Hi guys, thank you all very much for the reviews last chapter! I know I left you with a hell of a cliffhanger. This chapter is a very big turning point, so it took me awhile to write it. The beginning contains Pathan interaction. I know that you guys hate reading them together. However, I really think that you should read the scene, because Nathan's thoughts are important. Thanks again, and please review!
Chapter 7
Nathan took a large bite of his food as he desperately tried to get his thoughts in order. He was now at another restaurant. Peyton was sitting across from him talking about some art exhibit she'd gone to a few weeks ago. As she spoke, Nathan made sure to look at her and nod. He didn't want her to think that he wasn't paying attention—which he sort of wasn't. He'd already screwed up by being almost a half hour late to pick her up. Nathan was positive that it wouldn't bode well if she knew that his mind was somewhere else—or rather, with someone else.
Nathan still couldn't believe everything that had happened tonight. He'd started off just hanging out with his friends and enjoying himself at the graduation party. Then later on, he ended up spending time with Haley before completely losing track of himself. Nathan had no idea what had gotten into him. Well, sort of. He and Haley didn't always see one another, but he knew that they got along really well when they did. Tonight was no exception. Things had just seemed to click between them. Nathan couldn't remember the last time he'd had fun just simply talking to a girl. He was glad that Haley had shared her predictions with him. They were certainly amusing, to say the least. He also got to know a little more about her in the process. Although, the part about Lucas kissing her he could've done without.
All of a sudden, his own kiss with Haley flashed back into his head. Nathan had never planned on doing that. In fact, he'd tried to resist it for as long as he could. But she had just looked so damn good. Being around her had suddenly become intoxicating. There was this spark in the air that couldn't be ignored. What confused Nathan was that it had never been there before—or at least that strong. Things were usually friendly and platonic between them. She was Matt and Taylor's little sister who just happened to always give him a run for his money. However, as had been proven tonight, Haley wasn't really that little anymore.
So he'd kissed her. It only lasted a couple of seconds before Peyton had called his cell to ask where the hell he was. But that was enough for Nathan to never view Haley the same way again. His heart had been pounding in his chest the whole time. It had taken everything in him to pull away from her to answer his phone. It was only then did he realize the enormity of what he'd done. Not only had Nathan betrayed his friend, but he'd also changed things between him and Haley. How could they casually hang out around each other now? Especially since a part of Nathan wanted nothing more than to kiss her again. But even more important, how could he face Matt, and even Taylor, knowing what he'd done?
Hell, he wasn't even sure if Haley would want to see him again. She didn't pull away. In fact, she half initiated the kiss. But after getting that phone call from Peyton, Nathan quickly mumbled something about having to go. He'd congratulated her on her graduation once more and said something lame about having a great time. Nathan had barely given her a chance to respond before leaving. He felt like a jerk and wouldn't blame Haley if she was pissed at him. She was probably just as shocked and confused as he was.
"So what about you?" Peyton questioned. "What do you like other than basketball?" It took a second for Nathan to register that she was actually asking him something. He felt another bout of guilt hit him. Peyton seemed like a really great girl. And there he was thinking about someone else and barely paying attention. I'm such an ass, he thought.
"Um, I like to watch action and horror movies. Sometimes I go fishing with my brother and uncle. And I guess I like listening to music," he finished.
"Oh my God, I'm a total music junky," Peyton stated with a wide smile. "What kind do you listen to?"
"Mostly hip hop and rap," Nathan answered.
"Oh," she said. He noticed her face fall slightly. "That's…um…interesting."
"I take it you don't like that kind," he assumed while taking another bite of his prime rib.
Peyton took a sip of her water before continuing, "Not really. I mean, I like the old stuff. But I usually lean toward rock or alternative genres."
"My brother and most of my friends are like that, too. They've been trying to convert me for years."
"And it hasn't worked yet?"
"Definitely not," Nathan smirked.
"Well, maybe they just haven't taken the right approach," Peyton said while giving him a coy smile.
"Meaning?" he questioned.
"Meaning that I can be quite persuasive when I want to be," she replied. Nathan kinked his eyebrow in response. A second later, he almost jumped in his seat when he felt her foot brushing against his leg under the table.
"I don't doubt that," Nathan retorted in the most normal voice he could muster. She had been flirting with him for most of the meal. But this certainly caught him off guard. If it had been any other time, he probably would've flirted back and done something equally surprising to her. But Nathan just couldn't bring himself to do anything of the sort right now. There were too many strange thoughts bouncing around in his head. And almost all of them involved Haley.
"So, uh, did things go well with your father yesterday?" he questioned trying to change the subject. At the mention of her father, Peyton's foot stopped its ministrations on his leg. Nathan felt himself relax a little, afterward.
"Yeah, we had fun. We went out to dinner and then to the movies to see some action film. It was nice to catch up," Peyton answered. From the beaming smile on her face, Nathan could tell that she was really close to her dad. He was a little envious. His Uncle Keith had been a great guy that he and Lucas could turn to while growing up. But despite that, it never really erased the fact that their father had skipped out on their moms and them.
"Is he away a lot?"
"Pretty much. He comes home for a couple of days every two to three weeks. The rest of the time he's at sea."
"What about your mom? Are you close to her, too?" Nathan inquired.
"I was," she replied in a solemn voice. Instantly, Nathan regretted the question. The smile that had previously graced her face was completely gone.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to pry," he apologized.
"No, it's ok," she assured him after a few seconds of silence. "It's just that…she died in a car accident when I was eight years old. It's kind of a sensitive subject."
"I'm really sorry, Peyton," he stated sincerely.
"It's not your fault," she responded. "But thanks." Nathan nodded as an awkward silence seemed to fall between them. He didn't mean to make her feel bad. But then again, it's not like he could've known.
"So, um, you mentioned earlier that your mom owns a café?" Peyton asked.
"Yeah, she co-owns it," he answered—welcoming the subject change.
"What's it called? Maybe I've eaten there."
"It's called Karen's Café."
"Is that your mom's name?"
"No, it's her business partner's. Karen's Café sounded better than Karen and Deb's," he explained.
"Yeah, it does," Peyton laughed.
"So, have you ever eaten there?"
"No, but I've heard of it."
"My mom and Karen are great cooks. I'm sure you'd like it."
"Well, I'll definitely make sure to check it out," she declared with a small smile. As they finished eating, the two continued to talk and joke around. The awkwardness that had been present beforehand seemed to dissipate. When they finally left the restaurant, the two walked along the Market Street Dock nearby. All of the evening lights were on. It sort of reminded Nathan of the rooftop of the café. Immediately, he pushed that out of his mind. He was on a date with Peyton and was having a good time. He didn't want to ruin it by letting his thoughts stray again.
"Ok, favorite ice cream flavor?" Peyton continued with their random questioning.
"Chocolate chip cookie dough," Nathan answered. "You?"
"Mint chocolate chip."
"Interesting. I would've pegged you as a rocky road type girl," he smirked.
"Really? Why?" Peyton asked curiously.
"I don't know. I just thought you'd be into edgier ice cream."
"Well, I didn't realize that there was such a thing as edgy ice cream," she teased.
"There are many types of ice cream."
"And they would be?" she prodded with an amused smile.
"There's happy ice cream, I'm-depressed ice cream, I'm-fat-and-I-just-don't-care ice cream, break-up ice cream, hook-up ice cream…"
"Wait, what the hell is hook-up ice cream?" Peyton inquired laughing.
"Apparently, it's the ice cream you eat after having really hot sex."
"And how the hell did you come up with that?"
"I didn't. My friend Taylor was the one who made up all of these categories. She basically drilled them into my head all throughout high school. She can be weird like that."
"Well, I actually think they're kind of funny."
"That's one way of putting it," Nathan joked as they continued to walk along the crowded dock. Eventually, they came to an area that was a little more secluded. The two stopped once they reached the railing. Nathan leaned on the bar as he looked out at the river. Peyton did the same as she came to stand next to him. After a few minutes, Nathan tore his eyes away from the water to look at her. Peyton had on a green, strapless dress that came down just above her knees. She also wore a pair of open-toed heels. She was wearing a little more makeup than the last time he saw her, but it looked good, nonetheless. Her blonde, curly hair was down, too, and seemed to be blowing in the breeze. Overall, she looked really nice. But not as good as Haley, a little voice said in the back of his mind. A brief flash of Haley in her dress from earlier filled his head. Damn it, Nathan, get it together, he berated himself. Stop thinking about her and focus on Peyton!
"Are you cold?" Nathan asked when he noticed Peyton shiver next to him.
"Um, a little," she replied.
"Here," he said while taking off his jacket.
"Oh, you don't have to…" Peyton began to protest.
"Take it," he asserted. "I'm fine."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm never cold."
"Alright, thanks," she said before slipping it on. "It's very chivalrous of you."
"Well, I am charming like that," he smirked. A few seconds later, Peyton moved closer to him.
"You know, it's actually kind of sexy," she muttered in a low voice. Almost instantly, Nathan could feel the comfortable atmosphere shift between them. Their eyes then locked. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as Peyton leaned in further. Nathan did the same but couldn't quite shake the indecision he felt. He really liked Peyton. They'd gotten along and had a fun date so far. But that wasn't the problem. As they inched closer, he couldn't stop thinking about Haley. He couldn't forget the electricity that had been in the air before they kissed. Even as his lips moved against Peyton's now, all he could think about was the vivid taste of Haley's fruity lip gloss and the feeling of her soft lips moving perfectly in sync with his.
A second later, Nathan deepened the kiss with Peyton. He pulled her tighter against him and ran a hand through her hair. He had to get Haley out of his head. Despite the way she looked tonight and felt in his arms, she was still Baby James deep down. She was still Matt and Taylor's little sister. Nothing could happen between them. The sooner he got that back into his head the better. Pursuing these…feelings or whatever they were would only lead to trouble—not just for him, but for her, too. Nathan knew that Matt would flip out. Even Taylor, who usually didn't stress out over things, would probably want to kill him. She was known to be very protective of her baby sister from time to time. Nathan didn't want Haley to be at odds with her siblings because of him.
So he wasn't going to think about Haley. And he sure as hell wasn't going to pull a stunt like that again with her. In fact, the next time Nathan saw her, he was going to apologize. He was the one who messed up. He should've stopped things from going any farther than they did. Nathan was older than her, after all. He should've known better. He could only imagine how weird she must feel about the whole thing. It was certainly unexpected…
"Wow," Peyton said breathlessly after pulling away. It took a minute for Nathan to regain his bearings. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts about Haley that he completely forgot that he was kissing Peyton. Nathan felt his guilt only multiply after that. Nevertheless, he gave her a reassuring smile.
"Yeah, wow."
Haley lay on her bed with her head buried in her pillow. Ever since she'd arrived home a little while ago, she couldn't stop the tears from falling. The evening had turned into a night of both hope and disappointment. Haley wished that she could blame Nathan for all of it. But she couldn't. She'd decided to take the plunge, and now she had to deal with the consequences.
"Tutor Girl, there you are!" Brooke exclaimed while bursting through the bedroom door. "You totally skipped out on me at the party. I was trying to find you. And let me just say, you're lucky that I covered for your cute behind. Some of your relatives were wondering where you went. Anyway, that's not important. You will never believe what happened! Your Aunt Myrtle, when she went in to pinch your brother's cheeks again, completely missed him and fell into the buffet table!
"Not that that's funny or anything. Well, actually, it was a little amusing. Anyway, the rest of your graduation cake is pretty much ruined. Lucas and the others had to help clean up. And by the way, did you ever notice how hott that boy has gotten? Too bad we're leaving for the summer. I don't think I've ever been so turned on by watching a guy clean before. I mean, he really knew how to work that broom," she laughed and continued on with her ramble.
"That's really interesting, Tigger," Haley commented before she finally looked up to face her friend.
"Yeah, and…" Brooke trailed off when she saw her. In an instant, she was by Haley's side on the bed. "Oh my God, Tutor Girl, are you ok?"
"Not really," she replied as a few more tears fell.
"What happened?" Brooke questioned tentatively.
"I was an idiot, Brooke," Haley replied. "I mean, why did I even think that this could work?"
"What could work?"
"I just completely set myself up to get hurt."
"Haley, honey, you need to tell me what happened?" Brooke urged confused.
"I kissed Nathan," she revealed.
"Oh my God, are you serious?!" Brooke questioned with a hint of excitement in her voice.
"Yeah."
"But, Haley, that's what you wanted, right?" she asked. "I mean, I saw the way he was looking at you all night. The boy couldn't take his eyes off of you in that dress. At one point, I thought that he was going to throw you over his shoulder and take you into the back to have his way with you."
"Well, guess again," Haley muttered.
"Ok, I need details, girlie," Brooke demanded.
"Everything was going great. We ended up going on the roof of the café to get away from the madness. We played miniature golf up there and…"
"Miniature golf?"
"Yeah, Keith and Lucas built it a while back," Haley explained.
"Oh, ok."
"So we were just hanging out and talking. It was a lot of fun. And Nathan couldn't stop looking at me, so I thought that things were going really well."
"Then what happened?" Brooke prodded.
"I showed him something that Lucas and I do every year, and we joked around about that. Then, afterward, he started to teach me the right way to shoot a basketball and…"
"Wait, why was he teaching you that? You hate sports," Brooke interrupted confused.
"It's a long story that is really not important right now," Haley explained before continuing. "Anyway, he was showing me the right way to shoot, which required him to get really close to me."
"Always a plus," she commented with a smile.
"And then the next thing I know, I'm in his arms and we're leaning in…"
"Yes," Brooke urged getting into it.
"He brought his hand to my face and started caressing my cheek," she said with a small smile at the memory. "I swear, I felt like I was going to faint."
"And then?" Brooke asked eagerly.
"He leaned in and kissed me."
"Aw, Tutor Girl, that's so romantic!"
"Apparently not since he practically bolted afterward."
"Wait, what?"
"We got interrupted when his phone rang. He then pulled away, mumbled something about having a great time, and left like a bat out of Hell," Haley explained.
"Well, maybe he just got a little freaked out. I mean, that's probably the first time he's seen you look sexy. It probably threw him off," Brooke reasoned.
"That's what I thought, too, at first," Haley mumbled solemnly.
"Ok, why do I suddenly get the feeling that there's more and it's not good?"
Haley took a deep breath before continuing, "After all that, I decided to go for a walk and clear my head. I ended up going to the Market Street Dock. You know how much I like the water." Brooke nodded. "So I walked for a little while. And then, on my way back, I saw him."
"Saw who?"
"Nathan…kissing another girl," Haley stated as her tears from before seemed to resurface. Haley had been completely shocked at first. For second, she had prayed that she was hallucinating. But unfortunately for her, she wasn't. The pain and heartache had ripped through her within seconds as she watched the guy she cared about shove his tongue down another girl's throat.
"What?" Brooke gritted out edgily. "You're joking, right?"
"I wish," Haley scoffed as she tried to desperately wipe the tears spilling out of her eyes. "But that's not even the worst part. What really sucks is the fact that Nathan's mystery girl is actually someone we know."
"Who?" Brooke questioned. "Tell me her name, and I'll go beat her ass down."
"Peyton Sawyer," Haley answered. Immediately, Brooke's mouth dropped open in shock. Haley didn't blame her. She'd been just as floored by the knowledge. Peyton was a fellow cheerleader and acquaintance of theirs. They'd spent many summers hanging out together at cheer camp. She was a nice girl, and they all got along well. During the school year, they usually lost touch with her until their teams had a game against each other. But school rivalry never stopped them from still being friendly with one another.
"Shit," Brooke muttered. "And I actually liked her."
"Well, now, so does Nathan," Haley said softly while looking down at her hands.
"I'm so sorry, Tutor Girl," she apologized. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you to pursue something with him."
"It's not your fault," Haley objected. "I wanted to do it. And for a second, I actually thought that I had a chance."
"Haley…"
"And do you know what the absolute worst part is? Peyton is the same freaking age as us! What does that say about me? What is it about me that makes everybody automatically assume I'm 'Baby James?' Really, what's wrong with me, Brooke?!" Haley exclaimed. All this time, she had thought that Nathan's mystery girl was someone his own age. She could maybe understand why he freaked out on her earlier if that was the case. He didn't usually date younger girls. But seeing him with Peyton shattered all of that. Haley had never really been uncomfortable with who she was as a person. It was the labels she'd been given by her siblings and others that bothered her. That wasn't who she was. Those were stupid illusions that everyone held of her. And after everything that had just happened, she was beginning to wonder if she would ever shake them.
"Haley, listen to me," Brooke ordered. "There is nothing wrong with you. You are seriously one of the kindest, smartest, and most mature people I know. I wouldn't change a damn thing about you. Nathan is just a stupid jerk if he can't see those same qualities in you."
"I just…I'm just so sick of it, Brooke," Haley sobbed as her emotions, once again, seemed to get the best of her. "I'm so sick of it."
"I know, honey," Brooke responded before quickly pulling her into a tight embrace. Haley clutched her best friend as she let everything out. She was so hurt and frustrated that she didn't know what to do anymore. As she continued to cry, Haley's thoughts went back to Nathan. She'd seen him give Peyton his coat when she shivered. She'd seen them leaning in to each other. And she'd seen the passionate kiss between them. A kiss that she had always wished he'd give to her. But the sad reality was that that kiss wasn't hers and never would be.
She had felt something so real for him on the rooftop of the café. Their kiss was slow and gentle, but it had still shaken Haley to her core. She had felt the spark behind it. However, based on what she'd seen tonight, it must not have had the same affect on Nathan. He seemed to be even more into Peyton than before. Haley cried harder when she thought of what was to come. Nathan would probably want to talk about what happened between them. And now that he was with Peyton, she assumed that he'd try to be a good guy and let her down gently. God forbid he did it any other way and break Baby James' heart.
However, it was too late for that. Haley's heart already was broken. She felt sick to her stomach just thinking about that conversation. She couldn't bear it. In fact, she wanted to avoid it at all costs. Haley wanted to leave before Nathan came to her and uttered a single word of rejection. At least she could maintain some dignity and strength if she was to walk away first. And then, it hit her. She pulled out of her best friend's embrace to look at her.
"Brooke," she said tentatively while wiping away the remaining tear tracks. "Do you think that we could leave early?"
"What?"
"Do you think that we could leave early to California?" Haley elaborated.
"Um, I'm sure that it could be arranged," Brooke replied confused. "But why…"
"I can't stay here, Tigger. I need to get away to clear my head. I need a change," Haley explained.
"But what about Nathan?" Brooke asked. "Aren't you going to at least talk to him before we leave?"
"He's with Peyton now. Trust me, I already know what he's going to say," Haley responded.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," she answered. Haley knew that she'd have to deal with Nathan eventually. But she needed time away. Things had gotten too intense and complicated too fast. Haley had to take a step back from the situation. She had to work through her feelings and come to terms with the fact that her earlier assumptions had been right. Nothing could ever happen between the two of them. This summer, Haley had to move on. She wanted to meet new people. She wanted to see what it would be like to start fresh in a place where her older siblings didn't define her. And most importantly, she wanted to finally let go of Nathan Scott.
Nathan took deep breaths as he sat in his car in front of the James' residence Monday evening. He'd been there for twenty minutes now and still hadn't worked up the nerve to get out and ring the doorbell. Nathan couldn't remember a time in his life when he'd been more nervous. He'd played in hundreds of games where the fans of opposing teams booed at him and threw jabs. He'd won tournaments and championships under extreme pressure in which the clock was running out, and everyone was depending on him to make the final shot. But for some reason, Nathan had never let his nerves get the best of him any of those times. So why in the living hell was he so freaked out about talking to Haley now? Because you want to kiss her again, a little voice in the back of his mind spoke up.
"I like Peyton. We had a great date," he reminded himself. And it was the truth. They did have fun. The other kiss at the end of the night hadn't been bad, either. It was pretty good when he actually paid attention. And sure, things had been a little awkward from time to time, but that was normal for a first date. That's why he'd made plans to go out with her again this week. Just because everything wasn't perfect the first time around, it didn't mean that he should give up. He was sure that after spending more time together, he'd feel something stronger for Peyton.
But you already felt that with Haley, the voice said. Nathan shook his head forcefully. His subconscious was really starting to get annoying. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to silence his thoughts about Haley these past couple of days. It was like she had completely taken over his senses. The way she had looked, smelled, felt, and tasted kept replaying over in his mind. He couldn't even sleep last night. She was driving him crazy. Deep down, he knew that whatever had occurred between them couldn't go further. It was too risky and too much was at stake. Nathan had to get over it and make things right.
But another part of him, however, was urging him to do the opposite. He wanted to explore the obvious attraction he felt towards her. Nathan had been hoping that the chemistry between them that night was due to circumstance. He just wasn't used to seeing Haley dressed like that, and he'd gotten carried away. But that didn't explain why he'd felt both at ease and intrigued when talking to her. Haley hadn't been acting any different. She was still her same self. Nothing had changed except for her incredibly sexy ensemble. He just genuinely liked to be around her—which was another reason why this was so difficult.
Hurting Haley or making her feel uncomfortable wasn't the only thing that he was worried about. What was even scarier was how he would possibly feel in her presence again. Would the spark still be there? Would he be able to say the speech he had planned out in his head with her being so close? Would he lose control again and kiss her? Nathan had no idea, and that was making him even more nervous. Just suck it up, Scott, he berated himself. You have to do this. Nathan took a few more minutes to calm himself down before finally getting out of the car. He quickly made his way onto the porch to the front door. He then took another deep breath and rang the doorbell. A second later, the door opened to reveal Taylor.
"Hey, Nathan," she greeted. "What's up? Are you here to see Matt or my fabulous self?"
"Um, I actually need to see Haley," he stated. "She forgot this at the café." Afterward, he held up a small graduation gift—all the while silently praising his mom for finding it and suggesting that he drop it off at her house. It was the perfect excuse for him to see her without it looking weird. Nathan was hoping that he could somehow get Haley alone, afterward, so that they could talk.
"I'll give it to her," Taylor declared while reaching for it. Nathan, however, swiftly pulled it away from her grasp.
"No, I'll do it," he rushed out. Crap, he thought when she gave him a curious look a few seconds later. "I mean, it's from my mom. She wanted me to tell her Haley's reaction when she opened it. She wasn't sure if she would like it or not," he backtracked. He felt bad for lying, but he had to see Haley.
"Well, it's going to be awhile before she sees it. Although, I could mail it to her," Taylor said.
"Why would you need to mail it to her?" Nathan asked perplexed.
"Oh, you didn't know?"
"Know what?" he questioned while getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"She and Brooke left for California this afternoon," she informed him.
"What? I thought that they weren't supposed to leave until Wednesday."
"Their plans changed, and they had to leave a bit earlier."
"Didn't they have to go to their cheerleader tryouts with Solaris today?"
"They did. It was a few hours before they had to leave, so it worked out well," Taylor explained. Nathan stood there in complete shock as he tried to process what his friend had just told him. "Are you ok?"
"Um, yeah. I'm just surprised. She didn't say goodbye to anyone."
"She managed to talk to Lucas before leaving. But that's all I know. Our house has been in complete chaos all day with my parents and Haley getting everything together."
"Yeah, I can imagine," Nathan commented softly.
"Well, since you're already here, did you want to come in and hang out? Matt and I are playing Play Station in the living room."
"Thanks, but I can't. I have to get back to the café. I only really came to give Haley her gift. But since she's not here, I'll leave it with you," Nathan said while handing her the present.
"Alright," she stated with a nod. "I'll make sure that she gets it."
"I'll see you later," he replied as he started to leave the porch and walk away.
"Oh, Nathan, how did that date go the other night, by the way?" Taylor called just before he reached his car. "You get lucky?" she added in a teasing tone.
"Bye, Taylor," Nathan retorted while rolling his eyes.
"I'll take that as a 'no!'" she laughed. Nathan got into his car and gave her one final wave before driving off. It was then that the information Taylor had just told him started to sink in. Haley was gone, and she hadn't even said goodbye to him. Nathan wasn't sure if he was more relieved or disappointed. He had just gotten out of talking to Haley about the kiss Saturday night. He'd been dreading that. Now it seemed that he was off the hook. And who knows, maybe it would be better if they talked when she got back—if they'd even need to talk. Things would have a chance to cool down. It might not even be a big issue by the time she got back. He'd also have the opportunity to finally get her out of his head and move forward with Peyton.
However, that's when the disappointment kicked in. A part of Nathan had wanted and needed to know what exactly had transpired between them. The fact that Haley didn't even talk to him before she left could mean one of two things. She was either freaked out and pissed about the kiss and him leaving, or it didn't mean anything to her at all. Nathan knew that he should be pushing for the second option. If Haley didn't feel anything, then there was nothing to worry about. But for some reason he couldn't quite explain, he really disliked that alternative even more.
