AN: I've been away for some time, I know. I'm still recovering from some things that happened in the past few months. I promise you all that I haven't lost interest, I'm still around, I haven't abandoned this or any other story. I might expand on this on a Tumblr post later, but for your patience, your support and your interest in my story, I shall be forever thankful.
To my lovely betas, who continue to astound me and make my silly lines readable, you make the dancing possible.
As always, Sable, my dearest darling, this is for you.
…
Her brain had yet to fully process the night's events. Fred remembered.
He remembered holding her while she cried when Harry and Ron wouldn't talk to her, he remembered their first kiss in the library. He remembered researching with her in the library trying to find a way to keep Harry alive in fourth year, he remembered their letters after he left school during fifth year. He remembered sending encrypted messages to her through the Wireless, he remembered their last kiss before that wall took it all away.
He remembered her. He remembered their love.
It took about an hour for Hermione to realise Remus was gone. Everything had been so emotional she couldn't quite name her feelings anymore. She'd have to send him a letter and apologise, but whatever he wanted to talk about could wait.
Fred was sleeping on her couch still, they talked until early morning and she called in sick for work.
He hadn't been able to stop crying for a good fifteen minutes, until finally he was able to breathe in properly again. His eyes were red and his face a swollen mess but he looked full of life, full of hope.
Hermione had told him what it was like, finding him after the battle was over, the coma and when he finally woke up, having to endure his void stare. Empty of recognition, empty of love. He apologised over and over, so much so he sounded like a broken record, one that was hurting her more than soothing her wounds.
"Stop. You didn't choose for any of this to happen and I understand that." Hermione was crying too by now.
"I can't help it, love. I remember the past few years, but these emotions, all that I'm feeling right now, what I felt then… it's as if no time has passed." Fred was more composed than before, but his voice kept cracking every two sentences.
"But it has, Fred. It has," Hermione replied sadly. "I've changed. I'm not the same person you knew. Losing you changed me."
"I don't care. I love you, I know who you are, Hermione. You couldn't have changed the most basic parts of your nature. Whoever you are now, I'll learn to love it. I know it." Fred sounded so sure, so certain. She wished she could share that certainty.
"You remember when you told me about feeling invisible, worthless? That you went looking for the Basilisk because you felt it would give your life meaning?" Fred asked when she remained silent.
"Of course I do." That had been the most vulnerable Hermione had ever allowed herself to be in her entire life. She'd never really shared that with Harry or with Ron; they wouldn't have understood. While they were her best friends and they were her support, from an emotional point of view they tended to be… a tad slow. .
"I knew it by then, but I wouldn't dare say it. I loved you then just as I do now and ever since then, I've known that your life gives meaning to mine." Fred said in a sleepy voice.
He'd fallen asleep in her arms not long after that. She had yet to make sense of her feelings, of all that had changed in the past week. Everything seemed to be happening at the same time somehow.
Hermione couldn't count the times she had wished for this very outcome. She had wanted to be with Fred ever since he'd confessed he loved her at Bill's wedding and she had dreamed of a life next to him. The year that followed was full of trials and the one thing she'd hoped she'd never lose, was lost forever.
Or so Hermione thought.
Frankly, she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore.
Doubts kept flaring up every time she imagined continuing her relationship with Fred. So much had changed since then, she had changed. The world wasn't even the same! She'd changed the law and now Remus was-
Then there was Remus.
Her second interview with Victarion and Aurelyce kept coming to the forefront of her mind. There were many questions buzzing around her head and thinking back to her visit to Ireland she could only grow more uncertain about what she wanted.
"The diary doesn't seem to be very clear about The Clauses. They could mean anything." Hermione wasn't entirely sure what she was asking or why. There was something nagging her about the whole subject.
"Do you have the diary with you?" asked Victarion.
"No. No, I… I gave it to Remus so he could look it over." she responded quietly.
"Can you remember the clauses?" he asked.
"Yes, but they could mean close to anything without a proper context," Hermione repeated.
"Indeed."
"Oh, then I guess I have no questions now!" She couldn't hide her frustration. She didn't know why she was fixating in this particular point. There was so much content in the diary on the topic of werewolves that she could come and interview Victarion every day for a year and still she'd have to come back to clarify some points. Why focus on this?
Victarion laughed softly and simply smiled at her.
"How about you ask questions and we'll answer as best we can," he said simply.
"Alright, how does a werewolf choose a Mate?" asked Hermione.
"The wolf can perceive potential in a way that most magical animals can't, it sees beyond the future in a way. In each person they encounter through their lives, they recognise mutually beneficial growth in a way that's catered specifically for those involved," responded Aurelyce.
"Is that even possible? Interests change and develop, just as personalities do. Circumstances change people. How can the wolf possibly contemplate variables that haven't even happened?" Hermione was confused and her ears were buzzing. Why was this so important?
"You're a Muggleborn, correct?" The question seemed completely out of place and instinctively her spine straightened and she could feel rage flow through her body.
"I am." She replied tartly. The years had passed and still she grew defensive when her heritage was brought up.
"And still, years after being a part of our world and coming from something so different, you ask me how magic is possible." Hermione could feel her face heating up. She was prepared for an insult to her culture, not her intelligence. True enough, magic while it had its inner logic, didn't really respond to the hows or whys she was accustomed to.
"The answer is magic, Miss Granger. Magic and survival is most important. The wolf is constantly searching for possible partners because he can survive longer with a mate. They are able to project those changes that are to come in order to foresee the best possible match." Victarion explained.
Why fixate on that excerpt of the diary? Why use her precious interview time on that point even above what they called The Gift? That line of questioning was more related to her work and her research, so why focus on that?
Fred let out a grunt of sorts, alerting Hermione to the fact that he'd woken up.
"Good morning, feeling up to some scrambled eggs and some sausage?" Hermione asked approaching the couch.
"I could get used to hearing your voice first thing in the morning." Fred's voice was pure gravel and it reminded her how long it had been since she'd been intimate with any man. Despite the physical reaction to the baritone, Hermione felt her heart drop from her chest and into her stomach at his words.
"Let's get some food into you, you never could form a proper thought without getting some food into your system," she said, trying to divert from the subject.
Maybe a year ago she would have died of happiness and thanked all existing deities for getting her love back.
But was Fred still her love?
She got lost in her thoughts as she prepared the food, her mind drifting once again to Ireland.
"Alright. So, the wolf knows when someone is compatible," she repeated dumbly. It was frustrating, being the slow person in the room.
"Almost everyone is compatible in some way or another, Hermione. The wolf is able to see the best possible match and one can encounter several possible mates during our lifetime," said Aurelyce, intervening for the first time.
"So it's a myth, then. Werewolves don't really have one true mate." Hermione couldn't really identify the feeling that came over her, but it felt eerily like hope.
"Not until they choose one, no." the older werewolf responded.
This was the opposite of all that could be found on the mating of werewolves to this date. Popular culture sold Werewolf mating habits as a primal unavoidable pull that bordered on soulmates craving the other beyond sanity. It was either portrayed rather… Crudely, or like a cheap romance novel.
"True mates were rare even within our educated community. It's was common for younglings to make The Choice without putting real thought into it. That doesn't mean they would be unhappy, but the true Mate bond could never be formed after that." Said Aurelyce.
She supposed that was the way a lot of people felt about their life, but to know for certain… She wasn't sure how to feel about that.
"Those who don't share a bond like ours don't have to be pitied, Hermione." Aurelyce chastised. "Different doesn't mean less."
"We know wizards that are as happy as we are. People are just as capable at finding something unique and perfect for them as we are, and they do it without the help of the wolf. Some might say that is even more beautiful," said Victarion with a smile.
"True enough." Hermione was smiling back now, feeling somewhat better.
Fred brought her out of her reverie by putting a hand on her shoulder, making her jump and accidentally burn herself with the pan.
"Ow, shit!" she exclaimed, holding her hand next to her chest and searching for some salve in her medikit cabinet.
"Wicked!"
"What?" Hermione asked annoyed. "Is my burn amusing to you?"
"Much must have changed, indeed. I've just witnessed first hand the one and only Hermione Granger swearing her little heart out!" he was brimming with excitement which only served to grow her indignation."... and we weren't even near a bedroom."
"Fred!"
"I was trying to get your attention since talking right at you didn't seem to be doing the trick," he said with an amused smile.
"I'm sorry, I have a lot on my mind," she said distractedly.
"I can see that," he said with a smile "Where were you? I was talking to you and it was like I wasn't even here."
Something sad settled in her chest.
"And you're avoiding me," he said, his tone was light, but she knew the concern must be weighing on him for it to even mention it.
"What? No, why would you say that?" she asked as she reached for the plates and put them on the table before turning back to the stove. She was stalling, she knew it, but she couldn't really help herself.
"Are you expecting anyone else for breakfast?"
"No, why?"
"While I have a big appetite, I'd say you're making enough food for a small army," he said.
Looking down she could see Fred was telling the truth. There were at least 7 scrambled eggs in one pan, then two other pans with 4 sausages each and a fourth pan with three tomatoes, slowly baking in the fat of the bacon that was being cooking alongside it.
He had been right, without thinking about it Hermione had cooked up a storm in her reverie in order to avoid the redhead that was patiently waiting for her on the table.
"You should be used to this, Molly usually cooks for twenty five for every meal when there's no more than 10 at a time at The Burrow."
"You haven't looked at me in the eye since I woke up," he said abruptly. Once again, he was telling the truth. She hadn't meant to be impolite, in fact, Hermione seemed to be moving by inertia, not truly conscious of what she was actually doing.
Looking up from his empty plate, to his chin, then his lips and his nose and finally those blue eyes, Hermione felt her chest contract in pain.
"Who is he?" he asked softly.
"I have no idea what you mean," that set her in motion once again. The sausages were starting to overcook and the eggs were drying up.
Grabbing the plates she served a rather large portion for him and a distinctly smaller one for herself.
"Feeling hungry, are you? With a portion like that you would have stolen ickle Ronniekins heart in no time," he said, pointing at the plate brimming with food. He was letting her get away with such a silly answer to a very clear question.
She laughed, despite herself, this was one of the reasons she loved Fred.
She'd loved Fred.
Did she still love Fred?
She sat down and started nibbling on her food quietly, eyes strictly on her eggs.
"Say, Remus had chosen you as his mate. That only represents his choice, his validation of the wolf's perception. After the choice is made, however, if you don't share his feelings, the wolf will never allow his feeling to grow further than your own." The female werewolf explained.
Something hot ran through her at the thought of Remus choosing her as his mate. Was that it? Did she have feelings for Remus?
Is this why I haven't been able to stop thinking about this? she wondered.
"So, if I don't feel the same way, he'll have a reflection of my feelings for him?" This was confusing at best.
"If he'd chosen you as his Mate you'll always be the dream. He'll know that he wants you, but the wolf will never allow those feelings to grow into something that might harm you. Selflessness, as in he will always put you before himself. He would never be able to harm you physically, or psychologically on purpose, and pursuing you without your interest would break that clause."
Hermione was still struggling to understand. The Clauses didn't seem to make sense in the way that she was used to when it came to magical creatures. It was the extreme opposite to everything she'd thought about Werewolves, not that there was any real information to be found on the subject. So why was this so hard to comprehend?
They don't seem to make sense because you're trying to force them to fit a situation where they're not fulfilled. Remus hasn't chosen you as his mate! He probably chose one years ago and it didn't work out, she reasoned.
"Following your hypothetical, I mean, if a werewolf chose me as their Mate, would I… would I have to take The Gift to help ease the moon for him?" Hermione asked hesitantly.
"No, Hermione. If Remus or any other werewolf chose you as their Mate and you accepted The Bond, there would be no need. The Wolf will forever recognise and sense that he's not alone in the world. The moon, will not ache his heart for you will be his relief."
"But Letheia-"
"You are not Letheia, nor do you need to be. I, too, chose to take The Gift for reasons I could not begin to explain, but my mate was at peace with that decision and in the end, that's what allowed me to do so with a steady mind and an open heart." said Aurelyse.
"What makes true Mates is not that they are both with either Curse or Gift, it's their conscious and willing choice to be with one another," finished Victarion.
"That… that is beautiful," was the only thing Hermione managed to say.
"Hermione…"
Fred was looking at her, eyes full of worry. It didn't seem like he had contemplated the possibility of her turning him down and the thought only strengthened the clenching in her chest.
And why would he contemplate such a scenario? She'd promised him she would love him, always.
Always.
And she did… she would always love Fred. Nothing could erase her time with him, not even magic apparently.
Resolute, she took a breath.
"Fred—"
