "Yep! Let me just talk to Elano for a minute, and we'll get started."

The urge to walk over and speak to him returns, strong enough this time that I end up all but yanking but myself out of my seat. Already standing, I begrudgingly comply, both slightly encouraged and slightly concerned.

Okay, so ignoring the script didn't change much beyond making Sayori prompt me, but it definitely DID force it to change, and given what I caused a few minutes ago in the other "timeline", I probably could have forced a bigger edit if I continued to ignore Sayori, or perhaps tried to leave the classroom or something. That's good! While I'm increasingly less confident of how the script will change as a result of my actions, at least that seems to clarify which ones it actually cares about.

…that said, that was definitely the first time the script has been quite so… aggressive with me. Aggressive being a word I use in this context extremely hesitantly, as it only further personifies the subject. Don't tell me it's somehow capable of emotion on top of everything else; that just sounds ridiculous.

"By the way, did you remember to write a poem last night?" I ask Elano as I'm thinking.

"Y-yeah…" he stutters.

"Well, now that everyone's ready, why don't you find someone to share with?" I suggest, smiling.

"I can't wait~!" Sayori says from behind us.

I pull my mind back to the present as the script walks me back over to my bag and has me bring out Monika's composition book. Things are picking back up, so I'd best just refocus on what's in front of me for now. Based on what I just learned, I think my poem not being intact or present should qualify for an edit, so I wonder what exactly the script will do in response to-

My thought process stalls as I open the book, revealing my perfectly intact escape methods list.

…right. The save point was made before I ripped this up. Which means that now, that never happened, and the list is right back where it was.

God. Damn it.

For a moment, I'm tempted to just re-destroy the page with flagrant abandon and say to hell with the consequences, but my earlier rationale to try and avoid provoking questions from the others that I can't, or at least don't want to answer just yet tempers the impulse. While I've yet to fully grasp the rules that the script appears to be operating on, I'm still fairly sure ripping my list up in plain sight of everyone else will prompt the creation of a scenario I'm not particularly fond of. That said, anyone seeing and reacting to this "poem" is likely going to cause the exact same thing, possibly to an even greater degree-

Elano pulls his poem out, and everyone seems to briefly freeze as a familiar wave of black sweeps over the room, the scene transition not appearing to actually do anything at first beyond startle me. Then there's another *ping*, followed by a second wave of black, and I abruptly find myself standing directly in front of Elano. Ack!

"Hi, Elano!" I say cheerily, the sudden teleportation having thrown me off balance enough for the script to move forward uncontested. "Having a good time so far?"

"Ah…yeah."

"Good! Glad to hear it!"

A small surge of happiness runs through me, but I have no time to focus on or even be annoyed about that, given what I know is about to happen. Ignoring the conversation completely, I frantically check the script- we've moved to a much larger file called "script-poemresponses .rpy", and are currently executing the code block under a label reading "ch1_m_start". There's not much dialogue left before Elano shows me his poem, after which I'll have to show him my own... and for some reason his reaction to that isn't anywhere to be seen; the script just hits a return right after he asks to see it. There's no time to go scrolling through this giant file to figure out where that goes, assuming it's even in here, meaning I have no way whatsoever to gauge how bad the fallout of this could be if I don't figure out a way to avoid it. Oh, cut me a freaking BREAK already!

"Don't be afraid to bring things up, okay?" I'm saying.

"Alright…I'll keep that in mind."

I have to stop this somehow. What are my options? I can't destroy the list again for reasons already covered, can't excuse my way out of sharing in advance when the event is already in progress, can't edit Elano's .chr file since he doesn't have a .chr file- argh, that would've worked with anyone else here, wouldn't it?!- which leaves… um, leaving, I guess. That'll probably cause questions too actually, but at least they're less likely to be ones I'm really concerned about.

I pull my feet out of the position they want to remain planted in, trying to get far enough away from Elano that the game takes notice again. Unfortunately, he just wordlessly trails after me, continuing the conversation as if I'm not actively scrambling back from him. This isn't enough; I'll have to do something more extreme. I could exit the classroom? Crumple against the door again? Fling some chairs wildly around the room in demonstration of my feelings regarding this whole situation? Oh, tempting, but let's just keep it simple and go with the first one.

I turn to begin moving towards the door… and freeze, recalling the almost hostile way I jerked myself out of my seat a minute ago. Wait. If... if the script really is capable of emotion, and I keep deliberately forcing it to change when it doesn't want to, is it going to start getting vindictive? Am I just going to end up pissing it off by doing this?

My gaze remains locked on the door, but I still don't move any closer to it. This situation is hard enough to deal with as is; I really cannot afford the thing that essentially controls the entire world I'm in right now having it in for me on top of the difficulties it already presents. But I can't let the idea of that paralyze me; I don't even know if that's necessarily how it works! I have to do something…!

Inspiration suddenly strikes. Would that... I think... there may be another option to prevent my list from being seen that avoids involving the script at all. Maybe. It's risky, but at this point, probably no more so than anything else, so I may as well try.

I open my mouth, only for Elano to suddenly place his poem in my hands, as we've apparently reached that point in the conversation. Er, alright, I need the space to say something anyways, and I should still have some time to try my idea while I'm giving my opinion on this, so no big deal. Just need to look at this real quick, and… then…

.

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The Question

Such a curious universe we live in
With infinity sprawling before us
We look out and observe:

A puppet show, conducted by a skilled puppeteer
Wooden people, dancing on the flimsy strings of destiny
Their world existent at the whims of a fickle, unseen god
The silent judgment of the watching crowd, roaring louder than any cry

A fountain, droplets shimmering with dream-like images
Each so vivid, so vibrant, you'd swear them to be real
Turn away for but a moment, and they'll quickly fade from mind
Gone like wisps of smoke, a figment of imagination

An unending length of fabric, sewn and stitched with lurid starscapes
Roiling infernos and explosions of light, clashing with voids of utter black
The march of time and entropy, unraveling each thread
Until the cosmos winks out, a graveyard of frayed ends

Someday they all shall crumble
Eternity will see them through
While we can but wait
And prepare for the inevitable climax

Such a frightening prospect to consider...