" I know the darkness inside you, Jaq."
" My life for yours."
" My Master comes for you."
" Peace."
" There's no use in fighting."
" No fear."
" I know the darkness..."
" My life..."
" ... inside you."
" …... for yours."
Atton jolted awake. Panting and covered in sweat he could still hear the voices swirling in his head. Gasping he closed his eyes and stilled his mind. ' There is no emotion...'
Warmth settled over him slowly, calming him.
" I'm having them too." a soft voice trailed from across the dormitory.
Atton opened his eyes and looked across seeing no one at first in the darkness. Suddenly a figure shifted and Atton saw Mandalore sitting on the edge of his bunk looking as if he had just awoken himself.
" Nightmares. I keep seeing her face as it once was. Beautiful, courageous. Then it begins to rot and grey until it is so twisted by the dark side that I can't see the goodness that she once was."
Atton remained quiet. It was rare for Mandalore to share air with you, much less his emotions. The older man stood and walked from the room without another word. Atton settled his head back down on the pillow and listened to the hum of the engines for a few minutes. His mind was blank, but soon enough the emotions came flowing back. He thought of the female Jedi that he had killed. How she had first awakened the Force in him and then had died to protect him from those who would torture him for it as he tortured her. He could remember his days hiding out on Nar Shadaa, how he ran from himself and the evil that resided inside. He felt ugly inside. Utterly evil. Then she walked in, wearing only her underclothes, and something in the way she looked at him gave him hope. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. She reached deep inside him and found the beauty that he couldn't find. She saw in him the light and goodness, but he couldn't bear her to look at him that way. He knew the truth. Knew there was nothing but darkness in his heart and that's all there would ever be. So he told her about the Jedi he had killed. Told her how he had broken them and found pleasure in it. How he had fed off their suffering like a leech and left them hollow. But her eyes never faltered, and she had smiled at him. Told him that's no longer who he was and that she could show him the truth of what was inside himself and not the lie that he believed. Now she...
Atton blinked back the tears. He felt so lost. He didn't know what to believe. About himself, about her, about anything. He stood from his bunk and pulled a shirt on before leaving the dorm. The hallway of the Ebon Hawk's port side was empty, but as it opened up to the center he found several of his crew mates sitting around tinkering with different jobs. Disciple and Bao-Dur each looked up at him briefly, their eyes betraying the pain behind them. Seems like they were all having trouble sleeping. He continued on to the bridge and found Mira at the helm.
" Any clue where we are?" Atton asked dropping down into the co-pilot's chair and plunking his feet on the forward console.
" Nope. Still following the signature we found. It keeps jumping around and there's some interference." Mira sighed wearily.
Shortly after losing Visas it was decided that they would no longer just sit around and wait. They managed to find and track a signature left by an unidentified ship. Really all they had to do was follow the darkness that trailed behind it like a manic streamer to find it. They hoped to follow it... follow her... to the source. To stop a battle before it could begin. It seemed the prudent thing since Senka had warned that her Master would be coming for Atton. That was something Atton really couldn't understand. Why him? Why not Revan, the ex- Sith Lord, who had power unparallelled by any other Jedi except for Ariane?
" Trouble sleeping?" Mira asked shaking him from his thoughts.
Atton grunted. " What do you see when you sleep?" he asked his mind wandering back to what Mandalore had told him when he had awoken.
" Darkness. It slowly engulfs us and we disappear. Like Visas." her voice was barely audible and the shaking fear behind it sent a chill down his spine. " What are we going to do, Atton? When we find her?" They had yet to talk about a plan beyond finding Senka and her Master, but Atton could only see one way for it to end and a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Mira could sense his thoughts, but said nothing more as he quickly stood and walked from the bridge back to the dorm.
Atton remembered Ariane and the last night they had shared. " I will always be here with you" The thoughts wouldn't stop bombarding his mind. " What are we going to do , Atton?" He didn't know. Couldn't bring himself to think of killing her. "... even if you couldn't see it in yourself." It was maddening. "... always be here..." All he saw in his dreams was darkness, but there were the voices. Echoes in his mind. "... can't see the goodness she once was" Uncertainty and pain. " I know the darkness inside you" Alone in the dorm Atton fell to his knees. He pounded his fist hard enough into the floor to leave a dent and cried out trying to make the voices stop. All went silent.
' I need you' the whispered echo brought the tears flooding back. Determination set his jaw and he slipped into a meditation. He would save her as she had saved him, or he would die trying.
Author's Note: I was having a hard time deciding where to go next with this story. I already know in my mind how it's going to end, but after chapter 6 I wasn't sure what they would do after Visas' demise. I spent months with chapter 6 in hand, but no clear path as to where to go next, much as Atton felt in this chapter. I'm hoping this is the right way. It feels like it is.
PS. That was my round about apology for taking so long to post. I beg your forgiveness and grovel at your feet.
