"M... Mom..."

"What happened?" Squall feigned confusion. He reached for Noelle's shoulders and pulled her towards him, and she tried to compose herself enough to speak.

"She's... She's gone."

He was torn; this was what Rinoa had feared. He had talked her into coming here, assured her it would be fine, that he wouldn't leave her side-but he did. And now, that thing she'd never wanted to happen, had. But...

"Gone where?"

"No, dad... She's just... She's..."

But you need this. "Noelle..." Squall pushed her back enough to see her face, and she looked up at him, wholly lost, and not for the first time.

Rinoa rejected the idea of children for years, on account of who she was. What she was. Squall never argued with her, because of moments like this. Because of the way Noelle looked at him now-a look that was utterly, completely certain that he would know what to do. Because he was her father. Because if he couldn't help, nobody could, and just the thought of that responsibility overwhelmed him. Once Noelle was born, from the first time she gave him that look of absolute trust, while no less terrifying, being her hero was something Squall was only happy to do.

Except in the moments that placed him in conflict with her and Rinoa, where the only two people who he'd ever been willing to utterly sacrifice himself for were at odds, and he was going to let one down, or anger one, no matter what he chose.

"Daddy..."

We need this. I'm sorry. "I meant... Is she still downstairs, or did she actually walk away." His voice was soft, a mix of defeat and apology, and no small amount of relief that somebody else finally knew.

Noelle's face changed, as he expected it would. For a moment her tears stopped, and her helplessness was replaced with shock, with worry. "You..." She stared, her voice weak. "This... This isn't the first time, is it?"

Squall shook his head. "She didn't want anyone to know."

"That's... Why you stopped calling." Betrayal crept over her face. "That's the real reason."

"...Yeah."

"You... You should have told me!" She was louder, and Squall stepped back into the room and gestured for her to folllow.

"We can talk about that later. Is your mother still downstairs?" Squall pulled a pair of jeans over his sweatpants, and grabbed a sweater out of their suitcase.

"She was still on the couch... I couldn't get her to move, I just... I didn't know what to do-"

"Coming to me was all you could do." Squall pulled his jacket out of the closet just in case, slid the room key into his pocket, and led Noelle down the hall to the stairs.

"What... What is it?"

"We don't know," Squall answered honestly. At the bottom of the steps he scanned the room, but Rinoa was gone.

"She was right-"

"She'll be in the flower fields. Take your coat."

Noelle stared at him for a second, her eyes wide and confused, and Squall pointed to the empty chair she'd occupied most of the night where her coat was draped over one of the arms. He watched her walk over to it, and tried to convince himself he was doing the right thing.

Noelle only tried a couple of times to speak once they were outside; Squall was not answering her yet, and they fell into tense silence while they walked. Most of the town was dark now, and the stars were out in force.

"It's really pretty," Noelle said, and gestured upwards when Squall gave her a puzzled look. "The stars. You never see that many in Dollet."

"Too much-"

"-Light pollution. I know. You've told me over and over, that's why you fought for that lights out ordinance in Centra."

"Mmm." Noelle had a teasing tone to her voice, and Squall couldn't find it in him to play along.

"Look-you were right." They were on the edge of the fields, and ahead of them was a slight, dark shape, walking ever further from the town. "Why there? How did you know that's where she was going?"

Squall did not answer. He was walking faster now, Noelle almost running beside him to keep up. It didn't take long for them to catch up to Rinoa, and Squall placed his hands on her shoulders, and studied her, despite the dark. She was shivering, and it was all that connected her to the rest of the world. Like every other time, her body was nothing but a shell. Squall ran his thumb across her cheek, pushed back her hair, but she remained as empty as always.

"Dad..." Noelle trailed off, and Squall started, so used to going through this alone. He shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around Rinoa's shoulders, and turned heavily to Noelle and nodded his head towards town.

But Rinoa resisted. Squall frowned, and again looked closely at her face. Her eyes were shrouded, the thin sliver of moonlight only just reflecting off her skin, giving her a ghostly look. He shivered.

"Time to go," he said softly. Noelle was shifting her weight from foot to foot, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. "Go ahead. We'll be right behind you," Squall told her. She hesitated for a minute, looked between her parents, and, taking the message, started towards town. Squall was not surprised to see her slow down considerably once she was a few paces away.

"You can't stay here, okay?" He wrapped one arm around Rinoa's waist and reached across himself to take one of her hands, but she still refused to move. "Rin..." He sighed. "Well, fine. If it's memories you're after..."

Squall stared at her sadly. Her shivering had increased, but she made no move to warm herself, or gave indication that she knew she was cold. Still, there was something...

He looked up, where Noelle had stopped moving entirely, apparently mesmerized by the night sky, which, Squall supposed, was a good enough excuse for waiting. He watched her for a few minutes, and then turned back to Rinoa. Her vacancy was no less than he'd come to expect, but there was something more...her in it this time. He wondered, if they could just stay out here, if maybe she just needed more time... But then Rinoa gave a violent shudder, and Squall shook his head quickly, and swept Rinoa into his arms and carried her across the fields. Something in his eyes prickled, and he blinked, hard, and was grateful that Noelle did not try to speak for most of the walk back.

"Won't they ask questions inside?"

They were past the square, almost to the inn, and Squall's fingers pressed tightly into Rinoa, as though afraid she would slip away entirely.

"Not this late," he replied. "She could just be sleeping."

In the inn, Squall headed straight for the stairs, while Noelle went to gather the rest of their belongings from the chairs by the fire. Squall fumbled with handle on the door to their room, pushed it closed behind him, and lay Rinoa on the bed, where he ran his hand along her face and leaned down to kiss her. She almost looked sad, but Squall could not be sure how much of that was his own projection.

In minutes, Noelle knocked. Squall watched Rinoa for another second, and then stood up and opened the door.

"Here's her coat," she said. "Is there... Can I do something?"

Squall raised an eyebrow, and walked the coat to the closet.

"I mean... Nevermind."

Something like frustration flashed across Squall's mind, but he held his tongue. Noelle was scared, and taking his frustrations at his own helplessness out on her wouldn't do anything.

"Want a drink? I was... Well, I was bringing it to Dollet, but since I didn't make it up there tonight... I could use a drink."

"...Sure." Squall took a bottle of wine from Noelle's shaking hands, and gestured to one of the armchairs by the window. She sat down and pulled her legs to her chest, resting her head on her knees so that her hair partially obscured her face. She looked so much like her mother in doing so that something almost like a smile nudged at Squall's lips while he poured the wine into two small glass cups. He passed one to Noelle, and they looked at each other with twin stoney expressions, and clinked their glasses together half-heartedly.

"So how long has this... How long has she..."

"Almost from the beginning," Squall answered. He took a sip of wine without really tasting it, and watched Rinoa's chest rise and fall where she lay on the bed.

"Do you know why?"

"We have a few guesses. She doesn't like to talk about it though."

"I can't imagine why."

Squall did not turn to Noelle, but did not miss the dark tone in her voice either, or the small flare of guilt it caused him.

"You should have told me."

He sighed. "I know. She didn't know how."

"So you think it's related-"

"-to the succession? Yeah."

"Why?"

Squall did not answer at first. Rinoa would be furious with him for having this conversation at all, and yet...

"Something similar happens, if you stop long-term GF use cold turkey."

"GF-oh, right. Those things." Noelle had been young, very young, when Squall, having forgotten most of his own childhood, stopped using them entirely, unwilling to risk forgetting his daughter's childhood as well. "I thought they just affected your memories."

"Well, they do over time. But we had a couple cases of people who stopped suddenly after years of heavy use, who would just..." He gestured towards Rinoa. Noelle made a face, and Squall shrugged. "Why do you think I spent my last years focused on phasing them out?"

"For all the good it did."

They shared a look. Noelle had never fully understood why Squall maintained involvement with Garden as long as he did, even if he'd already left by the time she was old enough to really understand what it meant.

But you commanded the organization that existed to... to kill mom. You were charged with her execution! And she just... And she was just okay with that? You were? That was just your life?

Then June. Then Seifer. Squall tried not to speak poorly of his old-school? employer? life?-or at least, not to Noelle, but after so many years there was no hiding it. And in that knowledge, their relationship grew stronger with her understanding that he had not remained there out of what Noelle had assumed was loyalty to Garden, but the unwavering dedication to her mother that had driven him for as long as he had known her.

"If that's what they want to do, that's their own problem now. My terms of leaving had nothing to do with anything but them staying the hell away from my family." His voice had a tone of finality to it. Garden was far from his favorite subject.

"How's school this year?" Noelle asked quickly.

Squall finished his glass before answering, and Noelle was ready, tipping the bottle to refill hers as well.

"Same as always. More students each year."

"But that's good, right? It means Centra's growing."

"I guess."

"It's not going to end up like Timber. It's too far away from everything else to be a big city like that."

"You're quite the expert."

Noelle shrugged. "Ivy and I were just talking about it the other day. Dollet's gotten pretty big too. You remember that little beach on the other side of the cliffs we used to go to sometimes when I was little? The one you and mom liked because it was away from the resorts and stuff? That's like what Old Dollet used to be now. You have to go pretty far down the coast to get away from the hotels and stuff. Ivy loves it, though. Of course, it feels rural to her, being from Esthar."

Squall watched the wine coat the edges of the glass; he was only half listening, the rest of his attention focused on the bed a few feet away.

"It's a shame you couldn't see more when you... Well, when you were up there last month. But... i guess we all had more important things to think about then."

"How are you handling everything?" Squall asked abruptly. Noelle looked at him, an eyebrow arched in an exact imitation of his. "Sorry."

"It's..." Noelle was now giving her glass light swirls. "You and mom prepared me well."

"Meaning?"

There haven't been any surprises, how about that?"

"Noelle."

Her cheeks reddened slightly. "Well I haven't had any of the surges mom warned me about. Not yet at least. But you said she didn't start getting those until a few years later anyway. I have had a couple of really bizarre dreams though. Scared Ivy half to death on some of them. For all the times you talked to her, you apparently didn't do a very good job of warning her about those. But maybe you did. Mom told me, but they're... Nothing like what I expected."

Noelle got very quiet for a minute, and Squall fought the urge to reach out to her. "I actually... Well, it's part of why I missed the early train today."

"You had a dream today?" Squall asked sharply.

"Yeah. Thought I'd take a nap before traveling." Noelle took another sip of wine, apparently having taken no notice of Squall's change in tone. "It kind of shook me a little bit, and since Ivy isn't here... It was a couple hours before the train, but I just... Needed to clear my head."

Squall was quiet, debating on whether he should ask her to explain or not and wishing like hell that Rinoa was awake, but Noelle continued, "Well I guess you've got more experience with these things than Ivy does, anyway."

"Experience-"

"With listening to them of course." Noelle now gave him an odd look, just now noticing his distraction. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No." Squall emptied the rest of the wine bottle between their glasses, and listened as Noelle began to describe her dream, even though he didn't need to.

"It was... Well neither of you ever really wanted to talk about it. I can see why, now," she said when she was finished. "Did it ever... I know she must have been there a thousand times in dreams. Did they ever mean anything?"

"Just memories," Squall said, less sure than he sounded. "She would dream memories from her predecessors sometimes, too. I guess you're just getting one of hers. You'll probably get more."

"Oh, great." Noelle rolled her eyes, and Squall attempted a smile. "Well there are probably a few things you two have done that are scarier for me to see than the edge of time."

"It's grounding," Squall shrugged, and Noelle pretended to gag. "I doubt you'll dream about those times. They'll be among the most human. But-" He gave her a pointed look. "That doesn't mean I need to know how often you've tested that theory."

They avoided eye contact for a moment and focused on their glasses; Noelle broke first, letting out a small giggle that turned into a full laugh, and Squall's smile broke out in spite of himself. They turned, in hopeful unison, towards the bed, where Rinoa lay unchanged, and their laughter died out at once.

After several minutes' silence, Noelle set her empty glass on the table and asked quietly, "How long does it normally last?"

Squall took a moment to answer, the guilt of sharing this secret starting to flare back up. Something about sharing a moment of joy while she lay like that hit him with this betrayal like he'd been doused in ice water. He blinked, drained his glass, and set it on the table beside Noelle's and stared at the pair of them.

Was it guilt? Or was it, and Squall pushed back the thought before it had a chance to fully form, the smallest bit of resentment? That for a month he'd spent nights in silence, nights talking to her without her even moving her eyes in response. Times when he came home to an empty house with no idea if she'd gone to the store, if she was at the lighthouse, or it she'd wandered into the ocean and been swept out to sea-and he endured it, alone.

For you, he thought. Always for you. I've relived the most terrifying time of my life again and again, for you. And it's done nothing. I've done...nothing.

"It varies," Squall finally said. "She's come back in an hour. Once it took almost two days."

"And you just..."

"Try and keep her safe."

"How did you know where she'd be, tonight?"

"She..." If this helps me help you, then I'm not sorry. "At home, she gravitates to the ruins of the old orphanage. We think it's because of their significance to us... To her. Here, those fields..." He paused. "More than anything, I just...knew." They'd never told Noelle the full story, never told anyone. He looked away. Noelle had grown up with parents who could tell if the other was hurt or sick from a continent away, and had always found it terribly romantic, and Squall wasn't sure he could stand seeing the look on her face when he felt so traitorous.

"And has it... Gotten better?"

"It hasn't gotten worse."

Noelle sighed, and looked at her mother, a look in her eyes that Squall recognized, having seen it on Rinoa so often.

"I... I know you're going to say no, but... I want to tell June."

"June? I thought you'd say-"

"Oh did you honestly think I'm not going to tell Ivy?" Noelle waved a hand dismissively. "Have you and mom ever had a secret from each other you kept more than a week? You can't even buy each other birthday presents most of the time."

"Fair enough. Why June?"

Noelle bit her lip, which immediately put Squall on guard. Lip-biting was usually a sign she was expecting to be scolded.

"Well... Please, please don't be upset with me but... She has... Files."

"Files?" His apprehension deepened.

"From her father."

The heavy feeling jumped into his throat, and Squall's anger was directed, if only for a moment, not at Noelle but at Seifer.

"And before you get mad, because I can see it in your face, she hasn't had them long. Seifer didn't give them to her directly, she... Found them. We're still trying to figure out where they came from, we think he had them... Before."

Squall winced. "I've got the majority of Odine's research memorized. What could Seifer have found that Odine didn't?"

"No idea. He had it buried deep though, whatever it was he didn't want anybody to know he had it."

"Noelle-"

"At least let me ask her for them. I don't have to tell her why, she probably won't ask any questions anyway, she's offered to let me look over them before but... Well, I always thought..." Noelle's voice dropped. "I just... I didn't see there being anything in his files I wouldn't be able to ask you and mom."

After a long pause, Squall reached over and took one of Noelle's hands. She kept her eyes trained down, her cheeks pink, but she gave his fingers a slight squeeze.

"I'm sorry," Squall said. Noelle's lips twitched, but when she did not speak, he continued. "I know... Noelle, you know I'm not good at this. But I'm sorry. We're sorry. I know it doesn't help you, but we talk about you, worry about you daily. Your mother..."

"I know, dad." She finally looked up. "You won't betray her."

"I'm sorry."

She gripped his hand more tightly, and one side of her mouth finally quirked into a smile. "Don't apologize for showing me what I should expect. The good, and the bad."

Squall did not smile, but she met his eyes, and he at once felt certain that he had made the right decision.

"It's late," he said, and, giving her hand a final squeeze, stood up and walked towards the suitcase. "Here." He tossed Rinoa's pajamas across the room at Noelle, and she walked into the bathroom. While she changed, Squall brought the extra blankets from of the closet and lay them out on the floor, pulled off his shoes and the jeans he'd thrown over his sweatpants, and knelt beside the bed and pushed back Rinoa's hair.

"You're going to be mad at me," he whispered, and tried as gently as he could to maneuver her under the covers. "But I think you'll forgive me. You've forgiven me for worse." He smiled down at her, and pressed a kiss against her temple. "I love you."

The bathroom door opened, and Squall stood up. "Take the bed. I've got this." He gestured at the blankets on the floor.

"Are you sure?"

"I've slept in far worse places." Squall and Noelle said together. She smirked at him and he shook his head. "Come on, the sun will be coming up soon," Squall walked towards the light to turn it out while Noelle climbed into bed. As he hit the light switch, he saw Noelle looking again at Rinoa, a look similar to the one she'd held earlier.

It stayed with him long after he lay down. It was a look rooted more in the stars than the here and now, and his stomach lurched with the sharp awareness of what his and Rinoa's choice actually meant, and how, even though his entire life-but the last thirty years in particular-had been utterly enmeshed in the succession, how he had lived with it, fought with it, sworn to protect it, and nearly given his life for it several times, he was here, on the outside.

For Squall, the succession was a part of Rinoa, and that was all he could see. He'd barely understood what a Sorceress was before he was willing to die for one, and in his mind, this had never been a problem. It was who she was. Saying Rinoa was a Sorceress, was the same as saying she had black hair, that she was a mother, that she worked in Timber's government. He understood that others feared the stigma, but had always remained resolutely, naively convinced, that nobody feared her.

Even after Esthar. Even after...

But seeing Noelle mirror something he had always accepted as normal...

It scared him.