Chapter seven

Forgotten Friends

I was sitting at the kitchen table, staring straight ahead and twisting my hands. I was completely absorbed in my thoughts, I kept going over last night's nightmare again and again. It had been different, and that scared me.

When I had walked towards the cliff, I had expected I would feel His cold fingers interlocked with mine as always. But now, I felt nothing. My hand was empty as I moved, against my will, closer to the edge. I did not want to jump without Him, He had to be there for me. It was like there was some invisible force, pushing me closer and closer until I was standing so near that my toes weren't on the ground anymore.

"No..." I had whispered.

His voice didn't come to me, instead I was alone and about to fall into the black ocean. I didn't want to this time, not when He wasn't here. Because if He wasn't, that meant that He had to be somewhere else, waiting for me. The wind grew in strength just then, making me loose my balance. I fell, screaming His name over and over. Just as I was to hit the surface, I woke up.

I was lying on the floor, curled up into a ball with my hands over my heart. It felt like it had shattered into a million pieces, and I wondered again how many times a heart could break, before the scar tissue became so thick that nothing could ever cut through it again?

I shook my head, trying to get back to the presence. The sun was shining outside the kitchen windows. It felt like it was mocking me, when I was trapped in my eternal black night.

The phone suddenly rang, startling me. Every sound made me jump these days, probably because I was so unaware of everything around me, except for what was in my head.

I don't know why I did it, I didn't even think about it. I just got up and went over to the phone, realizing that I hadn't even touched it in months. After looking at it for a few seconds, I picked it up and answered.

"Hello?" My voice sounded dead, even more so than usual.

"Bella? Oh Bella, it's really you! God, you've gotten me so worried, I haven't stopped thinking about you for one second! Why haven't you returned any of my calls? Charlie told me what happened, of course, so I understand that you haven't felt like talking about it, but I've almost lost my mind over here! How are you honey? Can I come over? I have so much to tell you and you don't have to say a word if you don't want to, but I have some news for you that I really think you should know about."

Jacob talked so fast that the words began to blur, I tried to listen and to think about what he was saying.

He wanted to tell me something. He asked if he could come over.

Could I see him? I didn't know if I wanted to, I didn't want him to see me like this. But I knew I couldn't keep ignoring him, he had been such a good friend to me before. The part I feared the most was if he was going to want more from me, more than friendship. There was no way that would ever happen, the thought was even more absurd now than it had been before… Before the end. I hoped he would understand and respect that.

"Bella? Are you still there?"" Jacob's voice brought me back to the presence, reminding me that he had asked a question and that he waited for the answer.

"Uhm, sorry, Jake, I'm a bit distracted. Yeah, you can come over. Just… Just go easy on me, okay? I'm not in a good place right now."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes, miss you Bella."

He hung up, and I knew he had run outside to phase so he could get here as soon as possible.
I didn't know how I felt about seeing him. I was just dead, there was nothing left inside of me that could feel joy, excitement or any kind of good feeling. All there was too feel was pain, and more pain.

I was afraid that seeing Jake would remind me of the last time he had been here, before Alice and I went to Italy. My insides churned just by the thought of it, and I realised that I hadn't spoken to Alice since I got home from the hospital. I knew she wanted to give me space, and not force me to be with her if I didn't want to. But I did want to see her; she was the only one who knew everything about what had happened.

I was still holding the phone in my hand, so I dialled her number and waited.

"Bella! I'm so happy you called, how are you? I've been really worried about you." her voice was relieved and compassionate at the same time, I could hear her worry; it rang in every word.

"Hi Alice, I'm so sorry I haven't called you sooner. I've just been..." I trailed off, knowing she would understand.

"It's okay Bella, I know. I'm just glad you decided to get in touch again, I wasn't sure if you would. My vision of you is so strange these days; I can barley see anything that involves you anymore, it's gotten me even more anxious."

There was so much love and affection in her voice, it made my eyes fill with tears. I felt so bad that I hadn't called her sooner.

"Do you want to come over later? Jake is on his way now and you two probably don't want to meet, but can you stop by in an hour or so? I really miss you Alice."

Just as I said those words I realised how true they were; she was my closest friend, and most importantly; she was my connection. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be able to know if the last year and a half had really happened. I needed her in my life.

"Of course Bella, I'll be there, I promise. And I really miss you too, can't wait to see you."

"Me too, see you in a bit." I answered, and then we hung up.

I could hear footsteps on the porch; they were way too quick to be Charlie, so it had to be…

"Bella!" Jacob called, and then I was in his arms. I had forgotten how warm he was, and big. Could he have grown even more since I last saw him? It seemed impossible but it was probably true.

Jacob held me close for a long time, at first I was holding back, not really hugging him but just standing there. Then I started to shake with all the emotions his embrace made me feel, I couldn't remember the last time someone had held me like this. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, my breath hitched and I was hugging him back, so fiercely that if he had been human, I would have hurt him.

After several minutes, he started to pull away. He looked me over with what I could clearly see was a mix of shock, desperation and sadness.

"Honey, what have you done to yourself? There is almost nothing left of you, and you look so tired?" he stroked my face with one warm hand, and then placed it on my shoulder. I shuddered at his touch; I was always so cold these days and his temperature was unfamiliar to my skin.

I just shook my head, and then looked down to hide my face from his scrutinising gaze.

"I've been a bit of lately."

"That's not even the beginning Bella, and we both know it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I answered immediately; there was no way I could talk about it with someone who hadn't been there. Someone who wasn't Alice. I didn't want to have to think about it right now.

"Okay…" Jacob answered hesitantly. "But Bella you know that I will listen whenever you want to talk, right?"

"I know that Jake, thank you for that."

I remembered that he had told me that he had some news. I couldn't make myself work up the energy to be curios, but I wanted to draw the attention away from me so I decided it was a good idea to ask him about it.

"So, you told me you had some news to share?" I asked, trying not to sound as if I was purposefully changing the subject.

"Oh, right! Yeah, things have… changed a bit here while you've been away."

I could tell that he was holding something from me, something big. It was strange to find that I didn't really care. It didn't matter if he told me or not, there was nothing in the world that could matter to me anymore.

"Could we go sit down in the living room?" he looked nervous for some reason I couldn't, and didn't really try to, understand. We went and sat in the sofa, facing each other. I could feel his eyes on me when I moved, and he was right behind me like he was expecting me to fall down at any moment; which I probably could.

"Okay, so there are two big things that have happened, I should probably start with the most important one, so here it goes." he looked into my eyes, making sure he had my attention.

"We caught her."

I was confused, who was he talking about? Jacob saw the confusion in my face; he wrinkled his forehead like he didn't understand how I could not see who he meant. Just then it hit me; Victoria.

"What? Did you, I mean is she…?" I stumbled over the words, trying to make sense of it.

"Yes, Sam, Paul, me and Jared hunted her down about three weeks ago. She was getting desperate, and she made a mistake which allowed us to gain the upper hand. She's gone, Bella."

Gone. The word sent a wave of pain through me, and I had to force myself not to think about the thing that word reminded me of. Victoria was the one who was gone. I tried to smile, but I don't think I managed any change in my expression. I hadn't smiled in months and it felt like I had forgotten how to do it.

"That's great Jake, really." I thought my voice managed to sound a bit better than just dead, and I hoped he noticed. It was good that they'd caught her, I reminded myself. But at the same time, it felt like it didn't matter. I wouldn't have tried to get away if she would have come for me again. In fact, I would probably have gone looking for her soon if Jacob hadn't told me this.

He just eyed me, not demanding any more answer than that. I knew he could see that I didn't want to talk much. Before he would ask me any questions, I said;

"So what's the other thing you wanted to tell me?"

Jacob didn't answer for a long time, he was looking down on his hands, twisting and untwisting his fingers like he was nervous. Finally, he met my gaze.

"I… Well I have met someone. Or The one, I should say."

This time my mind understood immediately what he was saying. Jacob had found his imprint. His other half. His soul mate. Suddenly more emotions than I had felt in a long time woke up inside of me. Relief, hurt, sadness, envy, loss; it all came crashing down on me. He had found the one he would spend his life with. His only love.

I didn't feel sad because he had found someone else than me, but because I was reminded again of the loneliness that my life was now constructed of.

"Oh, Jake I'm so happy for you. Who is she?" Of course I didn't fool him, my voice and face had no sign of happiness in it. He answered anyway.

"Thanks Bella, that means a lot. Her name is Taylor; she's my sister Becka's best friend's sister. They all came to visit a couple of weeks ago, and well... The rest is history as they say."

He looked at me apologetically for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was full with guilt.

"Bella I'm sorry, I want you to know that I'm always gonna be here for you, no matter what. This doesn't change our friendship, it's just that it makes it clear for me that we are supposed to be just friends, like you've always said."

"I know Jake, and I'm not mad or anything at you for this. I'm glad you found your other half, you deserve to be with someone who truly loves you."

This seemed to ease some of his guilt, and we spoke more freely after. Or rather, Jacob spoke more freely, I just listened. He didn't make me say a word about anything. He was a good friend.

Jake stayed for about an hour, then left after giving me a long, warm hug and ensuring me that he would stop by soon again.

I went upstairs; I needed to lie down for a while before Alice came. I walked over to my window to pull the curtain down. As I stepped on one of the floorboards by the window, it made a creaking sound. I had never noticed that before, so I bent down to examine it further.

The floorboard was loose, so I started pulling at it. It came off easily, and I bent forward to look down into the hole it had covered…


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