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Chapter Seven: Letters P through R

Steve had just gotten off the phone with Rachel Edwards literally five minutes ago and right before Chin and Kono had left for the evening … and he was miserable.

Rachel hadn't come yet to see Danny .. and she was refusing to bring Grace until they knew more. Steve had been in a mood and he wanted to know why she at least didn't visit by herself - and he was both stunned and then terribly embarrassed .. no ashamed .. for asking the question. Now that he understood a parent's complicated and anguished reasons for either doing or not doing something, Steve was truly sorry that he had asked.

In short, Grace was terrified that something might also happen to Rachel and she didn't want to be left with step-Stan or the nanny - and certainly not alone. She had been her mother's sad and silent shadow since the accident. Grace simply refused to let her out of sight for an instant and Rachel in turn, felt that Grace wasn't quite yet ready to see Danny.

"You do understand, don't you Steve?" Rachel had asked as she cried on the phone. "Grace didn't see anything but of course she knows. She's not only afraid for Daniel but she's afraid for me too. And I don't think it's the right time yet for her to be at the hospital. I can't leave her here and I can't bring her there."

She had burst into fresh tears and sobbed. "I don't know what to do."

Mortified, Steve had nearly choked and then stammered a profuse apology. "Rachel, I'm sorry. I didn't think .. I couldn't have guessed and I should have. I definitely should have known better."

Promising to call should something else change, Steve had been berating himself ever since.

The sun had set long ago and the city was brightly lit. He checked his watch and grimaced when he counted fifty-one hours.

"I am so, so stupid." He whispered sadly.

The letter P. How could it be anything but PASSIONATE? Still standing motionless by the small window, Steve heaved a sigh and then rubbed at his burning eyes.

"Yeah. That's an understatement."

Danny was passionate about virtually everything in his life from his job, to his daughter, to his friends and their needs, plus about his own beliefs. And Steve corrected himself as he walked over to study Danny's pale and much too quiet face.

"You my friend, are even passionate about what you don't believe in."

Steve pulled up the chair and sat down near the bed. Danny hadn't budged, twitched or moved again in the few hours since first responding. And it had been a response … Adler said so .. a definite reaction. Plus the crazy myriad of machines confirmed it.

So Steve was disappointed and sad, but now far from afraid as he scooped up the lax fingers and warmly rubbed Danny's forearm with a stronger pressure.

Steve was passionate himself and smiled briefly as he verbalized his demands.

"You are coming back. Anything else just simply isn't going to be acceptable."

The letter Q. Almost a hard one. Steve actually had to think a bit until he settled on QUIRKY. The endless supply of ties .. the over-shined and impeccable dress shoes … his odd fascination with his own hair. And let us not forget the most major item of all - the pineapple and pizza thing.

"… Pizza is mozz, sauce and dough. That is it. ….. ham, out. Fruit, out. ….. Pizza and pineapple do not belong in the same airspace."

Steve grinned at that because it could also be part of Danny's PASSIONATE dis-taste for things he strongly believed were inherently wrong in his universe. But it was quirky too and so, fit the definition.

Comparing those very predictable and somewhat neat or orderly things to the way that Danny absolutely did not even attempt to unclutter or clean up his horrendously messy personal living space was a quirky enigma.

The letter R. RACHEL came to mind immediately and only because they'd recently talked on the phone. Gracie was the next obvious thought and Steve cursed himself again for his sheer stupidity.

"I'm sorry." He whispered remorsefully up towards the ceiling. "I didn't think, Rachel."

Resting his forehead on the bedrail, his voice was muffled as he spoke to Danny. "And you wouldn't want her here yet either … would you. Not like this."

The thought sobered him even more and he immediately felt another pang of guilt until he realized that he was still methodically rubbing Danny's arm … and that two of Danny's fingers were now curled tightly around his right index finger.

Stunned and wide eyed, Steve stood up abruptly and stopped the rubbing motion as if the arm was on fire and placed his left hand on Danny's shoulder.

And he reacted as he remembered the doctor's words: Adler said to talk ..it doesn't matter 'what' .. tactile connections are important.

But Steve's eyes were misting and he was almost gasping in surprise as he tried to speak.

"Danny. You're going to be okay. I'm here .. Chin and Kono are too."

Feeling ridiculous but beginning to ramble breathlessly as the fingers maintained a steadily tight hold on his own, he repeated his name. "It's Steve. Can you open your eyes? Danny .. it's Steve."

Another R word slammed into his head and Steve leaned forward over the bed and hung his head down close to the rail again as his heart thundered in his chest and he practically panted in pain. He thought he might need to sit down.

RANT.

And he beat himself up for not automatically choosing that word first. If there were points taken off for screwing up in the game, this would be a whopper. He'd lose. He'd make himself start over at 'A'. He'd forbid himself from playing ever again.

Of course. RANT. That should have been the first choice and the most likely of all because each of his passionate and quirky traits led to the inevitable rant. He coughed lightly and his throat constricted. He barely got out a choked whisper.

"Where the hell is my head at tonight Danny? Where?"

He knew that answer to that question too. Unable to sleep since Danny had seemed to be responding, Steve was at first excited and then on edge. But now his adrenalin had long worn off. He was worn out and simply no longer thinking clearly.

RANT.

"I miss that the most, D. Your complaining. Your crazy reasons for things and your silly over-the-top opinions." His voice cracked huskily and he stared blindly at the heart monitor to compose himself.

"It hasn't been more than a few hours really and … it's a lifetime." Steve added in a whisper as he sighed, knew he made absolutely no sense, and then closed his tear-filled eyes.

"Listen to me .. what am I saying?"

But Danny's animated gripings at him or at even the world in general - all of his rantings, grumblings and complaints - it pulled all of his other traits together neatly and into one tight, cohesive bundle.

"Yes, R is for RANT." He muttered loudly as pulled himself together and willed Danny to move again … to open his eyes.

"Yell at me Danno. Complain about something. Anything." Raising his voice, Steve became more demanding and then immediately relented as he squeezed Danny's fingers back tightly. "It's Steve. Danno. Please …try."

With a small sound that was a mix of a choked laugh and a sob Steve stared at his hand and then moved up to Danny's face.

The fingers tightened once more in return and then Danny's face crinkled in something like confusion or even worry. His head moved slightly on the pillow and his breathing seemed to change and to quicken.

Steve hurriedly glanced just once towards the monitors and understood enough to know that they were closer – they were winning.

Afraid to break the spell, Steve's voice roughened with emotion and he couldn't hide the hopeful and pleading tones.

"Danny. It's Steve …you need to wake up now."

~ to be continued ~