Chapter 7: Regrets and Realizations from Recovery


A/N

I am so sorry again. Bloody hell: this is most definitely not acceptable. I'm deeply sorry. I should stop making promises that I can't keep. OOH! Who watched Amazing Spiderman? *Ahem* Off topic but I do apologize for this uber delayed chapter. It was supposed to be quick but somehow I stretched it and I'm back to school again but that's no excuse. Anyway, hello again and thanks/kudos to new/regular readers. I'd like to make a special address to cravingsubjugation. I wasn't able to properly thank you but as Tom Hiddleston would say: BLESS YOU for saying those lovely words. They truly made my day. And bless all of you for your patience and interest in my story! Well, enjoy next chapter guys!


It was an overwhelming sensation that had taken Natasha and Loki rapidly. It was an involuntary thing for their minds and bodies to shut down and slowly restore. To recover in an obscure limbo. It was almost a comatose state that they had entered until they reverted.

Natasha felt all her senses return and gently become conscious to the world around her. What started with the tranquil darkness that engulfed her mind and vision, her senses were slowly withdrawing and making its way back to reality. Natasha could first hear the faint mumbling of people around her. She felt very still and disabled to move. She could make out wires and tubes that ran along especially at her arm. The environment had a fresh, sterile and distinct scent to it which seemed as no surprise. Natasha was obviously in the hospital. To bring her awareness full circle, she opened her eye lids which adjusted to the bright light hanging over. She could make out figures of two people or nurses coming to her side.

"Miss Romanoff"

Natasha blinked to clear her blurry eyes. She scanned the room and attempted to shuffle her body upwards. Natasha slightly winced feeling her sore body.

"Careful Miss Romanoff. Not too quick" One of the nurses gestured for Natasha to stop trying to move while another watched at the foot of her bed carrying a chart. Natasha's head felt heavy as she lifted it off the pillow to shift her body upwards. Her head hit back down on the pillow with amplified gravity and so she resorted to turning her head side to side.

"What happened?" Natasha had croakily been able to enquiry to the nurse. She lifted her right arm which she first felt a tube being connected to. It also felt heavy due to infused liquid that was entering it. Natasha's eyes travelled from the wire connection in her arm to her upper right side next to a side table to see an IV drip.

"You collapsed Miss Romanoff. Unfortunately, you sort of hit your head as you fell so that would explain the slight pain or feel of weight on it. We had to give medicine just in case of headaches or concussion. Also, a worrying sight was pointed out about your arm by one of your fellow team-mates. We connected you to an IV drip in response to possible blood poisoning with the sight of your veins. Although, when we took a blood test, your blood was completely fine. Consider the IV as refreshment treatment to help your condition. Have you been drinking fluids Miss Romanoff?"

Natasha held a scrutinizing expression taking in all that the nurse had said. It was all perplexing and she tried to remember how quick everything happened. The last thing she could recall was the meeting and how she felt searing pain in her head. It was a slight relief to find that her mind felt numb due to the likely painkillers.

She exhaled heavily before continuing on "How long have I been out?"

"About two days. I think you needed the rest Miss Romanoff. Gathering from your main symptom being when you fainted, it's a preferable diagnosis that you may've been on the point of fatigue or dehydration. We're still not sure about the cause on your arm as it has nothing to do with a virus or infection internally. It could apply in reason of your condition but we'll make sure to heal that up soon enough"

Natasha nodded in understanding but knew the cause of her weary state was more than just dehydration or fatigue. That's all she could do now: blame on Loki for this weak form she had been limited to all thanks to his tainting image. Thankfully, her mind was too drugged by the medicine to conjure relapsing thoughts that required her imagination or imagery. Loki was blocked out…for now. "Thank you" she directed to the nurse.

The nurse smiled back sweetly. "You'll be in here for a few more days until you're in better and recovered form. Only then we will discharge you and even Director Fury orders so. Please do rest up Miss Romanoff and be patient. You'll be back in the field soon enough. Will that be all?"

Natasha nodded once more before the nurses left the room. She sighed loudly feeling incredibly useless to miss out on work. All because of this now publically known and established ill form, Natasha was forced and restricted to rest. She felt it wasn't necessary but then again, it was simply her own nature to feel that way. Plus, Natasha felt rather vulnerable in this condition. Let alone to the main causer of this ill form she gained. She just hoped that Loki wouldn't return anytime soon. That's what Natasha wanted and needed but she thought the chances are slim.


Although, Loki had entered the similar predicament especially involving the aspect of health. He had woken up also a few days after the meeting that was held between his foreign partners of the agreement. He had experienced such physical agony that took all his energy and consciousness in a snap. In the early moments of returning to aware form, Loki only made out the sounds of bustling chatter and motion of which must've belonged to his workers. Loki scowled as he released an exasperated breath through his nose. He could feel that he was lying down on his side so he turned to lie flat on his back. His body was achy all over especially his neck which was singed from the frigid contact of the other being's hand. His so called boss that he apprehensively despised. Loki slowly opened his eye lids. His blurry vision adjusted to the small dark glass room that he laid in. It was an odd surprise if his workers did in fact transport him here to rest after he passed out. Loki decided to sit upwards and begun lifting his upper body. His head felt slightly heavy which wasn't helpful for his neck. His hand immediately massaged and supported his neck as he ascended to sit up. His face still held a scowl with his wary eyes making out the figure and shapes moving back and forth past the glass wall that stood between. This seemed like a small storage area and Loki realized he was on a platform connected to the wall.

His expression still held bitter confusion trying to process what has been happening. He scanned the room for his scepter which soon glowed amid the dimness of the room against the parallel wall to him. Loki needed all information now. He cleared his throat before bellowing "Barton!" His call reverberated against the glass walls and Loki had shifted his legs off the platform to place his feet on the ground. Everything still felt sore: his ligaments and limbs but that wasn't important. He braced himself before leaning weight onto his feet to stand up. His arms trembled as he pushed himself upwards to stand from the platform. He was soon enough stable on his feet and advanced towards his scepter. By the time he grasped it tightly in his hand, Clint had just arrived at the entrance of the room in front of Loki.

"Yes sir?" His focused eyes remained lifelessly blue.

Loki grunted trying to keep his stance steady. "What happened?"

"Sir you had disappeared or most likely travelled elsewhere while we were working before we found you unconscious on the floor near the entrance about half an hour later. We had rushed you inside and placed you in the only suitable room for possible rest: the storage room in the middle of the work area. We left you peacefully during the two days" Clint explained.

"Hm. Well I did in fact travel elsewhere and the returning trip wasn't exactly…pleasant. How long have I been unconscious?"

"For two days sir. No matter, we continued progression while you were in recovery"

Loki nodded in comprehension at the whole tale that Clint had shared. "Your service is appreciated Barton. Where is Selvig?"

"Right this way"

Loki and Clint walked in the same direction away from the room. Loki was more following Barton since he was moving at a slower pace due to the still remaining discomfort of his body. He ignored the lingering pain and knew to concentrate back to what really mattered. His every move cost something now.


Meanwhile, Natasha was left in her prone position experiencing slowly but proclaimed surely rest and recreation. So far, she had gone in and out of sleep but finally remained awake during the evening. She stared blankly at the ceiling as her body was stagnant but tense. The only activity she could do while in this lethargic position was flex and fidget with her hands while contemplating. Her mind was passively processing thoughts that moved by one after the other. The drugged effect of the medicine made her bitterly indifferent to everything around her but that one thought of subject that returned and flowed in and out through her head was something she always had to notice. Maybe it was her apathetic sense with the drug doing it; the occasional mention of Loki in her mind didn't bring as drastic impacts to those that had made her descend to this current form.

She hated being ordered to bed rest but she didn't feel like doing any other activity as her whole body was still sore. Natasha remained motionless on the bed and stared at different spots of the room as boring as it was. Loki flashed again in her mind suddenly after she thought she saw a glint of emerald green through the window. A grimace didn't even spread onto her face and she thought her brain had most likely ignored it or wasn't as energetic to provide her with a reaction. Natasha was sick and tired of this game. If Loki was in fact committing this tormenting mischief, he had over done it. She truly disliked it now. Although, Natasha had to bring it back to the only possibility that it was Loki. She said "if" it was him but then, as much as she didn't like this idea and why it was occurring, it could be herself making this happen. Why did her mind accept obsessively of Loki and was acting against her? Was this maybe Loki's doing? That was completely frustrating then. From the very first up close encounter with him in that alleyway, that's where it all began. This possible whole tactic he was wishing to start implying. Damn him and his conspiratorial nature. Then again, it was almost as if she let him do that.

That was when Natasha realized: she should've just shot Loki down at that moment. She should've just jumped into combat mode at the mere sight of him that night in the alleyway. She shouldn't have listened to the psychopathic enemy that they were targeting as he was just holding up an entire eloquent illusion and image for some sort of defense. Loki obviously had gotten the better of Natasha. Even during that night when he appeared out of nowhere in her room, she should've immediately called for backup and make notice that he had entered the premises of the headquarters. Here Natasha was now in consequence: in the hospital recovering from a physical breakdown that her body had surrendered to. Her mind was subverted, infested and obsessed with the main evil subject of the unfathomably wicked and inimitable man. Loki: the god of mischief who most definitely had messed something up in her. She was broken and tarnished. Much further than she was already.

This would always impulsively be blamed on Loki but bring it back further, she could blame herself. It was Natasha's own fault. What could've been done could've saved her from this deplorable condition. The rage boiling inside her suddenly made Natasha jerk her right arm as if hitting something and it brought down the attached IV drip along with objects on her side table. It looked like a petty release of anger but if she wanted to, Natasha could've suddenly gotten up into a violent rampage and destroy everything. This complication had gotten her to the core and brought along complete frustration. These stupid regrets she learned to realize just now made Natasha hate Loki. She now hated him well and truly not just because he was the enemy. With his vile charm that was just a tool of manipulation and embedding of possession, Natasha felt so gullible to have felt interested by his distinctiveness. It might as well have been a form of infatuation but no matter what, she wanted it to end. It was now basic torture. She wanted to forget her foolishness and get rid of all connections with that bastard of pure evil. That's all he was: evil.

The tantrum about Loki racing through her mind had used up quite a lot of supposed energy. It felt like an explosion in her mind and the smoke was making it way past the haze of the medicine. Natasha shut her eyes acknowledging how helpless she was with this situation. The torture she had to go through with Loki in her thoughts was a punishment for her own naivety. Her consciousness was shrouded again by the numbing sensation of the painkillers and soon enough, she fell into darkness again in petty hope that Loki wouldn't shatter through again. It seemed like an acceptance of defeat or simply just a hope to recover entirely soon.


Days passed and Loki was busy than ever. Deeming the two days beforehand lost through his recovery of the other beings' fault, he kept extra close observance on what was happening. The also possessed Professor Selvig was close to completing the required contraption for the tesseract. It proved satisfying and redeeming for Loki and so things seemed to be more on track.

He kept contemplating in his own head. For what happened and in unintended correspondence, Loki wanted to blame it as well on Natasha. Trying to remember what happened before he passed out, the subject of her was brought up and possibly, it could've been what brought him to this impaired state. The female mortal that had caught his attention but soon enough, that little spark had grown into a consummative fire that was once close to gulping his mind. That dream simulation was nothing out of the ordinary. It struck on that one night and made Loki question what his intentions were. Did it truly have to go to such extended business as demonstrated in that dream?

She could simply be a pathetic distraction and Loki was thinking too much. He didn't want to be allured or attracted to her so he denied all those means. What remained was the already known fact that she was part of the opposition that was hunting him down. Barton was no different though as he was from their side originally as well and Loki held control already over him. Yet, it wasn't necessarily such significant difference of holding the archer. What was so special then about the Black Widow that made him go to such spirited lengths to even visit her or learn to memorize her history? Her true importance was questionable and maybe it had inflicted a delusion on Loki.

Maybe the others were right that he was wasting his time of being involved with Natasha in hope for an ultimately good achievement of outcome. Yet, if Loki was to stop seeing and using her to his still to be pursued true ulterior advantage, he had one last thing to say to Natasha.

"Barton!" He called again and stood up with stride heading forward.

The archer soon joined Loki's side in response to his master. "Yes sir?"

"I'm going out again. Alone. Keep taut supervision on the place. Guard against intruders by all means necessary"

The archer nodded "Right away sir"

They had split towards different directions and Loki was moving with focused pace. That's all he needed to do: speak once more with the female mortal that had been on his radar of attention since after he had just landed on Earth. He clearly remembered on that first night of getting away and hiding out in his created factory with his chiefly controlled servants of Selvig and Barton. Already as things began that night, he initiated strategizing with Barton and soon enough pried out a vast amount of information. Some information of course including none other than Natasha. It played around in his mind having advantage of valuable knowledge on her but he hadn't played it out yet during his encounters with her. Maybe he could finally play the card now and identify the true benefit with her.

It was a replayed moment again as he pulled down the sleeve along his arm to show the faint illuminative pulses of his arm. He was aware of Natasha's equivalent condition on her other arm which could perhaps be added to the exploit. With that, he waved his scepter and disappeared in a flash of blue light.