Disclaimer: I don't own anything – except for a red hoodie...

...As Stupid Does

part 3 of the Stupid 'verse

7/?

Saturday morning sees a half-sleeping Stiles dragging himself into his car. Not that he particularly wants to, seeing as he hasn't slept this poorly in months – sure, eight hours have always been more exception than rule, but three is pushing it even for him – his Adderall hasn't kicked in yet and his stomach is rebelling. But. This isn't about what he wants.

When Billy Black had called Thursday about having a bonfire, Stiles' bonfire, today both Stilinskis had balked at first. After the lovely introduction to Embry's Alpha – and, incidentally, Billy's son – Stiles would have preferred some more time before going to LaPush, the Quileute reservation, and a formal introduction to the packs. He needed that time to come to terms with what had happened, and what it would mean, and most importantly: to get to know and trust Embry a little better first. And then Billy had kept talking, saying that of course John was invited to come along.

And that, right there, is the one thing keeping him (relatively) calm at the moment. He's not going alone. His dad won't be allowed to be at the actual bonfire, for some reason or other tied to pack secrets (or so he's pretty sure), but he will be nearby.

(And yes, Stiles knows there's a gun hidden somewhere on his dad's body. He's more than okay with that.)

In fact, he's pretty damn sure that's not only why his dad was invited but also why the hurry – not just to make Stiles come (he knows they could have found a way to push him into it) but also to make him and his dad okay with it. With Stiles being a minor John has quite a lot of authority, and not waiting another two days for that to change suggests that Billy is trying to say they respect John, and the fact that imprint or no, Stiles will always be his son first. It's how Stiles would do it, and yeah, sure, not everyone is as manipulative as him, not even when they should be, but still.

And I really should stop stalling and ranting, and just get on with this.

He gets in on the passenger side, because his dad insists on driving. Normally he doesn't let anyone else drive the jeep, but Stiles is fine with making an exception to that rule today, not just because he hasn't quite woken all the way up yet, but mainly because of how on edge he is. That he'll be a danger to himself and others behind the wheel once he wakes up enough for those nerves to start presenting themselves goes without saying.

Maybe with a little luck he won't wake the whole way up. Sleeping the trip away would be awesome.

He does. And it is.

They're staying with Charlie Swan and his wife Sue. Not because that's their only option, but it's the one John is most comfortable with, and right now that seems to be the general guide line. "What's most likely to not trigger the gun carrying dad?"

Stiles is fiiiiiine with that. He might be kinda ruthless himself, and pretty much an asshole when he doesn't like people and situations, but he prefers to not be seen that way. He likes to fly below the radar – it's saved his neck more than once. Sure, the packs know by now that he isn't harmless, but given time they might forget and that's what he wants. He's going to study them, and find out their weak spots, and if he needs to he'll use that. Which is always easier if people aren't looking at him.

Invisibility has its perks.

So yeah, let them worry about his dad. Stiles will be just fine, over here, preparing for an eventual stealth attack.

Charlie Swan is a good choice to stay with in any case, since he's who is going to entertain John while Stiles does whatever, and his wife seems like a nice person. A good cook too, judging from the smells coming out of the kitchen. That's always a plus in Stiles' book, especially if she happens to have any new, healthy (or potentially healthy) and not too complicated recipes to share. Priorities, okay?

The fact that Sue is an Elder, and both her children are wolves, means she has a stake in the game, sure, but it also means she's a valuable ally. Not to mention the fact that she might be more prone towards looking out for Stiles seeing as she'll be going straight home to meet his dad afterwards. Anything that keeps him safe(r).

He's willing to bet that Embry was aware of his arrival the second they passed onto tribal lands, either because of those pesky werewolf senses or because of the packs having someone on patrol, but the wolf doesn't show up until Stiles texts him an okay. And it's not one of those appear-out-of-nowhere-two-seconds-later deals either, no, it takes several minutes, indicating that Embry actually is trying to respect Stiles' space. Instead of, say, lurking just outside of Stiles' awareness, like certain others would.

It's a sound strategy. After all, John isn't the only Stilinski capable of skinning an animal. You know, just for reference's sake.

The bonfire won't be until dark begins to fall, and while that's still pretty early with it only being April and everything, it still limits the amount of time at their disposal. Embry clearly wants to show Stiles around, show him everything, but even with a place as small as LaPush there just won't be enough time. After all, showing someone your home wasn't just about pointing out buildings and places, it was about the memories attached – and those didn't care about size.

"You know, I had all these plans, but looking at them realistically... There's no way we're going to manage all of that today. So, how about this? The grand tour of LaPush can wait until tomorrow, or your next visit," provided there is one, "if you don't feel up to it, and instead we try and keep it simple today? My mom would like to meet you..."

And okay. Meeting the parents feels so cliché, and Stiles kinda hates the fact that the first time he'll do that will be for this, but it's also something he recognizes as important. Embry's met his dad, and if Stiles really is going to be tied to him for the rest of their lives, then it's only fair that he returns the courtesy. Even if he feels a little uncomfortable meeting a mom. Then again, he guesses it isn't fair to make Embry suffer because Stiles' own mom isn't around.

Or, you know, anything else.

Maybe.

Meeting Ms Call – Tiffany – is interesting. She's exactly Stiles' kind of woman, meaning strong. She's raised her son alone, without allowing herself – or him – to become bitter, and she's done so in a way that even Stiles can admit has made Embry lovable. (He might not be there, and he doesn't think he'll ever be like that, but he can still see that.) She's managed to hold her head up high during hardship, and turned her life into something good.

He respects that.

She reminds him of Melissa McCall in so many ways, with the last name and the werewolf son actually only being minor details. There are differences though, and the biggest one is how they relate to him.

To Melissa he was always this hyper kid who kept getting her son into trouble. It's true, of course, but.

Tiffany, however, sees him as someone who's helping her son, who might actually keep him out of trouble. Embry calls him "brother" and Tiffany echoes it, whereas Melissa...never did. Oh, she loves him, in her way, but that love always came with restrictions. She never saw him as family. Never wanted him as family. And yes, he knows this to be true.

Once the worst pain from losing his mother had lessened – not disappeared, no, never that – Stiles had begun wondering about what would happen should his dad start dating again. Eventually that had led to him and Scott – who had worried about the same – deciding that the best course of events would be if their parents started dating each other. To a pair of lost teens clinging to each other it had seemed perfect. Their parents worked so well together, and Stiles and Scott already felt like brothers. What could be wrong with that?

Yeah. What?

That dream had died the summer between sixth and seventh grade, when Stiles had overheard a conversation between Melissa and her sister.

He hadn't meant to, had only gone looking for a glass of water after waking up during a sleep over. When he'd heard Melissa say that his dad had asked her out, he'd stopped and listened, barely able to contain his happiness.

That hadn't been a problem for long though. Melissa had turned John Stilinski down, and hearing her reason knocked all lingering hope out of Stiles. It was him. Melissa hadn't wanted to be his mother, hadn't wanted to be responsible for him.

Dating his dad, yes. Marrying him and letting him take the place as Scott's dad, also yes. But no to acting as Stiles' second parent.

He knows her reasoning was sound – he'd been a handful, even on good days and with his meds, and he'd known it even back then. Taking care of Scott alone, with his health issues and Mr McCall out of the picture, had been enough of a commitment. Asking her to take on Stiles as well, well. It wouldn't have been fair. No matter how much he'd wanted to. No matter how much he'd wanted for her to love him enough that there would be no need to ask.

But. Fairness or not, understanding or not. It had still hurt. Still does, years later. He'd loved her fiercely, and almost as much as he'd loved his own mother, had seen her as family – and finding out that she didn't want to be had torn his slowly mending heart into even smaller pieces.

The rest of the summer had been spent trying to learn how to run the house on his own. Melissa had helped with so many things, and John and Stiles had both been grateful. (Stiles wasn't the only one back then who thought it meant more than it did.) After hearing exactly how draining Melissa found him, Stiles had been determined not to let her anymore. He'd phased her out, slowly at first, then faster and faster as he became more competent. By Thanksgiving he'd been standing on his own two feet, and never asked for (or accepted) her help again.

She'd come off as a mix between sad, offended and relieved. Stiles, of course, had gotten caught up on the last one.

John and Melissa had drifted apart as well after that. And huh, he hasn't thought about it like that – because it's all in the past, right, and Stiles usually does his best not to dwell on it at all – but his dad never made an attempt to date again after that. That realization is immediately followed by a question. Does that mean Melissa broke his dad (too), or just that John gave up on believing someone would want both of them? And woah! that's a depressing thought.

By the time the McCall's had left Beacon Hills there hadn't really been anyone outside of the four of them who remembered the way they'd been referred to as the Stilinski-McCalls.

No one would, ever again, even if they all somehow ended up in the same place again, and not because of Stiles. (In retrospect, that particular secret was maybe one he should have kept. John's reaction had been...interesting. Okay, okay. Terrifying, okay? It had been terrifying, and Stiles had thanked his lucky star – shut up, he totally has one, it just happens to be more than a little dysfunctional – that Melissa was far, far away.)

None of that matters anymore, though. None of it should matter anyway. And Tiffany is great. Stiles actually relaxes and just is, talks and eats, and listens, and ignores the fact that if it was completely up to him he wouldn't be here. Because what he needs right now is support, and balance, and anything he can find to keep him from going off the rails all together. Tiffany...is one of those things, he thinks. And so he just allows her to try.

When it's time for him and Embry to leave for the bonfire Tiffany makes him promise to come back the next day for lunch, with his dad, and then embraces both of them. It feels...strange. Exhilarating, yes, but mostly strange. Stiles doesn't get that many hugs. From his dad, yes, and the occasional bro hug from Scott, but apart from that? The closest he's gotten in years (once he distanced himself from Melissa) is being held up or down by Derek.

And no, not going there. Good thoughts, happy thoughts only. (Derek would never be the memory behind Stiles' patronus, okay, or the thought to make him fly. He wouldn't.)

The smile on Tiffany's face, that's a happy thought, as is the matching one Embry's sporting. So that's what Stiles focuses on.

"She likes you. I thought she would, but... I'm happy."

"Yeah, I'm all the rage with werewolf moms, didn't you know?" Damnit, happy thoughts. Happy. Thoughts.

"Why wouldn't you be?" And he's sincere, and Stiles just can't. "My mom... It's like, to her, you're the return of my free will. Ever since I first phased there's been so many things that have been completely out of my control. When we told her everything, that's what she got hung up on. My lack of free will."

"Phasing for the first time, it's something we can't control. At all. None of us even knew it was an option, and the things that cause us to phase... After that we're tied to the reservation, and the tribe, like no one else, with this huge fate. And then we have to worry about imprinting as well... Mom hated that. I did too – hell, we all did."

Stiles can understand that. It's not, after all, exactly a picnic from his side either, at least not as far as he's concerned.

"My dad has never been in the picture. I didn't even know his name until after I came clean about being a wolf, and about how genetics play a huge part. He was a Black, it turned out, a result of Billy's grandfather having an affair in his old age. Billy's actually my cousin, weird as it may seem."

"Anyway, one day he just up and disappeared. Mom kept waiting for him, especially once she found out about being pregnant just weeks after, so certain he'd return. He did, sure, but years later, with a wife and three kids. The eldest was just six months younger than me. A 'whirlwind romance', mom heard. That's when we left the Makah rez and moved here."

There's no way of knowing, of course, not without some serious snooping, but to Stiles? It kinda sounds like the man had phased and imprinted. He's not bringing that up with Embry though. If he wants to talk, fine, if not... Well. Not to mention, if Embry hasn't had the same suspicions Stiles sure as hell doesn't want to be the one to bring that up.

"The thought of doing that to someone? Even without actually knowing the kind of pain it brings none of us is too keen on risking that. At the same time, the thought of being alone for the rest of my life... I didn't want that either. Now, with you? Now I'm beginning to believe I won't have suffer through that."

And that...explains so much. Not just about Tiffany's reaction, but about Embry's, and well, everyone else's too. It's not just about him, or his refusal to be the traditional kind of imprint. It's about how he supposedly isn't, and how tradition doesn't cover this. It's about how he just might have turned Embry into the only wolf who can date without having to fear repercussions, and maybe, just maybe, if Embry and Stiles have this, then it could happen to others as well.

At the same time it's this huge, scary thing that makes Stiles want to scream and run away, makes him feel the panic attack just waiting.

He's just been turned into a symbol, and even though he has no idea what it will mean for him, he's pretty sure it's not a good thing. Not if he wants to keep his own free will. Which, by the way, he's had precious little of as it is since his crash introduction to the supernatural, and he's not going to give up any more of it, not even if he has to kill for it, and–

Abort, abort. Distraction, something, anything, he'll be able to tell, he'llknowI'mscrewed, distra– Yes.

"What did you mean, about knowing the pain it brings? It sounded like you meant something, and I'm tired of not being able to read between the lines."

"Ah. It's a long story, okay, and not one I want to go into here and now, but. Sam and Leah were together. Before. And then he phased, and imprinted, and it...kind of broke Leah. We've been in her head, we know how much it hurt her. It's why she went to Jake's pack – to get away from Sam, from being in his head and seeing how much he loves Emily."

Oh. That's... "That's awful."

"Yeah. It really, really was. I don't really remember Leah much, from before, because of the age difference and everything, but I've seen Sam's memories, and Seth's, and the way it changed her... I wouldn't wish that on my enemies"

They walk in silence for a while, and Stiles' thoughts spin and spin, and he's actually beginning to think that this imprint might be a good thing, because of what it'll mean for Embry.

Assuming, of course, that the wolf is telling him the truth about this just being a brotherly thing, and not just stringing Stiles along until he can get what he really wants, and fuck, happy thoughts.

"Right. So, what do I need to know about all of this?" He gestures widely, indicating the rez and the bonfire and the packs and the imprint, and Embry, and everything really, only to realize his error. "I mean, for now, what do I need to know in order not to fuck up completely tonight?"

"Ah. Well, just try not to act like you want to shoot Jake, I think. Some would find it amusing – and justified – but it is supposed to be a sacred ceremony. Other than that... The Spirits gave you to me, Stiles," and yup, hearing that is still creepy, "and everyone present knows and respects that. They might not know you, but that will come. So just be you."

"Everyone present? Meaning..." God, they really should have talked about all of this earlier, like when Embry had been visiting for instance. But of course they hadn't, choosing instead to talk about things like movies and comics. It had been about bonding, okay, and that shit mattered.

"Both packs. The imprints. The Elders. You've met Billy and Sue, and Sam's actually an Elder as well, and that just leaves Old Quil, our Quil's grandfather. The imprints, that's you, Sam's Emily, Jared's Kim, Paul's Rachel and Quil's Claire. Oh, and Jake's Nessie, but she's probably not going to be there."

"As for the wolves, first there's the Black Pack. Me, Jake and Quil, plus Seth and Leah Clearwater. Leah's Jake's Second, by the way, as I'm his Third. The Uley Pack, that's Sam, with Paul as Second and Jared as Third, and then Collin and Brady, who are just two years older than you. I think you'll like Seth best though."

Embry sounds hesitant when mentioning the Clearwaters, but Stiles can't really figure out why. Or could it be that Stiles is staying in their family home, even if Leah doesn't, in fact, live there anymore? Does he think Stiles is unaware about their wolfy-ness?

"Dad mentioned something Charlie said, that Seth is close to my age as well?"

"Yeah, three years older than you. He's training with Charlie, actually."

Embry's a little calmer, a little more relaxed, but not all the way. So maybe not that, or just that. Could it be the fact that Stiles is staying in the home of anther wolf? Whatever it is, Stiles isn't going to let it effect him. He feels safe staying with the Clearwater/Swan family, and so that's what he will do. Possessive, overprotective wolf or not, Embry can just deal.

And if he doesn't... Too bad for him.

By the time they reach the part of the beach that is used for the bonfires – less secluded, Stiles notices, than he would have guessed, or chosen for himself – it's almost completely dark out. It makes for a more impressive bonfire, sure, but it also makes it more likely he'll mis-step and hurt himself, and it definitely sets him on edge. All his battle tested instincts roar into life, and he can feel his body adapting. He can feel Embry noticing, as well, but even the illusion of privacy is gone now, and so the wolf keeps his mouth shut.

Good.

Stiles is easy going most of the time, or at least comes off that way, but when he goes into battle mode he's anything but. Gangly nerdy teen, yeah, sure, that's who he is. But what so many miss is the fact that there's a core of steel underneath the plaid and the stupid tees. He has it in him, that ruthlessness, and while he isn't really a killer by nature, he sure is one by necessity.

It wasn't Jackson who decided to Molotov Peter's undead ass. That was Stiles all the way, and while it's not his favorite character trait it's one of his strongest. He's as much a protector as his father, or Embry – he just slips under the radar in a way they don't.

He finds his fingers tapping against his left forearm, startles and slowly removes them, trying not to draw attention to himself. There's no knife strapped there, not any longer. There might be soon again though.

Introductions are brief, not giving him much except a face to each of the names Embry has already given him. It doesn't matter. If he sticks around he'll find out what he needs to know for himself. Just like he always does. It's better that way.

Listening to the legends is awesome – but it's also not something Stiles enjoys. His attention disorder makes it hard for him, and he doesn't have his usual coping methods. What he does have is his phone, and so he records the telling, knowing that otherwise he'll miss half of it. (That's the reason he'll give everyone else, but, being Stiles, there's also another reason: he wants all the information easily accessible and well documented for when he really begins to research this.)

Half of his attention is on the words spoken, the rest... The rest is spent observing and assessing the people surrounding him. He will have to talk to them later, naturally, and add that to the data he's collecting, but just watching people can give a lot as well. Stiles is surprisingly good at people-watching, something that may or may not be because of his long standing crush on Lydia. (And well, watching his mom and later his dad for signs of unhealth. He prefers to think of Lydia as the reason though.)

What he picks up on immediately is a given: the relationship between wolves and imprints. It's easy to see who belongs together, even when seated separately like Sam and Emily, and it gives him chills. They're so caught up in each other, so two-made-into-one, and it's Stiles' nightmare right there. It's exactly what he doesn't want, but fears he'll be forced into. He doesn't want Embry to look at him like he's the centrer of the universe. He doesn't want to look happy at receiving that kind of attention.

He wants freedom. He wants to go home. He wants his friends, and he wants to not be intimidated and terrified any longer. He wants his free will.

He's just going to have to make sure he gets as much of that as he possibly can. No matter what it'll take.

Once the telling of the legends is over everyone follows Sue Clearwater to her home. She – and the imprints – have prepared a feast, with the intent to let everyone have a chance to talk to Stiles. He listens more than he talks though, and slowly builds up his mental files about everyone.

After a while he gets bored – typically – and decides to play a little game. Werewolf Who's Who, pretty much, or a comparison between members of the LaPush packs and the Hale pack.

He's already done Quil, that first day, casting him as Scott. Seeing the wolf with Claire, his imprint, has only served to strengthen that impression. Oh, it isn't the same, not nearly, with Claire being a little girl, but it also is. "Sneer wolf", or Paul, feels like Isaac; all bad boy attitude and violence on the inside, but softness beneath. He hadn't believed it back then, but Embry had been right about the changes in the volatile wolf when he's with his mate.

Sam then? At first glance he'd been Derek, just based on the fact that he is an Alpha, but had never been meant to be. But that's not is. Yes, there are streaks of Derek in Sam's personality, but when it comes down to it? Boyd. Solid, trustworthy, competent. Stiles approves – it makes him feel calmer.

Seth, the guy Embry thinks he'll like... Yeah, he does. Or, he thinks he will, once he gets the chance – or rather: takes the chance. Seth is, well, sunny, and reminds Stiles of nothing but preBite Scott. Then again, they all remind him of Scott, at least a little. Pieces of his brother-from-another-mother in all of these would-be-brothers. It's not so strange, really.

Being a teenager, and having everything change on you. Finding out you're a mythical creature, that you could hurt or kill the people you love – that you need to protect them against others who will try to hurt or kill them. Oh, and of course, that head-over-heels, nothing-else-exists love.

Yup. Scott all over.

And it scares him a little – a lot – because it weakens his resolve. It softens him towards them.

He shakes himself out of his darkening thoughts. He needs to not go there, not here and now anyway. Later, when he's home and alone, and safe, maybe. Not now. Let's return to the game then, shall we? So they're all Scott... And that really wasn't the point of all this, now was it? To have everyone be the same? Where's the fun in that? So instead he turns, looking for a new target, smiling a little when his eyes falls on Emily and Leah.

Most people would – if they were wired like Stiles, and thus not really most people at all – when making a comparison like this cast Leah as the LaPush Erica, he guesses. The only female wolf in a bunch of testy boys. And yeah, he can see that. He can see deeper, though, and when he looks beyond the obvious who he sees echoed in Leah isn't Erica. It's Allison. Beautiful, broken and remade, love and laughter turned into hate and bitterness, a strong yet fragile person keeping herself set slightly apart from the people that would welcome her.

And then it hits him. Leah isn't just Allison – she's him too.

His little game loses all its appeal after that.

About an hour in all the wolves perk up, and Jacob rises and leaves. It doesn't seem like there's anything wrong though, and it's not like he'll miss the Alpha, so Stiles goes back to talking cooking with Emily. So what if it makes him look like a good little imprint? He likes cooking, most of the time, and while he still swears by curly fries, fast food all the time would kill him.

When the door opens and Jacob returns Stiles just ignores it, until he notices the mood in the room change. There, next to Jacob, is a striking young woman that's clearly not Native, and just as clearly the aforementioned Nessie. Just... Wow. She walks around, chats with people, and then sets course for Stiles. He braces for impact. The Alpha's Mate going for him? This can only be interesting.

"Hi, Stiles? I'm Nessie. Welcome."

He smiles, and nods, and talk about irrelevant things while trying to project harmless little bunny. It's probably not working, but he's trying anyway. Trying never hurts. Almost never.

"Can we talk, in private? Just, like out on the porch."

It's clearly meant to calm him, as if she can tell how his body is reacting to her – but she shouldn't be able to, not like the wolves – and he gives her a bland smile.

"Not sure how private that'll be, not with the furballs and their super senses, but yeah, okay." They walk outside, in silence, while the others pretend like nothing. It's ridiculous, but you take what you can get.

"So?"

"Billy told me about Jacob's behavior towards you, and I wanted to apologize on his behalf. He's much too stubborn to do so on his own." Stiles' eyebrows shoot up, because what? Nessie just smiles.

"I've known and loved Jacob my whole life, and I will keep loving him until he dies, but he's far from perfect." The smile on her lips grows fond and knowing, and yeah, he's more than a little surprised that she's able to be that aware, with how in love she seems to be. It's not something Stiles is used to seeing, okay, lovesick people who are also clear sighted.

"He has a bad habit of thinking his solution is the best, and go with that no matter what the other people involved think, and sadly it also has a tendency to wok out. He needed this, Stiles. He really, really needed to be smacked in the face with the realization that just because it's always worked there's no guarantee that it always will, or that it's right for everyone."

There's a story there, at least one, as so often with these people, and Stiles really, really wants to know. He's not going to push though, because they might push back, and that...would get ugly. Maybe even shoot-you-in-the-face ugly. So he just nods.

"My best friend is like that. Sometimes his plans work out, and he ends up saving the day in a spectacular fashion, but when they don't... Turns out, getting kidnapped isn't as glamorous as you might think. So yeah, I get it. I just don't like it."

"Which is your privilege. I get it, I really do, but I was hoping you'd be willing to give him a chance anyway? I do have a vested interest in keeping him happy, you know. At least you shouldn't push Embry away because of Jacob's mistakes. They might be pack brothers, but they aren't the same, and with the imprint you are more important to Embry than any of them. Even his Alpha."

"I don't want to push you. I just wanted to apologize, and to tell you that if you have questions you're welcome to talk to me as well. I'm not always around, since I don't live permanently on the rez, but I try to always be available to family anyway."

The implication, that he is family now, sends a frisson of cold down his spine. He keeps it off his face though, smiles and nods again, and makes his excuses. Fifteen minutes later he's in his borrowed bed, meaning to think about the day, but so beat from stress and worry and being on edge that he's out within a minute.

The next day is calmer, and not. Walking around LaPush with Embry and hearing all the stories about growing up is fun, and stress free, but there's also lunch with Tiffany and his dad. They get on well. Too well. Because when Stiles said Tiffany is his kind of woman, he really meant she's a Stilinski kind of woman. The last thing he wants is for his dad to fall in love with her. Yeah, it should be a good thing for his dad to at least bond with her, to have another parent to talk to and lean on, but. Stiles might have told everyone that he's trying to make this work, but. He's still not committed to this. He might look it on the outside, but inside he's still keeping himself apart.

Part of him wants to just relax and embrace this, to take what's offered and be Pack. Sure, he never really felt like he belonged to the Hale pack, not as anything but Derek's botch, but he'd still had the pack to lean on.

None of the betas had really wanted him around, they'd disliked and shunned him, but he'd still been Pack. They'd still been there for him when he'd needed them.

Isaac, pulling a bad-touching member of an opposing team off him, when they guy had cornered Stiles in the empty locker room after an away game.

Danny, making sure the Jackson wannabe understood that "picking on Stilinski" was no longer an accepted part of the script.

Boyd, guarding the Stilinski house, making sure the Alpha pack didn't get to them.

Derek, ripping–

Point is, he knows what having a pack can mean. He knows what it's like to have that. And he misses it.

But at the same time, the thought of accepting this, accepting Embry and the imprint and whatever that means for Stiles' place in all of this... It terrifies him. He remembers, after all, all too well that it had meant to accept the last time. Remembers what his place had been. He still fears it will end up being the same here. And he can't take that. He won't take that.

As long as he doesn't fully opens himself up to all of this, there's a chance that he might be able to walk away. Oh, everyone keep telling him that there's no way to break an imprint, that it's for life. Well, fuck that. Stiles is a survivor of Beacon Hills, remember? He's learned that "impossible" only means no one's done it yet, and that he's got pretty good odds when it comes to being first.

If it can be done, Stiles will find out how. Even if it means taking the risk of calling Lydia, begging for her help. Nothing is safe, he believes, when it comes to the combined forces of their intellect. He's no idiot, but Lydia's brilliance outshines him, and together... There's a reason he fell so hard, and held out for so long, okay? (It just so happens to be the same reason he's secretly relieved nothing ever came out of it.) Together they could have ruled the world. Or destroyed it.

What is one measly Spirit enforced mating bond going to have that can beat that kind of force?

Turning 18 is a milestone. That's what people tell him anyway. Stiles doesn't feel it. Maybe it's because he's been an adult in so many ways for so long, or maybe it's everything he's seen and done.

He doesn't have a party – doesn't want to have one. The last birthday party he had was back when his mom was still alive, and after that, just...no. Birthdays became something he did with his dad, and Scott, and he was happy that way. It helps that none of his new classmates know – after all, who expects a junior to be turning 18?

What he does have is a very nice dinner with his dad on his actual birthday, and then another, not quite as fancy and nowhere near as relaxed, dinner with Embry the next day. And then, as close to a party as he's ever going to get – or so he suspects – there's a night out with his "girls" that Friday. They've planned it for a while, a plan that is only slightly adjusted to accommodate for the werewolves – his not-quite-plus-one and a few more – that beg oh-so-prettily to be included. He doesn't think either of them have any real interest in going to a gay club in Seattle, but hey. They can tag along if they want to – it might give him a few clues as to how sincere they are.

Embry's going, Stiles knows, in equal parts to keep an eye on him, get to know him and just spend more time together. (Their bond isn't traditional, no, but it does make a few demands.) The same is probably true of Seth, while as for Brady and Collin, well, it's anyone's guess. It's not like it bothers Stiles either way – he's just looking for a good time, and not in the euphemistic sense. Having four huge bodyguards just means he can let loose and not have to worry about having to fend off unwanted attention.

The club is different enough from the Jungle to not set off any bad memories from his few stolen outings, and he quickly loses himself in the music and the relaxation that comes with being himself. He doesn't hide that he's bi, no, but he doesn't exactly advertise it on a daily basis either. Most of the kids in school seem to be okay with it, but that doesn't mean he wants to get caught checking out someone in the showers. Or at all, honestly, as he knows he's not quite ready to go there. Not again, not yet.

Not when even the possibility of someone thinking Stiles is checking them out has bothered him – and that, basically, explains why his attempts at dating has gone nowhere. Being more or less afraid to show sexual attraction does tend to put a damper on those kind of interactions. He should probably make an effort to change that, he thinks as the music raises his pulse and turns his blood into singing fire.

He's broken, and damaged, and he knows it. Just as he knows it's time he dealt with it.

Because by now he knows Leah's story, all of it, and it scares him. She'd been so hurt, and then so angry, and it had taken her four years, a wedding and two babies to begin to move on. She's still not healed completely, after six? seven? years, and that's just not healthy. Even Stiles recognizes how very not healthy it is.

The thing is, he understands it all, understands it all too well. He knows how Leah became so broken, and he respects it – he just knows she should never have been allowed to hold on for so long.

He might see too much of himself in her, but he refuses to be her. He's going to learn from her example, and do better. He's going to be strong and whole again.

A few hours in he's relaxed enough to drag Embry close, first for a slow song, and then keeping him there when the music morphs into a sexy beat. He wants, simply put, to see if there's something there. There isn't. Zip, zilch, nada. Nothing. It only takes one look to ascertain that the same is true for Embry. The way that makes Stiles feel... The freedom it creates... Oh, it's glorious.

Intoxicating.

He had, he thinks, accepted Embry's word, his promises on the surface – but he hadn't really believed them. Not fully. They were, after all, dealing with ancient spirits, tribal magic and supernatural creatures here. Oh, and mates. So, there had still been doubt, and fear, due to his less than stellar prior experiences. But now he can let that go. Now he can open up and give himself over. And he does.

"You really do only want to be my brother," he breathes out with a giddy smile. "Dude, if that didn't make it so gross I could totally kiss you right now."

He spends the rest of his evening high on happiness, surrounding himself with friends and pack, and feeling safer than in a very long time.

It's the best birthday present he's gotten in years.

~ TBC ~