I've just noticed that I've never really written a fic where one chapter follows exactly where the last one left off. I'm sure I've done it for a few chapters or so of different fics but I seem to be doing it every time with this one, haha!
Anyway, I hope you are all still enjoying this! Please let me know what you think and if you'd like me to continue.
Thanks!
I'm built to fade like your favourite song
I get reckless when there's no need
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"Nick…"
His ears didn't even register Michelle's voice saying his name, he couldn't hear anything other than a dull ringing as he watch his wife struggle with her breathing, tears running down her cheeks, her best friend trying to keep her calm and steady all the while she tried to rip herself from the grasp she was in.
"Carla?" He wasn't even sure if his voice was his own, he found himself slowly walking towards the crying brunette, he was sure the confusion and fear was written across his face.
Carla just shook her head and kept mumbling "I'm so sorry" over and over again as she gazed between both Michelle and Nick before breaking free from Michelle's grasp and escaping towards the bathroom.
"Carla! Don't…" Michelle tried to follow but the door was bolted shut before she could stop her.
She locked the door and let out a gut-wrenching sob and she slowly lowered her exhausted body to the floor, with her hands buried in the warm sleeves of her husband's hoodie she covered her face and cried. Carla cried for Nick, her husband whom she loved more than anything, for the fact that she'd ruined his life and pretty much rolled a live grenade through any trust he had in her, she cried for herself and the fact that she had somehow yet again managed to ruin her life. Finally, after all these years she had found someone who was truly, passionately in love with her, who had seen her at her highest and her lowest and still loved her with all of his heart and she ruined it, she ruined everything.
And in the end she cried for her baby, the tiny little life that was just beginning inside of her, that was making itself comfortable for the long journey of growth ahead. Tears fell as she thought of all the things that should've happened, telling Nick she was pregnant, surprising him in a sappy way with a worlds best dad mug or a tiny pair of booties and a new-born onesie. He never should've found out like this, during an argument between her and her best friend, as she was hastily packing to -yet again - leave town.
Carla sat in silence, with only the sound of her own breathing and the loud ringing in her ears for company as she felt the day's worth of exhaustion finally catching up on her. She was vaguely aware of Michelle knocking on the other side of the door but she couldn't bring herself to care. She just wanted to curl into a ball and disappear; this wasn't how things were supposed to go.
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"She's pregnant" Nick said to himself, he slowly lowered himself onto the couch and buried his face in his hands.
Michelle turned her head and watched as he sat back and sighed, she stopped knocking on the wooden door of the bathroom "I'll be right out here" She said loud enough so that she was sure Carla would hear before making her way over beside Nick.
"Yeah" She said quietly "She's pregnant"
"How far along?" Nick turned to face Michelle and her heart broke for him, his eyes were glassy, the pained emotion written all over his face.
"I don't know. Honestly, I don't." She replied. "I only found out two days ago, she'd left the test in the bathroom by accident"
"How long…does she…I don't…" Nick found himself over-whelmed, struggling with what question to ask first. When Carla had come to him just days before the wedding, trying to convince him that starting over in Devon was the right thing, mentioning the 'three' of them, had she known then?
"Is it mine?" He wanted to vomit the second the words came out of his mouth; he couldn't believe that he'd even asked the question.
"Of course it is" Michelle replied incredulously "Nick, listen to me." She turned on the couch and grabbed his upper arm making him look her in the eye. "Robert was one time. It was a stupid, drunken mistake. Trust me."
Nick nodded; he couldn't bring himself to form a sentence. "Believe me, Carla hates herself for what she's done to you, I've known her since we were kids, I've never seen her this distraught about anything."
"I can't…"
"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. Or make you feel like you have to stay because you don't, nobody, not even Carla would blame you for walking away. But if you are, please do it now."
Nick couldn't quite believe his ears when the words hit him "What?"
"Nick, I honestly think you two are made for each other and that if you both don't try and work through this you'll regret it but if you don't think you can, you need to end it now. I know what she's done is awful and I completely understand that you don't trust her and everything but I can't watch her break again. After everything she's been through, I mean, you and I both know she's hard as nails but at the same time she's one of the most vulnerable people there is"
"But the baby, I can't just leave…"
"I'm not saying you leave the baby" She insisted "I just mean that if you and Carla can't make it as a couple…just please don't drag her along. You both need to decide what you want. With each other, and with the baby"
He felt his heart plummet fifty feet "She doesn't want the baby?" After everything they had both been through, both losing their babies, the pain and the heartache of each miscarriage was now more raw than ever. They had helped each other grieve, Carla opened up to him more about her baby girl than she had to anyone, even Michelle and she had helped Nick through the loss of his son, they had spoken of hopes and dreams for their kids and what they think they would've been like had they made it into the big wide world.
"Its not that…its just…" Michelle sighed "She doesn't want you to stay with her just for the baby."
Nick faced forward, his eyes boring holes into the wall in front of him; never in his wildest dreams did he think that this is where he and Carla would end up.
"She thinks you hate her and that you're such a good guy that you would stay with her for the baby. She doesn't want you to resent your child, she said she doesn't want you to be stuck with her when you could be a hundred times happier with someone else"
"I just want her" Nick admitted, he turned to Michelle and ran his hand over his tired face. "I just want this to be last week when I didn't know anything or New Year so I could've stopped her from going to the casino, stopped all this shit from happening…"
"But you can't" Michelle gripped his hand with hers "You can't change what's already happened, you can only move forward. But you need to decide what it is you really want"
"She's just gonna shut me out isn't she?" Michelle could see the worry etched on his face. "We both know how she is when something like this happens. She tucks herself away inside her own head and lets her anxieties run wild"
"That's exactly what happened when she found out about Johnny." Michelle replied quietly "We all tried to talk to her about it, you, me, Roy…she wouldn't have any of it"
"She was just so angry" Nick mumbled "Kept talking about how her life could've been so different if only he'd stood up and said something back then"
"She replays the past in her head, I know you know the basics of what her mum was like but Nick, she was awful" Michelle sighed and ran her hands through her long dark hair "Carla had a hell of a time growing up, now that she knows about Johnny, the fact that everything could've been so different, that's what she was so focused on"
"So she ran…" Nick sighed, "Like she always does," He gestured towards the bathroom door, the tiled room opposite their bedroom that currently held his sobbing, pregnant wife.
"She's spent her whole life running, it's all she knows how to do" Michelle told him quietly.
"That's what Robert was about" Nick sat forward with his head in his hands "She just got this massive news, her whole life tipped up on end and she ran, got drunk…slept with him" He felt physically sick at the thought of Robert with his hands and his mouth all over Carla's body.
"Yeah, I suppose it was" Michelle placed her hand on Nick's shoulder and gently squeezed "But that's all it was, Nick. It wasn't anything you or anyone else did"
"How do I know she won't do it again?"
"You don't, but I suppose that's the real question" She suggested, "Do you trust her enough not to do something like that again? Because if you don't, this will never work."
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