Chapter 07 Rose of Pain
Why are you scared?
What have you seen?
In the castle with the silent roses
I ask again and again
Rose of Pain – X Japan
When Belle woke up she felt disoriented, so she looked around her to find out where she was. In her room.
Looking at the window she noticed how the sun behind the curtains could only be on its zenith. Was it after midday? How long had she slept? She hadn't even noticed the moment when she finally fell asleep. Her eyes felt puffy. She had spent long past midnight crying. She turned to touch her pillow, it was still wet.
As she was trying to sit she felt but a pinch of pain that made her stop. The muscles in her hips and upper leg felt strained. It wasn't really painful, barely noticeable, but that simple sensation was a fair enough reminder of what had transcurred the night before. A different kind of pain crossed through her heart. She shrunk onto herself with the memory of how one of her dreams had been taken from her. How her body had been sullied. How her virtue had been torn by Rumplestiltskin. But deep inside her she knew her true pain laid somewhere else.
She no longer wished to cry or mourn over what had happened. As she rose from her bed and began to change from her sleeping gown to her blue maid dress she noticed that her nightgown was whole, it did not have any scratch in it. The evidence of her assault had disappeared, leaving only the pain in her body as evidence.
She pondered about it for a moment. Rumplestiltskin must have had it repaired when he transported her to her chambers with his magic. The night before, after his fingers had awoken her body, she had dared not look him in the eyes. She remembered the trembling voice of her master, whispering softly her name after all of it was over, begging for an answer or a recrimination. But Rumplestiltskin only gained silence. Belle's fear of gazing again into rough and black eyes was far stronger. The fear of not recognizing him... to feel tricked, betrayed. It was then that a strange fog had covered her and when it had lift up, she was once again in her room. Just like that, without any other word or farewell, all was over. She bearably heard the last words from her master's lips...
"I am sorry"
Even if she wanted to deny it, the situation could have been worse. At least, her virginity – properly speaking – was still guarded, but she could not say the same about her body. She had mixed feelings. She felt grateful but at the same time, deeply offended. And in her own anger she did not know if she should be mad at him... or at herself. He, in his own way, tried to dissuade her to abandon her own amendment, but she had clung to the idea of being able to break the spell.
"I trust you"
It was what she had said. She had offered herself to him. She remembers his soft touches, his passionate kiss and the feel of his fingers arousing new and strange sensations over her body. She now knows pleasure. Her mind and imagination are now awake. But if he had forced her... would she have known pleasure too?
In one occasion she heard about maidens that had been taken by force, to later be forced into marriage. It was, hardly heard of, but neither it was rare to know of it. It usually was men in lower positions the ones that raped maidens of high upbringing to be rid of debt and to gain a step up in the hierarchy ladder. All in all, she mostly heard horrible stories... where there was only pain. Not pleasure.
Instead, she had known pleasure through her books and novels. Where desire was felt by both parties, where through the caresses of both lovers love found its crib. But though she had known pleasure, pain was preset as well. Where then... does her situation leave her?
She descended to the main rooms and peered at the clock. It was late but there was enough time to prepare tea and for it to be ready at the accorded hour. She went towards the kitchen to leave water to boil. She was late in some activities but she did not wish recrimination from her master so she took a rag and started cleaning the furniture close to her while waiting for the water to boil. If she wanted to finish her duties in time, she would have to work twice her usual pace. Like this she would be able to avoid her master. She did not wish to see him or know of him for a while.
The sun had just set when Belle had finally finished with the last chamber and she started the heating the water for a bath, just in case. She went back with a broom to the main hall, which was the last part of her assignments. It would not take long to clean this area, since her master insisted that it was to be kept clean always. To her fortune Rumplestiltskin did not show himself at all during the day. She looked at the teapot still resting on the table. It was left untouched, with cold tea inside it. It seemed that he did not bother to go up to the enclosure even when she wasn't there. Did he wish to avoid her as much as she did him?
She picked up the teapot and took it back to the kitchen before going back to the hall. And just as she was thinking that her master would not show up and that her day was over, Rumplestiltskin was before her, seated at his place in the table, toying with his fingers. But contrary to what his hands showed, his gaze was serious. Belle looked away immediately when their gazes met.
"I need to talk with you, dearie"
Belle moved the broom to her side without looking away from it.
"The water from the boiler should still be warm. I have finished all my assignments, so there should be no more pending matters to discuss."
Rumplestiltskin sharpened his gaze at the cold response from his maiden. Deep inside he knew that this kind of reactions where to be expected. It was impossible to maintain the same treatment between them after last night accident. Both had pierced the simple line of employer and service maiden. The trust and familiarity that they had formed during all this month's together had been shattered.
"I would like to propose a new deal" he sharply replied as if he were speaking with a mere negotiator that had arrived at the castle.
"I have no desire to make any deals with you, Rumplestiskin." Belle's heart started a frenetic rhythm. She knew where he wanted to lead, but she had no desire to share his chambers once more. She took a moment before continuing. "It is not my duty to return tonight"
Belle had said it up front.
"You where the one to offer the deal..."
"Which, it seems to me, to have been broken"
Belle pierced him with her gaze, Rumplestiltskin went on, impassive. He understood what her maiden was referring to. Yet, there was so much at stake that he was set in not yielding.
"Strictly speaking... the conditions have not been broken. So it seems to me that the deal still stands."
The gaze that Belle pierced him with was one he had not seen on her before. For a strange reason something in Rumplestiltskin shrank. He knew that look, how many times had his clients looked at him in that same way? He, who was indifferent to the contempt worn in the people that he meet, but in Belle, for all of the atrocities that he had led her to live, had never shown it to him. Until now.
"Well then, I refuse. You can lock me the rest of the month in my room... even in the dungeon if you want to"
Rumplestitlskin stood from his chair, directing an even more serious look at Belle. He stepped close to her, taking her chin while he spoke in a firm voice.
"Do you forget that I am the person in possession of all the keys in this castle? What use would it be to you when I can enter at my own will?"
Belle observed her master. He still wore the dark diamond, what meant that at least she was safe from his magic. Was he still worried about her safety? As long as they kept the amulets with them, she would find a way to avoid him during for the whole month… but why did he still wore it if it did not work? Or, was it that he found a way to control it?
"You could give me back the candle with the protection spell"
"The one that has become obsolete"
Belle blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what her master had just said.
"What do you mean?"
"Unfortunately, the protection spell works only to prevent. Since both of us shared a bed, the spell has started its own count down."
"But..." Belle tried to counter while her cheeks started to brighten at simply trying to mention the event. "Nothing was culminated"
"Oh... I did not" Rumplestiltskin stood within inches of her. A small grin of satisfaction grew on his face when he lowered himself to whisper on her ear.
"But you did... and that makes you vulnerable to the effects of the spell. Making it impossible to protect you know."
"It is your fault!" Belle pulled apart facing him.
"We are both victims... and now we are in the same boat, dearie."
Belle blanched. Her eyes traced desperately in her master's eyes for a thread of lies. But she knew that he did not lie. Belle stepped back baffled. Would she start to act indecently towards him?
"This is my deal" Rumplestiltskin made a simple gesture with his hand, conjuring a small green bottle in his hand, showing it to her.
"This is a potion that can make you forget. It will help you forget about last night... mishaps. You won't remember anything about what happened between us"
Rumplestiltskin noticed a small shine in Belle's eyes. He knew that the memories of last night had tormented her dreams. Her illusions. Her soul. She, his innocent dove that had flown through the castle with such comfortable liberty, was now caged, growing weary, like a rose withering. Corrupted. He needed her fresh, alive.
Because...
You are becoming something dangerous to me.
"But in exchange, I ask that you fulfill our previous deal, just for the next two nights. Until then... the potion will be yours."
"How can I have guarantee that my virtue will remain, taking in to account the previous events?"
"Because, this time, it is I that is proposing this deal and I do not make deals to which I cannot comply with the conditions." Rumplestiltskin did not hide his grin this time. "Your virtue will continue untouched... as long as that is your will"
Belle lightly stepped forward almost imperceptibly. But he noticed it. Belle lifted her face. It was that defiant gaze that he had seen many times in his maiden, but it was not the same. This time her eyes did not shine with light... they were blue and sharp. Like ice.
"Fine"
Rumplestiltskin disappeared the little bottle with another small gesture.
"I'll wait for your arrival in my chambers at midnight"
Rumplestiltskin turned and went away; purple fog wrapping around him until he disappeared. Belle waited a few moments until she was certain that he had left the hall. Then she leant and let herself fall on the table. He had revealed that the spell would now have an effect on her and fear started to flow through her veins. She felt how rage grew in her for her own lack of power to stop the situation. Blaming herself, a tear traveled down her cheek.
Why?
Why do you keep giving me a choice?
For a moment, she wished for Rumplestiltskin to take her by force, it did not matter that she lay with him by force, as long as it was because of a whim and selfishness from him. The only thing she wanted was for pain to surpass the pleasure because...
It would be easier to hate you that way
But she was unable to do so. She felt a certain aversion to him, something inside her that told her to stay away. That he was dangerous for her. And yet, like a blind sheep, she would go back to the wolf's lair. Because no matter how much she looked away from the man that abused his power, to her eyes he had never dared to truly abuse her. He was always looking for excuses, masked as orders or deals, because in the end he did not dared harm her.
Because she trusted him blindly.
Because she could not hate him.
And the only person that she really hated...
It was herself for it.
Why are you sad?
What pain are you feeling?
Oh, I ask the rose with its petals of blood
But the rose of blood can't answer me till the end
"Rose of pain" - X Japan
VictoryLily: a little breather before the start of the second night, Belle is far stronger that what she lets others see (although in this case living only with Rumplestiltskin for this long how has he not notice it by now?) And also I can now breathe a whole lot better. Winter is only just upon us and I got sick, sigh.
Orange and Grapefruit juice, yum. (Before holidays)
Holidays for the first time with the half of the family that you did not know before the first two decades of your life… Sick for the second time before the year ended, thank you immunologic system. (After holidays)
*whispers* Victory has stopped being grumpy
Sialia A. Muñoz (Bluebirdofhapiness): well, though VictoryLily almost passed away, her spirit returned only to translate to you, guys. Just kidding, she just got a cold. This chapter is one of my favs, when all the emotional part starts moving. Hope you are still following interested in the story. Your comments are very appreciated. (Before holidays)
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Lily: well, guess we'll update instead of her. Victory, where is that memory stick?
Victory: Do you even know how to upload the document?
Lily: it shouldn't be that difficult, I just open the page and…
Victory: what?
Lily: I… we need her passwords
Victory: Why?
Lily: It has to be uploaded to her accounts
Victory: oh… want me to hack them? Grin*
