Hello my lovelies, sorry the wait was a little longer this time, pre warning this chapter is a little different, it's completely from JT's point of view I just thought it was needed to explain his intentions properly etc but yeah hope you enjoy! Please review and I promise more Clay and Gemma for the next chapter xo
I watched from the sidelines as my best friend and my wife grew closer and closer, no longer even trying to hide it from me. The others saw it too though they tried to act oblivious. I saw the way their eyes would hit the floor when my darling wife's hand started to inch a little to close to that of my VP, looking at anything but the truth that was right in front of them knowing that knowledge of the affair without action would make them complicit in the betrayal. I should've been humiliated, my wife and my best friend were falling in love before my eyes and in their feigned ignorance my brothers showed their silent support of this unholy union but yet, much to my dismay this treachery didn't make me feel a thing. Not sadness nor anger, not even hurt, perhaps a half hearted feeling of disappointment but even that gave way to acceptance of what I realised was probably inevitable. Gemma was a survivor, she always had been, once upon a time it was one of the reasons I feel in love with her, now that fighters spirit is what brings me comfort and eases some of the immense guilt I feel for the hurt I've caused and the damage I've done because I know with absolute certainty my dark haired Queen won't be down for long
Though I worry what that might mean for me. As the fair skinned, brunette beauty that I had promised my life to my have loved deeper than anyone I have ever known, she hated deeper. If my actions had brought upon the biker Queens grandiose wrath, especially now with a new man of mayhem by her side I feared my life expectancy was rapidly decreasing.
I wrote all this in a letter to my platinum blonde lover from across the sees, my weary heart that seemed to be devoid completely over the last few months of the great passion it had once been filled with ached to be by her side, cradling our baby girl in my arms. I hadn't meant to start a family over there and when Trinity was born I never saw myself as being a father to her the way I was with my boys, I knew it was wrong of me but I didn't think I could ever live that sort of double life, with two families, one completely in the dark not knowing why I was gone for weeks at a time, Jax not knowing he had a sister... It wasn't something I thought I could live with. I had planned to break it off with Maureen, though it would be painful, when I got SAMCRO out of the gun running business but now..
Gemma knew about the letters and there isn't a chance in hell she'll ever take me back now, my marriage was over and with it my reasons to distance myself from my second love, in fact I was feeling closer to her than ever despite the distance between us, the guilt of betraying the mother of my sons weighed heavy on my soul, preventing me from ever being able to give too much of myself to Maureen but now that there was no chance of any sort of reconciliation between them, though the guilt of my actions and my careless handling of such a delicate situation still weighed heavy on my chest I no longer felt it eating away at me, the silent dismissal in her dark chocolate orbs seemed to be exactly what I needed to let myself really love the green eyed angel I had made privy to almost all my inner most thoughts in these letters, she knew my fear, my guilt, my worry, my every doubt and desire. And now, freed from the chains that were supposed to bind it to anothers until death did them part she would she would know the full depths of my heart as now it was hers to command
I want nothing more than to take my son out of Charming, away from what this club has become, to get Maureen and my kids to safety, give them a fresh start away from these people who are poison with the knowledge of what mistakes not to make in the future. The anarchist lifestyle is one of pure freedom, but one that is easily corrupted by greed, starting over entirely is the only way I believe I can truly eradicate it from what I meant to create when I brought this club together. But before I do that I have to know I did everything I could to save my beloved sons of anarchy from what they have become and that means getting them away from guns. Guns and violence are what destroyed this club, turning my great vision into nothing but another gang. I had to stop it, but in order to get out of guns I had to make sure we had no beef with anyone, there was no chance of getting anyone to vote out of guns if we were in the middle of a Mayan turf war.
The boys want blood for what was to Otto and I don't blame them but if my plan is to work we can't go about this like we have in the past, bloodying the streets with dead Mexicans and sending a message by force that we were not to be trifled with. The cycle of violence had to end somewhere. I had to find a way to settle this without bloodbaths and street brawls, I needed to negotiate with Alveres Letting them continue to move in on Charming wasn't an option, the club wouldn't stand for it, a compromise would need to be drawn up, a borderline I could get Alveres to agree upon without coming to blows. I'm not yet sure what that would be, it would be best if they were to just stay out of Stockton completely, though that I knew was a stretch, one they would no doubt spit on, I may have to settle with granting them a section of Stockton to call their own on the condition they stayed out of Charming indefinitely. The issue would need further thought but once it was settled there shouldn't be too many more obstacles to jump over on our way to eradicating the guns besides the IRA and as long as we could set up a suitable replacement they shouldn't be too difficult. The difficulty would come when I try to eradicate myself from this town I had grown to call home, or rather when I tried to take my son sigh me and that difficulty had a name..
Gemma
TBC..?
