It wasn't exactly an appetizing smell that was hitting Evan's nose from his snuggly spot in the double bed he had woken up in yesterday. It was kind of burnt…a mixture of burnt toast, over cooked squash, and something kind of like raw egg. It coated the back of Evan's throat with a thick layer of nasty, making him gag himself awake. Holding a hand up to his nose, he got out of bed, pulled a shirt on and sweat pants, then made his way downstairs, stumbling a little as he tried to balance. His hangover was killer.
As Evan descended the stairs, Craig was leaning against the doorway, looking towards the kitchen which was directly in front of the hallway to his bedroom and the staircase. Craig looked how Evan felt; disheveled, hungover, and sleepy. However the excited and maniac look in his eye as he glanced at Evan and waved his arms madly to stop him from moving told him something was up.
Then he heard the screaming.
"What the FUCK is THAT, David?" Alexa's high pitched screech broke the silent air. Craig collapsed against the frame of his door, bent fucking double as he laughed silently. Evan was laughing silently too. She was pissed.
"That smells worse than the ass-end of a newborn baby!"
"It's fucking breakfast don't fucking knock it!" Came David's reply, yelling with equal strength. Craig was whipping tears from his face, scrambling to get up as Evan bounded down the stairs, headache forgotten, to watch the fiasco unfolding in Lui's Mediterranean style kitchen.
"Knock it?" Came the screeching reply of Alexa. "It knocked it's bucket over a billion fucking years ago!"
Evan swung into the doorway followed closely by Craig. The kitchen was well light, with large windows looking out onto green bushes and yellow and white flowers with white sheer curtains lining the top. The kitchen itself looked like it was built for entertaining, but was instead condemned for living. White wood counters with glossy sandstone tops lined the walls of half the room. In the center was an island with a bowl of fruit, a coffee pitcher steaming, milk, and a bottle of ibuprofen. It looked like Alexa's work. Alexa must of left the room to get more milk - a new cartoon of milked had been furiously slammed onto the counter by the door - and David took over. David must of taken everything out of the fridge and used it all because he had so much stuff surrounding the stove he was now standing defensively in front of.
"Ya' just jealous because ya' can't cook good shit like this!" David shouted back.
Alexa put on a look of disbelief.
"Well excuse me Gorden Ramsy, but that smells like you're cooking yesterday's roadkill."
"It's an Irish dish, don't be fucking racist!"
"That dish is assaulting more people than the fucking police!"
Evan and Craig were clutching their sides, leaning against the large archway that lead from hallway to kitchen. Behind them, they could hear footsteps and mumbles of "what the fuck is going on," and Tyler and Brock soon joined them, staring wide eyed into the room. Evan's eyes were starting to sting, but he couldn't tell if it was from the laughter or from the stove. Brock elbowed him, getting him to turn, Evan hiccuping slightly from laughing so much.
"Why is Alexa screaming about police?"
Evan chocked on his words, but got them out eventually. "David…is…cooking…breakfast!" Evan gasped for air as he caught sight of Craig, who was just sitting on the floor with a face redder than the red shirt he was wearing.
"Oh fuck that makes sense," Brock agreed, laughing. "I don't know how he does it, but he makes water inedible. Pretty sure his cooking could bring you back from the dead."
"Don't you fucking start too you, you shrimp dick fuck!" David shouted, pointing a wooden spoon with gray ooze dripping off the end of it. A particularly large bit of ooze fell of the spoon as it hung in the air while David shouted, the drip landing on the floor with a loud squelching sound and almost bouncing after making contact with the floor. When it did settle, the substance rocked around for a moment before finally coming to rest.
The four guys in the door collapsed into fits of giggles and shrieks of disgust.
"It's fucking ALIVE" Brock gasped for air, leaning on Evan who was still somehow standing, despite his legs shaking from laughter.
"Yeah and it will bite you're fucking balls off!" David snarled.
"Whatever the FUCK you're cooking up in that witching pot of yours," Alexa shouted over the noise, turning back to David. She wasn't as angry as before now that she was giggling, and her attempts to cover it Evan could see were not working. "It can go to the back of the fridge where it belongs!" And with that, and a wooden spoon being thrown around by David and dodged by Alexa, the weird "Irish" dish was discarded.
Evan was brewing coffee for everyone when Lui came down, rubbing his eyes. He grabbed a mug, downed half of it's contents, and patted Evan on the back as a way of thanking him.
"Where's Jonathan?" Evan asked, looking out towards the staircase as if expecting to see Jonathan's slim silhouette descending.
"I think he's still asleep; his door is closed," Lui shrugged and went to sit with David who promptly began to whine to him about how mean everyone is to him.
Someone else came up behind him and took a mug of coffee. Alexa.
"Jonathan spends pretty much every night I've known him not sleeping," she said low so only Evan would hear her. She had an elbow placed on his shoulder and was leaning precariously against him, drinking her coffee. Evan glanced her.
"What is he doing?" Evan asked.
"Most of the time he's editing a video or playing a solo game, but sometimes he's watching one of your guys' videos or just staring at nothing."
Evan was silent, filling up the last mug before handing it to Alexa to deliver.
"What time does he usually get up then?"
"Sunshine should be joining us around one-ish? Anyway, it's just you and me running training today."
"Training?" Evan faltered. He was carrying for mugs in his hands. One for himself, one for Brock, one for Brian, and one for Tyler. Alexa had hers, David's, and Lui's. Evan hadn't made coffee for Jonathan since he was still knocked out upstairs.
"Yeah," Alexa smiled sweetly, cocking her head to one side like she had done so many times before. Evan was starting to realize he shouldn't trust her when she smiled like that; that was the smile she flashed when she broke into Lui's wine cellar, the smile she flashed when they first met in the alley before she killed eight people.
"Basic defense. How to hold and shoot a gun, parts of a gun, some hand-to-hand combat, then fitness testing so I can see who needs work on what: cardio, strength, endurance, the works." She threw this mater of factly at him as she spun on her heels to give the coffee mugs to a still sulky David and a grinning Lui.
"Thanks" coursed through the room, but Evan was too busy thinking what Alexa was going to do them in this "training" she was talking about. He didn't trust that smile very much, so whatever plan she had, Evan already knew it wasn't going to be pretty.
Breakfast had been at nine, and everyone had a "mandatory" meeting in the Lui's in-house gym at ten. The gym was small, mainly because of all the exercise equipment shoved in, but big enough to fit the eight of them. On one side of the room was a wall covered entirely with a mirror. Then on the wall facing the door back out to the hallway were windows, floor to ceiling with a door access to the pool and jacuzzi. In a corner of the room were two bench presses, a treadmill, and a pull up bar. There were weights stacked in the corner created by the door and mirror wall, a boxing bag hung in the opposite corner near the door leading outside. LED lights light the room with a soft but intense white light. The room felt energizing, and in total the gym was really nice. Evan was impressed when he and the rest of the guys came wandering in one by one after breakfast and changing into more suitable workout clothes. Alexa, who was already in the gym, hadn't changed. "I just sleep in workout clothes and I work out in pajamas, so no big deal."
The gym, before the four hour intensive workout, was neat and sparklingly clean. It looked like the kind of gym you would see in Pottery Barn magazines. But now plastic water bottles, mismatched shoes, discarded shirts, gun shells, and even a first aid kit had filled what little space was in the room. To add to it, the stench of sweaty men and gun smoke was something not even the febrile air freshener Alexa was spying generously into the air OR the open windows Lui had opened after hitting the one hour mark was doing anything to stop the smell.
Evan's body hurt a hurt he was not accustomed too; it was a painful sensation, like thousands of knives had been stuck into his body, had grown accustomed to them, and now they hurt bitterly whenever he or the knives moved. As a result, Evan sat hunched over on the end of a benchpress closest to the window. Tyler was still lying prostrate on the benchpress next to Evan, panting. Brian and Craig were lying face up on the floor breathing heavily, Lui was leaning against the mirror wall drinking from his water bottle intermittently. David was still able to stand somehow, and was standing in the window allowing the cool afternoon breeze to cool him down. Alexa was gone.
After almost ten minutes of panting and silence, Craig finally called from the floor "Is it just me…or…do you guys…feel…like your dying?"
There was a unanimous groan from everyone.
Tyler tried to sit up, but swore profusely at the pain in his abs and lay back down.
"Was she trying to fucking kill us?" Tyler whined. Evan snorted.
"She succeeded," Brock retorted.
Silence again, and David slumped down in the doorway to the pool outside.
"I'm not moving again until tomorrow," David declared, rising a rough laugh from everyone. They were all in the same boat.
The workout had started with Alexa giving a pep talk.
"So, welcome to Alexa's Bootcamp, ladies," she teased, twirling a pistol around her finger like a toy, pacing in front of the standing group. "Today, I will work you hard. I will ask you all to do stuff that will hurt, that will sting, that will bruise, scrap, and cut up your body. But you aren't gonna get stronger by half-assing what we're doing today." She continued her slow pace, not making eye contact. "This will be run like an army style bootcamp. Twenty push ups for bad behavior for everyone, twenty push ups if you take a break when it's not break time, twenty push ups if you sass me-" she glanced meaningfully at Tyler and David. David went to say something, but the sliding of metal against metal as she readied her gun shut him up. "If you work hard, play nice, and stick to the schedule, we'll be done in no time."
Now she stopped, and looked around at the guys in front of her. They had all dressed similarly: shorts, sneakers, plain tank top or shirt. Evan had a dark navy shirt on with black shorts, since it was the only workout gear he had brought to LA.
"Understood?"
There was a spattering of "yes" and nods. That didn't work well for her at all.
She stopped, frowning.
"Sorry, but since when did ANY bootcamp allowing a simple 'yes'" Alexa made air quotations around the word 'yes'. "You say 'yes ma'm' or you don't say anything, because there will be a gun in your mouth and I will be pulling the trigger." Evan didn't know if that threat was legitimate or not.
"So let's try that again. Today, I will work you hard. I will ask you all to do stuff that will hurt, that will sting, that will bruise, scrap, and cut up your body. But you aren't gonna get stronger by half-assing what we're doing today. Understood?"
"YES MA'M" the frightened response of the boys was exactly what she wanted. Alexa smiled her sweat little smile and Evan felt his stomach drop; this was going to be everything she promised.
"Great. Let's get started. Now, twenty push ups for me having to explain my damn self."
The boys got down on the floor and did their twenty.
Not what she wanted.
"What did you not understand about 'army style'?" Alexa asked, stopping them in the middle of their routine. Evan was still very aware of the gun she had in her hand. She made eye contact with each of them, staring them down individually.
"You've all seen what I can do with a gun…" she trailed off, the gun still readied in her hand. She brought it up, pointing it between Craig's hands which were still planted on the floor. "I don't want to pull a trigger on any of you, so let's start again. You get in trouble TOGETHER, so you do your push ups TOGETHER. You guys are a family; start acting like one. Now drop and give me twenty the way I want it this time."
Evan dropped with the rest and shouted out the number of each push up with the rest as well. When they finished, Alexa's smile made him shiver.
"Now we're in business."
Alexa had them do stretching first off, then push ups, crunches, squats, and pull ups, all of rotating between the four.
After an hour of that, it was dead lifts, going up in weight with every ten sets and stopping when you "maxed out" as she put it. But really, it was when she had to intervene and take the weight from you. Thirty minutes of that.
Next was the guns. She had set up empty bottles outside of the gym, split the boys up into practicing shooting cans off of a wooden table she'd dragged from the pool side and punching the boxing bag. Thirty minutes of that, then a short break.
Sparing was for the next hour, rising in difficulty after every ten minutes or so. How to perform a good jab, how to not break your thumb when punching, learning where your feet should be placed. Alexa covered every detail. Then she got them sparing one another while they waited to spare with her. She decked them all, of course.
And finally, the last hour was a speed round of everything they had done before. Guns, sparing, muscles, cardio, everything. When her timer went of every fifteen minutes they would collapse into five minute breaks; every time they returned to workouts it was harder than the last. Once it was over, Alexa didn't bother making them get up, she just threw more waters at them, debriefed and congratulated them, then took the guns to put away, leaving them where they were now.
Evan tried to stand now, his legs wobbling slightly. Tyler watched him, envious.
"Dude how the fuck can you stand up?" Tyler asked, wide eyed.
Evan snorted. "It's painful just to do that," he replied, as he went over to the boxing bag to pick up his shirt. He leaned against the cool leather for to calm the fire in his legs. That was when Alexa walked back in with and arm full of white towels and Jonathan, who caught sight of Evan and smiled apologetically at him.
Jonathan looked around the room and laughed.
"Jeez Alexa, what the fuck did you do to these guys?" He asked, laughing as he turned to look at the small girl next to him. Jonathan had on black shorts and a similar white top, also with no shoes. Alexa was still in the same workout stuff.
"Just a little basic workout. I went easy on them," she shrugged, grinning her sweet mischievous grin. Evan and the others groaned, loudly. She'd been a dick to them pretty much this entire time, and while they understood, it didn't stop Evan and the others from being a little annoyed.
Craig rolled over to look up at Alexa.
"Basic?" Was all he could manage, and groaned when she nodded, her smile spreading across her face and pulling a laugh out of her.
"Listen guys…I'm sorry I worked you so hard."
Evan watched her. She did actually seem apologetic.
"I wanted to push you guys today, and maybe I pushed a couple of you too far. I'm more than impressed with you all, and I have a good feeling about you guys. I think we've made some really good progress today." Her smile was not her mischievous one, but a truly thankful and genuine one. Alexa clutched the towels in arms in a tight squeeze for a second.
"Anyway," she started, before tossing a wad of towel at Craig.
"Best way to cool off and loosen muscles is to get in water, so…" Jonathan started before being hit in the face with a towel by Alexa.
"Last one in the pool does dishes!" She cried and ran out the door, whipping off her gray shorts and white top to reveal a black two piece bikini underneath, and cannonball into the pool. The scramble of bodies when they heard those words was loud and chaotic, and everyone rushed outside to the pool except for Evan and Jonathan, who stood laughing. Splashes and laughed echoed outside as the guys collapsed into the pool and shouted abuse at one another, Alexa's higher pitched voice joining in with the chaos.
Evan turned to Jonathan, who was approaching him.
"You won't be needing that," Jonathan smirked, plucking Evan's sweaty shirt out of his hand and tossing it to the floor. Evan smiled back.
"Did you sleep in because you knew what she was going to do?"
"Oh hell yeah," Jonathan's eyes widened as he faked a scared look. "I know what she's capable of, and she doesn't take any prisoners. Never has."
Jonathan and Evan looked outside. A game of Chicken was getting started, Brian and Craig teaming up against Tyler and Alexa and Lui and Brock while David acted as referee, all of them swearing at one another in an attempt to psych one another out.
Jonathan smirked at Evan, while Jonathan pulled off his own shirt.
"So you're doing dishes then?" Jonathan asked, as he started to back out the door.
"I so am not," Evan called, pulling off his shirt as he went after him.
Evan made a grab for his arm, but missed, Jonathan stepping out of his way and causing Evan to momentarily loose his balance, his legs still shaky.
Their short chase ended with Evan tumbling into the pool last amidst laughter and applause for Jonathan's quick escape; Evan was doing the dishes.
