Chapter 7, Day 3

"This seems strangely familiar," Rick remarked as he walked through Morgan's door. The layout and finishes were identical to his, but the neutral paint color on the wall was just a touch more blue than grey and the hodgepodge furnishings differed, as well.

"It's a lot less crowded than your place," he said as he walked into the kitchen. "Just made a fresh pot of coffee. Want to join me for a cup on the porch?"

"Sure, that'd be good," Rick replied as he glanced around the living room. His house was likely just as quiet as Morgan's at the moment since everyone was still asleep, but there would have been no mistaking that it was a full house from the multiple pairs of shoes lining the wall in the foyer, Judith's toys scattered across the living room floor, and dirty cups from the previous night sitting in the sink.

Morgan handed Rick a mug of coffee and the two men made their way out to the pair of rocking chairs on his porch. As they settled in, Rick noticed that Morgan's place at the edge of the community offered him an unobstructed view of the east, where instead of looking across to another house, he could see the tops of trees peeking over the wall and, at this time of day, the sun rising just above it.

"You have about as nice a view as you can get in this place," Rick said gesturing to the area above the wall.

Morgan smiled as he swallowed the sip of coffee he had just taken. "It is and I plan to be right here to witness it every morning." They sat in silence for a moment watching the sunrise and sipping their coffee until Morgan finally interrupted the silence. "Here we are finally connecting at dawn. It's not how or when we planned for it to happen, but we got here nonetheless," he said shaking his head in awe before looking over at a pensive Rick. "So what's on your mind this morning?"

Rick let out a dry chuckle. "What's not might be the better question." Morgan nodded and waited patiently for him to answer his question.

"Morgan, I...," he sighed in frustration as he looked for the words he wanted to say, then started over. "We are different people with very different lives now, and I can't live your way. There are no limits to what I would do to protect my family, and that's never going to change. I make no apologies for that. There are other things, though, that I want to change. I need to."

"Rick, I understand." Rick was surprised to hear this as he felt he'd been on the defensive since Morgan's arrival. "If Jenny or Duane were still here, I'd have to think things would be different. But they aren't and I am, and there has to be a greater purpose for that."

"How did you do it? How did you heal?"

"It started with you. You were the first person I had talked to in...God, probably months. I had been holed up by myself and all I could do was relive my past and obsess over it, but you were my first tie to reality, to what was actually going on. Seeing you and your boy and hearing what you said about being able to come back, it introduced a new thought into my mind. For a while it was still drowned out by everything else, but eventually it grew louder and louder until I had no choice but to address it. So I packed a small bag of supplies and a gun and decided to see what was out there. I was alone for days, just wandering through the woods until I came across a woman named Mara. She was young, probably 18 or so, and when I found her she was leaned up against a tree burning up because she'd been bit a few hours before. See she'd been traveling with her father and brother trying to make it from Athens up to Dahlonega to find her grandparents, but they'd strayed off course early on. They'd gotten caught up in a herd right before I came across her, and her dad and brother had been torn to shreds, but she made it out with just a bite. All she had was her backpack and a walking stick. No gun, no knife. Those went with her dad and her brother. I offered her mine so she could end it for herself, but she refused. Said she wanted to experience every last bit of life that she could with a damn smile on her face." Morgan laughed shaking his head still in disbelief over her resolve. "Orphaned right at the end and it didn't break her. So I stayed with her and we talked about our families that night. She had no fear and was only grateful for the life she had experienced. There were times while we were talking that I thought this was all in my mind because it made no sense to me. I didn't understand how a person couldn't be angry about what happened. Early into the next morning the fever got higher and she finally succumbed. Before she did, though, she thanked me for being there for her and she wished me the peace I had given her." He stopped shaking his head, tears welling in his eyes as he recalled her final moments. "She thanked me. I put her down right away and buried her body under the tree that night. Then I fell asleep for I don't know how long, but it was the most peaceful sleep I'd had in as long as I could remember. When I woke up, the sun was shining and it was quiet except for birds chirping. Her stick was laying beside me along with her backpack. I opened it up to see if there were any supplies and I found a dead flashlight, a few cans of food, and a book. It was about transforming suffering into peace through the teachings of Buddha. Being alone in the woods with nothing else to do, this Baptist boy decided to see what it was all about since what I had been doing wasn't working for me. I opened the cover and there was a bar code from a library and an inscription from her mother. I imagine her mother took it early on and gifted it to Mara to help her along the way in case she couldn't be there to do it herself. Her mother wanted her to have peace and she, in turn, passed that along to me. It was beautiful and it made me think of my Jenny and how she would have done something like that for Duane...and me. I was finally ready to accept it. You see, it wasn't just one thing that helped me. It was getting the message a few times along the way until finally I could hear it."

Rick continued to sit silently, mulling over Morgan's story. "I thought I had found my peace with Lori's death, but being here just brought back all of the hurt and guilt," Rick finally said after a long silence.

"Have you ever been able to talk to anyone about it?" Morgan asked.

"There was man named Hershel in my group and he helped me early on, but he...he didn't make it here."

"I'm sorry." Rick nodded in appreciation of his sympathy. "What about Michonne?"

The mention of her name caused him to stop and stare at Morgan for a moment. He felt a wall come up instantly. Talking about her to someone else felt off limits somehow since she occupied a place in his life that he'd never defined to himself much less verbalized to anyone else.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but she cares a great deal about you. I'd have a hard time believing that if she knew you were hurting, she wouldn't try to help you through it," Morgan added during Rick's hesitation.

Rick leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together around the nearly empty coffee mug he held. "I know that. And she was there for me too in the beginning...the other night she asked me why. Why we started to have trouble when we got here and I never actually told her why. It just doesn't feel fair to her...or Lori."

"Why, Rick?" Morgan pushed, knowing he was getting closer to the truth. Rick pushed off of his elbows and sat up straight in his chair again. He sighed and ran his hand over his face, as if he could wipe the tension away with his hand.

"Michonne saved my life. She brought Carl back when I feared that our relationship was beyond repair. And she pushed for this place; she wanted this for the good of my family and our group. She's my closest friend, she lives in my house, she has taken to my kids as if they're her own. After everything we've been through together to get here, I didn't want to have to tell her that I couldn't enjoy it was because all I could think of was my wife. And then if I did tell her, I felt like it would be a betrayal to Lori in a way, trying to put her memory behind me with the woman who essentially took her place. So I tried to handle it on my own, and...I failed. I haven't been myself."

"What do you think Lori wanted for the kids?"

"To be safe and happy."

"And for you?"

"The same, I suppose," Rick said as he shrugged.

"She would have. No doubt," Morgan assured him.

"You know, before you found me, when I was still in the hospital, she thought I was dead. My best friend, he stepped in and took care of her and Carl. Got them to safety. They ended up falling for each other, making a new family. And God knows we had our share of problems, but I never held that against her. I understood why she did it and I was grateful that she and Carl were taken care of."

"Then I'm sure she'd understand, as well. Why can't you extend the same compassion and understanding you showed her to yourself?"

Rick looked up to the ceiling and shook his head, a small smile crossing his face as he acknowledged the irony of the situation. "I find that hard to do."

Morgan smiled at his friend's admission. "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Now I can't take credit for that, but it's something that helps me every day, and I think it could help you too. You need to move on Rick, not just for yourself, but for everyone you love. The guilt you feel from moving on will be nothing compared to what you'll feel if something happens because you haven't."

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After leaving Morgan's house, Rick decided to walk along the perimeter. His eyes scanned the area as they routinely did on these walks, but he saw nothing, his mind too preoccupied with his thoughts to do anything else. He found himself in the farthest corner of the community, out of sight from the street and as alone as he could get within the walls. He rested his back against the wall and slid down until he was seated on the ground with his knees bent in front of him. He looked up to the sky and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered aloud as his eyes began watering. "I'm so sorry that you're not here with us. Our kids are...they're my everything, Lori. They are happy, safe, and so loved. So so loved. I promise you that nothing will ever stop that." He dropped his head in his hands and shakily inhaled as tears rolled down his cheeks. He let his emotions run free, not trying to keep them in check or worrying about anyone seeing him, and within a few minutes, he sat there quietly with dry eyes. He brought his right hand to his ring finger and removed it in one motion, then placed it in his left shirt pocket. So many times before he had toyed with the ring, moving it to his knuckle then back, never sure if it was the right time. Today there was no doubt.

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"Just please make sure he eats out there. He's wasting away," Eric said as he reached over and hooked a finger over the waistband of Aaron's khakis, pulling to show the roominess. "I've asked Daryl to do the same, but he doesn't seem to want to help."

"Cause I ain't his damn nanny," Daryl shot back causing Eric to roll his eyes. Michonne laughed at the banter between the two. The recruiting team had an interesting dynamic that she found endlessly amusing. They were all gathered around the car in Aaron's driveway waiting to head out. It was ten 'til eight, and the group was unsure if they would be joined by a fourth member yet.

"Look, you're all big boys, so you can make your own big boy decisions, but I'm just warning you, Aaron, if you leave your food laying around too long, it might not be there when you finally come for it," she said with a smirk.

"Yeah, don't let Miss Skinny fool ya, she can pack it away," Daryl said teasingly. She couldn't even argue, so she just nodded her head and smiled.

"Where's Rick at? It's gettin' close to leavin' time." Daryl's question was directed straight at Michonne which irritated her this morning given how things had ended between them last night.

"I don't know. I'm not his keeper," she answered half-jokingly to try to mask her annoyance.

"Ah, come on. That's some bullshit and you know it," Daryl said. His response elicited what could only be referred to as a death stare from Michonne.

"He said he was coming. If you're so concerned, you can go look for him," she said brusquely. Her tone made everyone take notice. Daryl brought his hands up in front of him signaling that he would back off. The awkward silence that ensued was mercifully cut short, though, by Eric's voice.

"Oh my god, look who it is!" he exclaimed as Rick made his way up the driveway. "Thank god," he added in a sing-songy tone under his breath.

Michonne looked Rick up and down, noticing that he was wearing the same clothes from last night and his eyes appeared to be blood shot.

"Morning everyone," he said as he tipped his head to the group members in greeting. His voice was hoarse and confirmed to Michonne that he hadn't slept since she'd last seen him. He looked directly at her, before speaking again. "Can I speak to you?"

Being singled out in the small group made her uncomfortable. She looked up at Aaron and Eric noticing the slightly stunned looks they shared. It was that of two people who suddenly felt out of place in their own yard. "I'll just be a minute, guys," she said as she walked toward Rick. They walked side by side and down the street for a few feet with their back to the crew in the driveway before Rick finally spoke.

A/N: I'm curious to see what you all think Morgan's back story will end up being on the show. Was it just Rick? Did he meet a zen ninja in the woods? Was it just some random person? Is there some other possibility that I'm leaving out all together? I have to say trying to come up with a reasonable back story for him was the biggest challenge of this chapter. You (and I) can look forward to lots of Grimes family 2.0 goodness next time around. It's always so much fun to write. Thanks so much reading!