Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own these franchises or any of their characters.
Author Note: I am going to crush your hearts and souls because I am a huge penis. BTW, this chapter was really difficult to write so you can all thank Combine for his interesting comments in this half vent write. Okay no, sometimes even I need to vent.
PMYM
Interlude One: All I've Ever Known
"Ry bgnxe vmkst xgps ahv B qoml xaelqmmihy tlacf; by fywex bylmjr ynxwy nafj."
I can't remember much of before the Satellite was the Satellite. I think it was Domino before. I burnt my old house down. Someone really important died there. I had his shirt for such a long time. He was seven years old at the time, I was nine. It didn't seem like such a big deal of a day, even where our mama ran in screaming that the Momentum Reactor was going to explode. I didn't say the things I should have. Someone, some Mahou Shounen had done something and lost something and that loss caused the explosion. My name was Kristen then and I didn't really think much of it. It didn't matter then. Too bad to me, to everyone, it was going to matter a lot more. That was my first summer in Satellite. I kept my hair really long too. I wasn't too sad to cut it. It was actually a relief. I liked myself in the mirror a little bit more. It hurt a little though because with the loss of my hair I had nothing of my old life left but that shirt. I lost everything.
I didn't know what to do after the house burnt down. Move on I guessed. So I moved on and saw how the entire place was destroyed, there weren't even any trees left. I used to like trees. There aren't any around anymore. Anyway I moved from that place and became wild and I stretched my wings for the first time. I killed someone then. It was an accident. They screamed that I had to bring them something, it was medicine. I kept it though. It came in handy. I would have died without it. That's not cruel right? To keep yourself living? That's all I've ever done. This is when I first ran into him, we would meet a lot actually. Every year I saw him again in a different skin, in a different persona, at least that's how I saw it. I was still Kristen and I didn't realize what that meant. I wish I knew earlier. I'd have felt a lot better. He asked me what my name was. I told him easily. He was eleven I think. He hadn't lost his family, he never had one to begin with. We could empathize though that was short lived.
"Who are you?"
"Kristen."
"Oh. I'm...Robert I guess."
He had stolen a wallet with the name Robert Pearson on it and decided to keep that as his name. What his old one was I don't care. We don't use real names around here anyway.
The next time we met I was older, not wiser just older. Thirteen and fifteen. Or at least, I suppose he was fifteen. He doesn't even know his real age so I always just guessed he was two years older. He didn't look much younger or much older but he did seem older so that one was the best guess. Anyway I wasn't Kristen by then, I was Kris already. I had figured things out. I looked good in the mirror, I felt good. But things were still so awkward and confusing so I just got angry. Robert was always right about that, I did have anger issues. Maybe if I had listened to him more often I wouldn't been so keen to solve my issues with violence. But what's done is done and he deserved it at least... I didn't mean it to any degree. It wasn't supposed to happen this way but what's done is done. Anyway at this point I was half wild he said. I still acted like I was normal he said. He didn't mean to insult me... Huh? Oh. I had stolen something important to him, a necklace with feathers on it. I still don't know why it was so important.
"I ain't leaving until I get that back!"
"Heh! Come and get me!"
He did. That's how I lost my first adult tooth. He knocked out one of my molars. I didn't cry. I didn't feel a thing. So he took me in for a while. I left suddenly in the middle of the night and lost everything again as it burnt. I heard there were other people in that building. I still don't care.
The third time we met I was seventeen and he was nineteen and that time it stuck. I stayed with him for four years. I still hated myself in the mirror. It made me angry. Angry because it wasn't fair. I wasn't even strong enough to wish for what I wanted, they said my soul wasn't strong enough for that kind of wish so I just wished for money. Money was good. Money could make it better, money could make my life better. I didn't think of anyone else. I did it for the sake of dream. Is that cruel? No. No, it just can't be! Selfishness isn't cruel! Look at all these selfish wishes that bring so much sadness! Selfless wishes are cruel...
"Wish for something else! Wish for something real good!"
"No way! I, I don't like the way-"
"Kris I think you look just fine!"
"I, no, whatever. You wouldn't understand Robert."
Robert was always hurting my feelings. He never understood why I got so upset. It felt as if I didn't matter to him. He was always distracted by someone else. Distracted by Saiga, by Crow. I was the one that was always ignored. The money was used to get us from the Satellite to Neo-Domino. I paid for three to go and stay there. I bought this apartment. I used up everything I had to live domesticated. I shouldn't have done that. I should have taken that money and left them and used it to fix myself but no. That is my second biggest regret.
Something happened in the second year. Something that changed me and only me really. Robert made his wish, his soul was stronger that mine they said. So he wished. He wished for money. I don't know what it was for but he wished for it when he could have wished it for me. So I got angry but I stayed. At this point there was no where else to go. I was domesticated, enough. At this point I was Bolger, a cynical thug. That fit better. After all we blew the money in the third year. The fourth year things were hard. My Soul Gem was dirty since he made his wish, since he replaced me, even though I'm the only person that ever loved him he said. So in the desperation for money and enough Grief Seeds for all of us I ended up taking The Director's deal against Robert's wishes. I only wanted to look out for him. Is that cruel? Yes. Mercy is cruel. I should have passed him by. Everything I get attached to just burns anyway, isn't that way? I'm broken so it makes sense that I'd get attached to broken things and broken things get thrown away, right? So I burnt what I cared about again. Except... this time... I forgot to burn the body.
So yes, I did it, I did all of it. I beat and burnt him and sent him spiraling into despair. I did it because if I loseeverything again I won't have to worry. I won't have to feel a thing, like before. So I burnt down my home again. It feels better every time.
"Be ulx yhy tbwdm. Ox fty lajm. Qw pfnnww yhyak xohyl yo zdhb uj lawooya tul lawoull fnx tnwsn gny oz gnw mimmms, ufw xo qw tye nzxr. Wy otstyv mmecj yjanzxws ng uzd zjhr ooj yqemz. Pj wufmjd nzxnr qagls, qw pfnnww yo zdr fs nzxd dcv, ltal xkjefq trohy mme njxjtihl fnx laj cfgnis, ufw xo qw tye nzxr. Wy kijalww yhye, pj cfmugex lajm, qw mfnadxi tbwbw fywm nn adnj, wy fxytyv mmeg, ox xpclmjd nzxr, wy laweq lajm ifmt hil vtafk, tsd ude kol dhae, vwvfumw pj linxi tbwf. Be qsgyex lh ge ifx binz mmeg. Ox bahlxi ti ztycb gny oz uejah, kftonz, ujaolbkuf wzls, uk mmes vbi, buud bhyf pj wyjx doofz fnx sznly sgi ihfhhehl hk cumlj ahv xkfyum, be xaw son otst nzx remk hk byagl bijg, fnx kh be wjtrmyv mme vakis cfmt ooj zzlfwmx, fysmmelk tsd ude, gun am bam fh zsy, ox hoodws't magl, nil xkfijmqemked am lajy xg, pj cuf'm kls, fhy wclatun kftky sgi myltq, ahv tx fij mme yyzx wy vhs't mltsd u uafnww. Pj'ry ebwex ag lrunbyy, qw'kj eujmmbimgi. Wy'jx fnedx-ieyh bs bfghi, ahv tql vwvfumw pj anw mme vakis, qw tye nzxr a fggl tcex fgi, oajn qw lyifd afd nzx uoqwk yo msr so."
Our villain doused in flames is a very lost young man that doesn't understand why nobody cares about him. He's blocked the memories of accidentally setting his house ablaze with his (still living) family in there. He's blocked out why he did it; why he does it. Why he destroys everything he loves. He's afraid, afraid that if he doesn't they'll just leave whether of an accidental death or of their own free will. He's spend too many years alone. So here we have it, the first tale to tell. Well then, you want to hear the story of a villain doused in flames that is and has always been wild?
It was dark inside that house. It was dark and it was choking his breath. He didn't want to be in the dark anymore. He was still scared of it, it reminded him of the Satellite. He was pacing about. They were both going to end up dead by her hand if this kept up. If he said anymore. Another word would kill him. He already spoilt a third of the secret. Anything else would certainly get them killed. It wasn't cruel to preserve your own life is it? It wasn't he decided though he was biting his lip. So he left his room armed with the weapon.
"Robert, if you tell them anything else I'm going to kill you!" He said and he looked serious with it.
That man had no fear. He would never let anyone get hurt. It wasn't in his nature. Other people always came first. He always applied that. Almost always. Holding fast to that large pipe of his our villain doused in flames stares directly into the eyes of his comrade.
"Bolger, do you really want to have that other boy, the one that's never done anything by you, to lose his soul as well? Just because ours are gone don't mean we've gotta act like it." The other man replied as he stared back without anger and without fear and this served to only increase the rage in our villain, like a rising fire.
"Shut up! Shut up! This isn't about them goddmanit! It's about you! You are so stupid you'd sell us both under the river for a pretty face! Fuck you! I trusted you! You were the first person I ever trusted!" The scarlet tint confessed underneath the eyes of truth.
And in the end it always returns to betrayal and love, no matter the other factors.
"Kris... Kris I... I won't." He stumbled over his words; he didn't know what to say.
So in response in anger and frustration and with tears in those eyes he struck the first blow. A sharp slam to the face, one that removed a molar. With a cough of blood his fellow Mahou Shounen stood up again and wiped the red that stained black off his face. He smiled.
"Kris...what do you want from me, if you don't tell me I can't help you, tell me why you want this money so badly, you don't even really think we're going to die so why?" He choked.
More rage in response.
"I won't let you get us all killed! Have us lose everything! It isn't fair!"
Red splashed across the black again. The soul of an already black shade grew blacker. With screams of anger and hate turning into tears of agony as the ground was stained a brilliant scarlet tint that dulled to a black as dark as night. No reasoning would get through to the other man. With another slam into his side the black coloured man feel and spat up more scarlet tints.
"So is this it then? Are you really gonna kill me Kris? Okay...if it makes you feel better...tell those boys though...please."
The soul grew ever darker. In the room already devoid of all light nothing shining remained. With another scream he kept hitting. In rage over everything that had ever happened. He didn't mean to kill him. It wasn't supposed to end that way. And as it was all he had ever known when he returned to his senses he burnt the place down. It didn't stop the grief though, either of their grief. So scarlet turns to black which in turn becomes scarlet. Of course. Everything is a cycle after all, even Meguca. So as he saw the Soul Gem crack and distort and become something else he ran. He couldn't face this Witch right now. It would destroy him, he'd let it. So he flew past the reason for the death and hid somewhere he felt he was safe. What now? Well The Director did say he'd pay them if they could get one to contract... they did didn't they? He'd be fine. He'd follow his passion, he'd stay safe and he'd stay sane and he would never, ever speak about this again. Even though it burns to the core. That he ripped the wings of that blackbird because he loved him so much and hated him so much. Because he wanted to be like him. He wanted to be strong. That was the original motivation right? It doesn't matter... it's all pain in the end.
All he's ever known has been loneliness and flame. Robert helped him with that. He had given him a home and let him try to burn it as he willed but the black coloured man never let it burn. But it just goes on and on and it never fades and so the first sight that he was going to be left he left himself by burning it all again. And it feels better everytime.
His body aches again. This time not with the ever present feeling but with guilt. He crawls up as small as he can and repeats his story over and over again, until he believes it. He'll never look at himself in the mirror again. He wishes in his subconscious that he never did this and the two of them were still happily together. He wishes that he never thought about himself at all. He wishes that he wasn't even born because now every part of his body just feels wrong and awkward and even his soul feels like it doesn't belong. He vomits in the corner and whimpers some more with a tinge of scarlet. He wants to be Kris again. Bolger was always too violent and Kristen wasn't even his body. Kris was just right he realizes. Not lying to himself, not awkward, not soulless. He wants to go back to when everything fit right and his reflection didn't know what it was talking about. Back when he knew who he was.
'I loved him so much. Oh god. Robert. I felt so complete with you. It hurts again. I just wanted to be like you. I wanted to be strong like you. I didn't want the mess of being confused. I didn't want the mirror to reflect someone else. I wanted to be strong and defy it all like you... defying everything. Robert. I wanted to be brave enough to take it. I wanted to be brave enough to change it. I want to be you. I want to be happy. I just want to be you. But for strength I'm still here confused and for bravery, like I ever had a chance. So what's my purpose? I'm just a broken... discarded...piece of trash...Robert...why do care for me? Why did you? I... I don't understand...why couldn't I have been born like you? Right.'
