DEAN'S POV
Well, that went well. I guess it could've gone worse, but still. I go to knock on her door and apologize.
"Rachel...come on, open the door." I say. Silence. I sigh. "Rach." I say. I jiggle the knob, and nothing happens. So I reach above the doorframe and grab the key. I unlock the door, and see Rachel suddenly stand up, dropping something to the ground.
"Get out." she says.
"I just wanna talk." I say.
"No, Dean. Please, just get out." she says, and I notice something drip from her sleeve.
"What was that?" I ask. She looks from her arm to me, and kicks something under the bed.
"Nothing." she says.
"Rach, what the hell." I say. She sighs.
"It's nothing, Dean." she says. I walk over to her, and grab her wrists to try to sit her down and talk. She gasps, sounding pained. I look at her, confused. I roll up her sleeves, shocked at what I see.
The are gashes all over her arms, which are both covered in the blood that's coming from her cuts. There's scratch marks on her wrists, and the blood is dripping down her arm. I notice a word carved into her right arm: WEAK. I look up at her, shocked, and she's looking away from me.

"Rach...I…"
"I'm sorry." she says quietly. "I didn't think...I mean…" she stumbles. I sigh, and let go of her wrists.
"Rach…" I trail off.
"I don't know if this makes you feel any better but this is the first time I've done this since I've been with you guys." she says.
"That doesn't make me feel any better." I say. She sighs.
"Dean, I'm sorry." she says. I sit down on the bed, and look down. "I just...I've been doing this for a long time. I never meant for you to-"
"Find out?" I ask, looking up at her and cutting her off. She looks down. "You were just gonna keep carving into yourself? Keep coming closer and closer to killing yourself and just not tell anyone!?" I yell. She flinches once my voice rises, and takes a step back from me.
"Dad I'm sorry." she says quietly, closing her eyes tightly. I sigh.
I'm scaring her. I shouldn't be yelling at her. After what happened with the djinn and her past with her dad I shouldn't be shouting. I shouldn't. It's scaring her and I don't want her to be afraid. I shouldn't be getting mad that she's in pain. I should help.
"Look, Rach-"
"I'm sorry." she says, her voice cracking. She continues to look down and away from me. "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please, I'm sorry." she begs, her eyes shut tight. I see her hands are balled into fists and she's starting to shake and I realize she's starting to have a panic attack.
"Hey, calm down." I say softly. She puts her hands over her face. "Rachel come here." I say. She just stands there, shaking. I reach out and touch her arm and she jerks away, and I pull my hand away. "Hey, hey, relax."
"I'm sorry, Dad, I'm sorry." she mumbles. I stand up slowly, not to scare her. Is this what happens whenever she has a panic attack? She thinks about her dad? I step towards her, and she backs up into the wall.
She keeps her head down, and her hands go to her head, and she grips her hair tightly. Her eyes are shut very tight.
"Rachel, calm down." I say.
"Dad." she chokes out, sounding terrified.
"Rach, it's not your dad. It's your brother, it's Dean." I say, knowing that she isn't thinking right. This seems like one of the worst attacks I've seen her have. I realize tears are streaming down her face. "Sit down." I say. She quickly moves and sits on the bed. I look at her. "That wasn't an order." I say.
"I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I-"
"Rach." I say gently. She puts her hands over her face again, and I kneel in front of her. "You need to relax." Her breathing picks up speed and she starts shaking more. "Rachel look at me."
"No no no no." she says quietly, rambling, sounding terrified. This is what she feels. I see it now. Pure terror. She puts her hands in fists on her knees, and starts sounding like she can't breathe. I slowly put my hands on hers, and she looks down at me. Suddenly something clicks and her eyes focus on me. "D-Dean?"
"Yeah, hey. It's me, you're okay, you're safe." I say. She starts breathing a little more normally, and she closes her eyes, and I realize how hard she's trying to calm down. "That was a pretty rough attack, huh?"
"You d-don't know th-th-the half of it." she stutters.
"Still panicking?" I ask. She hesitates a moment, and then nods. I sigh. I get up and sit next to her on the bed, facing her. "Come here." I say. She looks at me, eyes red and puffy and dripping with tears, and she leans over and rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her, and she moves closer, and soon turns and hugs me. She lets out a sob. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay." I say. She starts sobbing into my chest, shaking with each sob. There's a knock at the door and she jumps.
"Hey, shh, it's fine, that's Sam." I say. She nods. "Do you want me to let him in?" I ask.
"Yeah but don't get up." she says. I nod.
"Come in Sam." I call out. He comes in and sees Rachel hugging me, and looks confused for a moment. I shake my head.
"Hey what's going on?" he asks.
"Rachel had a panic attack." I say. He nods, and sits on the other side of Rachel.
"Do you know why, Rach?" he asks. She pulls away from me, and looks at Sam.
"Dean saw me when I...uh…" she stumbles.
"It's okay, just tell him." I say. She looks at me, and nods.
"I was cutting." she says. He looks surprised for a moment.
"Why?" he asks. She sighs.
"I do that. When I'm sad or scared or in pain I…" she trails off. She takes a deep breath, and then continues. "I decide why I'm hurt. I cut myself, and it hurts less than the pain I feel inside." she says. Sam sighs.
"You can't do that to yourself, kiddo." he says, putting his hand on hers. She sighs.
"I can't stop." she says.
"Yes you can." I say.
"We'll help." Sam says. She smiles slightly.
"I love you guys." she says, looking between us.
"We love you too." Sam says. "So why'd you have a panic attack? 'Cause Dean caught you?"
"I got mad, which I shouldn't have. I yelled and I made her think of her dad. I didn't mean to scare you." I say. She nods.
"I know." she says. "Just...sometimes I wake up or I'm forced awake by a nightmare, or I have an attack and I think: This isn't real. I'm still at home and I'm bruised and stiff and I'm lying on the floor and my dad's passed out drunk and I'm gonna get hit and-" she rambles, but I stop her.
"Hey." I say. She looks down.
"I just...I'm so messed up that...sometimes, I can't tell what's real." she says.
"Look at me Rach." I say. She looks up at me. I take her hand, and put it on my shoulder. "This. This is real. This is me. And that other person holding your hand? That's Sammy. This is real, Rach. This is what's happening. You're not with your dad. He'll never hurt you ever again because if he wants to he's gonna have to go through me." I say.
"And me." Sam adds. She smiles slightly.
"THIS is your reality, Rach. You're safe. You've got me, and Sam, and a trenchcoat-wearing angel as your friend. Cas is your friend, Rach. And we're your brothers. We're family, okay? And that's concrete." I say.
She smiles slightly, and hugs me. Then she pulls away and hugs Sam.
"And it's all I need." she says.

RACHEL'S POV
I open my eyes in Sam's bed. While Sam and Dean weren't angry, they were still wary about if I should be by myself for a couple days. Which I don't mind. I kind of like that they care so much. I look over and see Sam is still sleeping, so I carefully get up and walk into the main part of the bunker. I walk over to the sink and start to wet a towel. I didn't clean up my arms last night so I think I should. I roll up my sleeves and start to wet the towel.
"What are you doing?" Someone asks behind me. I jump and turn and look at Cas. I let out a breath I was holding.
"Damnit Cas don't scare me like that." I say. His eyes focus on my sides. I look down and realize he's looking at my arms. "Cas-"
"What is this?" He asks, walking towards me.
"Cas-"
"When did you do this?" He asks. I sigh.
"Last night." I say. He looks away from me. "Cas, I-"
"Why would you hurt yourself like this?" He asks, looking at me, and I see his eyes tearing.
"Cas, don't cry. I was just hurt and I didn't know what else to do." I say.
"Tell Sam. Tell Dean. Tell me!" He exclaims. I sigh.
"Cas, I'm-"
"There's gotta be something else you can do!"
"Cas-"
"You can't just-"
"Cas!" I say, cutting him off. He stops rambling and looks at me. "Relax, Cas. I'm gonna try to stop. I might need some help from you and the guys from time to time but I'm gonna try." I say. He nods.
"I'm happy to help. And so are Sam and Dean." He says. I smile slightly.
"I know they are. And I know you are too, Cas." I say. He smiles.
"I don't have many friends. Sam and Dean, and-"
"You're my friend too, Cas." I say. His eyes light up.
"I am?" He asks. I smile and walk over to him and hug him.
"Yeah." I say. He hugs me back, and I can feel him smiling too.