A/N: Thanks for the reviews you really make my day. I only meant for this to be a one-shot and then I was inspired by all the lovely readers. Thank you again -FQ
NEED YOU NOW
"I sometimes daydream about Serena and Dan's wedding. I tell him to marry me instead and he doesn't hesitate. Serena waits and waits to walk down the aisle and Dan never shows," her voice is soft and contemplative.
"Is this a reoccurring dream?" Dr. Knox asks Blair.
"Yes," she answers with her eyes closed. "Sometimes it just ends there, but sometimes it lasts much longer," Blair explains her dream in detail. She and Dan sit in a poorly lit hallway eating the top tier of the wedding cake. Her stomach is in knots, she worries his contemplative face is guilt and he's going to leave her there alone to finally go and marry Serena. She asks him even though her fear is debilitating what he's thinking about. He smiles adorably and says that he expected a two thousand dollar cake to taste better. Blair laughs and leans in to kiss him. They talk about how happy they are that they didn't make huge mistakes, Dan marrying Serena or Blair biting her tongue and letting him.
"Tell me about Dan and Serena's wedding," Dr. Knox writes on her notepad.
"It was at my penthouse,..." she sounds disgusted.
Dr. Knox asks about the attendees. Blair stops at Anna thinking about her sweet, baby face.
"She made me feel guilty. She was pure and a real product of their love. I felt like a whore." her voice shakes.
"Yet you continued?"
"I love him!" she justified herself. "Life is too short to deny myself of this,.."
XOXOXOX
Blair sees her from the other-side of the room. She heard everything. She saw Dan leave. She knew.
"Stop," she feels Dorota's judgement. "Stop it right now!" she shrieks through her tears.
"Did not say anything Miss Blair," she says without any emotion, like a statue- her eyes still, her lips fixed into a sad frown.
"You can't!" A tear rolls down Blair's cheek. "Promise me you won't say anything!" she panics and starts to bawl.
"I never say anything before. I not say anything now,"
"I'm sorry!" she breaks down.
"Miss Blair," Dorota says in a comforting way. "You love him?"
"...Yes," she cries into her hands.
"Then I don't say anything," she says calmly.
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
He's been sitting at the dining-room table typing because Serena pouts when he uses his office as if he's purposefully ignoring her. She's neglectful and forgets he's working two jobs, both almost always heavily relying on his laptop. He keeps losing is train of thought as Serena pleads with their oldest daughter not more than four years old to take her cough syrup. She's had an awful barking cough for over three days now. They brought her to the pediatrician who assured them it wasn't pneumonia just a passing cold that would clear up in a few days with vitamin C and plenty of fluids. Serena pets her daughter's head tenderly. "Just one spoon,"
"I don't want it," the little girl mutters quietly under her breath as Serena shoves the spoon towards her face for the fifth time.
"Anna,..." Serena says sternly. She glances at Dan who's ignoring her, not any help in the least. "You'll feel better, just take it,"
"No I already did!" Anna is starting to get worked up, her eyes are filling with tears, her body is shaking with fear for the bitter tasting liquid. Dan glances up and sees her tear stricken face.
"Just one,..." Serena tries to shove the spoon into her daughter's mouth, Anna winces and turns her head which causes the glossy, purple liquid to splash down her blouse. Serena closes her eyes in frustration, her jaw is clenched tightly, she takes a deep breath and stares at her stained blouse. Anna tries to escape her chair but Serena is quick and takes hold of her arm, lifting her light-weight back into the chair. "We are not negotiating this, now sit down and take you medicine,"
Anna is now rubbing her arm dramatically you hurt me, the tears in her eyes sparkle. "Mummy, I don't like it,"
"I don't care," Serena's face is blank. "You're going to take your medicine and i don't want to hear another word about it,"
It plays out continuously, Serena ends up spilling the bottle all over the table runner and her anger is reflected in Anna's thunderous shriek that turns into the most heartbreaking cries. Dan can't help but feel like he's witnessing some munchausen's by proxy nightmare.
"ANNA!" Serena is at her wit's end. Dan finally gets up from his chair and picks up his daughter. Rescuing her. Serena stands seething as her daughter's white blonde hair cascades down her husband's shoulder. It's a Humphrey woman trait, so is her elfish, little face. She resembles Dan's sister more than her. Serena despises this.
"Dan?" Serena sighs. "She needs to take it!"
"It's a cold Serena! it'll be gone in a couple days,"
Serena closes her eyes and tries to calm herself before he says something she regrets. When she's trying her best to be a good mother he undermines her, always. All she wanted was for her girls to be better by Friday so she could take them to the play-date with Heather Andrews and her ugly daughters. Serena loves that her girls are beautiful, she wants to show them off, she wants them to be her perfect accessories. Anna and Paige don't even like Heather's daughters much. Their mom has too many rules on what they're allowed to play with. They'd be happy if they never had to go to Heather's house again. Serena is determined to go, she bought a new bag especially for the occasion.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
This year starts with a funeral. Young, beautiful, talented. So much untapped potential. The cancer took her quickly. She put up a fight, she was optimistic but optimism doesn't increase appetite or shrink tumours. Dan believes it was the chemo that took her so soon. He curses the doctor who told them she had years. He always thought Doctors were supposed to low-ball that kind of time. Allison Lee Humphrey died in her 54th year. She was survived by her daughter and her devastated son. The one thing he couldn't shake was that his mom wouldn't be there for his daughters, they would only ever have Lily VanderWoodsen as a grandmother. The thought made him angry. What a cruel world. She would only live on in his and Jenny's memories because Serena surely didn't know her well and his girls were so young, their memories would be limited to christmas dinners and birthday parties. They didn't need her for advice, they wouldn't travel Europe with her, they wouldn't have their own memories of how much she adored them.
"I'm not hungry," Blair pushes the paper away from her and waves Dorota away. Her pulse is fast and she can't think of anything else, even her breathing exercises make her feel on edge. She's anxious and nothing will take her mind off the fact that her baby is hurting and she's stuck at home pretending she's working and doing her new morning yoga class.
"What's wrong?" Chuck barely looks up.
"I'm just so sad for Serena and Dan," she manages to get out as she wipes her reddened eyes.
"Did you even know her?" Chuck's eyes squint.
"I'm sad for my friend," she defends herself.
"I saw Serena yesterday, she seems fine," Chuck shrugged.
"Well!" she snips. "I doubt she's fine," she gulps, almost tripping over her words. Her eyes well up with tears.
"Jesus," he stares at her confused. "Is it that time of the month already?"
"Can you please fuck off," she says with a smile before getting up and going to bed. She calls Serena. Hopefully she'll give her peace of mind how Dan is doing.
"How is Dan holding up?" she tries to sound sympathetic but not overly.
"I'm not sure," Serena begins. "He's spending a lot of time in his office,"
"Oh,..." She bits hard on her bottom lip, attempting to stifle her crying. She covers the receiver with her hand and closes her eyes, letting tears roll over her hand. Blair feels like she can't breathe.
"I'm glad the funeral isn't until Friday," Serena sounds far away like she's eating something. "It gives me a chance to get my hair dyed and find the girls new dresses," she sighs about her busy week. "Oh god, there's another bouquet of flowers at the door..." she groans.
XOXOXOXOXOX
Blair sat in the back with the distant relatives and new friends. When she first arrived she saw Serena standing at the front of the church greeting people with her usual effervescence. She smiles, she laughs, she's loving every second of this. Don't I look great? Can you believe how amazing my figure is after two children? Do you see how pretty my girls are? Allison loved me so much. I'm so helpful, I put this entire service together because Dan is too upset. Jenny was no help so I took it all upon myself but i'm happy to do it because I love the attention I get. Dan is standing beside her doing his best to keep composure. He's holding on to a wad of tissues in his left hand just in case. He's hugged a few people and smiled lightly before thanking them and going to the next person. A woman approaches Dan and Blair notices Dan shifts in his stance slightly. He's not as sturdy as he once was. He listens to her speak. She's seemingly explaining how important his mom was to her. She's holding his hand and speaking directly to him. Dan smiles at her before she moves on. Before the next person approaches Dan's eyes are buried in his tissues. He pulls it away and smiles as if he's being silly and tries to talk to the next person. He can't. He bites his top lip and takes a deep breath. Serena looks to him confused. "excuse me," he barely gets out as he walks into the mens room.
"I'm so sorry," Serena sheepishly to the next person in line.
"Allison was a lovely woman," the man says to her.
"Oh I know. We were so close," she puts her hand over her heart.
Blair looks around before slipping into the mens room., though she doesn't care if anyone sees her. She was going to go in there no matter what. She locks the door behind her. She stands by the door waiting until he comes out and sees her.
"I don't want to do this," he says.
"I know," she frowns before pulling him into a tight hug. She strokes the nape of his neck and kisses his cheek. "I love you so much,"
XOXOXOXOXO
