I'm finally back! I've been messing around with this chapter a lot and I just can't get it quite right… erk.
Some notes:
Sorry for the confusion in the last chapter. I suppose I'm still deciding how Bel is going to react to things and I think his character doesn't know how to react to things either. He's never relied on anyone before, so he's confused and vulnerable right now. He's never been in this kind of situation before and he's a little in denial of his growing issues with his eyes too.
Thank you so much for the reviews. Please, feel free to keep critiquing. This is my first fic with such serious plot, so I'm not always going to be perfect. I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot of trial and error here.
"I walk beside you.
Wherever you are.
Whatever it takes.
No matter how far."
…
Fran couldn't keep his eyes of his Senpai. After hearing about Bel's past, he felt as though he was seeing him in a whole new light. Bel was a bloodthirsty killer, but would he have been a different person if it had never happened to him? Would he have still ended up in the Varia? Would he still have murdered his family?
There were so many questions Fran had, but he wasn't sure if even Bel could answer them. His Senpai had been carrying this burden his whole life and he'd given it up to Fran with hardly any fuss. Fran didn't understand it at all. He couldn't imagine ever being in such a situation. Would he be able to speak of it so easily if it had happened to himself? Did time really heal or was Bel just pretending?
"Stop looking at me like that," Bel growled suddenly, standing up from the desk he was at.
Fran blinked. "…Like what?"
"Like you feel sorry for me," Bel said sourly, shoving their latest report away.
"Well-"
"That's not why I told you," Bel said. "The prince doesn't want pity."
"I'm sorry," Fran said hesitantly. "I don't know what to do."
Bel sneered and sat on the edge of the desk, facing him. "Don't do anything, moron."
Fran stared down at his feet. "Why did you tell me?" He asked and Bel frowned at him.
There was a moment of silence.
"…Because you asked," he said quietly.
Fran looked back up quickly. "That's it?"
Bel shrugged. "I tell who I want to tell," he said, looking away sullenly.
Fran knitted his eyebrows. "But why me?" He insisted.
"I don't know," Bel said. "Maybe, because you would be the easiest to kill if you ever said anything."
Fran rolled his eyes. "I would never tell anyone," he said.
Bel sighed. "I know," he said.
There was another moment of silence and Fran found himself fidgeting. He wanted to help Bel, make him feel better, take away the pain… but how? What could he say? What could he-
"Stop it," Bel said.
Fran jumped slightly. "Stop what?"
"Squirming," Bel huffed. "When you're nervous, your fingers get all twitchy and you bite your lip. That much I can still see."
Fran's cheeks flushed. "Sorry…" He muttered.
Bel sighed with more frustration. "I shouldn't have fucking told you," he said bitterly. "I don't want you to treat me differently."
"I… I'm sorry," Fran said. "I want to help, but-"
"Stop apologizing!" Bel snapped, standing up straight and approaching Fran swiftly. "What happened- I can't fucking change it! Nothing I say or do will change anything, so feeling sorry for me or acting weird around me isn't fucking helpful!"
Fran tried not to flinch back, startled by the sudden outburst.
"You wanted to know my past- you wanted to know the real me, but you can't handle it!" Bel yelled. "Stop pretending like you actually care!"
"Bel, I-"
"This is why I didn't tell you about my eyes either! I knew you'd freak out and start acting like an idiot-!"
Fran frowned. Now that wasn't fair. He'd been trying his best to say and do all the right things ever since he'd found out that Bel was going blind.
"-I'm not made of glass!" Bel continued angrily. "I'm a god damned prince! Don't fucking look down on me, peasant! You don't know me at all, so fuck you and fuck everything about you, toad!"
Bel turned on his heel and stormed out of the room abruptly, leaving Fran to gap stupidly after him.
"…What the hell just happened?" He breathed.
He heard a few crashes and yells down the hall.
"VOI! What the fuck is up with Bel today?!" Squalo roared, plucking a knife from his arm as he appeared in the doorway looking harassed.
"Ah… Maybe he didn't see you…" Fran offered up.
Squalo sighed. "Damn it," he muttered. "I wondered when he'd start doing this."
"Doing what?" Fran asked in confusion.
"Freaking out," Squalo said. "Haven't you noticed how calm he's been? He's hardly reacted to going blind at all. Any normal person would have flipped out by now."
Fran frowned. Squalo was right. Bel had been so calm through all of this. Was the knowledge of his blindness finally starting to settle in or was he really regretting telling Fran his biggest secret? Or both. Bel didn't like being vulnerable and now he was being exposed on all sides.
Was Bel actually scared?
Fran's stomach churned uncomfortably. He'd never known Bel to be scared of anything in all the time they'd been together.
"Bel isn't normal," he reminded Squalo. "Has he ever done anything predictable?"
"I suppose not," Squalo agreed.
"So what should I do, Squa Senpai?" Fran asked.
"Fuck if I know," Squalo said incredulously and Fran's shoulders slumped.
"Very helpful," he said dully.
Squalo shrugged. "Yell at him and tell him to get over it. That usually works for me."
Fran pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, knowing he'd have to find his own way to fix this.
Fran waited a few hours before he went to see his Senpai. He wanted to give Bel the time to cool off before approaching him again; otherwise he'd just end up as Swiss cheese.
"Bel," he called, when he found him in his bedroom.
Bel's head turned in his direction, but he didn't say anything. Fran stepped into the room; wary of the knife Bel was flicking in his hand.
"I'm sorry, Bel," he said carefully. "I've never been in this kind of situation. I don't know what to do."
"Don't do anything," Bel said stiffly. "I don't want anything from you."
Fran bit his lip. "I… I'll treat you the same way as before," he said. "Nothing's changed."
"It has and we both know it," Bel said shortly.
"Okay… I'm sorry," Fran said weakly.
I don't know what to say!
"Stop apologizing!" Bel yelled yet again.
Fran winced. "I'm-"
Stop it.
"Shit…" He hissed. "I-"
"Go away," Bel said.
"No," Fran shook his head determinedly. "Bel, I do care about you. A lot, so please, just tell me what to say! How can I fix this?"
"You can't," Bel said. "Fuck off."
Fran made a frustrated sound. This wasn't going well at all. He didn't want Bel to regret anything he'd told him. He wanted Bel to trust him.
Bel moved forward and started pushing Fran backwards towards the door. "Get out before I stab you," he threatened.
Fran panicked.
What do I do?! What do I do?!
Squalo's voice suddenly echoed in his head.
Yell at him and tell him to get over it. That usually works for me…
Oh, hell no. I'm not listening to Squalo's stupid advice!
Though, if he thought about it, Squalo's yelling was usually very straightforward stuff… He took a breath and reached up to grab a hold of the front of Bel's shirt.
"Damn it, Bel- Don't be so stubborn!" He cried, planting his feet firmly into the ground and Bel nearly toppled over him, but he'd successfully halted their movements. "I'm trying to do the right thing here! Stop being so scared to let someone in!"
Bel smacked his hand away. "I'm not scared!" He said indignantly.
"You obviously are!" Fran snapped.
"I'm not! You don't know me!" Bel defended.
"So let me know you!" Fran yelled, but then paused. He didn't need to yell like Squalo, he could just be straightforward like him… Fran took another breath before continuing much softer. "I still want to know everything about you. I don't care what it is, you're still my spoiled brat Senpai and you're still my partner, no matter what. I don't want you to regret telling me anything and I'll never judge you. I didn't mean to treat you differently. I was just afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, but it seems I messed up anyway and I'm sorry- and I'm sorry for saying sorry again. This isn't easy for you… any of it, but I'm here. I won't pretend to know what it's like for you, because I really don't know, so sometimes you'll need to tell me what you need from me. I'm obliviously an idiot when it comes to feelings, but… so are you."
Bel sputtered wordlessly for a moment, his anger slowly dissipating into uneasiness.
"I'm sorry I upset you, Senpai," Fran continued. "This has to be scary and confusing for you and being angry and embarrassed is-"
"I'm not embarrassed-"
"-It's all okay," Fran said. "You're not used to being vulnerable or relying on anyone… That much I do know, but I want you to trust me. I'm here to help you."
"I-I don't need you," Bel said stiffly.
"I know," Fran said quietly.
"And… And I don't want you to baby me…" He added sulkily.
"I know that too, Belbina," Fran said, smiling slightly. "Though you do act like a child most of the time."
Bel scowled. "The prince does what he wants."
"I'm also aware of that…"
"Hn," Bel grunted, but his features had softened.
"I'm not going anywhere, Bel," Fran said firmly. "Don't bother pushing me away, because it won't work."
Bel's cheeks flushed and he gave a defeated sigh, not particularly liking how easily Fran had just talked him down. He wasn't used to relying on Fran for anything outside missions (or anyone else for that matter) and he wanted to be angry with his Kohai, to keep pushing him away like he always had in the past, but all the frustration had suddenly left him and he was feeling more like a deflated balloon at the moment. He was being zapped of all of his energy, unable to fight back anymore. He didn't understand it, this new weary and relieved sensation. He'd never felt this way before and he couldn't tear his eyes away from Fran's earnest face. Since when had the Frog learned to soothe him rather than annoy him? Why was everything suddenly changing?
"I… Fine," he said reluctantly. "You can do whatever you want too…"
And why was he giving in so easily?
Fran smiled and took a more gentle hold of the front of Bel's shirt. "I will."
Bel's heart thumped harder against his chest at the pleased look he was given. A look he was definitely not used to receiving from anyone...
...A look he would not be able to see for much longer.
