Chapter 7
Mary stayed home the following day. Rhoda found her curled up on her couch, staring absently at the television. She barely acknowledged Rhoda when she walked in.
Rhoda moved to turn off the television, returning it to its rightful spot near the stairs. Mary didn't even stir, only watched Rhoda as she crossed back over to her and sat down in the place previously occupied by the television.
"Heya kid." Rhoda reached out and smoothed her hand over Mary's arm. "How're you doing?"
Mary was catatonic, no better than she had been the night before.
"Have you eaten today? I bet you haven't." Rhoda realized that she might just be having a one-sided conversation this evening.
Mary sluggishly shrugged, as if she'd forgotten what she'd done that day.
"I'm going to make something." Rhoda got up and made quick work of throwing together what little Mary had in her kitchen to create a real meal. She was quite pleased with herself, that she was capable of cooking so well.
She made Mary eat her salad with hardboiled egg, watching as each bite entered her mouth, as if she needed to monitor her at all times.
"Stop staring at me." Mary admonished halfway through.
"Sorry," Rhoda looked down at her own untouched dinner. She folded her hands before her. "Have you…did you think about what you might want to do?" Rhoda wasn't sure how to bring it up. Though she supposed they needed to talk about it sooner rather than later.
Mary took another bite of her salad and then let the fork drop unceremoniously against the bowl. She covered her face with her hands and began sobbing again.
"Oh, Mare. I didn't mean to upset you." Rhoda stood and patted her back.
"This is upsetting. I…I don't know what to do." Mary sounded so helpless.
"It's that, uh, …Peter? It's Peter's, isn't it?" Rhoda inquired, knowing that that was the only person that made sense.
Mary nodded in affirmation.
"Don't you think you should tell him?"
Mary shook her head and stood from the table. She moved towards the window, gazing absently outside.
"Mare, he would want to know." Rhoda had never really liked the guy, but he seemed good enough, the type of guy who would be happy to father Mary's child, who would marry her and make them a legitimate family. Certainly Mary had to see that.
"I can't, Rhoda. I can't tell anyone. It's too hard." Mary leaned her back up against the window.
"Well it's not something you can just hide. Unless you…unless…"
Mary shook her head. "No. I couldn't do that."
Rhoda held up her hands. "I didn't think you could."
The tears came again.
"Mary," Rhoda approached her slowly, cautiously, as if she were a wild animal that might dart away if disturbed by the slightest hasty movement. "Mary, you should tell him. He would be over the moon." Rhoda reached her, grasped her by the arms lightly, reassuringly.
"I don't want to." Mary shook her head, dark eyes focused intently on Rhoda.
"Don't you want to be married? This is your chance to have a family." Rhoda searched Mary's face, trying to understand why she wouldn't leap at this opportunity. It was so straight forward, the best solution.
Rhoda was proud of herself, that she could think so clearly, so selflessly. For if it were a perfect world she would never want Mary to marry Peter. She would not want Mary to marry any man for that matter.
"I can't." Mary's protest was near silent.
"Why Mary? Why not?" Rhoda wanted to shake her, to shake some sense into her friend. She was acting ridiculously, recklessly, stupidly. Even if it was the 70s women still did not have babies outside of marriage. Rhoda could only imagine what Mary's mother, Dottie Richards, would do if she found out! Oh, if that woman knew…
And then Mary was cupping her cheeks, pulling her impossibly close. Rhoda gasped, uncertain as to what was happening. And then there were Mary's lips against her own and she could think of nothing but returning the kiss. Mary's lips were soft, smooth, decadent as they pressed against Rhoda, so wantonly. Mary was kissing her the way she'd only imagined possible in a dream.
"Oh," Rhoda gasped as they parted, Mary reclining against the window.
Mary bit her lip, eyes wide, frightened. She looked as if she might dart away, race out the door and never come back. Rhoda could sense she wanted to shrink, to disappear into thin air.
Mary Richards had kissed her. All those nights…all those nights Rhoda had thought were innocent…had Mary been thinking the same thing she had?
"I should tell him, shouldn't I?" Mary spoke, her voice foreign in the silence.
Rhoda felt her heart pounding. Why would Mary have to tell him about what they had just done? She felt her mind racing…
"About the baby." Mary sensed her confusion, smoothing over things as if what they had just shared hadn't occurred at all. She treated it as if it were a minor blip in their Friday night routine and now they could commence their discussion, this other little matter they had on their hands.
"Yeah, he'd wanna know." Rhoda shrunk away, as if stricken.
"Where are you going?" Mary's voice waivered.
"I," Rhoda found herself speechless. How would she maneuver through this mess? Should she remind the woman before her that she'd just kissed her? Was it the pregnancy hormones already kicking in?
"I've made a mess of it, haven't I?" Mary seemed to realize in that moment what she'd done.
Rhoda slid away, moving to clear off the kitchen table, to finish up the dishes without responding. She was at a loss for words. She wanted…yes, she did want Mary. But these circumstances, the inappropriateness of it, the lack of explanation, it made her head spin.
"I think I should sleep in my own bed tonight." Rhoda was finally able to speak. She felt it was reasonable, to ask Mary for this since she wasn't quite sure what had happened. What was happening between them?
If Mary were to twist, to turn in her sleep, to allow her arm to touch where it had the previous evening, to have her lips where they had been…Rhoda wasn't sure she could slow down what she would do in return. But what if the kiss had been a mistake?
Mary just stood by the kitchen table looking lost. If she'd been in her right mind Rhoda was quite certain Mary would have begged her to stay, would have sat down and talked it through, but instead Mary just kept her head down as Rhoda made her way to the door, removed herself from the tense situation.
Her bed was cold that night, the attic freezing from the snow storm outside. She shivered and curled up tighter, missing the warmth of Mary beside her.
But Mary had her own demons to wrestle with and Rhoda needed space.
Rhoda wasn't able to face Mary until Sunday.
She knocked at the door, feeling like a stranger though it had only been a day since she'd last seen the woman. They'd gone that long without talking before, hadn't they?
Mary was still in her pajamas looking worse for the wear. Rhoda had heard her leave the previous evening. She'd wondered where she had gotten off to, had listened when she'd come back late in the evening. Had she gone to her parents'? Gone to see a friend? Perhaps a drive to clear her mind?
"Coffee?" Mary inquired, calmly. Despite her scattered outward appearance, her demeanor seemed cool, calm, collected.
"Yes." Rhoda nodded and watched from the kitchen doorway as Mary prepared the coffee just the way she liked it.
"I went to see Peter last night." Mary spoke calmly, no emotion evident in her tone.
Of course. Of course, she'd gone to see him. It made sense. Rhoda nodded, moving to sit on the couch. "How'd he take the news?"
Mary shrugged, "oh, about as I imagined he would."
Rhoda glanced up at her, watched as her elegant, long limbs collapsed down into the chair opposite Rhoda. As if they needed distance from one another. "Yeah?"
"He proposed." Mary looked down into her cup of coffee.
Rhoda choked a little; she shouldn't be surprised, for it felt the logical, inevitable solution. Mary Richards would become Mary Lawson and all would be right in the world.
Except for Rhoda's heart which felt as if it were being ripped out of her chest.
Mary would say yes. She had to say yes.
"Congratulations." Rhoda found her throat dry, the word hard to form in her mouth.
"I didn't say yes." Mary spoke firmly.
"Oh, Mare, you know you will. It's the most reasonable solution. No shame in it, marrying the father of your child. I'm happy for you, really kid." Rhoda tried her hardest to plaster on a smile. For her friend.
"Really?" Mary looked incredulously at her. "You'd be happy with that?"
Rhoda frowned. "If it's what you want."
"I don't know if it's what I want. That's why I didn't say yes."
"What did you say?" Rhoda hoped and prayed that she had outright said no to him. But what would that get them? They were barely scraping by on their salaries as single gals and if they were to raise a child, well a child cost a lot of money.
Rhoda admonished herself. She was already painting herself into the picture as if she were even an option.
"I told him I'd think about it." Mary got up and moved towards the kitchen.
Rhoda felt her shoulders relax a little. Perhaps it could work out still, perhaps she could convince Mary to marry him and it would all be settled and she'd have a man's salary to care for a child.
Rhoda grimaced though, for she wished she could make a man's salary and marry Mary. She would be happy to provide for her if she could. She really wished she could.
"What's stopping you?" Rhoda asked, finding the dark coffee in her cup fascinating.
Mary leaned up against her countertop, staring at Rhoda from across the room. A great divide between them, yet it felt as if Mary were right before her, her presence so large in the small room. "I missed you last night."
Rhoda felt her heart catch in her throat. "Yeah?"
Mary nodded, moving to the couch, to sit down next to Rhoda. "I don't know what this is."
"Me either, kid." Rhoda flushed. "But he's a hell of a lot less complicated than I am. You've gotta think about stuff like that now."
Mary's fists clinched. She was upset now. "Yes, I suppose I do."
Their conversation felt terse.
Rhoda was at a loss for what Mary wanted.
She slept in her own bed again that evening, no closer to understanding what Mary Richards needed.
