The Fellowship looked at each other in embarrassment. A mouse had chased them out of Moria and led to Gandalf's death.
"We can't tell everyone what really happened," Aragorn said.
"They'll think we're cowards," Boromir said.
"What's something else in Moria that's scary?" Aragorn asked.
"There's the Balrog," Gimli said. "It's a fire demon with horns. It's just a legend, though."
"Well we can say we saw it," Aragorn said. "That'll work."
"Yeah, because there can't be a three books and three movies about a Fellowship that were too scared to face a mouse," Legolas scoffed.
"Where is Frodo?" Aragorn asked, looking around.
"He's over there," Legolas pointed.
"Frodo!" Aragorn called. "You're going the wrong way!"
Frodo looked back and started walking toward the group again.
"Fool of a Baggins," Aragorn muttered. "Sometimes I wonder why I volunteered for this."
From there, the Fellowship made their way to Lothlorien.
"Be careful," Gimli warned the Hobbits. "They say an Elf witch lives here. She can turn green. But I'm not worried. I've got the eyes of a fox and the ears of a hawk."
Suddenly, they were surrounded by Elves. Haldir nanced out of the woods.
"The Dwarf smells so bad I could have shot him in the dark," Haldir sneered.
"Well at least I live," Gimli said in Dwarvish.
Boromir and Haldir glared at him.
"I am taking you to Lady Galadriel," Haldir said.
The Fellowship followed Haldir to the Lady, watching with eyebrows raised as he nanced the whole way.
"You bring great evil here," Galadriel said, staring at Frodo creepily.
"Is she into me?" Frodo whispered to Sam.
"She'd better not be," Sam huffed. "She should know you're strictly gay, Mr. Frodo."
The Fellowship stayed for the night in Lothlorien. Sam started reciting some very long poetry about Gandalf, which made everyone fall asleep. Frodo snuck out when Sam wasn't looking and saw Galadriel. He followed her to a birdbath.
"This is my birdbath," Galadriel said. "You can look into it and see the truth."
Frodo looked into the birdbath. He saw himself hugging Sam and smiling.
"You are gay," Frodo read.
The picture changed and showed Frodo's face.
"Your haircut is totally second age," Frodo read.
Frodo pouted and crossed his arms. "It's very cute."
"You needed to see the truth. Now let me cut it," Galadriel said.
"No," Frodo said.
Galadriel started to turn green and glow. "YOU MUST LET ME CUT IT! IT IS HORRIBLE! ALL SHALL SEE IT AND DESPAIR!"
Frodo screamed and ran away.
The next morning, the Fellowship lined up in front of Galadriel to get their gifts.
"I am happy to give you all cloaks made right here in Lothlorien. They can help you hide from anyone, and they are so stylish," Galadriel said. "For Merry, Pippin, and Frodo, here are some beautiful Lothlorien daggers, perfectly sized for such small creatures, and with beautiful craftsmanship. For Sam, here is some rope, hand weaved right here in Lothlorien. For Legolas, here is a Lothlorien bow and arrows, made to hit any target."
All of the items had the Lothlorien logo on them. Celeborn handed them out with a big smile on his face, saying, "Tell your friends. Now only 5 silver pieces."
"I didn't get anything," Gimli protested.
"Neither did I," Aragorn said.
"I didn't either," Boromir said.
"Gimli, your hair and beard are…disgusting," Galadriel said. "Boromir, your outfit is so tacky I cry when I see it. Aragorn, when was the last time you washed your hair?"
Aragorn looked uncomfortable. "I prefer not to answer that question."
Galadriel's skin was starting to take a green tint.
"Let's go load the boats," Aragorn said, hurrying away.
The Fellowship quickly loaded the boats and sailed away down the river. Galadriel attempted to dump a pail of water on Aragorn when he sailed past her boat, but she missed and he sailed away, glad that at least for the moment his hair was safe. He knew that ladies liked the rugged, unwashed look. And he would keep his hair like this for the rest of his life.
