The Subconscious Ramblings of a Dunderhead - Chapter 7

Ollie lay very still not wanting to move as he was enjoying the sensation of her body pressed against his. That and he didn't want to move as not to do something that she may interpret as well...dodgy. She smelled insanely good, like coffee and vanilla and her hair fell all around their heads like they were in a space just of their own. They were both breathing heavily from the exertion and the laughter. Their breath was mingling together and silence was stretched out but not uncomfortably. Their eyes were locked, pupils dilated and words unspoken. She could've gotten off of him but she hadn't moved. In fact while his hands were bracing her body due to the fall, he wasn't sure where hers were. To look for them would mean breaking eye contact and he didn't want that.

Her green eyes were looking into his own with sparkling curiosity. There was no longer an unabashed smile upon her face but one of puzzlement. Her eyes swept his own and he knew his struggle to contain his emotions was almost futile. He held his breath, waiting for her to punch him in a friendly way or push off and make some joke. It didn't come. Then the left side of her mouth perked up, like she had gotten his number finally. Then her eyes began to crinkle and sparkle.

It was then that he realised that he actually knew where her hands were. They were running up the outside of his thighs, up over hips and finally resting on his waist. They curled their way around his side and pressed her body further into his own as she tightened her hold. She lowered her head to the crook of his neck and he breathed out a sigh of relief and disappointment; she hadn't realised his feelings but she wasn't coming on to him either.

Or was she? There was the barest of touches on the sensitive skin of his neck. It was darting at the pulse point of his neck and his heart began pounding again. She was kissing him? He wouldn't believe that in a million years but hadn't she kissed him a week before? A breath released from his mouth as waves of sensation webbed out from the place where her lips touched his skin. It wasn't just her lips but her tongue too. In fact it was tracing the line of his jaw and he struggled to keep control in all areas of his body. His hands were still pressing against her back, lightly, not wanting to tighten his hold and inevitably ruin the moment.

Or so he thought. Her hands aggressively moved from her waist and back to his. Grabbing his hands with hers she dragged them so they were upon her hips. She moved her pelvis 

tightly up against his own and his blood became thick like honey. His pulse was rapidly beating and he wondered if this was the opening he was looking for.

Her lips moved over his jaw lines and up to his mouth. She raised her body up, straddling his pelvis between her legs giving her height for the first time over him. She smiled down at him with her dazzling green eyes, a smile upon those tempting lips and legs tightly encircling his body. He cleared his throat.

"Are you sure?" he asked not recognising his voice. It was husky with desire and he waited for her answer with his breath caught in his lungs. She looked at him like he was an idiot, an idiot for doubting every cell in his body crying out in desire. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He wanted to be with her but he wanted things to be clear between them. That she was his and he was all hers. He could sleep with her now and she could be repelled from him in the morning. He could be a gentleman with balls of steel and have a chance in the long term. He realised that is what he wanted, he wanted her forever. Her by his side, supporting him, loving him, solely his. He wanted to do the same for her for always.

Chloe leaned down and touched her lips to his. Tasting him, testing his response which was eager with a touch of trepidation. A smile still upon her lips but he could tell her mind was racing, she was too alert for a moment that made his own bones melt. He pulled away, pushing her back gently. His eyes searched hers intently.

"I am not sure about this," he said truthfully even though saying it was killing him. Even though his pants were so tight that the pressure was killing him too.

"What is there not to be sure about?" she asked coyly. Running her hands down his torso and towards his equipment.

"Us," he said plainly. This was too close, too intimate to lie. She looked at him, her smile dropping and her eyes losing their sparkle.

"Us?" she looked pained, like she didn't want to know his answer.

"I want us to be together. I want more. I don't want this all to be over tomorrow morning." He was waiting for the rushed exit but hoping for a reciprocal, passionate response. He waited. And waited. Then waited some more. Her face was a mask of shock, frozen with disbelief.

She was still poised above him, her eyes looking at the wall, her whole body tense. The waiting was killing him.

"I don't want this to be about going with the flow or getting back at Clark. I want this to be about you and me," she tensed further when he mentioned Clark's name.

Chloe's body started rising away from him. She couldn't look at him, her face was flushed and her hands were shaking. She got to her feet and he scrambled to his too. He had already figuratively laid himself at her feet, he wouldn't do it literally as well.

She walked to the door and opened it.

"I think you should leave now," it was the ultimate stab in the heart. It was the ultimate rejection.

"So I am guessing you don't want what I want?" he asked trying to adopt a laissez-faire demeanour even though his heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest, stabbed several times, electrocuted and then stomped on twice.

"I uh I don't know Ollie," she voiced, her words coming out in a rushed breath. Her emotions not shown on her face and he was in limbo. "I love you..." his heart jumped in his chest. "I love you and the other guys so much but I am in love with Clark. I don't see that ever ending, ever finding completion and I can't do this to you." They may have set his heart on fire now too. It was burning, it raged up and he felt his eyes prickling. He blinked furiously, he would not cry. Disappointment was part of life. Heart break was something he 

would have to learn to live with. He walked towards the door, brushing past her out onto the landing. At that point he slowed down and swung around.

"He doesn't love you, he won't ever love you and you just gave up a chance to be happy. Even if isn't with every part of your heart and soul," his words tore at him. He wanted her anyway he could have her. He wanted her to want, need and love him as much as he loved her but he would take her heart in any condition. Bruised, battered or broken. But she wasn't giving him the chance to prove himself and he couldn't look at her any longer. He walked down the stairs of the Talon, a lonely figure with the heaviest weight of the world on his shoulders.

Author's Note – Sorry for the wait, the weekend was pretty busy and I read and got obsessed with a little book called Twilight. Hope you enjoy the angst-fest.