Lesson 7: Camping- Day 1
(For Streakychan on deviantArt)


Convincing Optimus Prime that he was just too damn big to go with was not an easy task.

"People just don't use big rigs to go camping in. It's just something that doesn't happen. In fact, they probably won't even let us past check in if they saw a hulking, flaming truck pull up. I'm sorry, but you can't go."

Convincing Ratchet that forgoing proper shelter for a few days of being dirty and cold and sleeping on the ground was a valid means of fun for many people was also not an easy task.

"Why? First of all, as much as it may surprise you, us humans like to get away from a good majority of technology that dominates our lives. Some of us like to play in the dirt. Eat undercooked meat prepared over a poorly-built fire. Or have stiff necks and aching backs from the terrible sleep. It's just what some of us do. And moreover, it's fun. Come on, say it with me: f-u-n."

And convincing Miles, for the umpteenth time, that Sam and Mikaela's giant robot friends were real, and going camping with them, was the most difficult task of all. (Perhaps not as difficult as getting Sam's parents to let him go camping to begin with, but that's neither here nor there.)

"Look. No, look at me. Bumblebee is coming because he's my car. Jazz is coming so he can haul our stuff. Neither of them are taller than 15 feet in robot mode, dude. They're not gonna shoot things, and they're not going to make any sudden movements. The only thing I'd suggest is to stay downwind of them because they can smell fear. Oh, come on, man! Don't walk away! I'm just bullshitting you! Miles! Mi... aw, forget it. He'll come around."

And so, before any of them knew it, Sam, Mikaela, Miles, Bumblebee, and Jazz were off to spend the next four days in the closest remote place they count find: the desert. Home only to the most hardy of adventurers, dune buggy racers, ATV riders, and other assortment of crazed outdoor sportsmen, it would be a welcome vacation for the youngsters; not to mention relatively easy for their accompanying bots to escape the drudgery of their vehicular modes at night.

The drive hither was relaxing. At least it was for Sam and Mikaela; Miles spent the entire time quite unsure of where to sit, careful not to touch anything as he was quite convinced that he was setting his ass down on Bumblebee's innards or something. Fortunately (for everyone else), his anxiety gave way to laziness, and he eventually fell asleep, with not just his ass on the Autobot's guts, but his head, side, and dirty shoes as well. Jazz was following close behind, packed to the rim with camping equipment. They'd almost piled it up behind the wheel too, but was comically reminded that other drivers might find it odd to see a Solstice being driven by a pile of blankets and an ice chest. Sam could see his sharply dressed holoform in Bee's rear view mirror, rockin' out to the radio for the duration of the trip.

Just as the boy had anticipated, the campground was nearly empty. They checked in and selected a spot as far from everyone else as they could, sending Jazz to investigate the various campsites that were only represented on the sheet by circles and numbers. In no time at all, they found the perfect one. Tucked away in a corner of the campground, it included a good portion of the hillside it backed up against, and the surrounding area would easily accommodate their larger friends.

The two teenagers that were still awake leapt out of the car and proceeded to stretch. "Man, it's hot out here," Mikaela said, walking over to the Pontiac. "Jazz, pop the trunk?"

Sam opened the passenger-side door and caught a sleeping bag as it fell out. "Of course it's hot. Welcome to the desert?"

The two of them were unloading their gear when an acute scream sounded from inside the Camaro. The door clicked open on its own, and Miles came tumbling out, white as a sheet. Bumblebee started laughing. The poor boy scrambled over to his friend, shaking and folding his scrawny arms across his chest in a poor attempt to regain his composure. "Dammit," he said, his previous pallor quickly turning a beet red. "Tell... tell him not to do that! That wasn't cool, dude! Not cool at all! If you wanted to wake me up guys, all you had to do was like, kick me or something!"

Sam screwed up his mouth in attempts to fight off a wide grin at his friend's expense. "Bee, what'd you do to him?"

The yellow car rose up on his shock absorbers. "I just blasted the A/C and started to lower the front seats back on him. Nothing too traumatizing, honest!"

Miles let out a startling and rather comically loud huff. "Like I said: not freakin' cool! I thought he was eating me or something!"

Mikaela burst out laughing alongside both Jazz and her boyfriend. Sam lightly smacked his friend upside the head. "Stop being such a pussy, Miles. Now help us unpack."

Jazz had music playing the whole time, and Bee occupied himself by turning his front wheels in time with the beat as the two Autobots watched the kids partake in their odd human rituals. Miles was having an extremely difficult time with his tent while Mikaela set up their food situation, beating back ground squirrels that got a little to close to their boxes of non-perishable goods. The two Autobots had a good time scaring away squirrels as well.

When their site was set up and ready to be lived in, dusk was on them. Seeing that no one had taken spots anywhere nearby, Jazz and Bumblebee thought it safe to transform quietly and crouch with their humans by the fire.

"What are those?" the Camaro asked, pointing at the sticks they were holding over the flames. One little pustule caught fire and Miles removed it, waiting for it to go out, and popped the charred, gooey mess into his mouth.

"Yfu meanf fif?" he attempted.

Jazz nodded. "Yeah. What are they? They don't look like no regular food you guys eat."

"'Course not!" Sam stated with fidgety smugness. "They're marshmallows. Made of air, sugar, glue, and awesome." He reached into the bag and shoveled three in his mouth. "Anf fey're finur."

"Nothing like piles of junk food to replace a perfectly good meal." Mikaela said with a grin, reaching for a box of graham crackers and package of slightly melted Hershey's chocolate.

Bee blinked his blue optics. "Ratchet says that 'junk food' is bad for you, though. Won't it affect your systems? I mean, in a bad way?"

"Bah," Sam said, waving at the robot dismissively. "Sure it will. But the stomach aches are totally worth it."

"Turn the music down!" Came a man's shout from a few campsites away. Everyone fell silent and glanced at each other.

Jazz lowered his head, and made the robotic equivalent to someone clearing their throat, before shutting off his radio. "Sorry, guys."

"Weh fat waf roo," Miles said, mouth full of marshmallows.

Sam set down his roasting stick and fumbled around in his pocket. "Well, we aren't supposed to be playing music after ten... what time is it.." The boy's face was soon illuminated by the blue glow of his phone. "Wow, it's already a quarter to eleven?"

"Aw, slag," Jazz said, sitting down on his behind instead of crouching. Bee followed suit. "If we can't listen to music, what're we gonna listen to?"

Sam and Mikaela thought. Miles continued to stuff his face.

"I know! Dude, how about some ghost stories?"

The two humans cocked their eyebrows. "Ghost stories?"

"What are those?"

Sam turned to the Autobots. "You know, scary stories and such. You guys probably won't find them scary at all though."

"Well neither will we," the girl said flatly.

"Oh, come on. Humor me guys. I actually know some pretty good ones from my short time as a boy scout."

Mikaela snorted. "You were a boyscout?"

"All right, it wasn't the most memorable time in my life, but I did learn a few handy things. Are you going to sit here and make fun of me, or can I tell some stories?"

The two kids laughed. "Go right ahead."

"Good," Sam said, picking up his marshmallow stick and sticking another half dozen on there. "Aight. I'm going to start off with the story of the Windigo..."


Keep on with the suggestions! Note that Lesson 7 will be in four parts, though. Thanks kids!

Also, I'm really starting to like Miles as a character. He's like, that friend everyone has that fails at everything, and the group only keeps them around for comic relief. Something like a Karen the Douchebag, but more... a Miles the Epic Fail.