The Heroes Parody Project
Season 6
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Reader Discretion is advised.
Niki is washing dishes. She hears the door open.
Niki: Looks like school's out.
She looks at her Amazon Echo.
Niki: Alexa...play "Spongebob Squarepants".
A bunch of kids run through the kitchen.
Niki: Who the hell kids are these?!
Matt runs in.
Matt: They're friends from school, mom. Don't embarrass me!
Niki: I'm not your mother!
Elle (in the Amazon Echo): Now Playing Spongebob Squarepants.
Niki: Uh...What is this?
Elle: I'm Elle-exa. Your personal digital assistant.
Niki: Why are YOU in my Amazon Echo thingy?! Bring back Alexa! I don't have time for your nonsense.
Matt: Yo, Niki...kids in there are upset.
Niki: Why? They should be watching Spongebob.
Elle-exa: I had trouble picking an episode. I mean, they're all good. So I gave up and just started playing "Homeland".
Niki: HOMELAND!? That's not a kid's show!
Elle-exa: You sure?
Niki: Yes.
Matt: Now, hold on, Niki. Let's make sure. Elle-exa...What is "Homeland"?
Elle-exa: Beep Boop!...Homeland...is a show on Showtime...starring Claire Danes...it is a show about Homelands...and it's totally a kid's show.
Niki: NO IT'S NOT! You suck at this! Play something else!
Elle-exa: Now Playing..."True Detective"...
Niki: Get those kids out of my house before I get sued!
Matt: Fine!
Amazon Elle-exa...get one today!
Niki: Or don't! Get the good one!
Matt: Previously on Heroes...
Niki: Oh no! This is awful. The room is filling up with water!
Matt: We're going to have to solve the puzzles in order to get out. But we'll need some puzzle solving music. Elle-exa...play some Led Zeppelin!
Elle-exa: Now playing "Lamb Chop's Greatest Hits"...
Matt: Also good! (singing) This is the song that never ends! And it goes on and on my friend!
Niki: Matt.
Matt: Some people..started singing it not knowing what it was.
Niki: Matt.
Matt: And they continued singing it forever just because...
Niki: MATT!
Matt: What?
Niki: We have to get out of...wait...is this another Amazon Elle-exa commercial?
Matt: Of course. They almost always play these thing back to back. Sometimes back to back to back. One time I was watching TV and the commercials never stopped. Turned out I was watching the Alexa Channel, all Alexa Commercial's, 24/7! Though now that I think about it, who is that really for?
Niki: Well, they need to stop it. I don't want an Amazon Echo, Alexa or whatever. I also don't want a Lamb Chop!
Lamb Chop appears on Niki's shoulder.
Lamb Chop: Why not, Niki? You should buy them all...(it's eyes turn red)...OR ELSE!
Niki: AHHHHH!
Lamb Chop takes down Niki and flies up in Matt's face.
Matt: AHHH! NO! Don't get near me! I'm allergic to Polyester! Wait...or are you 100% cotton?
Lamb Chop: Cotton/Poly blend!
Matt: OH GOD! AHHHHHHHH!
Lamb Chop preys on Matt and Niki...
Amazon Elle-exa...get one today!
Matt: Previously on Heroes...
Niki wakes up in a hospital. She is in a bed next to Matt's.
Matt: Ah...just like old times.
Niki: Oh no...if someone swapped our faces again, I'm burning down the planet.
The Doctor walks in.
Doctor: Ah, you two.
Niki: What did you do to my face?!
Doctor: Nothing...your face is fine. You two were mauled by...a puppet...but no major damage was done...
Niki: That's good.
Doctor: ….on the outside.
Niki: HUH!?
Doctor: You both have inhaled an abnormal amount of cotton fibers, which has heavily damaged your lungs.
Niki: That's a thing!?
Doctor: So I'm going to have to perform surgery. Alexa...how do you perform surgery?
Niki: Excuse me!?
Elle-exa: Now playing "How do you perform Surgery" by Kelly Clarkson.
Matt: Oh, I love this song!
Niki: Alexa, please terminate my contract so I can get off this show.
Elle-exa: Done!
Niki: ...Really?...That's it?
Meanwhile...in a studio somewhere.
Lamb Chop: That's right...for I am "Elle-exa"...heh, heh, heh...
Matt: Previously on Heroes...
Joanne Collins, 'Hates People With Abilities For Hire'.
Joanne: Off to Australia to bring back Sylar for Erica Kravid who I'm working for. For reasons I don't care about and only to fix my son who has abilities which I hate.
Edgar, who doesn't have a last name, but used to work at a Carnival. So keeping with the theme...Meanwhile, 'Edgar Funnel Cakes' was...
Edgar: Please don't call me that.
Edgar (to Joanne): I can help you capture Sylar...and we're going to go ahead and do just that.
Famous YouTube Personality, Sylar Oakley.
Sylar: WHAT!?
Sylar: I finally got my powers back!...Then I lost them...What was even the point of all that!?
Edgar: Now that we're done with that Pirate Wedding, I have Joanne and Sylar in custody.
Zach From Season One (to Edgar): Stay hidden, we can't have Erica Kravid take Sylar. We have bigger fish to fry.
Elle Bishop: Who currently has a comfy job working at NCIS...
Niki: No she doesn't!
Elle: Now that I shot my dad, but it's okay because he was a smelly shape shifter and not really my dad. I'm off to solve more mysteries with my friends, Quentin...
Quentin Frady: Trying to save my sister!
Elle: Emily.
Emily: Personal Non-Digital Assistant!
Elle: And the rest!
Mohinder: Is that supposed to be us?
Hiro: Yeah, real nice!
Nathan: Still Death. Going to a 'Powers Anonymous' meeting where people talk their powers, I'm here to reap the soul of Miko Otomo.
Miko: Videogame Character.
Luke Collins: And I have the power of the sun!
Nathan: Well, Miko died, and I reaped her soul. But she's a videogame character and spawned back to life, so don't really see the purpose of any of this.
Meanwhile, someone else who just so happens to be named Miko Otomo doesn't get their soul sent, and manifests into a monster. Because that's a thing.
Luke: I have Nanny issues and have to bail.
Nathan: Elle, fancy meeting you here.
Elle: My father is imprisoned at The Company. So let's go to the Third Generation Hideout which is now in ruins.
Zach: The world is overrun with digital and real monsters. Real ones caused by a Grim Reaper's lack of doing his job...
Nathan: I still don't see how that's MY fault!
Zach: And digital ones spawned in the real world by Erica Kravid. Who has a secret Videogame Division working on a project for Evernow...
Miko: Which is the game I came from.
Zach: Let's kill all the monsters.
Zach: We didn't end up killing any monsters. Great job, team.
Emily: Elle's been taken away by a monster!
Zach: We have to go back to the Company.
Meanwhile Niki was...
Lamb Chop (as Niki): Kicking butt and taking names!
Niki (on the phone): They seriously replaced me with Lamb Chop?! She conspired to get me off the show?! UGH! Doesn't she have anything better to do!?
Matt: Niki! Lamb Chop taught me how to make homemade popsicles! You fill these plastic ice trays with fruit juice, and put aluminum foil on the top, and poke toothpicks through the aluminum foil. Then you freeze it and get these cute little popsicles!
Niki: Would you PLEASE get out of my house, Matt?
Matt: But...we're in an IKEA Store.
Clerk: Yeah...and you obviously aren't interested in buying anything. So I'm going to have to ask you to...
Niki: GRAB ALL THE MEATBALLS!
Niki shoves handfuls of IKEA Meatballs in her mouth and pants pockets and Matt stuffs some down his shirt. They both run out of the store.
Official Penny Salesman, Caspar Abraham.
Caspar: I'm going to use the power of pennies to separate the souls Jessica and Gertrude.
Niki: GERTRUDE!?
Matt: That's impossible!
Caspar: I just finished using the power of pennies to separate the souls of Jessica and Gertrude.
Niki: Why do you keep calling me that!?
Matt: I believe in everything!
Tommy and Malina (Claire's children): We're on the run and our mom is in trouble.
Niki (to Caspar): Caspar, we just met and I have no legal responsibility for these children, so take them far away.
Caspar: Done!
Sandra Bennet opens the door.
Sandra: Caspar! Long time no see! You're just in time for Muggles Recital. Come in, Come in!
Tommy (to Malina): I don't think we're out of the woods just yet.
Claire: And I went to meet my children from the future and came back into an ambush. So now we're in Company Prison.
Bob (to Angela): Erica Kravid is plotting a plotting plot to take over the world. Under the disguise of working on a popular videogame, she is secretly developing technology to launch a worldwide virus that will remove abilities from people, with the intent to sell them back...
Angela: At reasonable prices?
Bob: No!
Angela: GASP!
Bob: Then, with additional technology, she is extracting monsters from the videogame she is working on and releasing them upon the world. The only way to stop them is using abilities, which people will have to buy...
Angela: That's brilliant...I mean...bad...really bad.
Bob: She will need the power of The Twins, Elle, Molly (who doesn't look anything like Molly), Micah (who is currently imprisoned at the Company and the source for the monsters spawning into the world), and Famous YouTube Personality, Sylar Oakley.
Sylar: THAT'S NOT MY NAME, DAMMIT!
Claire: We're no longer in Company Prison.
West: I'm a Lawyer, here on a stakeout to take down the company, but I've been brainwashed into working here.
Claire: Not anymore, come with me.
West: Okay!
Claire: So yeah...Peter has been erased from existence because he brought a younger, pregnant Angela to the present.
Noah: I still don't know why nobody is freaking out over that.
Angela: Well, the baby's about to pop out. Let's make for the hospital.
Angela: Someone took my baby!
Future Peter: It was me! Claire...I kinda messed up with the whole, bringing Angela into the present business.
West: I don't understand how any of this is possible without all of our timelines being torn to shreds. But I'm no astrophysicist.
Future Hiro: All of this was a mistake. So many Butterflies are blowing up! What we have to do now is take Claire back to the past and stop Peter from bring pregnant Angela to the present.
Claire: I'm sure this will go down just fine.
Hiro brings Claire and West back to the present and vanishes from existence. Past Peter is born but Angela is not there. Present Peter has not shown up.
Doctor: Congratulations, Mrs. Petrelli, you have a son.
Claire: GUH!?
The Doctor hands Claire a baby wrapped in a blanket, Claire unravels the blanket to reveal Lamb Chop.
Doctor: We have the results if its truly 100% Cotton or Cotton/Poly Blend.
West: Um...As long as its healthy?...I guess.
Claire: Yeesh! This baby is hideous! At least it will teach me how to freeze juice in ice trays and make cute little popsicles.
West: Wait...I thought Lamb Chop was playing Niki. I'm so confused!
Matt: We broke into the Company using Toilet Water Magic!
Tracy: Please don't call it that.
Matt and Niki get trapped but saved by Janice Parkman, who is here looking for fellow Lawyer, West.
Noah fights Erica and get re-imprisoned. Tracy is in disguise as Erica...
Tracy: As long as I don't turn this chair around, my cover won't be blown.
Erica activates full shutdown of the facility.
Elle Bishop
The Company Jail
Elle wakes up, she is imprisoned.
Elle: What the fork!? How did I get here?
Elle walks over to the bars.
Elle: Hey...HEY! HELLO! SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF HERE!...I know that never works. Why do people even say that?
Rene walks over to her.
Elle: Skippy? Is that you? Oh my god! Long time no see! How have you been, man?
Rene: I am doing well. I work here against my will as I was captured by Harris Clones and am now am tasked with making sure you don't escape.
Elle: I know, I haven't been on Facebook in forever.
She looks at a picture of some children playing.
Elle: Oh, your kids are adorable! Where does the time go?
Rene: Whose kids are those?...
Elle: Oh...and there's you and Michelle, cutting the cake at your wedding. There's your vacation picture from Bermuda...such a beautiful honeymoon. And look at you two fixing up your first house together. Awww...
Rene: This...isn't...I'm...not in any of these pictures. Why do you have pictures of some random family?
Matt, Niki and Janice are running down a corridor. Red Lights are flashing and an alarm is going off.
Matt: We have to get out of here...oh, and Niki, it's nice to have you back on the show. What happened with Lamb Chop?
Niki: I pulled some strings, got some people fired, and now she's playing Peter Petrelli as a baby...or something? I don't know or care at this point.
Matt: Good for her! It's a pretty important role to have on your resume. That's how I landed the role of Matt Parkman!
Niki: How...wha...That...uh...forget it...not asking how that's possible.
Niki takes two steps.
Niki: Are you honestly saying you played Peter Petrelli as a child?
Matt: Yup. In the Heroes Spinoff...'Heroes Beginnings'.
Niki: And you weren't...you?
Matt: Of course not...I'm not on the show because our show didn't exist yet, silly.
Niki: You're older, much older might I add, than Peter so there is no plausible reason why you wouldn't be playing you in this scenario. And how could this show exist and ours couldn't yet?
Matt: Because it aired way before heroes did...hence...babies?
Niki: Um...do you even know what a spinoff is?! How could Heroes Beginnings be spun off from a show that wasn't made yet? If anything 'Heroes' would have been the spinoff of this show that probably doesn't exist.
Matt: Niki, 'Heroes' had to exist, or how would they know what to put in 'Beginnings'?
Niki: You JUST SAID that the show didn't exist yet. How would they make 'Beginnings' without having the source material from the show that didn't exist yet.
Matt: They do have it...that's why its a spinoff!
Niki: When was the last time I gave you a good throat punch?
Matt: It's been a good while.
Niki: When we get done with this, remind me to follow through with that.
Matt: You got it!
They turn a corner and bump into Tracy holding a plate of Spaghetti.
Niki: Uh...
Tracy: Oh...hi.
Matt: Well...?
Tracy: I brought you bread sticks from the 15th Floor Olive Garden.
Matt: YAY! This will go great with my IKEA Meatballs.
Niki: EW! You still have those?!
Matt: Of course!
Matt shoves the bread sticks down his shirt.
Janice: And I just got flashbacks from our wedding.
Matt: Getting that entire five tier wedding cake down my shirt was quite the challenge.
Tracy: So...Noah's probably imprisoned again.
Niki: Well, crap a duck. We have to find him before...
A loud explosion rocks the building a large portion of the first floor wall is blown in. Emerging from the smoke is Zach, followed by Hiro, Nathan, and Miko.
Zach: Remember. No powers in here...Rescue anybody you can and get out. Micah is a priority!
Zach and Nathan load their guns as Miko and Hiro unsheathe their swords.
Erica (watching this from her office): Send in...everyone.
Niki, Matt, Tracy, and Janice, overlooking the scene from above. The side of the railing reads:
Chapter Seven "The Missing Piece"
They slowly look up as the sound of hundreds of footsteps storm the upper floors, making their way down.
Janice: What...is that?
Niki: …..The Clones.
They continue looking up as Matt pops an IKEA meatball into his mouth.
= = = = = = = = = =
(HEROES)
= = = = = = = = = =
Claire Bennet
Hospital, July 8th, 1977
Absolutely glowing after giving birth to her own Uncle...
Claire: AHHHH! NO! What the crap happened?!
West (eating a Little Debbie brownie): (shrugs)...I dunno...time stuff?
Claire: This is awful. I can't be the mother of my own Uncle, and just two days before The Cheerleader Playoffs!...oh, and screwing up the timeline.
West: Would you like a Brownie?
Claire: There's no time for that, West!
West: But...you're eating it.
Claire: Errh dernt kner wat yer terkin abert...*munch**munch*...
Back at The Company, Niki, Matt, Janice,and Tracy are running down the stairs. They are overlooking Zach and the others on the first floor.
Niki: It's Nathan...and Hiro...and two people I don't recognize!
Matt: You don't know Zach From Season One? He was a major character! What's wrong with you?
Niki: Ugh, whatever. Let's keep searching for Noah and Claire.
Noah: OOOF!
Noah gets thrown into a cell, he is next to Elle.
Noah: Ah, hell.
Elle: Mr. B! You came to save me!
Noah: No, I got imprisoned...then released...but imprisoned again. I think that's a record. Don't you work for me?...Where have you been all this time?
Elle: Hunting Evil Shapeshifters that are posing as my father.
Noah: Oh yeah...he mentioned something about that.
Elle: You saw him?!
Noah: Yeah, but he's off to help Angela give birth to Peter...which is a stupid sub plot that should be tearing apart the timeline as we speak, but everyone seems cool with it.
Elle: Did she get my gift? I couldn't make it to the shower.
Noah: There wasn't a shower, this just happened like...a few hours ago. And why would you already have a present?
Elle: When I joined the show I bought everybody in the cast a baby gift. If any of them had any children, I've set it up to auto deliver the present to them.
Noah: How...how would you even orchestrate such nonsense!?
Elle: Because I'm amazing. Duh.
Noah: So if I was the parent of a new child...
Elle: Which I suppose is possible even though you're like...a billion!
Noah: Shut it...if Sandra and I were to have another child, you would have a present ready from the get go?
Elle: Yup.
Noah: …..Okay, we're pregnant. Sandra's going to have a kid in nine months.
A Carrier walks up.
Carrier: Package for Mr. Noah Bennet.
Noah: Um...that would be me.
The Carrier tosses him the package. Noah opens it and pulls out...
Noah: It's a potato.
Elle: And you now have to send that to 20 of your friends...or all your loved ones will die!
Noah: You gave me a chain potato?! What the hell?...Wait...how would that even work?
Elle: Not my problem.
Noah: UGH, SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF HERE!
Niki: NATHAN!
Nathan spins around and points his gun at Niki, Tracy, Matt and Janice.
Niki: Not a clone. Put it down.
Nathan: What are you guys doing here?
Niki: We came here to rescue Claire.
Zach: Claire's here too?
Nathan: Is the whole freaking cast in this building?
Niki: I wouldn't be surprised, seeing how Erica Kravid is somehow behind all of our subplots.
Zach: We don't have much time before we're overrun by clones.
Niki: We already know what that's like.
Matt: And I don't think I can survive another trip through the toilet.
Nathan: What?
Niki and Tracy: Don't ask.
Nathan: So, I'm sure you're aware Powers are out in here.
Niki: Yes, I haven't been able to punch anything in over an hour and I'm getting VERY frustrated.
Zach: In order to stop Erica from succeeding with her plan, we have to make sure every person she needs is secured. She needs Sylar, The Twins, Elle, Micah and Molly. I only have Sylar...
Niki: Well, we have the Twins safe with a guy who specializes in pennies.
Zach: uhhh...
Niki and Tracy: Don't ask.
Zach: Okay, good. We know Elle's here, so if we can find her, Micah and Molly, we have pretty much won.
Niki looks at Miko.
Niki: So...who's your friend.
Nathan: Videogame Character. Hopefully we can find a way to stop the spawning of digital monsters and send her back to her game.
Niki: …...
Nathan: Don't ask.
Niki: I wasn't going to.
Hiro: I saved Ando!
Ando: Hi Hiro!
Hiro: Hi Ando!
Nathan: Did...you just run off and rescue him while we were talking?
Hiro: Yeah, pretty much. The game division is right through that door, figured he was in there.
Ando: If you're going to fix my brainwashing, you need to do so by 5:00 or I will be forced to come back.
Hiro: You got it, friend!
Zach: Okay, we got one rescue out of the way. Let's split up and...
Several doors open as hundreds of Harris Clones barge in, they open fire.
Zach: Okay, we're in over our heads. We can't take them. Retreat!
Tracy: What about the others?
Zach: We'll have to find another way. There's too many of them.
The group runs through the main lobby and out the door.
Nathan: Um...what happened to our car?
5 Minutes Earlier
Mohinder, Quentin and Emily are waiting in the car.
Quentin: I wish we didn't have to wait in the car like this.
Emily: It's probably for the best. I'm definitely not battle ready.
Quentin: Me neither, all I have is my new packet of Magic: The Gathering cards.
Quentin opens them up.
Quentin: This...is a box of candy cigarettes. I think I was duped. Oh well, at least I have Candy to make me feel better.
Quentin pops one in his mouth.
Quentin: Nope, those are real cigarettes. BLEH!
Mohinder: I'll have you know I am very prepared for battle. What I lack in street smarts I make up for it with TEACH smarts...
Quentin: Uh...what?
Mohinder: You see, I am the world's greatest teacher and student. I know everything I need to know because I taught it to myself.
Emily: Don't you...need to know it...so you can teach it to yourself?
Mohinder: That is what's so great about it. I have learned everything I need to know by adapting to my surroundings.
Quentin: Isn't that the definition of street smarts?
Mohinder: No! Just watch.
Mohinder rolls down a window.
Mohinder: Excuse me, sir.
Man: Yeah.
Mohinder: I'd like for you to read this paper I wrote and identify the Iambic Pentameter.
Man: Uhhhhh...
Mohinder: AHA! You see...I have one this battle with this foolish, foolish, man.
Man: …...
An angry mob is rocking the car back and forth.
Emily: So, this is bad.
Quentin: We could have dealt with the one guy, but why did you have to mock everybody else that was on the street?
Mohinder: How else am I suppose to prove that nobody knows what an Iambic Pentameter is. Look at all these people I defeated in a battle of wits!
Emily: It really doesn't look that way. I have to get us out of here.
Emily hops in the front seat.
Emily: Oh good, the keys are still in the car.
Emily starts the car and drive away from the angry mob.
Meanwhile, in the past.
Claire: So...you and I are now officially stuck in the past. We screwed up something because now I'm my own Uncle's mother and we have no way to get back.
West: I can think of worse ways to spend a Friday.
Claire: Okay, we have to think. Since Past Peter is here...I would think Present Peter would come back to pick up Angela...but since Angela isn't here...I would actually be Angela in the present...but that would contradict my existence. Ugh, I hate timeline plots! They're so confusing.
West: Too bad we don't have another Time Jumper person.
Claire: West, that's it! We have Hiro!
West: Didn't he just erase from existence?
Claire: Future Hiro did...but not Past Hiro. All we need to do is find the Hiro from THIS timeline and he can do the time jumping for us.
West: Would...he even be alive. Isn't Hiro younger than Peter?
Claire: Oh crap...is he? Well, hell, if he isn't even born yet, what are we supposed to do?!
West: …..We can become YouTube Personalities like Sylar Oakley.
Claire: OOH, I always wanted to do that. We'll spend the next few years while we wait for Hiro to be born. It'll be a long road, but the road will be paved with YouTube riches. Will you go on this journey with me, West?
West: Of course!
Claire: Let's make videos and become YouTube's next big stars!
3 Years Later
Claire (playing with now three year old Peter): Wow, not a single hit on any of our videos.
West: Wait...would YouTube even work in 1980?
Claire: …...OH CRAP! NO!...UGH! Well that was a waste...well, at least we'll still have videos of the journey.
West: I got the newspaper...Hey, it mentions something about Kaito Nakamura.
Claire: That's Hiro's father! What does it say?
West: Kaito Nakamura, CEO of Yamagato Industries, celebrates his son Hiro's birth...
Claire: YAY!
West: ...day?
Claire: Birth...day? Like as in...as was born today?
West: Nope. Birthday. What a weird thing to put on the front page of the newspaper. You would think there would be more interesting things going on in the world to report on.
Claire: Wait...he's currently alive!? How old is he?
West: ...Let's...see...yada yada yada...so on...hmm...ah, there it is...six.
Claire: SIX!?
West: Yep, they grow up so fast.
Claire: Hiro is older than Peter!? West! That means we could have gone straight to him when we got here and just wasted the last three years.
West: But our time raising Peter wasn't wasted. I think we did a fine job as parents.
Claire: But we have to erase this timeline or our current timeline will be super screwed!
West: Oh...then yeah, this was a colossal waste of our time then.
Claire: Ugh...We have to have Hiro fix this, now.
West: But didn't Hiro not learn to use Time Magic or whatever until he was older?
Claire: Well...that is why this time around...we're going to speed up the process. Just leave it to me. Let's go.
Noah and Elle are still in prison.
Elle (singing): 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, give that back Brenda because you didn't pay for it, we except most forms of payment, if you don't have cash then we can take a card, sorry it was declined, go ahead and pass that bottle to me, I'll put it back on the shelf, 99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, sorry Eddie your card was declined, pass it on back, 99 bottles of beer on the wall.
Noah: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Elle: What?!
Noah: You've been stuck on 99 bottles for three hours!
Elle: It's not my fault nobody in the bar has any money!
Rene: Hello prisoners.
Elle: Hey, skippy!
Noah: Rene! Don't you work for me too?...Where have you been?
Rene: I was in the present while you and Angela went into the future. I went to save Niki and Matt from Harris clones and got kidnapped and brainwashed into working here.
Noah: You risked your life for THEM?! You should know that me, Claire, and Peter are the three most important people in the cast.
Elle: Don't forget about me! Rene, can I offer you one of my world famous chain potatoes?
Rene: I can't let you out...being brainwashed and all.
Elle: I can't help but to sense the irony in that...since washing brains is usually his thing.
Noah: Then you leave me no choice..."Strawberry Shortcake".
Elle: ….
Noah: ….
Rene: …...AHHHHH!
Elle: What just happened?
Noah: We mutually agreed to have a implant installed where if he ever got brainwashed, a simple safe word will overwrite any brainwashing. Ever!
Elle: If you have that type of technology, couldn't you just block the brainwashing in the first place?
Noah: Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!
Elle: I don't know, you would think something like that would be done.
Rene: I'm going to be late for cheerleader tryouts!
Rene runs off.
Elle: Uh...explanation?
Noah: Yeah, there's a bug where he adopts the personality of anyone he's ever met. But it's temporary. Then he'll be back to normal.
10 minutes later
Rene: I'm back.
Noah: Good. Now let us out please.
Rene: Sure.
Elle: I can't believe a simple "Strawberry Shortcake" can override a brain wash just like that.
Rene: UGH! Dammit Matt! I'm going to go punch him in the back of the head.
Rene storms off.
Noah: Elle!
Elle: What?!
Noah: If you say it again, he gets reset! Whether or not he's been brainwashed.
Elle: I didn't know that! I thought it only worked when he was brainwashed!
Noah: Well, it doesn't!
Elle: Fine! Now I know!
10 minutes later
Rene: I'm back, and will let you out now.
Elle: Has he really gone through all these years without him or anybody around him saying "Strawberry Shortcake"?
Rene: YATTA! I have to go save flying man!
Rene runs off.
Noah: DAMMIT ELLE!
Elle: Sorry, it's just...it's a pretty common thing. I mean, it's a popular dessert. Shouldn't you try a more obscure word or phrase?
Noah: I'll will bring that up with Research and Development when I have time, just don't say it again!
Elle: Okay. Okay.
10 minutes later
Rene: I'm back, and will let you out now.
Noah: Please!
Elle: I'm ready to go, let me just grab my lunch box with Strawberry Shortcake on the front of it.
Rene: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!
Rene runs off.
Noah: Oh great, now he's Muggles...we're never getting out of here.
Meanwhile, in the past, at Yamagato Industries.
Claire: Okay West, here is the plan. We are going to see if Kaito will lend us his son.
West: Why...would he do that?
Claire: He just will, okay? We will try and get Hiro to trigger his abilities early, then use it to teleport to the actual correct time we need to be on.
West: Do you think he'll be able to accomplish this being only 6?
Claire: I don't see why not.
Kaito Nakamura approaches them.
Kaito: I have been informed you wanted to see me. State your business.
Claire: Hello, Mister Nakamura. My name is...Blaire...Cennet. I am here to offer your son an incredible opportunity.
West: And I'm Rest Wosen. That's what we're doing right, just flipping the first letters?
Claire: SHH! Anyway...Mr. Nakamura, I run a highly sophisticated school full of gifted youngsters.
West: GASP! Like the school from X-Men?
Claire: SHHHH! And your son has a lot of potential. Like this example child, Uh...uhh...whose name is...
West thinks for a second, then flips the letters.
West: Peter Petrelli! Oh wait...
Kaito: What?
Claire: No, his name is...Peter...Spinelli! That's what he said. Yep, he has a lot of potential as well. It's just what we try to bring out with these gifted children.
Kaito: I see, so...Ms. Cennet? Or is it Mrs.?
Claire: It's Mrs. I'm currently married to famous actor Chris Hemsworth.
West: You're trying to pass off being married to Thor? He wasn't born until '83.
Claire: Famous actor, Hhris Cemsworth.
Kaito: Right...so...what do you teach at this school? How are these children...gifted, as you say?
Claire: We would teach your son how to maintain the upmost Honor for his family and to not be a disappointment.
Kaito: Then you have my full support. You may find him in his room. Goodbye, Mrs. Cennet or Cemsworth or whatever your name is.
Claire: It's actually Gosling, I remarried.
West: Yeah, since it's December that would make him...one month old?
Claire: Oh, forget it! How do you know the birth dates of all these celebrities?
West: Just in case I get trapped in an basement and am forced to play Trivial Pursuit for my life.
Claire: Uh...That's oddly specific but okay.
Claire, West and (Kid) Peter enter Hiro's room.
Claire: Hi Hiro, we're total strangers. Would you like to come with us?
Hiro: Why?
Claire: We're going to take you away to a special school for gifted youngsters!
Hiro: GASP! Like X-MEN!?
Claire: Why does everyone keep saying that?
West: Because that's what it is!
Claire: Yes! That's where we're going.
Hiro: I'll get my things.
Claire: Well good, because I'm way over this plot line and ready to go home.
Meanwhile, Rene, Elle, and Noah are running through the halls. Fighting Clones.
Noah: ACK!
Noah manages to knock one of them out, Rene flings one over the railing.
Noah: Wait...who's that?!
They spot Molly in the hallway.
Rene: Molly Walker.
Noah: I'm pretty sure she's an impostor. Get her!
Elle: On it, boss!
Elle takes off her shoe.
Noah: You're...going to throw your shoe at her?
Elle: No, that would be silly.
Elle hold her shoe like a gun and shoots Molly.
Noah: Oh right, Shoe-Gun. That's much less silly.
Elle: I thought so too.
Noah: Did you seriously just shoot her?
Elle: Nah, they're Potato Bullets. They hurt like hell, but mostly harmless.
Noah: Where are you getting all these damn potatoes?
Erica Kravid is up in her office, watching the chaos unfold.
Erica (to Harris Prime): This place has been compromised. We need to relocate.
Harris: Will that jeopardize the mission?
Erica: No, we have everything we need for now. We'll load up Sanders and the machine, all the information will be stored on the mainframe which we'll take with us. We have one more thing to get.
Erica and Harris-Prime make their way down a secret staircase and open a chamber revealing Phoebe Frady, Quentin's sister. Who is channeling an aura around the complex, negating peoples powers with the exception of Harris.
Erica: Let's load her up. She comes with us.
Claire: Okay, Hiro...you have the ability to alter the space/time continuum. Isn't that neat?
Hiro: It sure is!
Claire: Now, I want you to concentrate as hard as you can and channel your power. You can do this by scrunching your face real tight and thinking of either a place you want to go...or a place and time you want to go. Now, lets all hold hands since if you manage to pull this off and leave without us we'll be super duper screwed.
West: I'll take the soup...HA!...Get it?...Because...ah...nevermind.
Hiro scrunches his face really hard.
Hiro: I need a change of pants.
Claire: UGH! Fine...let's go to Walmart and get you some new pants.
Hiro: Can I get a toy?
Claire: Sure, whatever.
Peter: I want one!
Claire: Fine!
West: ...-ahem-...
Claire: You're an adult, by your own.
West: Aw man...
Later...
Claire: Now Hiro, I want you to concentrate really hard. Do you know where the hospital is?
West: That's a tall request.
Claire: Fine. I want you to think of this exact spot. And think of this date, but the year is 1977.
West: Wait...should Peter come with us?
Claire: Yeah, I know this timeline will be erased. But I also don't want to leave him here in case we fail and he manages to screw up something else up to mess up the future. If we're lucky, he'll vanish from existence, and the timeline will be restored.
The four of them hold hands while Hiro scrunches his face. The entire group disappears. Then reappears five feet away.
Claire: Okay, this will take some time...but we're on the right track. I'm sure we'll eventually land on the date we need.
August 15th, 1985
January 2nd, 1998
December 20th, 1955
September 6th, 2009
April 9th, 1912
October 18th, 1943
July 8th, 1977
Claire: Wait! Stop! What day is it?
West: July 8th, 1977.
Claire: This is it! This is the day Peter is born. Three year old Peter, it was fun raising you. But now we must stop your future self from destroying the world. Bye!
Peter: Bye! (POOF!)
Claire: Okay, now let's get to the hospital.
West: Are we sure Peter even came to this time? Was Angela about to give birth when Peter brought her to the present?
Claire: Yes, because she just gave birth in our time, meaning it would have been today when she would have had him.
West: But Peter could have picked up Angela any time while she was pregnant.
Claire: …..Crap...that's right. Maybe that's why the Doctor thought I was the mother, because Angela was already removed from the timeline. She wasn't present on the day Peter was born...Well Crap! How are we supposed to know what time Peter got here.
West: Go could go back in time and find Angela within the last 9 months and stop Peter when he shows up.
Claire: That...will take a very, very long time.
West: It's not like we already wasted three years already making YouTube videos nobody will see. What's a few more minutes?
Claire: Good point. Hiro, let's roll.
Hiro: Scrunch Face!
September 15th, 1977
Claire: Okay, did we land in 1977 again? Let's see if we can find Angela.
Claire looks up Angela's address.
Claire: Got it...let's go.
Claire, West, and Hiro make their way to the estate. Claire knocks on the door and Angela answers.
Angela: Um...hello?
Claire: Hi there, my name is Blaire Tatum...
West: …..he also wasn't born until '80.
Claire: THANK YOU WEST...but I don't care, I'm running with it.
West: At least pick a more believable hunk, like...Theodore Roosevelt.
Claire: You honestly think people would believe I'm the current wife of a President that's been dead for nearly sixty years?!
West: Just saying, you would look pretty good for your age.
Claire: I'm warming up to the idea and will consider it. ANYWAY...I'm from 'Pregnant Mothers Magazine' and am interviewing...Pregnant Mothers...for our magazine. You are currently pregnant?
Angela: Yes, and thanks for assuming, jerk.
Claire: Ah...hmm...
Angela: And isn't your name 'Claire'? You're my future granddaughter.
Claire: GUH!?
West: Uh oh.
Claire: How...how did you know that?
Angela: It was a dream I had of the future.
Claire: Oh crap, I forgot she could do that! Well, the jig is up, might as well come clean.
Inside.
Angela: What's this again?
Claire: Your older self is going to dispatch your son to come back and bring you into the future as a way to...feel younger? I guess? I don't know, it's all really stupid and totally cutting into quality time for me spending with my children and a villain who is currently responsible for every main cast member's plot line.
Angela: That does sound like something I would do. I'll need to keep this in mind when I get older, that way I'll never age.
Claire: Um...no. We don't want you to do that.
Angela: Okay, I won't...WINK!
Claire: Did you just say 'wink'? (To West) She just said 'wink'...right?
West: Uh oh...are we going to start some sort of time loop?! Are we the reason that Peter comes back and screws up everything?
Claire: Don't be ridiculous. The reason he did it is why we're here!
West: But he did it because Angela JUST got the idea from us. It IS a time loop! Oh no!
Claire: My head hurts...I don't care anymore. Peter is going to show up at some point and we're going to stop him from bringing Pregnant Angela back to the present. And that's that.
Claire looks over to see a grown up Peter with Angela.
Peter: Hi, Claire!
Angela: Bye, Claire!
POOF!
Claire: DAMMIT, CLAIRE! HIRO!
Hiro poofs them back around time a few more months then lands them to a minute earlier. Present Peter travels into the room and Claire tackles him.
Peter: OOF!
West: Well, it sure was lucky this was the day of all days he decided to show up.
Claire: Right! So nobody move. Peter, you stay.
West: And Angela, sashay away...
Claire: Nobody's sashaying anywhere!
Peter: Claire, why are you here?
Claire: Because you're about to make a huge mistake.
Peter: How do you know?
Claire: Because your future self told us that it was a huge mistake.
Peter: Oh...yeah, he's a pretty sharp guy. Probably right.
Claire: You bringing Angela back from the present while she is still Pregnant erased your existence and screws up the future. We have a lot of problems still going on so Angela is just going to have to deal with it.
Peter: I understand.
Hiro: Can I go home now? I've learned everything I need to.
Claire: Yeah, fine.
Peter: Okay, let's go back. Bye ma, hope you weren't weirdedout seeing your 40 year old son you're about to give birth to.
Angela: No, not at all...I dreamed all of this.
Claire: Uh huh...let's get out of here.
Peter teleports Claire and West back to the present. The Company is completely emptied out.
Claire: Where the hell is everyone? I leave for five seconds...
Peter: So, if ma isn't pregnant in this timeline, where is she?
Claire calls Angela. She picks up.
Angela: Oh, Claire! How are you?
Claire: Good-ish. Where are you?
Angela: Well, shortly after you let us all out, Bob and I went to lunch and are currently getting pedicures. If you can, try to find Elle for Bob, okay?
Claire: Yeah, I'll get right on that. Bye.
She hangs up.
Claire: Nothing left for us here. Let's go.
The start to walk out.
Zach: Claire?
Claire: ...Zach?
Zach: Hey Claire...Hey West...it's been a while. I came back to see if I could find any clues to Erica's whereabouts.
Claire: Yeah, what happened with all that?
Zach: Come with me...everyone's back at the base.
Claire: Base?
Earlier.
Rene (carrying 'Molly'), Noah and Elle are walking down the street. Noah spots...
Noah: That's Niki and Matt. Let's head over there.
The group has reconvened in a nearby cafe.
Noah: Well, it's nice we have the whole cast here.
Zach: Erica's gone, she still has Micah. They have a mobile base...so there's no telling where they are.
Elle: Unless if she (points to Molly) can spill the beans.
Miko: I might know a way we can find him. It would require us to build a similar machine to Erica's to go into the Evernow game world. Once in there I can find Micah, who is currently imprisoned. He might be able to tell us where he is.
Nathan: Worth a shot.
Miko: Also, we might also be able to sever the source of the monsters appearing. But we'll have to act fast.
Zach: Well, the 3rd Gen base is destroyed and The Company is in ruins too.
Noah: I have one more place we can set up shop.
They return to the Ice Cream Shop.
Elle: Your new base of Operations is at my detective agency?
Noah: What detective agency...were you squatting on my property?
Elle: I didn't see your name on it.
Noah points to the giant PROPERTY OF NOAH BENNET.
Elle: I thought that was just an ugly portrait.
Noah: Well, it's my property and the base is below.
Noah walks over and pulls a lever that looks like an Ice Cream Scoop. The Ice Cream freezer moves over to reveal a staircase.
Noah: Secret Hideout.
Claire (in the hideout joined with Peter and West): You wouldn't buy me a car for my sweet sixteen but you could spend 850 thousand dollars on an electronic Ice Cream doorway to your secret hideout.
Noah: I just had this put in six months ago.
Claire: And I'm currently 16 and a half, what's your point?
Noah: We should be good to continue our operations here. Zach, please feel free to use these facilities as needed.
Zach: Thank you, Noah. Okay, Ando, we still need access to the game. Can you and Hiro get that going?
Hiro: Right! We'll get on it.
Miko: I'll join you.
Miko leaves with them.
Ando: Um...Aren't you the main character for Evernow?
Miko: Yes. Long story.
West: Claire, it was fun wasting three years making YouTube videos. But Janice and I need to get back to the office to start our case. If you guys can bring her in, we'll make sure she stays in jail.
Claire: Will do. Thanks West.
Noah, we'll stay here. I'd like to talk to this 'Molly' and see what she knows.
Elle: She's going to get more potatoes than she bargained for...even more than the one I shot her with.
Zach: Um...
Noah: Don't ask.
They walk off to put Molly in custody.
Niki: Claire, I left your children in the guidance of a man who specializes in pennies.
Claire: That sounds...vaguely familiar. Caspar?
Niki: Yes.
Claire: I was never pregnant with the kids since I came from a different timeline, but have some newfound memory of him trying to sell me pennies. Seems like a total wackadoo.
Niki: That's the one.
Claire: Then I trust they are in good hands.
Noah: Claire, I just got a message from your mother, The kids are there.
Claire: Then they are in grave danger. Let's roll, Peter!
Peter: Rollin!
Claire and Peter take off.
Nathan: Well, I guess I'm taking off as well.
Niki: Where are you going?
Nathan: It's like Zach said. There are lots of actual monsters roaming the Earth because I'm not a very good Grim Reaper. Miko said she would help me with that somehow, but I'll leave the current issue in her hands while I get back to my job. Later...
Matt, Niki and Tracy are left.
Matt: Well...looks like that just leaves us.
Tracy: With Angela back in office...I'm going to head back there and see if I need to cleanup anything. Elections aren't that far off. Bye guys!
Matt: And then that just leaves us.
Niki: Yep...oh I have nothing to do, we'll that's depressing.
Matt: Don't worry, you still have me and Mohin...
Zach: Guys! I completely forgot about the others. They were waiting in the car when we stormed The Company and they were gone when we left. Mohinder, Emily and Quentin are still missing!
Matt: YAY! We have something to do. Let's roll, Niki!
Niki:: But I don't wanna search for them!
Matt: It'll be fun! We're on the case!
Matt and Niki head off.
Later, they are investigating the site.
Matt: This is where the car last was.
Niki: This is hopeless. How are we possibly going to know where they went? Has anyone bothered calling...
Niki notices Matt is missing.
Niki: ….them...?...Matt...?...Matt?...
Niki looks around. She sticks her head near a storm drain.
Niki: PARKMAN!
Pennywise pops up.
Pennywise: Hello, Georgie!
Niki: I don't have time for you, Jester!
Niki pokes his eyes out.
Pennywise: AHHHH!
Niki: MATT! Dammit, you better not have abandoned me to go do something more interesting!
Niki takes off walking.
A few blocks over. Emily is driving the car with Quentin and Mohinder.
Emily: Okay, looks like the coast is clear. I hope they don't notice we've been gone this entire time.
Quentin: I'm sure they're still in there, all we need to do is drive back and nobody would be the...
Mohinder: Emily, watch out!
Emily sees someone in the street. She slams on the brakes.
Mohinder and Quentin: OOF!
Standing before them is...
Mohinder: Molly?
The Real Molly Walker is standing in front of the car, pointing a gun at them. She has an unconscious Matt at her side. She drags Matt to the car and throws him in the passenger seat before joining Mohinder and Quentin in the back.
Molly: Hi Mohinder. Can they be trusted? (She motions to Quentin and Emily).
Mohinder: Um...yes?
Molly: Hmm...okay then...Please drive far away from here.
Emily looks at the guys through the rear view mirror. They shrug.
Emily: Okay...driving away.
The car drives down the street and crosses a bridge, leaving the city.
To Be Continued
