A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. Um, things aren't going to cheer up just yet, and Frankie's, well, let's just say she's not going to take this well. Please keep letting me know what you think.
She was staring out of the window when Horatio entered the room. He walked straight over to her and told hold of her hand. Still, she didn't look at him. She just squeezed his hand, grateful for the warmth of his touch. She felt permanently cold, had done since Doctor Russell had delivered the news.
Horatio perched on the edge of her bed, unsure what to say. How could he explain how he felt? Frankie was going through much worse herself. When Russell had told him they had performed a hysterectomy, Horatio had wanted to weep for her. He needed to be strong for her, he knew, but all he wanted was to sink into her embrace, to lose himself in her love. One look at her blank, emotionless face was enough to tell him how much she was suffering.
"Chess," he said her name as gently as he could. "Chess, please, look at me."
She turned to face him slowly, not wanting to see the grief she had caused him. Blue eyes drenched in sorrow stared at her, but he offered her a small smile. She didn't have one to give back to him.
"Come here," he whispered, pulling her towards him. She went into his arms limply, one hand coming up to clutch at his shoulder. Her head rested on his other shoulder, and she let him hold her. The warmth of his body was comforting, but she sensed he was getting more from this than she was. She was still so numb.
Horatio clung to her, and felt tears fill his eyes. He swallowed hastily, not wanting to burden her with any more than she was already dealing with. It was little use, however, as a stray tear trickled down his cheek. He coughed, trying to hold back more, and ran one hand through her short hair.
"The others are all downstairs."
She pulled away from him sharply. "I don't want to see them. I don't want to see anyone."
He hurried to comfort her. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. They're worried about you, that's all. They care."
She gave a short, derisive laugh. "Worried? What have they got to be worried about? I mean, I've only lost my baby and had a hysterectomy! Why, just another day!"
"Chess," he said warningly, while a wounded inner voice asked when it had changed from 'their' baby to hers alone.
"What?" She turned to him. "What can you possibly have to say to me?" All of a sudden, his grief was suffocating her, drowning her. She had to get away from it. "Just, please, leave me alone. I need some time by myself."
He stood up immediately. "Of course. I wish, Chess, I wish I could make it better."
"Well you can't."
"I know." He closed his eyes, wished things were different. He bent to kiss her, but she turned away, so he dropped a light kiss on the top of her head. He paused at the door, turning back towards her. "I love you."
"I love you too," she replied automatically. Hurt and confused, Horatio left her alone.
She should feel guilty for how she had just behaved, Frankie knew, but she didn't seem able to feel anything. Maybe it was just the drugs, she reasoned. She leant back against her pillow and tried not to think of the pain she had just caused her husband. The man she had sworn to love. She did love him, she knew that. But she knew it like she knew the sky was blue. It was a cold, hard fact, not a product of any emotion she could feel.
Sighing, she tried to flick through one of the magazines the nurse had left with her. Dealing with Grief. Just what she wanted to read. She settled for just looking at the pictures, wanting something to distract her from the nagging emptiness inside.
Horatio wasn't sure he could face his friends' sympathy just yet, not so fresh from seeing Frankie. Instead, he stood outside, gulping in deep breaths, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat and the feeling that he had just lost more than a baby. He still had too many things to do to stand there forever, and he decided to get the worst over with first.
Victoria, Frankie's mother, picked up the phone on the first ring. "Mrs Nelson?"
"Horatio, how many times must I tell you to call me Victoria?"
"Victoria." He tried to smile, but he couldn't. "Victoria, I…"
"Is everything all right?" A sharp note of concern touched her voice.
"Frankie's lost the baby." Unable to stop them, another couple of tears streamed down his face as he said that, his self-control wavering. He still tried to keep from letting Victoria hear though, but he wasn't sure he succeeded.
"Oh god." He could hear her repeating the news to Mark, before she came back on the phone. "We're finding a flight now. Don't worry about anything, we're on our way. You hang in there, all right? How's my Frankie doing?"
"I don't know." He took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to get some control back over himself. "She's in hospital."
"You be strong for her, OK? We're on our way." She paused for a second. "Take care of yourself, sweetie. We'll be there soon." She hung up, leaving him alone again.
His friends were the next priority. They deserved to know what had happened. He walked back into the hospital, determined not to let Frankie down. After all, he reminded himself, she had been through far worse than he had. And he had to be the strong one.
