Chapter 7

"So what's going on with you and Austin?" Trish asks me as we pull away from Cass' house and towards the hell-hole known as school.

"Yeah? You've been different lately." Cass adds, looking at me questioningly. Okay so maybe I didn't tell Trish and Cass about my little make out session with Austin.

"Umm...we're just tolerating each other. Yeah, we're tolerating each other." Good one Dawson, that was the most believable lie ever. Not!

"Bullshit! Something happened between you two." Cass almost screeches causing me to swerve onto the other side of the road, thank god we're just at the end of Cass' street.

"Calm your panties! Nothing has happened between us. For a while anyway..." I mutter the last sentence under my breath. Cass is oblivious but Trish catches it and raises an eyebrow at me but keeps quiet. That will be a fun conversation later...

We pull into the school parking lot just after Austin and his friends: Ethan, Elliot, Dez and Andrew and as alway they've got the top down on Austin's convertible and music blasting.

"Turn the music down! Jesus it's before 8, I don't do noise before 8!" Trish shouts as we step out the car which is parked next to Austin's as it always is. How that came about I don't really know. I laugh as I normally would but it seems forced and as I look up from my feet I see Austin's gaze fixed on me as he smiles at me. Why does he have to have such a perfect smile? It just makes trying to forget about the kiss so much harder, then again it always helps if I actually want to forget about it.

"Chill Trishy." Ethan smirks as he wraps his arm around her shoulder only to receive an elbow to the stomach.

"Get your hands off me Ethan." She glares at him.

"Nah, I'm quite comfy like this."

"Where did Cass and Elliot go?" I ask as I notice they're gone. The next thing I know I've got a body pressed against my back and an arm around my waist. Assuming it's Dallas I lean back into him. "Hi baby."

"Hey babe. Cass and Elliot went to their lockers." Austin whispers in my ear with his hand moving lower and lower and I can feel my self control slipping. Why am I not pulling away?

Because I'm getting attention from someone at school. Dallas doesn't hold my hand when we're at school and it's been a week since we saw each other out of school, then when we do see each other it ends in an argument, he doesn't take me to parties no matter how much I tell him how much I want to go. I'm getting attention from Austin even if he's bad news.

"Austin don't." I sigh because I really can't be bothered with a fight between Austin and Dallas if we're seen by Dallas.

"What?" He asks sounding rather disheartened.

"I don't want a fight to break out between you and Dallas. Just...don't." I get out of his arms and walk towards the building. I only get a few steps before I'm pulled back by the arm.

"You're seriously still with that asshole?"

"You're one to talk."

"I was but you out of everyone should know I've changed and if I haven't completely then I'm changing. And I'll tell you one thi- no I promise you one thing. If you were with me I'd give you everything I could. I'd spend as much time as I could with you, I'd take you anywhere and everywhere you wanted to go and I'd kiss you every time like it was the last time I'd ever kiss you. I swear if I ever get the chance to prove myself to you I won't screw it up."

"Austin...I know you think that by saying all those things will make some big difference in my life or change my mind about Dallas but-"

"You know what, just pretend I didn't say anything. But remember who was there for you when you had that first argument with Dallas and remember what happened that night because I sure as hell do. Go back to Dallas, just like you always do. Perfect little Ally Dawson not giving a fuck about anyone else's feelings." Austin's calm and almost loving tone turned into one of pure hatred.

"You really need to take a look in a fucking mirror Austin. You do remember how you've treated me for the last 4 years right? You embarrassed me every fucking day, I liked you Austin, I was a 12 year old girl with a hopeless crush on her best friend turned bully. Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep after that day? You broke my heart then and you're close to breaking it again now never mind if I actually let you in!" Shit. I let my emotions get the better of me, I just told him that I might have feelings for him. So what do I do? I run. School started near the start of our argument, so everyone's in 1st period and I know for a fact that there's a music room empty on the ground floor. That's the only place I can think to go. I keep running down the halls of the school till I get to the music room and open the door just as Austin turns the corner.

"Ally!" No. I can't deal with him right now.

I shut the door and put the lock on before sliding down the door and breaking down.

"Ally open up." Austin knocks on the door, all of a sudden sounding much more calm than before. "Open the fucking door. We need to talk. Ally, you know I'm sorry about 8th grade. And 9th...and 10th and 11th...and 12th. I'm sorry for being such an asshole but you need to know I never once wanted to make you feel bad. It was all an act so you would like me or admit that you liked me, blame the internet not the 12 year old boy who thought that if you typed into Google 'how to get a girl to like you' it would give you things that actually worked. After a while I was in too far to get out so I had to keep going with it. I know you're listening so I just wanted to let you know that my feelings towards you didn't change from 7th to 8th grade it was purely because I was more aware of those feelings that I put on an act so you would like me. My feelings still haven't changed. If anything they've grown, I don't like you anymore...it's not just a school boy crush...I-I- for fucks sake I love you Ally- I'm in love with you. And it kills me to see you being happy with Dallas because I know that it could've been me...it should be me." There's a long pause and I'm waiting for him to leave so I can cry because so far it's been silent tears and a shaking body. His voice is shaking and I could hear him getting emotional near the end. I let out a yelp as there's a loud bang on the door caused by Austin's fist. "Ally please! Say something! Anything, I need to know you heard me. I need to know that you know I'm sorry and I need to know that you heard me when I told you I'm in love with you. I need to know that there's a possibility that you might love me back because if there's not I really don't see the point in anything anymore. Everything I've ever done was to keep me sane while waiting for you and once I know for certain that there's no chance then there's no point in living. I can't live knowing that I ruined my chance with you Als. I just can't!" I can hear the pain in his voice when he talks about his life without me, the selfish bastard's talking about killing himself! Is he thinking about how I'll feel? Here without him having to see his house every single day, having to see his bedroom every time I look out my window and having to live without him? His pain in the ass attitude, his mood swing, his smile, his amazing personality, his humour and the way he can make me feel like this even after all the shit he's put me through. But I can't bring myself to do anything. Hit my head off the door; speak; let out a cry; it's like I'm frozen. "Ally I love you, I just wanted you to know that." I says quietly before sighing and walking away. His footsteps getting quieter and quieter until all I hear is silence.

"I love you too Austin." I whisper as I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. No matter how much I try to deny it I can't: I love Austin Moon. I take a deep breath and stand up walking towards the piano at the front of the room.

All the rules you break

Make me wanna run, but I can't escape

All the things you say

Most of them are lies, but I'm listening

(La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La)

That's my heart talking to my head, head, head

Talking to my heart

(La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La)

That's my heart talking to my head, head

Saying that

You're a bad boy

I'm a good girl, and I'm gonna get my heart broken in time

You're a bad boy

Baby, your world is gonna chew me up and spit me out alive

If I could help myself, you know I would

Why do the bad boys always look so good?

Baby, when you smile

I can see the trouble that's in your eyes

When you touch me there

I know for certain that I'm loosin' all control, oh o-o-oh no, no

(La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La)

That's my heart talking to my head, head

Talking to my heart

(La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La)

That's my heart talking to my head, head

Saying that

You're a bad boy

I'm a good girl, and I'm gonna get my heart broken in time

You're a bad boy

Baby, your world is gonna chew me up and spit me out alive

If I could help myself, you know I would

Why do the bad boys always look so good?

I gotta let you go

I gotta let you go, go, go oh

I gotta let you go

I gotta let you go

Cause

You're a bad boy

I'm a good girl, and I'm gonna get my heart broken in time

You're a bad boy

Baby, your world is gonna chew me up and spit me out alive

If I could I could help myself, you know I would

Why do the bad boys always look so good?

La la la la la

That's my heart saying that...

I just sit at the piano and think until the bell rings for 2nd period. I wait until the shuffling in the hallway comes to an end then I pick up my bag from beside the piano bench and take a final deep, soothing breath before unlocking the door and stepping out into the hall. I really can't be bothered with school today after this morning's events so I walk towards the front door of the school, outside and into my car. I can't help but notice that Austin's car isn't there. I hope to god he doesn't do anything stupid because of me.

When I get home I see that Austin's car is parked in his driveway and his bedroom light's on. I walk into my house and up to my room where I sit at my window and watch Austin through his window. He's in his boxers lying on his bed looking through bits of paper or photos or letters or something like that.

I want to feel his arms wrapped around my waist and I want to know what it's like to be loved like I've never been before. I want him. I need him and he needs me. We need each other. And I really want to feel what it's like to not just have sex but have sex with someone I love who loves me. I've never had that with Dallas. Hell I've never had sex with Dallas. But I need it from Austin.

I find myself at his door. Knocking sharply 3 times, about a minute late Austin opens the door. Still only in his boxers but I notice that his eyes are red and puffy and his bottom lip is swollen.

"Ally?" He asks in disbelief, blinking rapidly as if he doesn't believe his eyes.

That's part of chapter 7, as you've probably noticed this is now rated M and my friend Emily is writing a sex scene for this chapter but I wanted to get this part up first because I really like this chapter, I think it's a really good turning point in the story. Anyway as soon as I've got the scene from her I'll edit it into the story.

Has anyone seen Fresh Starts and Farewells? I watched it this morning, I swear every time I've explained what happens in it I end up in tears. If you have watched it...is it just me that really wants to actually see the thing A gives A...that sounded really wrong but I'm trying not to give too much away if anyone wants to wait.

And finally big shoutout to my chicka Kimm. Love you girlie!