"Ah. Here you go, Kyon-kun. More tea?"

Thank you very much! Truly such a wonderful and magnificent privilege. Going without for so long is almost like having withdrawals, but I must be careful not to shamelessly gulp it down like a man dying of thirst and instead delicately savor each and every wonderfully divine sip!

"Ehehe. I'm glad you like it"

Asahina-san, just being in the presence of your radiant beauty could make even muddy water taste like the finest earl grey, but this brew truly does deserve all praise and the entire extent of the thesaurus I can heap upon it.

"Indeed, this is quite delicious Asahina-san. Thank you."

Koizumi nodded his appreciation before enjoying the tea himself. Bastard doesn't appreciate it nearly enough as he should.

"That was quite an interesting tale, don't you think?"

Interesting? Is that the word you want to use for it? Yeah right. If I had to sum everything that had happened with one word, I think I'd pick "Bullshit".

"Now now. I'm not sure if I would go that far. So the story didn't turn out to be the same as we thought. I don't think that means the whole ordeal was entirely pointless."

You're one to talk; you just sat on the sidelines and watched the whole time! And you weren't even able to offer me any actually useful advice. Face it, this whole game was rigged from the start.

"Incorrect. While from your perspective it can be explained as the process being "rigged", it is likely the mistake in perspectives comes from an initial mistake regarding the functions and purpose of this space."

I get what you're saying Nagato, but isn't that just a matter of semantics? Even if we were confused about the genre in the beginning, it's the authors fault. Wouldn't you be pissed off if you bought a book expecting a regular mystery and it turned into this magic flinging mess halfway through?

"Perhaps, but even a story like that has its own merits, even if it wasn't what you were expecting. If you don't mind me saying, I think you were very cool, giving what you had to deal with it. Lines like "Don't you dare touch her." And "I'm the lowest ranking member of the SOS Brigade". Stuff like that really gets a girl swooning with delight, don't you think so?"

There was a small crash and an "Eek!" as Asahina-san accidently knocked over one of the tea cups. She seemed to be blushing furiously for some reason.

"I was able to decode some of the reality variables, and manipulate several situations slightly in your favor. For instance, I significantly increased the attack data of your curtain rod."

So that's what happened. Thanks Nagato. Looks like I owe you my life again. Well, it didn't save me in the end, but for that part at least.

"It's quite regrettable that it ended the way it did, but you managed the best you could with what you had."

Hey, that really hurt you know. Next time, why don't we trade places – you can be the main character and I'll be the smartass observer instead.

"I really don't think that's a role I can fill, unfortunately. In any case, it looks like we've solved the mystery of Rokkenjima. I believe we can all agree on who the culprit really was.

Yep. It was demons. Those goat guys, the stake sisters. Even though I never saw her myself, it's not much of stretch to assume that Beatrice was the one controlling them all from behind the scenes. Magical murders are pretty stupid, but what are you going to do?

"My analysis indicates all murders were performed by localized spatial data disruptions, capable of minor acts of data alteration limited to the space they were in."

Yeah, I'm going to just call them demons. No matter how you explain it Nagato, it doesn't make a difference to a guy like me. Any really high level of technology like that is pretty much indistinguishable from magic anyways.

"Um, well. I tried to watch everything, but it was kind of hard to follow what was going on. But if you guys say it was just magic, than okay!

Oh Asahina-san! Whatever change happens between now and when you become your future self, I hope it isn't soon. You're perfect just the way you are now! In fact, I think I might've been able to find the courage to get out of that situation much earlier if I had been protecting you instead!

"So that's it then. Case closed. The Legend of the Golden Witch is just a grisly murder spectacle by an ancient demon. I'm sorry for bringing everyone here in the first place, but we can close this chapter of the book and move on now."

Yeah. Let's get out of here and never look back.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Haruhi, who had been silent with her head in her hands this entire time, finally spoke up.

"What are you talking about? Magic? Demons? Witches? You really expect me to believe something stupid like that?"

What are you talking about Haruhi? Weren't you paying attention at all? There's no way any of these murders could be done by a human.

"Idiot! Did you stop thinking entirely? How can you accept this? That some evil creature powerful enough to do this really exists? "

"In this data space, the definition applied to any given meaning of the term "exists" is vague enough to be considered meaningless."

Haruhi, I think you need to just take a deep breath and calm down for a second.

"Calm down? Calm down! Kyon, you abandoned me! You left me out there by myself while you tried to sacrifice yourself like an idiot! How could you even… And here you are, just sitting here like this was all just a stupid game! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Suzumiya-san, if you just stop and think for a minute, I'm sure you can see why we-

"No! I won't! I won't accept this; I can't accept anything like this! George, Maria, Jessica, everyone's deaths, all just a sick game? No! This isn't happening, IT"S NOT REAL!"

There was an explosion of force, and every window in the room shattered. The peaceful and calm sky that had set the mood for this tea party immediately turned a sickening blood red, and a powerful wind blew into the room. This peaceful resolution was quickly becoming dangerous. Haruhi, come on! You've always been looking for strange and mysterious things haven't you? Isn't that the whole purpose of the SOS Brigade? What's your problem!

"No! Not like this! Never anything like this! I can't, I won't!"

There was a loud ominous clash of thunder, and the ground began to rumble beneath us. With a sickening crack, before anyone could react fast enough to do anything, the floorboards split open beneath Asahina-san's feet and dropped her in roiling inferno.

Her earsplitting shriek of terror and pain nearly destroyed any sentient thought I had left.

"No no no! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

What the hell is going on! The shaking had increased, the wind had become an almost deafening roar, and bright streaks of lightning lit the sky in every direction.

"Haruhi Suzumiya's denial is attempting to rewrite the structure of the local reality. Error: Program cannot write. Structure cannot be found. Anti-security rejection %ddddd&vvvvvaas4444SOS1133$#####34…,.help….%(8*)%%$*#$&*"

After spewing that line of incomprehensible gibberish, there was an electric zap and popping sound, like an overcharged circuit. Nagato went blank and stood perfectly still, until a strong wind blew –seemingly light as a feather, she fell to the ground and shattered into a million pieces, like the porcelain doll she's always appeared to be.

Nagato! I tried to run to her, but my legs were as heavy as anvils. I tried to call out, to scream, to cry, but my voice stuck in my throat like molten lead. Koizumi, looking more terrified than I'd ever seen him, started dashing towards Haruhi from across the room.

"Suzumiya-san! Please, stop this! A closed space won't form here, it's impossible! Please, you have to- GYAH!"

Before Koizumi could reach her, large think chains made of barbed steel shot from the wall, wrapping themselves around his legs, his arms, his chest and his neck. Those demonic chains started dragging him back towards the wall screaming, like they were reeling in a prize catch.

"No! I won't! I can't! No! It's not real!

Koizumi's screams ended with a sickening crunch and splattering sound, and the heavy chains ground parts of him into paste.

"Haruhi, I… you have too… "

I suddenly found myself falling, as if a decent portion of my legs were no longer there. Haruhi saw what was happening, snapped out of her mantra and screamed at the sight of me, diving to catch me in her arms.

"Kyon! No, you can't! Don't you dare! I forbid it! Just stop, please!"

Haruhi… why did everything feel so heavy? I just want to go to sleep now. I saw my hand reach up to her tear streaked face and cup it gently. This is okay too, right?

"Haruhi, I-"

My sentence was cut short as I watched the flesh slough off my fingers, straight down to the bone, leaving a bloody streak down Haruhi's cheek. Huh. I couldn't even feel it. Weird.

"No, no. Kyon, you're going to be alright. Okay? Please? Come on, you have to be. It's okay. Remember what you told me? This is all just a dream, right? It's just a nightmare and we have to wake up, okay? We're going to wake up and everything will be fine, we'll be in the cabin and having tea and please… Kyon!"

Haruhi desperately tried to cling onto my disintegrating flesh, bawling and begging. That face of yours right now isn't all that attractive, Haruhi. I can even see your snot dripping. Damnit. I feel so tired. Everything is getting so dark. I'm sorry, but I think I'm just going to go ahead and take a nap. You can wake me up when it's all over.

The last thing I remember was a scream from Haruhi that could make even the gods take note, and brilliant blue light filling the room.