~There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception~ Aldous Huxley
Bass watched out the window as Charlie made her way out to the barn, the baby firmly ensconced in her arms, a blanket wrapped around them both. She rarely ever let James out of her sight, refusing even to let Gene or Rachel do much more than change a dirty diaper and even then only the wet ones.
While she had reluctantly let he and Miles care for him a few times, Connor was really the only person she gave free rein to, although lately their relationship seemed to be stilted and awkward. He had caught the two of them in many a whispered argument the last few weeks, especially now that he and his son were once again sharing the room directly across from her, and with the house at full capacity it left few opportunities for any time alone with her. Lingering in the kitchen over his lunch, he tugged on his jacket and followed when it became obvious that she wasn't coming back anytime soon.
Upstairs in his room, sitting near the window as he filled out weekly paperwork for the Rangers, Connor had watched Charlie escape to the barn with James. They were practically tripping over each other here in the house, so it was no surprise when he discovered that she would often retreat to the barn when it came time to feed him. However, seeing his Dad following her a few minutes later was something new. Cursing under his breath he came to a decision, grabbing his jacket and the tin can hidden in the back of the closet.
Squeezing through the barely opened barn door, Bass let his eyes adjust to the gloomy interior. The sky had begun to cloud up this morning and he'd bet both his knees and a shoulder that there would be rain in the next twenty-four hours. He could hear Charlie talking to the baby up in the hayloft, so began the ascent.
"Charlie?" he called out finally spotting her sitting in a corner, their corner, her eyes going round with surprise at the sight of him.
"Bass? What are you doing up here?"
"I was hoping to catch you alone for a few minutes, but little man seems to be attached to…." His words faltered as Charlie pulled the blanket up over the baby, much like mothers who used to nurse in public before the blackout would do.
"Charlie, what are you doing?"
"Nothing that concerns you, Bass. Now, please. Just go back to the house and I'll be there in a few minutes. It'll be time to put James down for a nap and you'll have my complete attention."
"Charlie, you do realize that you can't nurse that baby? That you're not really his mother? Does Gene know about this?" Bass' head was spinning at the implications that Charlie might have finally snapped. Why else would she be attempting to nurse a child that wasn't her own?
"Oh for God's sake, Bass. You have no idea what the situation is so stop making assumptions." Charlie snapped, yanking away the thick blanket that she had used to cover herself with, laying a sleepy James on her lap as she buttoned up. Grabbing her jacket and the blanket, she slowly rose to her feet, Bass instinctively having slipped a hand under her elbow for support. Making her way to the ladder, she saw Connor waiting below and tossed the items in her hands down to him. Catching them, he waited for Bass to descend first, watching as he kept one hand on Charlie at all times, steadying her as she put her feet on the floor.
Charlie ignored him turning to Connor.
"I saw him follow you. Thought you might want me to take James."
"Thanks, Connor," Charlie replied her voice shaking as she handed him over.
Looking at his Dad, Connor juggled James to his shoulder before handing the tin to Charlie, grasping his hand around hers as they both held on to it. Nodding at the tin, his eyes began to water. "She was my family too, Charlie, and you're not the only one hurting over her loss. It's time to tell him."
A whimper escaped her throat before she could cover her mouth, clutching the tin as Connor took James and left the barn.
"Charlie? What's going on?" Bass asked placing his hands on her shoulders. He turned her around, running his eyes up and down her body not understanding what could have happened to make her lose touch with reality like this, when the wetness on her shirt caught his attention. Grasping her upper arm probably harder than he intended, he held onto to her as he pulled the shirt up past her breasts.
"What the hell, Bass?"
Seeing her damp bra and enlarged breasts, the pieces finally fell into place for him. Roughly pushing her away from him he laughed cruelly.
"What is your problem?" Charlie demanded as she pulled her shirt back down.
"Where you pregnant with my grandson when you screwed me?"
"Excuse me?" she asked not believing her ears as he began pacing in front of her.
"Obviously Rachel knew about it that's why he doesn't have Monroe as a last name." he mumbled more to himself than anything before stopping in front of her. "You know, you could have just asked and I'd have been happy to give Connor some tips. There was no reason to whore yourself out to me if he wasn't doing it for you in the sack. Although I guess it's not surprising to find out that a freak flag runs in the family."
Not thinking twice about it, Charlie slapped him so hard he stumbled back as she clutched the tin containing their daughter's ashes to her chest, shocked at his accusation.
Miles chose that moment to walk in alerted by Connor that there might be some drama going down.
"Everything okay out here?" He asked looking from Charlie who appeared five seconds away from bursting into tears, over to Bass who had a very clear imprint of Charlie's hand on his face.
"We were just talking about how the Matheson's like to keep it in the family." He gave Charlie a smile that sent a chill down her spine. "I suppose you did learn from the very best didn't you?" And then with a nod at Miles left the barn.
Miles turned watching him go wondering what the fuck had gotten into him today, only to have his attention brought back to Charlie as a wail unlike anything he had ever heard made its way out of her throat and continued without stopping. Gathering her into his arms, he had no choice but to sink to the ground under the weight of her grief.
Pulling her across his lap, Miles tucked her head under his chin as she clung to him and an old tea tin, sobbing her heart out. Rubbing circles on her back, he held on to her tightly as words began to tumble out of her mouth and for the first time in a long time, tears ran down his face as well, soaking the top of her head.
"We need to talk." Bass growled as he watched Conner tuck the baby into his cradle.
"What?" Conner asked immediately on the defensive, figuring his and Charlie's conversation hadn't gone so well.
"Outside," Bass ordered.
Conner tilted his head with a smirk and shutting the door to Charlie's room led the way out side. He had barely made it down the porch steps when Bass grabbed him by the shoulder spinning him around.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Conner demanded.
"Why don't you tell me what's been going on around here starting with whose kid that is?" Bass demanded.
"That's Charlie's kid! How many times do we have to tell you?"
"Yeah, that's Charlie's kid, alright. I guess the real question is who's the daddy?"
Conner shook his head. "His parents were killed. I don't know who the hell his father was!" he answered in disgust throwing his arms up.
"God damn it, Conner! You know how important family is to me! How could you not give him our name?"
"What?" Conner asked looking at Bass like he had lost his mind.
"I know…I know that Charlie is nursing that baby and the only way that could happen is if she gave birth to him. Who came up with this bullshit story about his parents dying?"
"You don't know what you're talking about, old man!" Conner yelled back, getting in Bass' face, causing the older man to strike out.
Picking himself up off the ground, Conner dabbed at the blood flowing from his eyebrow with his shirt sleeve.
"You are an idiot." Conner said with a shake of his head. "The story we told about James is true. I swear on my Mother's grave that it is." Covering his eyes with a hand he bowed his head for a moment trying to compose himself before looking back at his father. "You're right about the fact that there was a Monroe born while you were gone. But she wasn't my child. She was my sister."
Rain had started falling while he and Connor were outside and Bass turned his face to the sky for a moment before looking back at his son unable to ask what he needed to know. Conner had to look away from the anguish in his father's face in order to continue.
"I was in the kitchen when I heard her cry out. I rushed upstairs and found her on her bed." He glanced back at over at Bass, who had started crying. "Eighteen weeks. I've never…I'll never be able to get that scene out of my head. She shouldn't have had to go through that by herself. " He ground out. "She begged me not to tell you. Wanted to save you the grief of knowing that you had lost another baby. Another girl. Blamed herself for not being able to carry to term. And then we found James and it was just dumb luck that you showed up the next day, injured and without a clue how badly we both needed you home."
Conner watched as his father sunk to his knees in the muddy driveway, burying his face in his hands
