DISCLAIMER! I OWN NOTHING!

A/N I just want to thank all my readers for their support. I am a new fanfiction writer so everyone`s support is very much appreciated. Thanks again, and keep reading!

"How could I not have…?

(Lissa POV)

By the end of the message I was crying so hard I barely noticed it when Christian pulled me into a hug. All my thoughts were filled with guilt, how could I have not noticed she loved Dimitri? She was my best friend how did I not notice how much pain she was in? My thoughts were interrupted by Christian.

"Lissa, honey, please tell me what is going through that beautiful head of yours." He said in a soft voice.

"How could I have not seen how happy she was when she was around him? How did I not see the pain in her eyes every time we talked about his death? Oh I know why. I was too busy focusing on you. Too busy thinking about how I was affected by everything, that I never even noticed that my best friend was in pain. I didn't deserve to have someone as brave and strong and amazing as her in my life, I don't deserve to have you and to have you treat me so well .Even now that she`s gone all I`m thinking about is how much I`m hurting. Geez, I'm a horrible person." I said feeling a little of spirits darkness seeping into me.

"Lissa, Lissa, honey you are not a horrible person." Christian said

I scoffed

"You are NOT a horrible person. Do you understand me? Rose wanted you to be happy and she never blamed you for being happy." He was trying to reassure me, but I wouldn't look at him , I didn't believe a word he was saying, and he could tell.

"Lissa! Look at me!", but I wouldn't. Finally he just grabbed my face and forced me to.

"You are not a bad person. You are amazing, sweet, caring, you have an amazing soul. No look at me!" I had turned my face away.

"Lissa, I love you more than anything in this whole world, and Rose loved you just as much, if not more, and she wouldn't want you to be so sad right now. I know you loved her and miss her, but you know what Lis, that will never go away," I listened contently from my spot on his lap. "Honey," he said lifting my chin to look me in the eyes "Rose wouldn't want you to be sad about her death; she would've wanted you to celebrate her life."

"I know your right. It's just so hard to believe she`s gone. I'll be fine I just need time, most likely a lot of it, so please don't give up on me" I said starting to cry again

"Shh, I`ll never leave you Lis. I`ll always be here for you, no matter what you can count on that. I love you." Those words were the last ones I heard before drifting off into a deep sleep.